See the Light (13 page)

The players and staff still at the hospital started catching cabs back to the hotel a little later, and Rob returned to tell them the man had gotten away. Jason thanked him for trying, and he too went back to the athletes’ village. Soon only Marty, Jason, Stephen, and a few team officials remained.
“I’d tell you go home, but I know if I did, you’d ignore me, so I won’t waste my breath,” Marty told him.
“I want to see him again before I leave.”
“I figured as much. I’ll go check if they’re allowing anyone back there.”
He limped up to the desk, and Jason watched as he and the woman had a protracted conversation. Marty came back.
“They’ve moved him into Intensive Care, and they said no one can see him until tomorrow morning, so you might as well go catch some shut-eye.”
“What about you?”
“I want to wait until everybody’s out of surgery. You, however, need to go back to your room and get some sleep. Coach’s orders.”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks for being so cool about this. It’s probably going to blow up in all our faces.”
“Well, like I said, I’m not thrilled with the circumstances, but we won’t tolerate any homophobic bullshit.” Marty leaned closer. “Look, my brother is gay. I may not be able to understand what you’re going through, but I’ll be damned if I let anybody give you a hard time. I’m beyond pissed that after that horrific accident, all the press will talk about is your sexuality. I mean, people fucking
died
, and they’re practically ignoring that. It’s bullshit.”
“Thanks.”
“I won’t lie to you, though, kid. I can only control so much, and you may have to put up with some crap from other people.”
“I know. I guess there’s nothing we can do about it now.”
“Nope, so get some rest.”
Jason shared a cab back to his room with Stephen. Before Stephen got out of the cab at his dorm, he turned and faced Jason.
“We’ve got your back, man.”
“I appreciate that. And sorry about slobbering all over your shirt.”
Stephen smiled. “Maybe it’ll earn me some ‘sensitive guy’ points with the ladies.”
“Ugh. I never thought I’d be a straight guy’s wingman.”
Clapping him on the back, Stephen laughed. “Hey, whatever works to get laid, you know?”
“I’ll trust you on that.”
“Later, man.”
Jason dragged himself to his own dorm room and crawled into bed. Tonight had been a manifestation of every one of his worst nightmares, and he had no idea what tomorrow would bring once the story of his relationship with Patrick spread, as it inevitably would. Exhausted, he closed his eyes and slept soundly until the light from the early-morning sun woke him.

Patrick had no idea he had so many muscles. And bones. And ligaments. And nerves. Apparently he had a ton, and they all fucking hurt. Hockey was nothing compared to the hell he’d gone through last night. He didn’t remember much of it, just the sudden lurch of the bus and then feeling like he was swimming underwater and unable to get to the surface.

His body stiffened. Jason loved him.
Oh my God, Jason said he loved me in front of other people.

Opening his eyes, he immediately winced at the brightness. Then an angel blocked the harsh fluorescents, and he smiled.

“Yeah, he’s awake. And loopy, from the looks of things.”
“So beautiful.”

“He must have a concussion if he thinks I’m beautiful.” Marty?
Someone snorted. “I doubt he’s talking about you.”

Ah, Jason
. His true angel appeared and looked down at him, love shining in the depths of his eyes.

“Do you want some water? The nurses should be in soon.”
“Hurts.”
“I know, baby.”
Baby?
“Baby?”

“Yeah, baby.” Jason placed a hand on Patrick’s forearm. “Marty knows. Hell, by now probably everybody knows.”

“Everybody?” Patrick frowned. He used to be able to form complete sentences, but man, right now that sounded like work.

“Yeah. There was some press around last night. It’s kind of hard to keep stuff like this under wraps.” Jason grabbed a cup and poured some water from a pitcher sitting on the table at his bedside.

He took a few small sips of the water Jason held to his mouth. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.”
“Don’t remember…”

“I don’t think it’s something you need to remember, hon. It was pretty bad.”

“How many dead?” Patrick saw Marty and Jason exchange a look.
Marty spoke up. “Four.”
“From the team?”
“No, not all from the team. The two people in the truck that hit us, plus the bus driver.”
He hesitated, and even Patrick’s addled brain knew those numbers didn’t add up.
“And Carl.”
Patrick’s eyes squeezed shut as he tried to process everything. Carl was one of the team’s assistant equipment managers. He had never been married and had been with the Olympic program for probably twenty years.

