See You at the Show (44 page)

***

“Is she ok?” Johnny asked, trying to get his head around everything Mark had just told him.
 

He hadn’t actually had the chance to see any newspapers or watch any TV before his friend had turned up on his doorstep with the news of Stevie’s secret past, so to hear what Mark had to say shocked him, to say the least.
 
And it was very rare that anything ever shocked Johnny Jackson.

“She’s as well as can be expected,” Mark replied, leaning back against the window sill, his hands in his pockets.
 
“But this is gonna be one hell of a time for her, Johnny, and she’s gonna need us.
 
She’s so confused, and I have no idea what to do for her.
 
No idea at all.
 
I don’t know how to make this better.”

“Jesus, Mark, I’m there for her.
 
Of course I am, it’s just…shit!
 
Stevie’s a
mom
?”

Mark looked out of the window.
 
He hadn’t really wanted to leave her, and he’d sensed that she’d wanted him to stay but she needed time with Connor; he’d only have been in the way.
 
Then there was Daniel Madison to deal with, and what the hell was going to happen there?
 
It had seemed to him that she’d been having doubts about the relationship anyway - why else had she come running back to him?
 
But now this was all out in the open maybe any decision about that relationship was out of her hands, whether she liked it or not.
 
And Mark couldn’t say he was sad about that.
 

“Are you going back there?”

Johnny’s voice shook him back to reality.
 
“Sorry?”

“Are you going back to Stevie’s?”

“Yeah,” Mark sighed, throwing his head back.
 
“I said I’d call her later.”

Johnny watched his friend, watched his facial expressions, his body language.
 
The way he looked, his whole demeanour - he’d changed so much in such a short space of time and that was all down to Stevie.
 
But what happened now was anyone’s guess because her life was due to change all over again, there was no doubt about that, and was Mark Cassidy really ready for everything that could bring?
 
“What’re you gonna do, Mark?”

Mark shrugged, turning back to look out of the window.
 
How could he truthfully answer a question when he had absolutely no idea
what
he was going to do?
 
“I’m just gonna love her, Johnny.
 
That’s all I can do for her right now.
 
I’m just gonna love her.”

***

Stevie opened the bottle of vodka and poured herself a large, neat measure as Angus Gordon folded his arms, watching as she drank it down in one go, slamming the glass back down on the sideboard.

“It’s over, Ms. Stone.
 
Just as I told you it would be.”

She swung round to look at him, trying to get back in control because she needed to be, Angus Gordon would not wear her down.
 
She wouldn’t let him.
 
Inside she may be ripped apart with confusion but she would never let him see that.

When he’d turned up at her flat just minutes after Connor had left she’d known immediately what he’d been going to say, it was no surprise.
 
She just wished Daniel could have told her himself but the appearance of Angus had made it quite obvious that that wasn’t going to happen now.
 
She was probably never going to see him again, and that hurt more than she’d thought it would because the one thing she’d wanted to do was to have the chance to explain everything face to face.
 
But it didn’t look as though she was going to be offered that opportunity.

“And whose decision was that, Mr. Gordon?
 
Daniels - or yours?”

Angus stared at her.
 
Those startling blue eyes had cried some tears that morning, there was no doubt about that, and whilst he couldn’t help but feel a small amount of guilt at what was happening here, he felt more relief that the journey to get her removed from Daniel’s life had finally begun.

“It was the only decision that
could
have been made.
 
By anyone,” Angus said, keeping his arms folded as he continued to look at her.

Stevie turned away and poured herself another drink.
 
“So, you got your wish then.”

“It seems I don’t exactly have a fight on my hands.”

She swung back round to look at him again.
 
“Would there be any point?”

“No.
 
Not really.
 
He’s made his mind up.”

She gave a cynical laugh but said nothing, finishing her drink.

“It was inevitable, Stevie.
 
I told you that.
 
You didn’t fit in, you never would have.
 
There was never going to be a future for you and Daniel.
 
That could never have happened.”

She looked away, fiddling with the leather wrist cuff she was wearing.
 
“We were never given the chance to find out.”

“Is that what you really wanted?
 
A future with Daniel?
 
Because from what I can gather you walked out on him last night and ran straight back to your rock star boyfriend.”

She looked up sharply.
 
“It wasn’t like that.”

“Wasn’t it?
 
He spent the night here though, am I right?”

She leaned back against the sideboard, watching him as he spoke.
 
He was a cold, hard man.
 
Emotionless almost.
 
Had he really done all of this because he cared about Daniel?
 
Or had he just wanted to show how powerful he could be?
 
All she knew was that she didn’t really feel much like talking about any of this with him anymore.
 
He’d made his point, he’d told her where she stood, there was no need for him to be here now

“I’d like you to go.
 
Please,” she said quietly, turning away from him and pouring yet another glass of vodka.
 

“Do you understand what I’ve told just you, Ms. Stone?”

“It’s over,” she whispered, staring into her drink, a sudden wave of despair washing over her as her eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall any second as the enormity of what was happening around her began to hit home.
 
