Seeing Black (11 page)

“So maybe it’s in the faraway future when things
stop getting good and just get routine.”

“Baby, that will never happen. I love you. I’d never
hurt you. You have to know that. Deep down in your heart, you have
to know that. I don’t care what you saw or what you think you saw.
I’d never do that to you.”

She thought about it. Yes, women never thought
they’d be the one to get played. Maybe it was naive of her, but she
believed him. She’d never had a vision that didn’t come true, but
this just didn’t seem plausible. She took a deep breath and a leap
of faith.

“Fine. I guess I believe you.”

“Good. Now can we go back to sleep? I’m exhausted.
You are so needy sometimes,” he said, playfully slapping her ass
before settling them both back in bed.

***

The following Saturday, while Alexander was busy
picking up a part for his motorcycle across town, Jill received a
text message from Rocco inviting her to have brunch at a nearby
restaurant. Hesitantly, she agreed, and within a half hour, Rocco
picked her up and they went to brunch. As they enjoyed the fabulous
food, Jill talked about her most recent vision. She didn’t disclose
all the details but was able to vent all the same. “It’s
mortifying. Luckily, I have great friends. But what if I had been
alone? That possibility really scares me. With each episode, I get
more and more tired. I was practically paralyzed afterwards.”

“Let me try to explain. All your endorphins are
working at once. They’re on overdrive, and when you snap back, it’s
like a punch to the gut. All your energy is drained. Your body is
going from zero to a hundred in a second.”

“Exactly.”

“I hate to tell you this, but it will keep getting
worse, Jillian. You’ll get more and more tired and weaker, to the
point that you will need more than a few hours of sleep to recover.
You’ll need a week of sleep. That is how debilitating they will
be.”

She gasped.

“Do not fret, Jillian, dear. I can help. Next week,
come by my house, and I will show you different forms of meditation
that will help you begin to control your visions.”

“I’d like that.”

He smiled, and they continued eating and making
small talk. Jill forgot all about the fact that Alexander wouldn’t
like her being with Rocco, but she hadn’t lied. She never said she
wasn’t going to meet him. She’d said she’d think about it, and she
had. She’d thought about it and had decided she wanted a
relationship with her father. After that last vision, she needed
her father more than ever, if only because he was the only person
who could relate. Alexander was her boyfriend, not her handler. She
was a grown woman, and she could do as she damn well pleased, so
why was she so nervous, then?

As if he had super sensory powers too, her phone
rang. Speak of the devil. “Excuse me. I have to take this,” Jill
said to Rocco.

“Hello?”

“Hey, babe. I’m headed to you now. You want to grab
lunch?” Alexander asked.

“Um.” She wasn’t a good liar.

“What did you do, Red?” God, did he have to know her
so well?

“I’m not hungry. I just had a lovely brunch.”

“Brunch?” She heard him groan through the phone as
if he already knew the answer to the question he was about to ask.
“With who?”

“With Rocco. It was so delicious. We ate—”

“Where are you?”

“On Spring Hill Avenue and 7
^th
Street in
a restaurant called
The Gauntlet
,” she answered quickly all
in one breath.

“You don’t ever listen, do you? Do not move from
there. I’m going to pick you up. I’m not far. Wait for me outside.”
She stuck her tongue out at the phone when he hung up before she
could argue any further.

“I guess we’re done with brunch?” Rocco asked.

“Yep. He just worries. Don’t pay him any attention.
I’ll see you at your house soon.” She bent down and kissed his
cheek before walking out. She was furious. Alexander was pitting
himself against her father, and he was basically making her choose.
It was a decision she didn’t want to make, but he was forcing her
hand. She wasn’t used to being accountable to anyone, and this was
not something she liked at all!

“Hi, Xander.” She said with her biggest fakest smile
when he pulled up to the front of the restaurant.

“Get your ass on the fucking bike, Jillian.”

“No.” Jillian stood, foot tapping, arms crossed.

“You are exasperating.” Alexander stomped towards
her, so angry that she flinched and took a step back. She wanted to
keep her resolve, but he looked predatory. She knew he’d never hurt
her, but at the moment, she had serious doubts. He reached down and
hugged her knees with one arm, lifted her, and threw her over his
shoulder.