“Shit.”
“Are you in pain?” Jason’s voice was high-pitched, and Patrick forced his eyes open again.
“Yes.” Even
ex
-hockey players were notorious for being stoic about pain, but he couldn’t lie to Jason.
A nurse stuck her head in the door. “Is awake?”
Jason nodded, and then the nurse bustled into the room, carrying a tablet computer. When did medicine get so fancy? She took his vitals and then asked him about the pain. At first he said four on the sale of one to ten, but when Jason frowned, he revised his answer to eight. The nurse said she’d confer with the doctor to make sure the pain meds on order were correct and then come back to administer them. With a sigh, Patrick watched her leave.
“What day is it?”
“Saturday,” Jason supplied. “The bus crash was last night—Friday night.”
“Players hurt?”
Marty cut in. “None with anything life threatening, but our tournament is done. Too many injuries.” He glanced at Jason and then added, “But don’t worry about any of that now. You need your rest.”
“You should try to go back to sleep,” Jason said. “I’ll be here as long as they let me stay.”
“I, on the other hand, need to go take care of a few things, but I’ll be back later to check up on you.”
Marty looked away for a minute before returning his gaze to Patrick.
“I’m glad you’re all right. When I think—” He shook his head. “Thank God it wasn’t worse. See you boys later.” Marty left, and Jason turned back to Patrick.
“Sleep.”
“Marty’s okay about us?”
He shrugged. “As he told me, he’s not thrilled about the circumstances but realizes there’s little he can do about that now. He’s been really supportive. Now stop worrying and go to sleep.”
Despite the pain, Patrick fell asleep quickly. Now that he was a little more alert, though, his dreams were filled with screams, breaking glass, and twisting metal.

When Patrick woke up next, he felt a fine sheen of sweat on his upper lip. He looked down to see Jason rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand.

“I think you’ve been having nightmares. I tried to soothe you, but I didn’t want to wake you unless I had to.”

Jason’s expression softened. “I love you too.”
“We’re sappy.” Patrick made an exaggerated face, and Jason laughed.

“I never thought I’d say this, but fuck it. I’m fine with being sappy if it means I get you in the bargain.”

They spoke quietly for another couple of minutes, pointedly ignoring any talk of the Olympics and the crash, and then the nurse returned.

“He’s hot,” Jason insisted. The nurse gave him what could only be described as an indulgent smile.

“Yes. But he is not for me. He is for you. And he has little fever.” With a wink, she left the room.

Jason watched her leave and then faced Patrick. “I may never get used to talking about us publicly.”

The nurse had told Patrick the doctor was behind in his rotation and would be coming in to see him as soon as he could, but he needed to know what was going on. His leg was completely immobilized from groin to ankle, and he could feel other injuries too.

Jason’s gaze skittered away. “We should wait for him.”
“I want
you
to tell me. How bad is it?”

With a sigh, Jason regarded him. “Your leg is the worst. It’s got a compound fracture, plus a big, deep cut. You won’t even be able to walk on crutches until that heals.”

Patrick nodded slowly, trying to process the information.
Good thing I don’t play hockey anymore.

