Selected Writings of Gertrude Stein (48 page)

To go on now then describing a little more some of these I have been last mentioning. Some of these are having their sensitiveness making of them clever, or self-protecting, or sexually wanting anything, without having really emotion from the thing from the sensitiveness in them. These are of the resisting kind of them and might to some seem to be engulfing but they are not really resisting or engulfing. Sensitiveness turns into suspicion, cleverness, self-protection, sexual action before it comes as an emotion and these mostly then never have sensitiveness in them leading to emotion by reaction to a person or thing or action. These then are interesting. To be telling then now a little more of some of them.

These then all of them have it in them that everything turns inside them to suspicion, to cleverness, to self-protection, to sexual emotion, to sensibility of a kind that is a thing that is called sentimental, before it comes to produce emotion from the thing about the thing in relation to the thing itself inside them. There is one, I knew this one quite very well once and last week again I was seeing this one and now I am quite a good deal understanding this one, this is one and in this one everything was in this one sensibility of a sentimental kind, this was in this one not very much as suspicion as I was saying it is in some, and in this one everything, nothing had any meaning excepting as arousing a feeling of sentimental sensibility that was the same thing whatever was the thing that came to this one as touching this one. This one was pretty completely to every one completely socially one and this is quite a common thing. Sometime a history of her and her two mothers and her sister will be written and I have been telling that it will be written to several of them. She was as I was saying completely such a one and as a younger one was sharp and interesting and then she was a married one and then
she was large and dull. This was after she succeeded fairly at the beginning of her middle living in coming to be a married one. She had not then any reaction at all in living for she was then in her married living living with bottom being reacting and there was no bottom being in her, living, at all in her then and every one said it was such a surprising thing that she should be then so completely a submissive and indifferent and inefficient and a little a timid one then when she had been before her being a married one so altogether an emotional and dark, expressive and clever one but it was just this thing that I am saying that I am now pretty well understanding that makes it a completely a natural thing, she had not ever had anything that did not turn to sensibility before it reached her in her and when she was a tired one and married and fatter then there was not this then. She is an interesting one, really she is a very interesting one, she is quite a pretty ugly one now but not in any way now an active one as now I am completely realising. It is an interesting history the history of all of this kind of them. It is a very interesting thing the history of this one. The complete family living of this one is a thing I could make a remarkably interesting thing to any one, that is certain. I have been telling that to this one. This one did not like very much to hear me say that thing, it is a certain thing that it is an interesting thing to me and I could tell it so to every one, I have been telling it to this one that I can make it a completely interesting thing. This one was not liking it very well then. Sometime I will be feeling completely the telling of it and then I will be telling it, I have told this one that I will tell it then. This one will not know then it is this one. That is the very nice thing in this writing. Sometime I will tell everything, everything. Mostly I do tell anything.

One of this kind of them I have been describing has it that everything is in her as cleverness, or self-protection from any stimulation, never an emotion about a thing. This one would, if she could, have real emotion but it never is even a little bit in her of herself, inside her. Sometimes it is, a moment, a real feeling in her, something from something, when it is made to be in her by some one by force holding her from
having it turn into cleverness, suspicion, sentimental believing, self-protection and so giving it a chance to sink into her so that she has a reaction to it really in her. This has a few times happened to her. This one is always feeling that some one should do this for her. Holding her from being her way in her so that emotion can be in her has been done for her. She never can do this for herself, ever. She is in her feeling certain that every one in this way should be doing for her. She is all her living needing that some one do this thing. She has it in her as a feeling that the world owes it to her to do this for her. She has not ever any really grateful feeling, she has only the emotion that some one wins in her for her. It is an interesting game to play in her and very many do it for her. Then they lose the power and she has to have another. She does not know that she is certain that the world owes this to her.

This one then would have it in her to be certain that to be dead was not to be at all really a dead one, this was what this one wanted to have in her as realisation, as emotion, this conviction is what this one was very certain the world owed her. This is what this one wanted that she should have in her, have as emotion inside her, this emotion in her is what every one knowing should do for her inside her. Very many coming to know her tried to give it to her, always she was wanting to have this inside her, the conviction, the emotion that to be dead was not to be really a dead one. This was the history of the living in her. She had in her as I was saying to have it that nothing gave to her really an emotion about that thing. Every thing touching her aroused in her suspicion, cleverness and self-protection. She wanted to have conviction and emotion that to be dead is not to be really truly a dead one. She wanted this in her, this realisation and emotion, in her, and then too she would be certain, she knew then she would then be really certain completely certain that every one was a very much better one than each one really was in living. She was certain, pretty nearly certain that if she were really completely certain that she was really knowing that to be dead was not to be at all a really dead one she would then be knowing that every one living was really a very much better one than each
one really is living and this would be a very pleasant feeling for her to be having. Always then she was needing to be completely certain that she was really knowing that to be dead was not to be really at all a dead one and always she was unconsciously feeling that the world owed it to her to give her this realisation. This was a history of her. Perhaps she never came really to have it in her, perhaps she came to have it a little in her, always some one was working in her for her, this is a history of her. This is an amusing thing, this history of this one. Sometime a very detailed history of this one will be an amusing thing to be writing, to be reading. Now I will not tell any more detail of this one.

