Seeing Forever (15 page)

She burst into tears and he didn’t know quite what
to do. He lifted his arms and tried to feel where she was so he could comfort
her.
Katey
put her arms around him and he felt a
splash of something wet that he assumed were her tears falling on his shoulder.

“Hey, what’s brought this on?”

“I don’t know how to tell you this.”

Shit,
she doesn’t want to see me anymore.

“I’m…”

“You’re what?”

“I’m going to have a baby.”

Geez, he hadn’t seen that one coming.

“My baby?”
 
He guessed it was, but he thought he should
check.

“Yes, your baby.”

He fell toward the back of the couch.
 
He had to take this into his brain. Maybe he
was dreaming. They’d used condoms but he wasn’t foolish enough to think they
were one hundred percent foolproof.

His nightmarish life suddenly took a new turn, not
because she was having a baby, but that he’d never see it, never be a proper
dad to it. It was if the world was throwing more shit at him, laughing at him and
saying:
now
handle this.

“I’m sorry this happened,” she said. She was shaking
in his arms.

He realized he hadn’t said anything, but he couldn’t
because he didn’t know what words to use.

“I’m keeping it, I mean if you were wondering…”

“Sure, it’s your choice. I’m behind you whatever you
decide.” He stood, suddenly realizing he couldn’t give her all that she
deserved.
A normal man, to help her raise the baby.
A
man to change diapers, a man….

Bile rose in his throat. Life was sending him
another test and he didn’t like it one little bit. First him losing his sight,
Jake connecting him with
Katey
, and now giving them a
baby that he’d never see.

He stood up and wanted to run, but where would he go?

“
Katey
, I can’t do this.”

“Do what?”

“You need someone better in your life than me.”

“So what are you saying, you’re going to desert me?”

“No, no, but I’m disabled and I
don’t have a proper job.
The job I did love I can’t do anymore.
I couldn’t be a proper father and…”

“You can have the operation.”

He looked up. “Is that what you want me to do, put
away all my fear, hope the surgery works and we live happily ever after?”

“I never thought I’d say this but you’re a coward,
Luc Frasier.”

Katey
, of
all people had stepped across the line.

“You can’t make me do something I don’t want to.”

“Then how about thinking about someone else besides
yourself
.”

So that’s what she really thought about him. A knife
to the heart would have hurt a lot less.

“I think this has brought a lot of issues between us
to the surface, so maybe
it’s
best you leave. Send me
any medical bills, anything you feel I should pay for, but I think we’re done
here.”

That hurt him to say it but if she really thought him
a coward and selfish, he couldn’t see a future, even with a child on the way.

She didn’t say anything and he stood there until he
heard the front door slam and a car driving away.

He sat down, forgetting that the chair was no longer
behind him and fell ass first on the floor. He turned over onto his stomach and
cried into the carpet.

Why
was it
when you thought
life was beginning to work out for you that something came along the screwed it
up?

Chapter
Eighteen

 
She hadn’t
slept more than an hour. When she woke up the first thing she needed to do was
throw up. She made a dash for the bathroom and just about made it there in
time. She sat on the floor and wiped her mouth with a damp washcloth, knowing
she was going to throw up again.
 
The
worst thing about discovering love was it could be just as easily lost as it
was found. She hadn’t meant to seem so arrogant about Luc getting the surgery.
The words selfish and coward had slipped out of her mouth before she could take
them back. But she was scared and he’d made her angry.

“
Katey
, how long are you
going to be in there, because other people want to use the bathroom besides
you.”

Ruth banged on the door. If only her own mother was
still alive, she’d comfort her and know what to say and do to make this okay.
If only it could be made okay.

“I’ll be right out,” said
Katey
.

She’d barely got the words out when she threw up
again.

“You being sick in there…hope, it’s not catching? If
it is, stay in your room.”

Katey
rested her head on her forearm. What was she going to do, not only about her
broken heart, but about raising a baby by herself? She was living at home and
only had a part-time job. What a mess, and she needed to talk to someone.

Her dad.
She’d talk to him, alone before he went to work. He’d know what to do.

****

Luc didn’t want to get out of bed. He thought about
the bathroom cabinet and wondering what bottle the pills were in. He wouldn’t
be foolish enough to down the vitamin C again. He turned onto his side, hearing
Willow moving around and then a paw landing on top of his forearm.

“I know I was mean to
Katey
,
but I don’t want the surgery, and I don’t need someone telling me I do, not
even her. And you know I love her, right?”

Willow slapped his paw down twice.

“I’m going to be a father and I won’t be able to see
my baby, how mean can life get?”

He realized he was having a conversation with a dog,
but who else would understand all this? Willow knew
Katey
as well as Luc did.

Maybe he’d call Jake.

Luc slapped the bedside table and pulled the phone
toward him. “Call Jake,” he said. It wasn’t until he heard what sounded like a
half-asleep guy on the other end of the line that he realized he should have
checked the time first.

