Seeing Black (22 page)

“I have a lot of resources. Let me make some
calls—”

“Let me make it clear, just in case I haven’t been.
I don’t trust you. I don’t like you. You better not be lying. If
one hair on her head is out of place and I find out you had
anything, anything at all, to do with it, I will find you myself
and make you pay.” Rocco said something, but Alexander had already
hung up the phone.

He raced over to meet Heather. The door was open,
and Heather stood by the frame, her arms crossed, worry marring her
face.

“Well?” she said as she gave him a quick hello
hug.

“Rocco says he hasn’t seen or heard from her and
offered all his resources to help find her. I think he’s lying. I
don’t trust him.”

“I don’t either.”

“He denied having seen her, but I’m sure he has
something to do with it.”

“Maybe he’s covering for her. Maybe she’s just
hiding out there for a few days to get over . . .”

“To get over me? To get over our fight?” Alexander
asked, annoyed.

Heather nodded, sheepishly.

“No. No way. She wouldn’t be so mad that she’d bail
on school. She’d at least call you or Oliver and let you guys know
where she was. She may be stubborn, but she would never want you
guys worrying about her.”

“I guess that’s true,” Heather agreed.

Heather had already called the police, so by the
time Alexander arrived, the police were already there. A tall
slender man asked a number of questions and requested a recent
photo of Jill. He told them that a detective would likely be
assigned. He also explained that in many cases of missing adults
the person wasn’t missing. The person left of his/her own volition.
After Heather and Alexander explained over and over that Jill
wouldn’t do that, the officer finished his report and left.

“So what now?” Heather asked.

“I honestly don’t know.”

“Do you know where Rocco lives?” Heather asked.

“No, but that can’t be too hard to find out. Where’s
Jill’s computer? Or yours?”

Heather motioned for him to follow her to her
bedroom, where she proceeded to boot up her computer. They searched
Rocco’s name until they found addresses to two homes and one
apartment. Without a word, Alexander proceeded to leave the
apartment.

“Wait!” Heather shouted. “Where are you going? It’s
late. You’re just going to barge in? The nearest house is only a
few minutes away, but the other two are well over an hour
away.”

“I can’t just sit here and wait. I think, no, I
know, he has something to do with it. I have to go find out
myself.”

Right as Heather was going to say something,
Alexander’s cell phone rang. He looked at the caller ID. It was an
unknown number.

“Hello?” Alexander asked.

“It’s me.”

“Oliver.” Alexander said a little dejected. For a
split second he had hoped it was Jillian. At the mention of his
brother, Heather took a few steps closer to Alexander in an attempt
to hear the conversation.

“I just landed in California on a layover. Heather
told me about Jill. I tried calling her a few times, but it goes
straight to voicemail.”

“I know. We just filed a missing persons report with
the police.”

“Shit,” Oliver said. “You think she’s missing?
When’s the last time you saw her? Have you tried calling her cell?
Tried checking school?”

“Yes!” Alexander snapped. “Sorry. Sorry. I didn’t
mean to yell. I’m just frustrated. I haven’t seen her since Monday,
and we haven’t spoken since then because we were arguing. She
hasn’t returned my calls. At first, I just thought it was because
of our fight, but now, I think it has something to do with
Rocco.”

“Did you try speaking with him?”

“Yeah, of course, but he denies having seen
her.”

“Could he be covering for her? You know. Since you
guys fought, maybe she just needs some time.”

“That’s what your girlfriend said.” Alexander looked
over at Heather, who rolled her eyes and blushed. “Come on, Oliver,
you know Jill just as much as I do. She’d never just disappear.
She’d at least let you or Heather know she was alright.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“Heather and I found Rocco’s addresses, and I’m
heading out now to see if she’s there.”

“I’m going with you!” Heather yelled.

“No!” Oliver yelled back at Heather.

“He says, ‘No,’” Alexander relayed to Heather.

Heather grabbed the phone from Alexander’s grip and
pressed the speaker button. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

“Baby, don’t go. Stay put. Rocco gives me the
creeps, and if Alexander and Rocco have a fight, I don’t want you
in the middle.” Heather looked at the phone as if the phone were a
breathing living organism. Her cheeks were red.

