Seeing Black (28 page)

Alexander nodded.

Oliver let out a chuckle. “Wait in line, buddy.”

Jillian

In science, the credit goes to the
man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea
occurs.

-Sir Francis Darwin

Today was the day. Today Jillian would leave. Rocco
would give her permission—or the illusion of permission—and this
time, she would take it. She’d been in Wonderland for seven months
now and understood the physical hold that Rocco had on her. Even
without actual chains, she was imprisoned in his home. She was
Alice trying to get out of Wonderland by climbing out of the rabbit
hole. Except in this nightmare, she kept circling the rabbit hole,
over and over again, taking the same plunge day after day, never
able to find the door that would finally free her. But not today.
She was focused. Determined. Clearheaded. Nothing would distract
her. Today, for the first time, she woke up and knew exactly where
she was.

Jillian made her way downstairs and sat down to a
plate full of pancakes and a warm greeting from Remy. She wondered
if Remy was in on it. How many times had Jillian asked the woman
her name or how long she’d been staying at Wonderland. Jillian ate
her pancakes, as she did every day, then went outside and waited
for Rocco. He’d need to give her the instructions for the day. Were
they going to the lab today or for a walk? Perhaps deep meditation?
When she finished breakfast, she went outside to her favorite spot
in the mansion—the garden. She reached up a tree and plucked one of
her favorite flowers. She inhaled the fragrance. This would be the
only thing she would miss: the fragrance of her favorite
flower.

First, her head started to pound, then black spots
impaired her vision. The bile began to burn her esophagus as it
made its way up her throat. She knew what was coming, so she held
on to the trunk of the closest tree.

Clammy hands.

Pounding heart.

Nausea.

Blackness.

A minute, an hour, a day later . . .

Jill still held the flower in her hand as the Texas
heat caused beads of sweat to drip down her spine. Paul was
rescuing her. She saw him. Clear as day, his jet black hair slicked
back, his dark gray sweatpants, and black V-neck t-shirt hugged his
shoulders as he reached down and tried to unbind her hands from a
steel table. Rocco was there and so was Josef. They hadn’t seen him
coming. His intense and smoldering eyes locked on hers, saying all
the words he wanted to say, yet saying nothing at all. An
altercation occurred. There was yelling and crying, and the last
thing she saw before coming back to reality was a lifeless Paul.
They had gotten so close in the last weeks that she was now in tune
with him, so much so that she’d seen him in one of her visions,
something that only occurred when she knew the person very well.
She didn’t have visions about strangers.

Since being under the tutelage of Rocco, she hadn’t
had an involuntary vision either. Sweet Paul. Paul who had hurt her
only to help her—just as she had done with her friends by coming to
see Rocco in the first place. Sometimes a person had to cause
someone pain in order to protect them. It was a sacrifice that
needed to be made. Josef had threatened her friends, and she knew
now that it wasn’t an idle threat. He would have absolutely killed
anyone Jill loved for his and Rocco’s benefit. Paul had done the
same thing but for Jill’s own good. He was a good man. Tears
trickled down her face, but she remained stone still.

And then the worry set in. She had to stop Paul. If
he rescued her, he’d die. Of that, she was certain.

She was shaken and unsure as to how she would
communicate this to Paul. Would he listen? Would he stop trying to
help her if he knew she’d seen him die in his ill-fated rescue? No,
the answer to that was no. She knew this—he would help her even if
it caused his death.

Exhausted by the vision, she shuffled to her room,
her eyes barely slits, but she needed to hurry to her journal to
write down what she had seen. She couldn’t forget. It was important
she didn’t forget. On her last step up the grand staircase, she was
halted. She felt him before she saw him. The little hairs on the
back of her neck stood to attention.

“Where are you going?”

“Um, Josef. Hi. I was just going to wait for Rocco
in my room. I’m not feeling so well today.” She turned around
slowly to meet Josef’s gaze.

“No need. Follow me.” He motioned up the staircase
and walked briskly past her. She had no choice but to follow.

Josef led her to the lab. She’d never been there
without Rocco, or at least, she couldn’t remember being there
without him. “Where’s my father?”

“He’ll be in shortly. Let’s get started. Lie down
here.”

