September Again (September Stories) (12 page)

 
Liz remembers the moment. Marlowe visiting her in Erlanger Hospital with a very sheepish Zelda, stony-faced Marlowe. She'd stayed in the hospital for three WEEKS due to “exhaustion.”
Marlowe brought the papers to Liz while she was there. Once checked in, when it was only Liz, Dr. Marlowe Henry, and Zelda, Marlowe said, "Liz, Zelda has something to tell you. We've been holding it back till you were well enough. You are now well enough. This won't be easy for either of you, but it has to be done. Zelda, talk to your mom."

Zelda looked concerned and scared. “Come over here, baby. Tell me
what’s wrong,” Liz said. Zelda shuffled over to the side of the bed, finally sitting beside her mother. Zelda stared intently at her own hands, apparently not knowing where to begin the conversation.

“Zelda, tell her. It’s part of our agreement
,” Marlowe said.

“Are you al
l right, Zelda? Please tell me, honey. Whatever it is, we will work it out.”

Marlowe and Zelda looked at each other. Zelda turned toward her mother. “Mum, I’ve done a very bad thing. Very bad. I could go to jail.”

Liz’s face froze in shock. “Oh, Zelda, please tell me what’s happened. Did you get a DUI? Too many speeding tickets? We can pay the fines and you will be okay. We can find an attorney if you received a reckless driving ticket. Please don’t worry, baby.” Liz touched the back of Zelda’s hair and stroked it softly.

“Mummy, I switched your meds with mine. That’s why you’ve been so very strange acting the last few months.
I wanted you to know what it feels like to be me. So I switched meds. I tossed yours down the toilet. Nothing more. I didn’t think for one minute it would change you so much and make you want to hurt yourself. It was only meant to make you feel badly for a while.” *Sobs* “I’m so very sorry, Mummy. Please forgive me. Don’t let them put me in jail.”

Liz scooped her daughter into her arms and kissed her as she did when Zelda was a small child. As Zelda cried, Liz assured her that everything was al
l right. They would work through this. Zelda eventually cried herself to sleep and Liz continued to hold her daughter to her, rocking her ever so gently.

Liz winces as the memories roll through her.

“What do we do now, Marlowe?” Liz asked.

“
Liz, it’s been reported to the hospital admin. Zelda has committed a crime, a serious crime. I only found out the afternoon we found you on the bridge, or I would have stopped it immediately. The one thing in our favor is that Zelda is very young, and she had no intent to commit serious harm. We will talk to the attorneys to see if she can do public service.”

“I won’t press charges against her,” Liz said.

“Understood, but it’s a state matter, so we will work with the system to do the best possible thing for our girl. She’s a good, good kid. She just harbors a lot of rage, which most children do when they lose a parent at such a young age.”

“She is not going to jail, or prison
, or anywhere except back to school. If we have to get an attorney from Atlanta up here, I will do it. My baby is going back to Vandy for the next session. That’s all I have to say about that,” Liz said.

Lowering her voice, Liz asked Marlowe,
“Did she bring anything to stay tonight?”

”Yes, it’s in her backpack.”

“Perfect. Zelda is staying with me tonight. We need each other. We can fit easily into this hospital bed. She needs me.”

The next morning, Marlowe called Liz.
“The DA's office decided to take action,” was all Liz heard her say.
Spurred on by saving Zelda from any harm, Liz was out of the hospital within days. Determined to keep her daughter from the headlines and out of any brushes with law enforcement, she worked with both sides to reach an agreement. Zelda would spend one month in Chattanooga’s Moccasin Bend for psychiatric care. Following that, she will do community service, reading poetry and teaching writing to the underprivileged children of drug-addicted parents for the duration of her probationary period. She will see a psychiatrist twice a week for one year, overseen by the courts. After that, she will be on probation for one year. Once the two years of oversight and treatment were achieved, the court records would be sealed. The public would never know.

