Seductive Secrecy (Shadows series) (31 page)

It was love.

“I know…about time I hung it, right?”

The noise startled me. Cameron stood in the doorway that led to the studio, bare-chested, wearing his favorite pair of painting jeans. I nodded and took another sip.

“I was just coming in to check on you. How about I make us some breakfast?”

I moved over to one of the stools and took a seat. “I would love that.”

He followed me, lifting the mug out of my hands, taking a gulp of it before kissing me. “I love how you taste in the morning.”

I couldn’t imagine I tasted that great. I had brushed my teeth, but the toothpaste barely masked all the beer I had drunk the night before. For some reason, it always clung to my tongue the next morning. And mixed with the coffee, it had to be pretty repulsive.

“There’s a lot of love floating around in here today,” I told him.

He set the mug on the counter and took my face between his hands. “I was easy on you this morning. Just wait; you have a whole lot of love to make up for.”

I pulled my face away, pressing my hand to his chest to keep
him where he was. “Breakfast first. Then more coffee…
lots
more
coffee, actually.”

He smiled as he walked to the other side of the counter,
removing the items he needed from the fridge. I lifted the cup and squeezed it between my hands, taking small sips of the warm liquid.

I wanted to relax like that all day, but I really needed to go to
Dallas’s apartment to collect my stuff. And I had to get some
painting done. Professor Freeman had scheduled me to meet with two new
clients this week and two others were requesting duplicates of
previous pieces. And Jameson had that client he wanted me to talk to…I really
needed to make contact with him, too.  I still had a few ongoing
projects that I needed to finish, and everything I had been producing lately
had been shit. My fingers felt different now, though. Everything
inside me felt changed. I needed to get to a canvas so I could release it and let those feelings pour onto the grain.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked me.

“Just what I have to do today, starting with going to Dallas’s to get my things.”

“No need. It’s already done.”

“It’s done?”

He took the whisk out of the drawer and began beating the eggs that he’d cracked into a bowl. “I went over early this morning and Dallas helped me pack it all up and load it into the car. It’s all in the closet. You would have seen it, but you decided to dress in what I had left on the floor.” He smirked as he whisked.

“Wow.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. I really needed to call Dallas and thank him for allowing me to stay there and for helping Cameron pack my things, especially given that he was probably just
as hung-over as I was. More than that, I needed to thank him for
reconnecting me and Cameron…for doing what I couldn’t bring myself to do.

“Beyond just moving you back in, I thought it would be good for me and Dallas to spend some time together,” he said. “There’s no reason we can’t be friends. I want him to feel comfortable when he comes over here.” He looked up from the bowl. “He took care of you when I didn’t…when I wouldn’t. I’m grateful to him for that.”

I hated having to say what I was going to, but I needed to be
completely honest with him or this was never going to work
between
us. “I’m so relieved that you want to be friends with Dallas…but that
doesn’t mean I’m going to let Lora into my life. I hope you understand that.”

“No need. I told Lora we couldn’t hang out anymore.”

“You did what?”

“Is that a bad thing?”

 “No…not at all.” I was stunned—thrilled, actually. I just
couldn’t believe he had done it.

“It was unhealthy, I know. I’ve known it for a while. I just couldn’t bring myself to let her go. But I can now.”

When I thought about it from his side, I understood why he’d
been so attached to her: she was available whenever Cameron
wanted her. She listened. She gave him the attention he required, and she was loyal.

Lora was only part of our problem, though. We still had Ryder to deal with. I really enjoyed spending time with him, but when I told Cameron I loved
him
it meant that I was giving myself to him completely. That I was eliminating every other thought that had
infiltrated my mind. There was no more Ryder, no mansion, no
mask. No dreams of anyone but Cameron.

“We need to talk about your brother, too.”

He poured the egg mixture into a fry pan. In a second pan, he dropped strips of bacon into heated oil. “You mean about him living here, or…something else?”

“No…that.” I hoped it wouldn’t be a sore subject to discuss, me insisting that he not live with us after I’d already agreed that he
could.

 He nodded. “We looked at places last week and he put a deposit down on one of them. He’s moving at the first of the month.”

“Is he leaving because of me?”

“No
he’s leaving because he’s twenty-seven and has a good job, and he needs his own place.”

“I won’t lie to you. I thought about Ryder…”

“I know.” He turned around and faced me. “It was a fucked-up time for all of us. You don’t have to apologize for what was going on inside your head. What was in mine wasn’t any better. But we’re moving on from that. He doesn’t need to live here with us. And we don’t need to talk about it anymore.”

I walked to where he stood, wrapped my arms around his waist and tilted my head up so I could view his face. “I’m in awe of you.”