“Yeah, Heather, I agree. One missing girl’s enough,”
Alexander said.

Heather pouted. “Baby?” Her face squished, and she
whispered then shook her head as if she was trying to get the words
out of her head more than the actual context of the conversation.
The term of endearment seemed to shake her. “She’s my friend too.
I’m worried. I’ll stay in the car.”

“Please, Heather. Just stay there. I’m halfway
around the world, and I’m worried enough as it is. I don’t want to
worry about you too. For me, please, just stay.”

Heather groaned, but Alexander noticed a small smile
make its way to her face. “Okay, fine, I’ll stay.”

“Good girl. Thanks. I’ll see you both as soon as I
can. If you hear anything, call me right away.”

“Okay, brother,” Alexander said.

“Bye, guys.”

“Bye, honey.” Heather said to Oliver.

Alexander hung up and turned to Heather before he
walked out. “I’ll call you as soon as I know something. Don’t do
anything stupid, Heather. Stay here, okay?” He was out the door
before she had a chance to respond.

Alexander spent most of the night driving. He drove
to all three of Rocco’s homes; all were empty. They didn’t look
abandoned—the lawns were manicured—but they didn’t look lived-in
either. Unless Alexander broke in, there was no way of knowing for
certain, but he did look in the windows and knock incessantly, and
it didn’t seem anyone was there. He sent a quick text to Heather
informing her and drove back to his apartment, riddled with
worry.

***

For months, Alexander drove constantly by Rocco’s
homes. They were always vacant. He called Rocco almost daily with
threats that had begun to sound more like desperate pleas, but
Rocco always responded as if he were just as worried and doing
everything in his power to find her.

About a month after Jill’s disappearance, Rocco
invited Alexander over to one of his homes, one that Alexander had
no knowledge about, one that was not on public records as being
owned by him. It was a beautiful mansion that sat in front of a
mammoth golf course. Later, this house would be included in the
rounds of surveillance he made of Rocco’s other homes. The visit
didn’t go well, mostly because Alexander didn’t go to Rocco’s to
socialize. He had gone to look around, ask questions, and find out
what the hell was going on. Rocco’s calm demeanor had gotten under
Alexander’s skin, and in the middle of a conversation in which
Rocco was calmly explaining to Alexander about the private
investigators he had hired to find his daughter, Alexander stood
and without invitation climbed up the stairs and began to look
around. He tore the house apart, and there was not a single sign of
Jillian. Rocco didn’t stop him. He stepped aside and allowed
Alexander to search. When Rocco’s guards tried to stop Alexander,
Rocco told them to back off. When there was nowhere else to look,
Rocco asked him to sit and talk further, but Alexander stormed
out.

And thus, the surveillances of Rocco’s homes began.
At first, he would drive by because it was all so fresh and
Alexander knew that Rocco was keeping her in one of the houses. He
felt it in his gut. He’d go to the nearest home right before
classes began each morning and the remaining three, which were
spread out throughout the city, after class. He’d get off his bike,
knock, and look through the window. For about two months, Alexander
tried to juggle school, surveillance, calls to the detective, and
calls to Rocco, all while feeling helpless, scared, and angry. When
he saw he wasn’t getting anywhere, he quit school and the
surveillance of the homes became an obsession. Sometimes he’d go
three times a day, hoping to catch someone at different times of
the day, but that never happened. He hired a private investigator
himself, and that didn’t get him much further. Heather helped as
much as she could. She was in constant contact with the detective
handling the case. When Oliver arrived back from Japan, he asked
his employer for an extended leave of absence and would go with
Alexander as often as possible on the rounds of Rocco’s homes, and
when he wasn’t with his brother, Oliver was with Heather, trying to
figure out where to search next.

***

“Alexander, you need to re-enroll in school.”

“Not yet.”

“It’s been four months, and we haven’t come even a
little closer to finding her. No clues, no information. Nothing.
You have to start living your life again.”

“I can’t live my life, knowing Jill’s out there not
living hers.”

Oliver let out a deep breath, seemingly nervous.

“I’m going to propose to Heather.”

“Pardon?”

“I love her. I’m going to propose.”

“No. You have to wait on Jill. Heather is her best
friend. Fuck, man, so are you. She loves you. Don’t do that to
her.”