The Irish lady can say, that to-day is every day. Caesar can say that every day is to-day and they say that every day is as they say.

In this way we have a place to stay and he was not met because he was settled to stay. When I said settled I meant settled to stay. When I said settled to stay I meant settled to stay Saturday. In this way a mouth is a mouth. In this way if in as a mouth if in as a mouth where, if in as a mouth where and there. Believe they have water too. Believe they have that water too and blue when you see blue, is all blue precious too, is all that that is precious too is all that and they meant to absolve you. In this way Cezanne nearly did nearly in this way. Cezanne nearly did nearly did and nearly did. And was I surprised. Was I very surprised. Was I surprised. I was surprised and in that patient, are you patient when you find bees. Bees in a garden make a specialty of honey and so does honey. Honey and prayer. Honey and there. There where the grass can grow nearly four times yearly.

One was quite certain that for a long part of his being one being living he had been trying to be certain that he was wrong in doing what he was doing and then when he could not come to be certain that he had been wrong in doing what he had been doing, when he had completely convinced himself that he would not come to be certain that he had been wrong in doing what he had been doing he was really certain then that he was a great one and he certainly was a great one. Certainly every one could be certain of this thing that this one is a great one.

Some said of him, when anybody believed in him they did
not then believe in any other one. Certainly some said this of him.

He certainly very clearly expressed something. Some said that he did not clearly express anything. Some were certain that he expressed something very clearly and some of such of them said that he would have been a greater one if he had not been one so clearly expressing what he was expressing. Some said he was not clearly expressing what he was expressing and some of such of them said that the greatness of struggling which was not clear expression made of him one being a completely great one.

Some said of him that he was greatly expressing something struggling. Some said of him that he was not greatly expressing something struggling.

He certainly was clearly expressing something, certainly sometime any one might come to know that of him. Very many did come to know it of him that he was clearly expressing what he was expressing. He was a great one. Any one might come to know that of him. Very many did come to know that of him. Some who came to know that of him, that he was a great one, that he was clearly expressing something, came then to be certain that he was not greatly expressing something being struggling. Certainly he was expressing something being struggling. Any one could be certain that he was expressing something being struggling. Some were certain that he was greatly expressing this thing. Some were certain that he was not greatly expressing this thing. Every one could come to be certain that he was a great man. Any one could come to be certain that he was clearly expressing something.

Some certainly were wanting to be needing to be doing what he was doing, that is clearly expressing something. Certainly they were willing to be wanting to be a great one. They were, that is some of them, were not wanting to be needing expressing anything being struggling. And certainly he was one not greatly expressing something being struggling, he was a great one, he was clearly expressing something. Some were wanting to be doing what he was doing that is clearly expressing something. Very many were doing what he was doing, not greatly expressing something being struggling. Very many
were wanting to be doing what he was doing were not wanting to be expressing anything being struggling.

There were very many wanting to be doing what he was doing that is to be one clearly expressing something. He was certainly a great man, any one could be really certain of this thing, every one could be certain of this thing. There were very many who were wanting to be ones doing what he was doing that is to be ones clearly expressing something and then very many of them were not wanting to be being ones doing that thing, that is clearly expressing something, they wanted to be ones expressing something being struggling, something being going to be some other thing, something being going to be something some one sometime would be clearly expressing and that would be something that would be a thing then that would then be greatly expressing some other thing then that thing, certainly very many were then not wanting to be doing what this one was doing clearly expressing something and some of them had been ones wanting to be doing that thing wanting to be ones clearly expressing something. Some were wanting to be ones doing what this one was doing wanted to be ones clearly expressing something. Some of such of them were ones certainly clearly expressing something, that was in them a thing not really interesting then any other one. Some of such of them went on being all their living ones wanting to be clearly expressing something and some of them were clearly expressing something.

This one was one very many were knowing some and very many were glad to meet him, very many sometimes listened to him, some listened to him very often, there were some who listened to him, and he talked then and he told them then that certainly he had been one suffering and he was then being one trying to be certain that he was wrong in doing what he was doing and he had come then to be certain that he never would be certain that he was doing what it was wrong for him to be doing then and he was suffering then and he was certain that he would be one doing what he was doing and he was certain that he should be one doing what he was doing and he was certain that he would always be one suffering
and this then made him certain this, that he would always be one being suffering, this made him certain that he was expressing something being struggling and certainly very many were quite certain that he was greatly expressing something being struggling. This one was knowing some who were listening to him and he was telling very often about being one suffering and this was not a dreary thing to any one hearing that then, it was not a saddening thing to any one hearing it again and again, to some it was quite an interesting thing hearing it again and again, to some it was an exciting thing hearing it again and again, some knowing this one and being certain that this one was a great man and was one clearly expressing something were ones hearing this one telling about being one being living were hearing this one telling this thing again and again. Some who were ones knowing this one and were ones certain that this one was one who was clearly telling something, was a great man, were not listening very often to this one telling again and again about being one being living. Certainly some who were certain that this one was a great man and one clearly expressing something and greatly expressing something being struggling were listening to this one telling about being living telling about this again and again and again. Certainly very many knowing this one and being certain that this one was a great man and that this one was clearly telling something were not listening to this one telling about being living, were not listening to this one telling this again and again.