Liz
vows never to take another pill, not even a vitamin. She began running again on her family farm and helping her father with chores. She has a morning mantra. Daily, she will arise, look in the mirror, and say while smiling, “My life is anew. I manifest my heart’s desire through love.” She says it twenty-one times every morning until she begins to believe it. She dances the Rattlesnake Dance of the Cherokees as she says it so that the ancestors will know she honors them as well as the cycles of her own life, no matter how unbalanced they may be.

Liz and Marlowe
visit Zelda at school in Nashville. Oftentimes, they take Liz’s dad – Grand Guy, as Zelda calls him because she couldn’t say “Granddad” when she was a toddler. Since Grand Guy hates being in a city, to pacify him, they will often rent Moonshine Hill in Leiper’s Fork. Zelda drives down after her last class on Friday and brings a few friends. All weekend long, they grill out, build a fire beside the pavilion on the hill, and watch the stars.

Jazz and Skyler often visit Zelda in Nashville.
Likewise, she spends most of her school breaks with them in Florida, Bermuda, or even back in the UK. When the girls visit, Liz and Marlowe frequently take weekend trips with them and Zelda to New York, Mexico, the Caribbean, New Orleans. Liz knows that Zelda has started dating someone. But she waits for Zelda to tell her about the relationship. Liz’s life is all she had ever dreamt of, except she doesn’t have Jack.

B
ut, she has Zelda again and she is determined to be the best mother to her child that she can possibly be. Seeing Zelda happy is an achievement she will attain, no matter what the price. Even if it means sacrificing her own personal happiness. She has Zelda in her life again. That is the only thing that matters.

Zelda feels the same and often drops her mum little emails or texts to say hello and tell her
that she loves her. Knowing how close she came to losing her only parent shocked and scared Zelda. She doesn’t want to go there again. The gift of Jack’s pics and poetry of Indie, along with her mother’s tenacity when saving her from jail time and possible lifelong shame in the press, made Zelda grow up and grow up quickly. She says her mother is the bravest woman she has ever known, just as Marlowe had predicted.

~

The phone call from Marlowe that Liz dreaded finally comes. “He keeps calling me, asking about you. You really should call him back.”

“No. End of story. That’s the end of that.”

“Liz girl, he saved your life. He just wants to say hello and see how you are doing.”

“Marlowe, it was just some freaky coincidence. That’s all. End.
Of. Story.”

“You need to rethink this. If you’re going to teach Zelda how to forgive and forget, you need to
show
her. He’s been great about helping Zelda with research into the correspondence between him and Jack, too. End. Of. Story.”

“Oh
, Marlowe, I dunno. It...
he…
the entire episode simply opens so many old wounds. Oftentimes, the past is best left in the past.”

“Oh, I understand that. No doubt. Only thing, and think about this
, Liz, you have never really forgiven Pete. But, without the role he played in your life, whether you like it or not, you would
never
ever have visited London, never met Jack and you wouldn’t have our girl. In one sense, he gave you a life and now he has saved your life. Why don’t you let me give him your number? You don’t have to see him or anything. Just say hello. Thank him for being on that bridge and find out how he is doing.”

“Ohhhh.
Marlowe. Is he still a lawyer?”

“No, from what he said, he lost his license to practice in Georgia and Tennessee after the accident. He really lost everything. He’s been living on Walden Ridge
in that cabin. A mountain man, more or less. He said he started crafting Cherokee pottery after he found an old example of how to make it. He has an old kiln and turns pottery the way it was made hundreds of years ago. It’s really caught on with the tourists in the area. His work is even being sold at museums across the Southeast and in Oklahoma. He’s been given a second chance in life, so why don’t you give him a chance to at least say hello to you. It seems like the least you can do.”

“Okay, okay. Next time he calls, give him my number. But, tell him it’s only so I can thank him for being on the bridge. Nothing else. Nothing.
And, I probably won’t answer the first time he calls. Just so he’ll know.” Liz nervously twists the ring on her left hand.