Her heart was beating uncontrollably. “W-why?” she
asked. He didn’t respond; instead, he pushed her down.
“J-Josef?”

“Quiet.”

“No! What are you doing?” She jackknifed up.

Josef pushed her back down so she lay on a medical
table. He forced her hands into restraints attached to the table.
“No! Stop.” She kicked her legs up and tried to turn and untie
herself with her free hand. Josef walked around and yanked her arm
down to the other leather strap. Jill fought him. Pulled, kicked,
tried to push up, but he held her still until he was able to tie
her wrists.

“Sorry I’m late, dear.” She heard Rocco’s voice
behind her.

“Rocco! What—what? What’s going on? Let. Me. Go!”
She thrashed her body around to no avail.

Rocco placed his hand, slowly, calmly against her
shoulder. He looked into her eyes, and her body began to relax.
“Jillian, dear, calm down. There’s no reason to fret. We are only
going to do perform a test. It’s with that machine,” he said in a
soft, almost-tender voice. He pointed to a
computer-looking-contraption. “You see these wires?” He pulled a
wire and brought it close to her face. “They are called leads.
We’re going to place them on your head under your hair. They’ll
just monitor your brainwaves. The only bad thing that will come of
this is your hair will be sticky afterward and you’ll have to wash
it. Otherwise, it won’t hurt at all.”

Jill looked up at him. The exhaustion was
overwhelming. Her heartbeat began to regulate. “Um, I don’t . . . I
just . . .”

“You agreed, remember? This was all your idea. You
agreed, Jillian,” Rocco replied tersely and reached down and
stroked her hair away from her face. She felt Josef behind her
placing the leads on her hair. She closed her eyes and nodded.
Completely relaxed. Within seconds, she dozed off.

***

Breakfast was awkward. Jill wasn’t sure how to act,
because, again, this time she remembered. She had woken up to the
same repetition, but it only lasted a brief moment because she
immediately remembered to read her journal. She wasn’t completely
clear-headed, but she wasn’t dumbstruck either. She felt a vague
recollection of the woman who stood in front of her in the kitchen
serving her pancakes. After breakfast, the woman told her that her
father had left instructions for her to spend a few hours
meditating before enjoying the rest of her day. Jill nodded but
decided to go for a walk instead. She needed to get her bearings.
She needed to breathe in fresh air. She needed to get the hell out
of the house and away from Rocco, but she felt an odd sense of
trust towards Paul, who was in the forefront of her mind. She was
sure she’d probably made countless attempts at escaping over the
last months and that they’d been fruitless. She looked out the
window towards the stable and decided that a ride would help clear
her mind.

The wind blew Jill’s hair back in a jumbled mess.
She pulled the harness, ever so slightly to slow down Oreo’s pace
as they reached the far edge of green pasture where Wonderland met
the Gulf. Oreo slowed her pace before coming to a stop. Jill
reached down to stroke the horse’s mane.

“Good girl, Oreo.” She reached further down and
handed Oreo a carrot. The horse neighed in response. Jillian rested
her head on Oreo’s crest and sat peacefully overlooking the sea. A
flock of seagulls cawed overhead. The Texas heat enveloped her
body, sending small beads of sweat down the nape of her neck, down
her spine, and under her slate blue tank top. Her mind was
completely clear except for the awareness of all the nature that
surrounded her. She needed to clear her head. Keeping up the
charade with Rocco would be tedious, and after reading the journal,
she knew that every day she would remember a little more. The mere
fact she remembered Oreo’s very existence was progress. She wasn’t
a good actress, and she was afraid he’d uncover her plan. In order
to be ready as Paul had said, she needed to be able to PRV all on
her own, without her father’s voice directing her. She needed to be
stronger than him. She needed to be able to break whatever spell
they had placed on her that wouldn’t allow her to leave. The fact
she actually couldn’t leave, as if there was a protective barrier
around the mansion that when she stepped on it jolted her back to
her room, was something paranormal. She was under some sort of mind
control, and she needed out of it. Jill needed her mind strong,
stronger than Josef’s and Rocco’s. She hyper-focused her eyes on
the horizon and inhaled the salty breeze. Her hand lazily played
with Oreo’s mane underneath Jill’s chin. This was the most at peace
she had been in a long time, and she decided to try her hand at
PRV. She hadn’t tried it outside the lab or without Rocco’s
supervision, but this was her chance. There was no one around, and
the tranquility set the perfect stage. She kept her eyes still and
mind clear of anything other than what she sought and what she
sought was her heart. Alexander. She didn’t care that he had
cheated on her. She didn’t care the hurt she felt because, at that
moment, she would forgive anything. All she wanted, all she needed
was him, the other half of her heart. If she had him by her side,
she could conquer anything. He believed in her and always had,
since she was a child.

