Seer: Thrall (38 page)

I was a little jealous, both because I didn't think I'd ever be a mother, and because these girls had been loved by far more than their share of parents while I'd been loved by no one. I grew quiet for a while. Dina and Solange talked past me for the next several minutes, but then I entered the conversation again.

During a pause, I asked, "So, who is going to explain polo to me?"

* * * *

We had a lovely ride, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. We were on our way back to the main buildings when Solange asked, "Well?"

I turned to her and grinned. "It seems easy enough. I just sit here and the horse goes where yours goes."

She smiled then looked over at Dina. "Do you think we can give her a little more experience?"

"There's a gate coming up on the left," she said. "We can show her a little more. And I want to see some proper riding from you."

A minute later, Dina was opening a gate that led onto the polo field. I eyed everything nervously, but I trusted both of them. Solange and I rode through the opening and came to a stop while Dina closed the gate again. We rode out into the middle of the field before coming to a stop. "All right. Sidney, keep your horse here." I had learned enough to tell Mystique to stop, so I held her in place. Then Solange and Dina moved away, coming to a stop perhaps twenty yards from me.

"All right, Sidney," Dina said. "When it's your turn, I want you to do something very simple. You're going to ride a figure eight around Solange and me." Then she clucked to her horse, and he was moving between us. She walked around us twice, doing a figure eight instead of a circle before she came to a stop next to me. "Your turn."

She coached me on what to do, and soon Mystique and I were walking around as well. I thought perhaps the horse was bored, and she danced around a little underneath me, but she was a good horse, and it didn't take much effort to get her to do what I wanted.

"Good," Dina said.

"Does she go faster?"

"You're not ready for that," she said. She looked at Solange and raised an eyebrow.

"We're going to discuss everything, but I think perhaps Sidney is intrigued.

I had to admit, I was.

Dina had me do a few other simple exercises. For instance, she kept me doing figure eights, but she walked me through using my weight to direct the horse instead of the reins. Then she told me to do it, but alternate touching the horse's ears and tail -- without shifting my weight and confusing the horse.

That was trickier, and Mystique did a variety of unexpected things the first few times. I think Solange would have laughed, but when I looked at her, she had a straight face.

"All right," she said. "Sidney, replace Solange. Solange, do you remember how to post a trot."

"I think I do," Solange said.

"And can you control your horse with just your weight."

"If she's trained the same as I am accustomed," Solange said. "She seems to be, so far."

I managed to walk my horse next to Solange then turn around so I was facing Dina. Solange did something, and her horse stepped forward. A moment later, the horse changed steps, moving much more quickly, and Solange was bouncing up and down in the saddle.

"Oh sure," I said. "You won't let me spank you, but you let the horse do it." Solange laughed.

Solange led the horse around in figure eights, then she did something, and the horse sped up a little faster, moving around Dina and me fast enough she was leaning into the turns as she went around us.

I was impressed.

"Good," Dina said, and Solange brought her horse to an easy, snorting stop. The horse shook her head and, I swear, looked pleased with herself.

"Let's walk them home," Dina said.

Ten minutes later, I realized even on our short ride, I used muscles I didn't know I had. I carefully climbed from the horse then walked around stiffly for a minute before everything worked its way out. Leann came forward and led our horses away.

"Burger and Guest are in eleven, Mom," Leann told her mother.

Dina, smiling, turned to Solange. "Do you think we could provide a friendly demonstration of one on one?"

Solange grinned. "Sure."

"You're not wearing proper gear."

"I'll be fine," Solange said.

"You'll wear proper gear on my field," Dina said firmly.

Solange eyed her for a moment then said, "What do I need?"

"Knee pads, a face shield, and goggles. I can loan you a set."

She turned away and began walking toward the front, Solange and I following her. Then she turned into her office, and we waited near the receptionist's desk. She reappeared a moment later carrying protective gear. Solange thanked her then took the knee pads and buckled them in place. She took off her helmet, put on the offered goggles, then Dina handed her a helmet with a face guard that looked a lot like the guard on a football helmet. Dina disappeared back into the office but returned a minute later with her own gear on and carrying two of the long mallets and a white ball.

From behind her face guard, I saw Solange smiling.

Dina turned to me. "We're going to play on the small field, which is a little far to walk. You would miss all the fun." She led the way back to the map. "You'll need to drive. We're here." She pointed. "You need to drive past this building and then take the first left. Drive to the end of the road and park in the small parking lot you see. Wait for us there, and we'll show you where you can sit to watch."