“That’s perfect
, Liz. Once you’ve done that, everything will begin falling into place for you. I just know it. Forgiveness means so much.”

Three weeks later, Liz
looks at her phone, expecting it to be Marlowe, but the number has a 423 area code. She knew it would be him. She answers it anyway.

S
he sits on the front porch, the lilacs’ fragrance mingling with the soft spring breeze. The iPhone rings in its silver case. Since Zelda’s return to her life, she surrounds herself with bright shiny things to reflect the sparkle returning to her life. The vase on the porch, full of red and purple tulips mixed with yellow jonquils, reflects the bright afternoon sun. Even the pale blue cotton dress she wore has a silver belt and matching silver ballet flats. Liz is happy again. On the third ring, Liz answers the phone
. I won’t run anymore. It’s time to face the truth.

“So, you won’t even meet me for a cup of coffee?” he
pleads through the phone.

“It’s not a good idea. You know that. I…I just want to thank you for saving me from…from the bridge thing
,” Liz replies.

“I would’ve done it for anyone, Liz. Knowing it was you brings me even more hope for the future.” She
can hear the angst in his soft drawl. His voice lowers to a whisper. “You know I’ve changed, Liz. I have
really
changed. Like everything about my life is different now.”

“Marlowe told me about your changes, Pete. I’m very happy for you.”
This is the man who led you to Jack, Mrs. Savage. Be kind.
The little voice in her head reminded her of what she already knew. “I only wish the best for you and your loved ones.”

“Liz, the only thing that never changed, is…well, I, uh
, um…I never stopped loving you. I apologize for the pain and hurt I brought into your life.” She hears him breathing, sighing. “You have never left my thoughts. Never. If only I would’ve met you before I met Leanne and had a family, both our lives would’ve been so different. I promise you.”

Butterflies fill her stomach. “Pete, please. You don’t need to say anything else.”

“No, Liz. I need to tell you.” She hears him swallow. “Remember the lavender I planted for you? It’s still there, beside my cabin.”

Liz’s heart
sinks. She had placed Pete in a box. Just like she had placed the feelings for her brother, Charles, long ago and far away. Only the feelings for Pete have never seen the light of day and never been given wings. Those feelings are more like a raw wound. The loss of her mother washes over her as does the pain from Zelda’s rage toward her. The loss of Jack continues to haunt her. 

Somewhere, deep within her soul,
she feels a sob, then a dagger of shrapnel hurtles over the years since the explosion of the doomed affair with Pete to cut her heart open once more. Hot tears fall from her eyes. “Pete, please.” She wipes away the tears with the back of her hand.

“Oh, Liz. Don’t cry. I really didn’t mean to lie to you. Everything happened so quickly with us. I did everything wrong. We did everything right. We both leaped before we looked.
When two people fall as hard and as crazy as we did, the world goes haywire. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, and I ended up hurting everyone. I am so sorry, sweetheart. So very sorry.”

She
attempts to compose herself as the tears fall like red-hot lava down her cheeks. “Thank you, Pete,” is all she can whisper in reply.

“Can’t you just meet me for a cup of coffee at Warehouse Row? We can meet in the Food Court.
Lots of witnesses and I promise to be on my best behavior. I don’t drink; it was part of my probation years ago, and I just never touched it again. Please, Liz, just let me apologize to you to your face. Please?”

Silence, yet for her sniffles.

“C’mon, Liz. Let me see you one more time. Where are your manners? Shouldn’t you thank me for saving The Poet’s Love Letters to you?”

More silence.

She remembers her brother and how happy they were as children, before the crash. She remembers how defiant she was at Vanderbilt, shedding the anger from witnessing her brother’s death. Liz recalls how happy her mom was before losing her only son. Once Liz was young and fresh and she recalls having
HOPE
. Scenes flash through her memory like a milli-second movie. The fucked up sad years that had made up the majority of her life. Memories of the last time with her brother, the car accident. The full disaster of Pete.