First, she pictured his smile, thin pouty lips
curving at the edges, causing eyes as blue as the sea to crinkle at
the sides. Rough blond stubble ran along his chin, up to his
jawline and above his lips. Dark blond hair was tousled on top and
shorter at the sides, creating a perfected,
accidentally-on-purpose, masculine mess. His blue eyes looked down
on her as she looked up and up and up to meet his gaze. She tried
to picture how his penetrating stare made her feel, and
instinctively, she clenched her heart with one hand and swiped a
lone tear with the other. The look of utter adoration that seeped
from his eyes took her breath away. Jillian held on to that
feeling.

She didn’t just picture him, as Rocco had taught
her. “Picture the subject,” Rocco had said. “Think of all the
details, hair, height, smell.” No, she took it a step further and
pictured how he felt, which in turn caused her to picture how she
felt. Suddenly, the crinkles around his eyes smoothed and
contorted, and the corners of his lips lowered into a frown. His
perfectly tousled mess, transformed into long unkempt hair,
shielding the sides as his face as he looked down unto his lap.
This sexy stubble became a full un-groomed beard. The deep blue sea
that were his eyes were scarcely visible from the swell of water
that flowed out of them.

He sat on the floor talking with someone. No,
yelling at someone. Jill made an effort to keep her focus on the
horizon; although, the look of complete devastation on Alexander
was almost more than she could bear. She had to know what made him
so upset. She was in that room, in his bedroom. Alexander was
flooding all her senses. She could see him. She could smell the
fragrance of his fabric softener lingering in his bedroom. She
could hear him sob and asking if someone was dead. No, demanding
that she could not be dead. The only missing senses were touch and
taste. She reached her hand forward as if he were sitting not a
foot away from her in order to comfort him, to tell him he need not
worry.

The jerky motion of her arm must have startled Oreo,
causing the horse to buck and neigh.
Umpf!
Immediately, Jill
was back at Wonderland and being tossed back off her horse. The
complete sense of loss was only masked by the pain that radiated
from her index finger up to her arm. The commotion behind her
caused her to whip her head back, while clutching her arm. One
ranch hand was going after Oreo and the other, Colton, ran towards
her with his phone on his ear. He crouched down and without words,
began patting Jill’s ankles, legs, and arms. “Other than your arm,
where does it hurt, darlin’?”

“Just my arm.”

“Stay still. Rocco’s sending a doctor over and will
be back soon. He’s a few hours away. He says you gotta stay still.”
Colton looked towards the house and then back at Jillian. “What
happened?”

“Don’t know.” Jill clenched her arm tighter, willing
the tears at bay. “Oreo spooked and threw me off. But really, I’m
fine. I think it’s just a little sprain.” She said, looking down at
her already swollen wrist, but nothing hurt as much as her heart.
Seeing Alexander in such pain hurt more than any physical
injury.

***

Jillian opened her eyes, climbed out of bed, and
stretched her arms up to the ceiling. Immediately panic began to
take hold. She couldn’t remember where she was. The last thing she
remembered was arguing with Alexander and Paul and then meeting
Rocco.

“Don’t be frightened,” said a deep voice from the
shadow by the window of her room.

“Oh my God, Paul? Is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

She took a step back. “What the hell are you doing
here?” Something felt familiar, yet she was confused. They were
doing their daily dance. He took a step forward, and she took one
back. He reached around her and lifted her mattress and pulled out
her notebook. “Here. Read. You’ve been doing so well these past few
days. Something must’ve happened.”