“Hi Luc, everything okay?”

“Sorry, did I wake you and Gen?”

“Nope, well, yeah, but no problem.”

Luc took a deep breath.

“Something wrong with Willow?”

“No, he’s great. It’s
Katey
.”

“
Katey
?
Jeez,
hope nothing’s happened to her.”

“No, no, well. Oh shit, Jake, I got her pregnant.”

“These things happen. It’s not the end of the
world.”

Easy
for you to say.

“I was an asshole because I was in a bad mood,
whining that I couldn’t be the man she deserved for her or the baby, and she
suggested the operation and…”

“You lost your temper.”

“Exactly…told her to leave, and basically not come
back.”

“But did you mean it?”

“Yes, no…I don’t know.”

“Well, you’d better decide soon.”

****

Katey
waited until Ruth went into the bathroom so she could corner her dad while they
were alone.

She found him sitting at the table reading and
eating toast spread with the thick layer of marmalade. He’d eaten that for
breakfast since she was a kid. She wished they could rewind time and go back to
the days when she was a child and her mom was alive and well.

Katey
twisted her hair around her finger. How could she break the news to him? He’d
probably be embarrassed more than she was. He had been when he’d told her about
the facts of life, and he’d gone scarlet when she’d told him she’d started her
period.

“Hi, honey, you okay? You look a bit under the
weather today.”

If she didn’t hurry, Ruth would be back in the
kitchen and it’s the last thing she wanted her to overhear.

Katey
pulled out a chair and sat next to her father, thinking it best to just get it
out.

“I’m pregnant.”

Her father’s mouth was open for what seemed like
forever but
Katey
knew it had only been a few
seconds.

“I’m going to be a granddad?”

She nodded.

He leaned over and hugged her. “I didn’t know you
were dating anyone!”

“I’ve been… I’ve been sort of seeing Luc, the man
whose dog I’m training.”

“And I take it this wasn’t planned?”

Katey
shook her head.

“And how does he feel about it?”

Katey
burst into tears. “He doesn’t want to ever see me again.”

“Oh, honey, it’s okay, everything is going to be
fine.”

****

“I’m going to be an aunt?”

He could imagine the smile on Josie’s face right
now. He’d always been a playboy and Josie had often said she’d be a grandmother
before she was an aunt. How wrong she’d been.

“I’m so excited for you, Luc. I think this is just
what you need to get you out of the depression you’ve been in.
So will there be a wedding too?”

Luc ran his hands through his hair. She was going to
be angry at him.

“There’s not even a relationship now. I told her to
leave and not come back.”

“Lucas Frasier, you shock me more each day.”

“She suggested I get the surgery.”

“Then she’s not only pretty, she’s smart too.”

“I can’t have the operation. I’m scared shitless.”

“What are you, ten or thirty-five?”

“Let’s not talk about that right now, because I need
you to take me to
Katey’s
. I need to ask for her
forgiveness.”

“Oh little brother, you are so stubborn. Okay, let’s
go and you want Willow to come too?”

“Sure, he might be the perfect peace negotiator.”

****

Katey
was
enduring another round of morning sickness when she heard voices drifting up
from downstairs.
 

“You can’t bring that dog in here. I’ve never had
animals in the house and I’m not starting now.”

It was Ruth.

“Can’t you see that I’m blind and this is a service
dog?”

It was Luc’s voice and she froze.

“I don’t care, and if you won’t leave him outside
then you can wait out there too.”

“You’re lucky I have a dog and not a cane, because
I’d beat you over the head with it.”

“Look here, I don’t care if you’re disabled, you
can’t go around speaking to people like that.”

“Out of my way, dragon lady, I want to see
Katey
.”

Katey
wiped her mouth with the damp washcloth and knew she had to go to rescue Luc
before he did any bodily harm to Ruth. Not that her step-mom wouldn’t deserve
it, but she didn’t want Luc getting in any trouble. She took a deep breath and
headed down the stairs.

Luc and Willow were now standing on sheets of
newspaper by the front door.

“Luc, I’m here, what did you want?”

She walked toward him and stroked Willow’s head.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry and that I didn’t mean it
when I told you to go and not come back.”

“I know.”

He lifted his hand. She didn’t want to take it but
she couldn’t resist it
.
“Will you come back to work with me and Willow?”

“I’m going to stay with my aunt for a few months.
There’s a job opening for a temporary receptionist and I thought I’d take it so
I can save some money.”

He swallowed twice and his Adam’s apple bounced.

“You can’t. I need you. Willow needs you too.”

“You’ll be fine without me.”

“No, we won’t.”

“I have to.”

“There’s no such thing as have to.”

“I need time to think.”

He nodded.

“Of course, if you decided on the surgery I might
stay around.”

“
Katey
, do not do this to
me.”

“If you think anything about me and this baby you’ll
do it.”