“Oh my God, put me down! What the hell are you
doing?” Jill fisted his back and kicked her legs, but Alexander
didn’t say anything. He walked to his bike and set her down, none
too gently. He put a helmet on her and almost belligerently
tightened the strap. The still frighteningly silent Alexander
lifted her again and sat her on his bike.

When he finally spoke, he said, “I asked you not to
see Rocco.”

“No. You didn’t
ask
anything. You told me not
to go, and I said I’d think about it.”

“You are not to allowed to go see him, especially
not alone and especially without telling anyone.” He shook his head
and ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. “How is that such
a fucking complicated concept for you to understand?” He was angry,
very angry.

Normally, Alexander went relatively slowly on his
bike since he knew she hated the death machine, but he climbed on,
tied his helmet, reached around, ferociously placed her hands
around his waist, cranked up the motor, and took off. Jill’s head
slammed back then forward against his body. Had Jill not been
holding on tightly, she would have fallen right off because he
didn’t ease into the speed. He went full throttle. She fisted his
shirt and tried to say something along the lines of “slow the fuck
down,” but with the speed and the wind, nothing came out. She
ducked her head into his back and held on for dear life.

Before she knew it, the motorcycle stopped, causing
her body to slam into Alexander’s back again, and then he leaned
the bike to the side and put down the kickstand. He got off first
and then went to help her, but she shoved his hand and pushed his
shoulder away. He stood back, impatiently, arms crossed, watching
her stumble off the bike. When she finally stood, spine straight
and chin up, indignant, she marched towards her apartment. He was
right on her heels. She rummaged through her purse for her keys.
Right before she opened the door, she stopped and turned around,
slamming right into Alexander. She hadn’t realized he was standing
that close.

She put both hands to his chest and pushed him back,
but he didn’t budge.

“Go home, Alexander!”

“Pfft!” He yanked the keys from her grip and opened
the door. Exaggeratedly, he held the door open and swung his arm so
that Jill could go in first. “After you, princess.” The sarcasm
rolled off his tongue.

“Ass,” she replied as they walked in to her empty
apartment. “Stop acting like a pissed-off jerk.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m soooo not acting.” He dragged
out the word before slamming the door shut and slowly walked
towards her. “You’re being selfish, Jillian. I’m tired of worrying
about you. You can’t ever do anything I ask. Maybe I should call
Oliver and ask him to talk to you.”

“Why Oliver? What the hell does that even mean?”

“You’ve always listened to him. Me? Never. Him? You
bow down to whatever he says.”

“Oh my God! That’s what this bullshit is all about,
isn’t it?”

“What?”

“You’re jealous. You are so jealous,” she
hissed.

“No. I’m not jealous. I’m merely stating a fact. Had
your precious Oly asked you to please,” Alexander clasped his hands
together as if he was praying and then batted his eyelashes, “stay
home and not put your life in fucking danger, you wouldn’t have
dared move. You wouldn’t have wanted to disappoint him. You never
have.”

“You’re being completely ridiculous.”

Alexander stalked forward. “Really? Am I?”

Jill took a step back. “Y-yes.” He looked dangerous.
“Why would you say that?”

For a minute, Alexander didn’t say anything.

“Tell me! What’s gotten into you? Why would you say
that?” She pushed him back again. Still, he didn’t budge.

“Because.”

“Because? Because what?”

“Because you love him!” he yelled.

And there it was. This was the second time he had
said something that hinted at jealousy towards his brother. The
first time he’d adamantly denied it, but now perhaps it was too
much to keep bottled up. She knew he still hadn’t completely
accepted that she was over Oly. She couldn’t even consider it as
over since she’d realized there was never anything to begin
with.

She took a cautious step forward. “Oh. My. God.” She
took another cautious step forward and a very deep calming breath.
“You’re so unbelievably jealous you aren’t seeing clearly. I
thought this little love-triangle thing we thought we had was done
and over with. I thought we’d dealt with it on the island.”