I arrived first then moved to the fence at the edge of the parking area and leaned against it waited for Dina and Solange. It took them eight or ten minutes to arrive, but as they trotted up, I realized Solange looked quite in charge on top of her horse.

I smiled to both of them as they came to a stop on the other side of the fence.

"We'll be playing on this field," Dina said, pointing to my left with her mallet. "We don't have stands for this field, but there's a wooden bench or you may stand. If you stand, stay near the benches so as to avoid coming too close to the field. We wouldn't want to run you over."

I nodded, pushed away from the fence, then turned to the gate. There was a path to follow, and I turned down it, watching both riders as they moved away from me, their horses far faster than I was. The two riders moved out to the middle of the field and spoke briefly. Then Dina threw the ball out into the grass and turned her horse towards me. She rode up to me as I took a place on the bench.

"I'm okay here?"

"You're perfect," she replied. "Solange explained she hasn't swung a mallet in some years, so I'm going to give her a few minutes to get used to her mount and the mallet, then we'll have a friendly little game."

"I thought this was a team sport."

"It is, but you can play one-on-one just like you do in basketball. It makes for a different game, but this is just to give Solange an opportunity to ride again and you a chance to watch."

We both turned and watched Solange. She stepped her horse up to the ball and gave it a whack with the mallet, sending it flying. Then at a trot, she pursued the ball, smacking it in the opposite direction. Up and down the field, she chased the ball.

"This field is a third as long and a third as wide as a standard polo field," Dina explained. "Arena polo is typically played indoors on a dirt track and has boards surrounding the track."

"Like hockey boards?"

"Similar, but higher," she said. "We don't play arena polo here, but this is a better sized field for just the two of us."

Solange played back and forth for a couple of minutes before she trotted her horse over to us. She was grinning.

"You looked good out there," Dina said. "But you're going to have to play better than that if you want to impress your lady."

"Don't worry about me," Solange said. "I was simply conserving my mount. But let's keep it clean today and avoid startling Sidney."

"Five points or seven minutes?" Dina suggested. From a pocket she pulled out a stopwatch and whistle, holding them out towards me. I climbed from the bench and took them from her. "Blow the whistle at the start and again at the end. You might have to blow long and hard for us to notice. It can get pretty intense out there."

"Got it," I said.

The two of them trotted their horses back out to the middle of the field, taking opposite sides. They conversed for a moment, then Dina waved her mallet at me. I started the stopwatch and blew the whistle.

They burst into motion.

It was clear from the very beginning that both women were out there to win. There wasn't any trotting. They spurred their horses into runs, working them hard while the play moved back and forth on the field.

It didn't take long before I was standing next to the bench, screaming, "Go, Solange! Go!"

It was amazing and exciting to watch.

* * * *

"What did you think?" Solange asked me twenty minutes later as we pulled onto the highway.

"You were amazing. Congratulations."

She laughed. "Dina went easy on me. We were both being careful."

"That didn't look easy. And she tried to knock you over!"

"No she didn't. That's called a ride-off, and it's perfectly legal if done properly. But she apologized, because we'd agreed to a friendlier match than that."

"It looked like you had fun."

"I had forgotten how much I enjoyed riding," she said. "And you? Did you enjoy riding?"

I smiled. "Yes, Solange. But don't even think you'll get me onto a polo field."

"We'll see," she said with a grin. "First, we need to teach you to ride."

Solange gave me ten days from the last dream about Bistra before she wanted me to dream about her again. She warned me on Thursday that she'd be asking me to dream after everyone left on Saturday.

"I'll be worthless again on Sunday."

She nodded. "That's why I'm warning you."

And so, I played poorly. Dolores noticed and quietly asked me about it.

"I'm fine," I told her. "Just distracted."

"Did you and Solange have another fight?"

"No. We seem to be sort of stuck, though."

"You really should figure out what you're going to do about this, Sidney," Dolores said. "You have options."

"It's complicated," I replied. "I'm not mad at her anymore; she makes it darned difficult to stay mad. But I feel like I should be mad, so I've gotten my back up."

"Forgive her or move out, Sidney," Dolores said. "Those are your two choices."

I knew moving out wasn't an option. I wasn't sure full forgiveness was, either. It should be so easy. "I forgive you." Three words. But of course, it wasn't as easy as just saying the words. I had to actually mean them. And I didn't.

We broke the party up a little earlier than usual. Dolores tried to linger, especially when it looked like Amanda and Cadence were sticking around, but Solange whispered something to Cadence, and a few minutes later the three were heading for the door. I received hugs from Amanda and Dolores along with a warm kiss from the latter. And then the house was quiet.