“Daniel doesn’t want me anymore.”

“No,” Angus said, picking up his briefcase as he made to go.
 
“He doesn’t.”

She swung round again, giving in and letting the tears stream down her face; she couldn’t help it.
 
Any remaining strength she’d had left had all but disappeared.
 
“And does that make you happy, Mr. Gordon?
 
Huh?
 
Does it?”

He looked at her.
 
He’d never really wanted to hurt her, that hadn’t been his intention at all.
 
He’d just wanted her out of Daniel’s life for the sake of his career and this new Government they’d created.
 
Angus Gordon was a big part of Daniel Madison’s team and if
his
career had gone into freefall due to his relationship with Stevie, then that could also have had a knock-on effect for the rest of them, and Angus had ambitions of his own that he couldn’t risk putting in jeopardy, so Stevie had to go.
 
It was for the best.
 
All round.
   
And without another word he just turned and left - what else was there to say?
 
It was over.
 
End of story.
 
Job done.

Stevie watched him leave, leaning back against the sideboard and closing her eyes as the front door slammed shut.
 
So that was it.
 
Problem solved, just like that.
 
One quick visit, a couple of sentences and a relationship was over.
 
But how could it possibly have carried on after this?
 
And had she really wanted it to anyway?
 
But that wasn’t the point.
 
She wanted to know how Daniel really felt, not how Angus told her he was feeling.
 
She wanted to know he was ok.
 
She wanted to tell him she was sorry because this isn’t how she’d wanted it to end.
 
If she’d wanted it to end at all, that hadn’t yet been decided, she hadn’t had the time to think about it.
 
Now everything was such a mess, and she had a son out there who was having to deal with all of this too and that wasn’t fair on him.
 

Everything was her fault.
 
Everything.
 
People were hurting because of her.
 
People were confused and angry and hurting.
 
Because of her.

She kept her eyes closed, pushing her hands through her hair as Daniel invaded her thoughts once more.
 
She still loved him, that had never been in question; it wasn’t
him
she’d fallen out of love with.
 
It was his life, the restrictions, the way she had to conform in order to be with him so she should be relieved that all of that had been taken out of her hands, but she wasn’t.
 
Far from it.
 
She was upset and confused and tired from the ‘phone ringing constantly and the barrage of people who’d now gathered outside her flat, just as Connor had predicted.
 
He’d offered to stay longer, help her get through a day that was fast becoming unbearable and she wished she’d let him now.
 
Maybe Angus’s visit would have hurt that little bit less if she’d had someone else there.
  

But it was all beginning to feel too much now.
 
It felt as though everything had just been thrown at her all at once and for only the second time in her life Stevie couldn’t get back in control.
 
She couldn’t think straight, she didn’t know where to turn or what to do next.
 
There was no quick solution to sort all of this out and she was so tired now.
 
So tired.
 
Her thinking was starting to slow down, everything felt like it was happening in slow motion and all she wanted to do was curl up and pretend none of it was happening at all.
 
She wanted everything to just go away.
 

Opening the top drawer of the sideboard she felt around inside, pulling out a packet of paracetemol.
 
She had a headache banging behind her eyes and it was starting to make her feel sick.
 
The vodka wasn’t helping, but maybe the effects of that would hurry up and start to kick in, take the edge off everything, because she needed that to happen, and soon.
 
She needed to feel nothing, just for a little while.
 
She needed to put it all out of her head.
 

Staring at the packet of pills, she began turning it over and over in her hand as she carried them over to the sofa, sitting down and putting the bottle of vodka on the table beside her.
 

There was another solution, of course.
 
Something that could really take the edge off.
 
Something far more long term, but something that would mean she could sleep for as long as she wanted and this whole mess would just disappear and that sounded so good to her right now.
 
That sounded perfect.
 
It was all her fault after all, this whole crazy mess, so if she was out of the picture then surely everyone could just get back to normal?
 
And she could have the peace she craved.

She got up and opened the drawer again, rummaging around at the back to retrieve another packet of pills.
 
She always kept a stash there for the days when a hangover couldn’t be shifted with a fry up and a lie in.
 

Carrying them back over to the sofa, she twisted the cap off the vodka and poured another half a glass, running her fingers over the tiny white pills as she looked at them, knowing they were the only things that could bring her the relief she really, really needed right now.
 
They could be the answer to everything, a quick and easy get out.

Slowly and carefully she started to pop out one after another into the palm of her hand.
 
It was the perfect solution as far as she was concerned.
 
It suddenly felt like the right thing to do, and when something felt right she usually went with it, so why should this be any different?
 

She closed her hand around the pile of pills and held them tightly inside her clenched fist, closing her eyes for a second, picking up the glass of vodka as she leaned back against the sofa cushions.
 
The darkness felt good.
 
A long sleep, that’s what she needed.
 
She needed to go for a long, long sleep so, opening her hand and taking one last look at those perfectly shaped pills, that’s exactly what she got ready to do.