Alexander didn’t reply. His arms were still crossed
across his chest, and his nostrils flared. He was still furious,
but it was mixed with something else, something she wasn’t used to
seeing. Insecurity.

She decided she needed to thaw a little. Even though
she was angry at the way he was acting, or better yet overreacting,
she knew that she was the cause of his jealousy. Even if
unintentionally, she’d led them on for years. When she had finally
decided on Alexander, it wasn’t easy, and she had made it difficult
on everyone. So putting her own anger aside, she took a final step
forward and reached forward to Alexander’s arms. She unwrapped them
from his rigid body and stepped into him. His arms fell down to his
sides, and she ignored his coldness and wrapped her arms around his
waist and lowered her head into his chest. After a few moments, he
repeated, “You love him?” It was an almost inaudible whisper, but
it was enough to shatter her heart.

“Yes. I do. Of course I do, but not the way you
think. You’re the one I love. You’re the one who makes me happy.”
She looked up at him and smiled before adding, “When we’re not
arguing over something silly. And even then, it’s okay with me
because you keep me on my toes and the making up is usually
fantastic.” He didn’t say anything for a few moments, but she felt
his body finally relax slightly, and she felt his hands wrap around
her body. She squeezed a little and so did he. “I love you, Xander.
No one else. You. Always you.” His arms tightened.

He bent down a little and swung Jillian up in his
arms, cradling her. He walked into her room and kicked the door
shut behind him before gently laying her on the bed. He slid on top
of her, holding his weight up with his forearms on either side of
her face. “I love you so much, Jillian. I have never been the
jealous type. I’ve never cared enough to be jealous of anyone. But
with you, my God, I can’t seem to get my temper or my jealousy
under control. I think I’m even jealous of your dad.”

She abruptly looked up at him. “What?”

“Don’t be gross. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant
I’m jealous of your time. I want to spend all my time with you. I
want to understand you completely, I don’t have that psychic
connection thing you two have, and I can’t seem to relate with you
on that level.”

Jill reached up and cupped his face with her hands.
“Do you trust me? Do you know how much I love you?”

“I do, babe. I’m sorry. I just . . . It drives me
fucking crazy when you ignore what I ask of you, especially when
I’m saying it because I’m trying to protect you.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’d totally have
gone, even if Oliver told me not to go. I would have gone no matter
what.”

“So you’re an indiscriminate, pain-in-the-ass,
stubborn woman?”

“An indiscriminate, pain-in-the-ass, stubborn woman
who is madly in love with you.”

“Madly being the operative word,” he teased.

“Oh, please. You love my craziness. Anyway, love is
supposed to make you crazy. It’s not love if it doesn’t.”

“Then I must really love you.”

“Ha. Ha.” Jill pushed him slightly away so she could
look at him when she spoke. “Alexander, you have to learn to trust
me. Remember I was alone a long time—”

“I know. I know. I hate that, by the way. You don’t
understand the guilt that eats me up every time I think about all
the years you were in a boarding school—alone. Then college—alone.
I should’ve been there. Hell, Oliver should’ve been there. You
shouldn’t have been on your own like some sort of orphan.”

“You were just a kid. You can’t beat yourself up
over that. My life wasn’t terrible. I had a lot of friends. I was
just shy and kept to myself. I regret not making more friends, but
I was fine. Really, I was.” She sat up slightly to give him a small
kiss.

“But you’re not alone anymore, babe. I’m here, and I
want . . . No, sorry, scratch that. I need you to be safe. I may
not be psychic, but I have a bad feeling about Rocco. That guy’s no
good, babe. Please, just stop seeing him. You don’t need him.”

“I do. I do need him. Do you know how horrible it is
to be scared of driving because I don’t know when I could black out
or how embarrassing it is to have a symptom in the middle of a
conversation with a stranger or, worse, alone somewhere? And they
are symptoms, Xander. It’s an affliction that hinders me on a daily
basis. He can help me. It doesn’t happen to him anymore. He learned
to control it, and he’s going to teach me. You have got to trust
me. Otherwise, this thing between us, it just won’t work. Please, I
need to do this, and I need to do this without feeling I have to
sneak around behind your back.”