“Xander, you have to let her go.”

“Fuck you!” He spat.

“All three of us, we’re family. We grew up together.
This hasn’t been easy for me either, brother. I feel like I’ve lost
a sister. I miss her too. We used to email constantly about our
lives. I check my email every day in the hopes that, one day soon,
I’ll see something in my inbox from her. I loved her very
much.”

“No, you don’t. Stop using past tense! You don’t
love her. If you did, you wouldn’t be telling me to let her
go.”

“It’s been almost four months without a single
trace. You can’t live like this. You’ve dropped out of school. You
think that’s what she would’ve wanted?”

“Stop fucking talking about her in past tense. So
what? Four months is your cut off? Sisters get four months? What do
boyfriends get? Six months? A year? Or less than a sister? Maybe I
should already be over my mourning. Three months and I move on,
right? Is that what you’re saying to me, Oliver?

“You know very well that’s not what I’m saying.”

“She’s alive. I am going to find her.” Alexander
hissed. “I will find her.”

Oliver nodded as if there wasn’t much of a point in
continuing the conversation.

“It’s too soon,” Alexander said.

“Pardon?”

“It’s too soon to propose. You’ve only been dating
her for a few months.”

“It’s been over four months, brother, and when you
know, you know. I love her. I didn’t even know it was possible to
love someone this much. I want to marry her. She’s almost finished
with grad school, and then I have a long trip I have to take to
Africa, and I want her to come with me. We’ve all been through so
much. I don’t want to waste one single moment.”

Alexander continued digging through boxes like an
out-of-control fiend. Looking through all of Helen’s journals was
his new obsession. In between going to Rocco’s homes, he read
journals and looked through Jill’s belongings. Jill had never
finished reading the journals. Once she met Rocco, the journals had
fallen by the wayside. Alexander listened to Oliver but couldn’t
comprehend him. How the hell was his brother going to marry a woman
he barely knew, when all Alexander wanted—no needed—was Jill? After
twenty plus years of pushing her away, when he finally gets her, it
should’ve been him and her, not Oliver and Heather. He knew he was
bring a jealous prick, but he couldn’t help it.

He grabbed one of the boxes and slammed it against
the wall. “It should’ve been us, Jill and me. It should have been
us!” He leaned his palms against the table and dropped his head
forward. Oliver walked towards him and placed a comforting hand on
Alexander’s shoulder, but Alexander rolled his shoulder back in a
gesture that said,
Don’t touch me.

“I loved,” realizing the error, Oliver corrected the
mistake. “I love Jill too. She’s our family. By marrying Heather,
if she accepts, I’m not giving up on Jillian, Alexander. It’s just
me living my life. I . . . You and I and even Heather have put our
lives on hold, looking for someone who may not even want to be
found.”

Alexander jerked his head to the side to look at his
brother. Daggers shot out of his eyes. “What the hell are you
saying to me?”

“I’m saying that there is a possibility she left
because of the fight you had, and if that’s the case, she doesn’t
want to be found. If she truly believed you were cheating on her,
that’s serious. It’s not the same as fighting over what movie to
watch on a Saturday night. It’s a big deal, and she could have
left. She could have left you,” Oliver hesitantly whispered the
last words.

“Is that the only scenario you see, asshole?”

“No, there is a worse scenario. But I prefer not to
think about that one.”

***

“Here,” Heather said, pointing to an excerpt from one
of Helen’s journals. A big diamond set on a platinum band shone on
her left ring finger. It had been about a month since Oliver told
Alexander he was going to propose to Heather. “Again, there is a
reference to Esther’s journals.” Oliver and Alexander dropped the
journals they were reading and moved over to read over Heather’s
shoulder.

September 26, 1990-1 year, 2 months, 19 days

We’ve been on Onion Island over a year. Nothing’s
changed. The twins are eight months old and crawling all over the
island. They love to play with Jillian. I keep wondering what
Esther did with her journals. I know she wrote as often as I did,
and I wish I could’ve showed them to Jillian. One day, I’ll give
her my journals. I sit and wonder if Esther brought them with her,
if they were destroyed when we crashed, or if they sit in a box in
her old home, awaiting someone’s return. I suppose these are
questions I may never get an answer to.