He smiled. “That’ll change when I burn your eggs.”

“I don’t care about the eggs.” I went up on my tiptoes and
pressed my lips against his, my fingers climbing into his hair,
pulling him even closer to me.

“Mmm,” he breathed. “I agree. Fuck the eggs.”

My stomach didn’t agree, though. The coffee was helping, but I really needed to get some food inside me. I planted a final kiss on his mouth and reclaimed my seat on the stool. “You never answered me last night.”

“About what?” he asked.

“Your dad,” I reminded him. “Are you going to call him?”

“I haven’t decided yet. I honestly don’t know what to do.”

“If my opinion matters—”

“It’s the only one that does at this point.”

He knew all the right things to say sometimes. “Then I think you should give him a chance. You know better now than to let him get close enough to hurt you again. Maybe you’ll actually get the closure you need. Or maybe he’ll surprise you and you’ll gain someone new in your life, like I did in mine.”

“Maybe.” He flipped the eggs. “Is he still writing you?”

There was so much I hadn’t told him. He hadn’t even realized that while he had packed up my things, he had also boxed the cell
phone my father had sent me. I didn’t know where else to put it while I’d been staying at Dallas’s, so I’d hidden it in one of my jacket
pockets.

“We’ve been talking on the phone, too,” I admitted.

He immediately turned in my direction. “On your cell phone? But what if
”

I shook my head. “He sent me one. It’s untraceable, I’m sure. He’s been calling me once a week. It’s…really good.”

Pain covered his face. “Baby, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry.”

“I know. It’s okay. We’re starting fresh, remember?”

“You’re not working today. You’re catching me up on
everything that happened while I was…gone. Then I’m spending the rest of the day inside you.”

“That
”

“You don’t have a choice.” He smiled briefly before he turned back to the stove.

I wasn’t going to argue. But there was one last question he hadn’t answered. It had been on my mind the whole time I’d been gone.

“What did that painting mean, Cameron?”

He glanced back at the stove. “You mean the one I did of you?”

“Yes.”

He didn’t seem to want to answer. But he knew he couldn’t avoid it. “It was how I saw you when Ryder showed up—open and vulnerable. All you wanted was to forget those months you spent inside that…chamber of sex and death…but he brought you right back around to it again.” He shut off the burners and moved to the island. I sat opposite him as he leaned his stomach into the counter. “But it was also to remind myself of the tears I had caused you.”

“There were many.” I knew I didn’t need to say that, but the words slipped from my lips. All those nights I had cried myself to sleep in our bed, I had never heard him outside our room. Somehow, he knew anyway.

“I caused them all, and I did nothing to stop them.” He took a
deep breath. “I hate myself for that.”

“Where’s the piece now?”

 “It’s in my portfolio. I’m keeping it as a reminder of a side of me that I never want to show you again.”

I nodded and I reached my hand across the counter. He looked at my fingers sitting open and inviting on the cold granite, watching them for several silent seconds.

Then he softly wrapped his hand over mine.

I KNEW I HAD TO DISCUSS MY TIME AWAY
with Ryder—and we needed to talk about his pending departure, too. I’d avoided all of his calls and texts while I’d been staying with Dallas. My second evening home felt like the right time to talk to him. I really didn’t want to put it off any longer or wait until there was an awkward run-in between us. It was another aspect of my life I needed to face head-on. I was ready for it.

I’d told Cameron that afternoon that I’d planned to chat with his brother, so when I kissed his cheek in the studio and said I was heading across the hall to talk to him, he wasn’t surprised. He also wasn’t surprised when I told him I thought it would be best if I did it alone. He didn’t show even a hint of concern, and he never told me to stay away from him. I believed he knew at this point I wasn’t going to give Ryder anything more than my words. And I wasn’t.

I found him in the living room, his feet resting on the coffee
table, a bottle of beer in his right hand. He was watching TV; his
posture told me how relaxed he was…and his expression showed me that as well. After several steps, his eyes found me and followed me over to the couch as I took a seat across from him. His face didn’t change.

“Can we talk?” I asked him.

He nodded. “Of course. I’m actually really glad that you want to.”

I didn’t know where to start. I just knew I had to explain my feelings and I needed to make him understand that nothing would ever happen between us again. I decided to pick up where we’d left off. “I know I thanked you the night I left for having my back against Cameron and Lora, and I really did appreciate the things you said. Something tells me that wasn’t the only time you spoke to him and stood up for me.”

He shrugged.

I figured he wouldn’t take any credit for what he had done, and I knew he didn’t want to reveal anything that he and Cameron had discussed. I was fine with that. But it still needed to be recognized.