Solange moved up to my side and put an arm around my waist. "Are you all right?"

"You know I'm not," I replied. "There's nothing to be done about it. I thought about going for a swim to calm down, but I don't think anything will help." I pulled away from her. "You wouldn't understand, and I'm not sure you even care."

She turned to me. "Neither of those are true, Sidney." It was said very gently. I didn't look at her. I knew I was picking a fight.

"I'm just a weak human," I said. "Someone to be used as long as she lasts and discarded afterwards. Someone you have to pamper so she'll be any good to you."

"Is that what you think of me?" she asked. "Is that what you think of yourself?"

I moved further away from her. We hadn't even left the foyer after seeing our friends off for the evening, although I knew I'd see Amanda again tonight, if Solange had her way. I moved towards the door, leaning my head against the glass of the window along the side.

"I feel so helpless," I said quietly. "I've felt helpless since you found me looking at all those people, since I realized the dreams I'd been having for a year weren't metaphors."

She moved closer, but she didn't touch me. "Sidney, do you think the only reason you're here is because I want to use you?"

"No," I said in the smallest voice I could muster.

"Do you think it's the main reason?"

"I think it's why you unpackaged me."

"You're being a seer helped," she said. "It wasn't why I released you. It only made it easier."

"I don't believe you."

"Yes, you do. If all I needed was a seer, I'd have bound you to me and then made you dream every night. You'd help me with the war, and you'd help me financially, and your life outside your dreams wouldn't be my concern."

"Why don't you?" I asked. Even I knew I was being sullen.

"You know why, Sidney."

I didn't say anything; I just stared out the window, not really seeing anything. The glass was cool against my forehead, and I vaguely realized that felt good.

Solange didn't move; she simply waited for my next move.

"I'm sorry," I finally said.

"Why do I treat you the way I do, Sidney?" she asked.

I didn't want to answer.

"What are you going to make me dream tonight?"

"Answer my question. Why do I treat you the way I do?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do. Why is it so hard to accept?"

"I don't want to talk about this."

"Why do I treat you the way I do?"

"Because you love me," I admitted.

"That's right," she said. Then she stepped closer and set her hands on my shoulders. "Because I love you. Because I care about you. Because you are exceedingly important to me. Because I see the good in you. Because I crave the humanity you offer. Because I enjoy your company, your wit, your sense of humor, your sense of adventure."

"I'm not adventurous, not compared to you."

"It takes an exceedingly adventurous soul to share a house with a vampire," she countered.

"You never gave me a choice. Maybe it's not a sense of adventure, but simply accepting what I can't control."

"You didn't put up much of a fight, Sidney."

"You told me the only way you were letting me free was if I dreamed for you."

"You could have walked out that door any time in the last four months, and I wouldn't have stopped you. I'd have begged and pleaded with you, but I wouldn't have forced you to stay. And I think you know that." I didn't respond. "Why haven't you left?"

"I said I'd help fight the war."

"Is that the only reason, Sidney?"

Again, I didn't want to answer. I wanted to nurse my foul mood, and I wanted to blame Solange for everything wrong in the world while I was at it.

"Come on, Sidney. Why haven't you left?"

"Because if I leave, I wouldn't be back."

"So? If you don't want to be here with me, what's wrong with that?"

"If I do that, then everything that we've done for two years was completely wasted."

She paused before replying, but then she pointed out, "You're a businesswoman. You know the definition of a sunk cost."

A sunk cost is money or effort already spent that you can't get back. In business, it is a mistake to allow a sunk cost to dictate future decisions. A related phrase would be "throwing good money after bad". People sometimes make the emotional decision that, "We've already spent all this money; we don't want it to have been a waste". Fear of admitting to a mistake has driven a lot of additional mistakes.

"Why haven't you left, Sidney?" She asked gently.

"Maybe I want your blood. We both admit I'm addicted."

"And you are in control of your addiction," she replied. "The worst that happens is you get moody. If you weren't around the source, you'd be fine. That's not why you're staying."

"I'm staying to fight the war. We should go fight it."

"Tell me that's the main reason you're staying, and I'll drop it. Otherwise, answer me, Sidney."

I huffed. "I don't want to leave."

From behind me, she pressed against me, moving her hands from my shoulders to wrap around me instead. She pulled me away from the window and against her, supporting me as I leaned backwards. She laid her head next to mine, our cheeks touching gently.

"I hurt, Solange," I whimpered.

"I know."

"I want to go to sleep, and when I wake up, I want the world back to normal. You're a really fantastic lawyer, and I'm a fantastic consultant, and we're deeply in love. No vampires. No monsters. No blood banks."