“What else?”
“You had a lot of stuff, like little pieces of metal and junk, but they got them out and stitched up anything that needed it. And you have a cracked rib.”
“What about you? Are you okay?” He lifted his hand toward Jason’s bandaged one, and the other man nodded.
“I’m okay. Just some bumps and bruises mostly. If we were still able to play, I’d be out there.”
Patrick smiled a little. “You’d play with a severed limb.”
“Nah. The Olympics guidelines for players specifically says no severed limbs.”
He appreciated Jason’s attempts to make him laugh, but every time he moved more than a few inches, pain seared through him. Not wanting to hurt the younger man’s feelings, though, Patrick smiled again.
“Ha-ha.”
Jason got a phone call from Marty, telling him he was on his way back. For a while Jason was relaying Marty’s responses to Patrick, but that abruptly ended and Patrick watched as Jason’s face colored. He wasn’t sure if it was fear, embarrassment, anger, or something else, but he didn’t like it. Jason got off the phone and then went to stare out the window.
“You might as well tell me.”
Shoulders slumped, Jason leaned into the window, resting his forehead against it. “You don’t need to worry about this shit right now.”
“If it’s upsetting you, I sure as hell do.”
Jason ran a hand over the back of his neck as he blew out a loud breath that fogged the glass in front of him. “There’s a picture in the newspaper from last night of Stephen and I hugging. It’s not even with the article about the crash; there’s a whole piece wondering if Stephen and I are getting it on and that’s why Vladimov called him a fag. There was also a suggestion of a love triangle with you, me, and him.” Reaching up, he banged on the glass with the side of his fist, and Patrick jumped. “What business is it of anyone’s who I fuck, who I love?”
“People make it their business because they don’t understand.”
Jason swung around. “They can say whatever they want about me. Last night made one thing crystal clear. I’m done hiding.” He stopped talking and looked at Patrick. “As long as it’s okay with you to go public. I didn’t even think about what you wanted when I outed us both. I was just so scared, and I wanted you to know how I felt.”
Patrick couldn’t help but smile. Jason loved him. “That’s okay, man. I’m tired of denying it too. This isn’t the way I would’ve chosen to come out, but it’s done now, so don’t worry about it.”
“I’m surprised the paper bothered with Stephen and me when it’s clear they know about you.”
“He’s a bigger star. Sells papers.”
“It’s bullshit!”
“I know. Please calm down.” Patrick was pretty pissed too, but there was little either of them could do about this situation. Jason was younger than him, though, and probably not as able to let stuff slide off his back. Patrick had been doing it for so many years, it was second nature. He didn’t like to see Jason angry and upset and yet be so helpless to fix it, though.
Jason sat on the end of the bed and put his head in his hands. Patrick wished he was close enough to reach out and touch him, but even if had been closer, moving wasn’t fun. He’d do it to comfort his man, though.
“By the way,” Patrick said, “I’m fine with going public. I’m too old for this shit.”
“They’re talking about an ethics investigation,” Jason told him, his eyebrows drawing down. “Because you’re an advisor. They said maybe you pushed for me because you wanted to sleep with me.”
“Anyone who knows anything realizes there’s a lot more to these decisions than the word of one man.”
“But a lot of people
don’t
know any better. They’re going to crucify you. This blows.”
“Hey, this is going to sound corny, but as long as we have each other, we’ll be okay.”
Jason nodded, but Patrick could tell he didn’t believe him.
“What if they force me out of the league? It’s all I’ve ever wanted to do.” A tear started to fall, and Jason swiped at it.
“Times are changing. You might be the first professional hockey player to come out as gay, but I doubt things will be as bad as you think.” Then a thought occurred to him. “Did the guys find out last night, or this morning when they saw the paper?”
“Last night. They were all here.”
“And how did they react?”
He smiled a little. “I didn’t see any pitchforks, and a couple came right out and said they didn’t care what I was, just that I could play hockey.” His expression sobered as he stared at his hands. “But you and I both know there are homophobic assholes in the league.”
“There are also racist assholes, and that hasn’t stopped African-American guys from playing. There are guys who are just general assholes. You’re going to run into that everywhere you go, whether you’re the most ‘normal’ guy or not.”
“If you think that, why didn’t you come out?”
Patrick considered for a moment. “Momentum. I’d spent so much of my life since I figured out I was gay at fifteen, pretending to be something I wasn’t, that it just became easier in some ways to continue to live the lie. But I don’t want to do that anymore. Any shit that’s out there, we’ll face together.”
Jason stood and made his way to the head of the bed.
“You amaze me.” Leaning down, he placed a gentle kiss on Patrick’s forehead. Drawing back enough that they could look into each other’s eyes, he continued. “I’ve never been so scared. Never.”
“Shh. It’s over.”
With a little mewl, Jason grazed his lips over Patrick’s.
“Is that okay?”
“Come here. I want a real kiss.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Kiss me. Make me feel alive.”
They both jumped back when they heard a throat clearing. Marty was leaning against the door frame.
“I support you guys, but I’m not sure I’m ready to see you go at each other.”
He smirked, and Patrick chuckled when Jason rolled his eyes.
“Who said we were going to perform for you? You can’t afford us,” Jason said in good fun.
“Be nice,” Patrick warned Jason.
“Yeah. I fully intend to coach for a long time, and you’ll want to stay on my good side, kid.” Coming into the room, Marty handed Jason a paper. “I thought you’d want to see it for yourself.”
Jason silently read the article, his mouth drawing into a thin line. Without a word he held it up so Patrick could read it. Patrick grunted. The article was bad, but it was clear they were reaching with their commentary. A moment later Jason tossed it toward one of the guest chairs.
“Should we do anything? Can we sue people for this? They shouldn’t be able to just drag our names through the mud.” Jason straightened. “Ohhhhh God. I haven’t come out to my parents. They couldn’t afford to come over here, and now they’re going to see this.” Putting his hand to his stomach, Jason used the other to grip the handrail of Patrick’s bed.
“Don’t get excited,” Patrick said in what he hoped was a calming tone. “There’s nothing you can do about it if they see it. Will they react badly?”
“I have no idea. My parents are like a blueprint of suburban normalcy.”
Patrick turned his attention back to Marty. “Is there any plan to deal with this fallout?”
Marty nodded. “A USA Hockey rep will be here to talk to both of you soon. I already told them the only acceptable way to react is with total support. I have to admit I was a little surprised they seemed to agree with me, especially with one of you being in management and the other a player.” Walking farther into the room, Marty put his hand on Jason’s shoulder. “Don’t worry until you have a reason to. That’s what my grandmother always used to say.” Looking from Jason to Patrick, he continued. “I need to go. There’s a press conference in a bit. A bunch of the guys and staff were talking about coming down but weren’t sure if they’d be allowed in to see you. I’ll check with the nurses on my way out, and if they are, I’ll let them know. For now, just relax. Both of you. You have our support and the support of your teammates, which should help now and once we get back home.”
“We appreciate this, Marty,” Jason said. “We know it isn’t going to be easy for anybody.”
Marty waved him off. “It might not be easy, but nothing worth doing ever is. You guys know that better than most.”
Once Marty was gone, Jason picked up Patrick’s hand. “It isn’t going to be easy, just like Marty said. We might encounter a lot of assholes who think what we’re doing is wrong.”
“There are those people everywhere,” Patrick replied. “I’m not going to let anybody tell me who I can and can’t love. You’re too important to me. Even if I lose everything—which I don’t think will happen anyway—this still would’ve all been worth it.”
Jason indicated Patrick’s leg. “Even the pain and all the recovery time? Having your private life exposed to so many people?”
“Every second.”
“I love you.” Jason squeezed Patrick’s hand. “We can do this, right? Together?”
“I love you too, and you make me happier than I ever thought I could be.” Patrick smiled. “So yeah, we can do this. Together.”