"I know."

I turned around in her arms and looked up into her eyes. "Could you do that? Could you make me forget all this? Could we go back to what we were?"

"I'm sorry, Sidney. I really am. But would you want to go back? Would you want me to hide what I am?"

I looked down and buried my head against the front of her chest. "No."

Solange collected me more completely into her arms, pulling me against her. I didn't resist but instead turned my head, laying it across the front of her shoulder. We stood like that for a minute or two.

"I'm being silly," I said finally, but I made no effort to pull out of her arms.

"I do not believe you are," Solange replied. "You wouldn't be human if you could take all of this calmly."

"How can
you
be so calm about all of this?"

"I've had a long time to grow accustomed. And I believe you need my strength. It's easier to be strong when someone is counting on me for it."

"Have you had be strong for your vampires?"

"Yes," she replied. "Always. They look to me for leadership."

I leaned away just a little and looked up into her face. "That must be a lot of pressure."

"It has been at times, but we manage the risks we take. For instance, I require financial responsibility from everyone who belongs to me. Even the humans who don't know my nature receive financial counseling services, and they aren't optional. I do not allow gambling or financially risky choices. We're very conservative. At times I've had to be firm with a few of my vampires who wish to be more aggressive, but they've learned patience. Teaching and then enforcing the long view is the hardest things I've had to do, not counting a few isolated moments."

I took a big breath and held it for a moment before letting it out. "It's late. We should go do this. Will you be staying with me?"

"Of course," she replied.

She led me upstairs to my room. "While you get ready for bed, I'm going to take care of a few things around the house. I'll be back in just a few minutes."

She kissed my forehead then urged me into my room.

I did my evening rituals and climbed into bed, leaving the lights on dim for Solange. It was just a few minutes more before she knocked and entered. She smiled at me as she approached the bed. She knelt down beside the bed, facing me as I lay on my side, looking at her.

"You're staying?"

"Am I invited?"

I held the covers open for her, but she clasped my hand and said, "I'll slip in with you in a minute or two." She took my hands in hers. "Sidney," she said. "You're not alone. You don't need to ever be alone again."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said.

"Sure you do," she said. "You've been on your own since you were seven years old. You had no one you could count on. You couldn't afford to depend upon anyone but yourself. I am telling you that is no longer true. You can depend on me."

I wasn't ready to accept what she said, but I heard it, and I nodded, not saying anything else.

"I will take care of you," she said.

"I don't need anyone to take care of me."

"Maybe not, but I'm going to do it anyway, if you let me."

"I-" I released her hands turned away, rolling onto my back and staring at the ceiling.

"For now," she went on, "that means holding you, supporting you, and watching over you while you dream, then keeping you safe tomorrow." I was going to be stupid tomorrow, and I found I didn't care.

I rolled back to her then reached out and found a hand, pulling it to me. I looked at her fingers. "Magic fingers," I said. "I'm scared."

"I know."

"What are you going to make me dream?"

"If you roll over, I'll scratch your back for a while."

"You give the best massages," I replied.

"Tonight I'll just scratch," she said. "Roll over now."

I dutifully complied. Solange moved onto the bed, pulling the covers down from around my back. She began scratching through my pajama tops. Even that felt nice. I closed my eyes and decided to relax.

"You may do anything to me you want," I told her quietly.

In response, she bent over and kissed the back of my neck. "I want to take care of you, Sidney. Will you let me take care of you?"

I nodded.

After that, she took me at my word. Her hands slipped underneath my pajama top, and she alternated between gentle massaging and scratching. It was soothing. Her fingers also slipped inside the waistband of my bottoms, but only enough she could catch the large muscles there.

It felt divine.

My thoughts were still a jumble, but I willed myself to surrender to what she was doing, and I found myself drifting a little, not sleeping, but my thoughts growing less pointed and more languorous.

"Why do you do this?" I asked at one point. "You're the vampire queen. Why don't you demand I do this for you?"

She bent over before responding. "At this point in my life, I am deeply driven to nurture and protect. Keeping you with me is my form of selfishness. It's safe to enjoy, Sidney."

And so, I did.

I grew calmer, my body relaxed. Solange spent quite a bit of time seeing to that. But finally she said, "I'm going to slip out of some of my clothes and climb under the covers with you."

And so she did, but she sat up rather than lying down. It took effort, but I rolled over and snuggled against her, my head in her lap. She stroked my hair for a few minutes before she began speaking quietly.

"Everyone will have received the latest packets," she said. "We're going to see what they've done."

"Is Aubree coming back?"

"Later," she said. "After you're asleep."