Secrets & Surrender 3 (5 page)

“That’s not all.”

I paused, my back to him. I waited with baited breath, hoping that he wouldn’t say what I expected him to say next, hoping for mercy. He couldn’t be this cruel.

“Don’t think you can go to Princeton and then just transfer right back. And your mother will fly to Princeton to visit you. There’ll be no need for you to come back to Texas. You’ll stay there until you graduate.”

I swallowed hard as my throat filled with a silent cry. Years. It would be years before I would see Mandi again.

No! I refused to believe that I’d be away from her that long. There had to be a way. I quickly calculated the number of classes I needed to graduate. All I had to do was take extra courses each semester, and I could graduate faster. We’d have to live for phone calls. I could do this. I had to...for her.

“Fine,” I spat, continuing down the hall.

“And you can never see Ms. Ruiz again.”

I staggered, his voice echoing in my head. With those simple words, my father managed to plunge his hand into my chest, rip out my heart, and fling it to the floor. He might as well have asked me to stop breathing because I couldn’t live without her.

I paused, leaning my hand against the wall for support. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t exist in a life without her, her smile, her laughter, her sweet scent, and her loving words. My life would be nothing without her.

“Well, Dominic? How much do you really care for the girl?”

Tears stung my eyes as I thought of Mandi. I loved her. I loved her so much I’d give my life for her.

Slowly, I turned to face him. Reaching into my pocket, I clutched Mandi’s bobby pin, praying for strength. Taking a breath, I spoke as steadily as I could while every fiber of my being screamed in protest. “I love her more than my own life. I love her in a way that you could never understand. And I’ll love her until the day I die. And when I do, I’ll die with a smile because I’ll die knowing what real love feels like. I’ll have known what it means to sacrifice, trust, and give all of myself to the one person who means more to me than any other.”

His lips curled into a satisfied smirk.

“You may think you’ve won this,” I growled, “But you haven’t because you’ll never know the kind of love I feel for Mandi. So yes, I’ll agree to your terms. But know this,
Father
,” I spat the word, “You didn’t win. I did. Because I’ve known what it is to love and to be loved.”

With that, I marched to my room, determined to never speak to him again. As I gathered my things, my heart lurched when it suddenly hit me what I had agreed to do. I wondered how much longer I had before my heart stopped beating, releasing me from the suffering of having to live a life without Mandi.

I
placed Selina next to Miguelito on my parents’ bed. She had finally cried herself into a fitful sleep, and this was the only place where they would stay asleep. I guess it was because it was the closest they could be to Mom. I looked down at Miguelito. His chubby cheeks were stained with tears and his thumb was stuck in his mouth.

Poor little man. I brushed his dark curls off his damp forehead. We had gotten him off the thumb habit a long time ago, but I didn’t have the heart to take away his only comfort right now. The past few days have been tough on him—on all of us. I kissed his forehead and walked back to my room.

Sinking onto the edge of the bed, I finally let go of the ache that had been building up all day. It’d been a hell of a week, traveling back and forth between visiting Mom, meeting with Julian’s brother, and helping take care of Miguelito and Selina when Dad was at work.

I had to call into work to let them know that I wouldn’t be making it in this week, and I wasn’t sure if I could go in next week either. Surprisingly, Mrs. Henley understood about my situation. I had made up some excuse about a family emergency and was grateful she didn’t ask for more details. My professors were nice about it too, and even though I was offered an extension on a couple of class papers, I turned them down. Instead, I stayed up until the early hours of the morning, trying to keep up with all my courses.

I made sure that my time was filled every second of the day. I didn’t want time to think because when I did, my mind automatically went to Nic. And when I thought about him, the pain in my chest was excruciating. Yes, I was running. The problem was, I wasn’t sure what I was running from.

Now that I was alone with nothing to do, I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I missed Nic so much. The only thing I wanted to do was call him. I must’ve picked up and hung up the phone dozens of times. I couldn’t risk making my mom’s situation worse, and I had no doubt now that Mrs. Marcelli could make it worse. Tears slowly slid down my cheeks as I stared off into space, wondering if this is what the rest of my life was going to be like—empty.

“I was wondering if you would—what’s wrong, Manuela?”

Quickly, I wiped my face at the sound of my father’s voice. “Nothing. Miguelito and Selina are taking a nap and I—”

My voice caught at the worried expression on his face. And in that moment, I felt like I was a little girl again. And I wanted my daddy desperately. “Oh, Dad.”

He rushed to my side and wrapped his arms around me as I bawled into his chest. “My sweet little girl.” He kissed the top of my head. “Why are you crying? Mom will be out soon.”

How could I explain to him that I was crying because I wanted to be with Nic, but if I did, that would mean sacrificing the chances of bringing Mom back? How could I tell him that a little part of me wished that I could run away with Nic and forget about all of this craziness, forget about Mrs. Marcelli, Julian, everything.

Sniffing, I shook my head. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired. So,” I stood, clearing my throat, “they let you off work early, huh? I’ll put a lunch together so you can take it with you. You can eat it in the car on the way to visit Mom.”

“Manuela, come back here,” his stern voice snapped before I had made it out of the room. “Don’t lie to me. You look at me and tell me what’s wrong. Right now.”

I looked deep into his eyes. I didn’t want to hurt him or my mother’s chances. They’d sacrificed so much for me, for all of us, even that ungrateful pain in the ass, Juan. “Nothing. Really.”

“Manuela,” he warned.

“I miss Nic.”

His eyes widened with surprise. “You haven’t talked to him yet?”

“No.”

With a determined expression on his face, he took a hold of my hand and led me to the living room. “Dad, what are you—”

“Call him.” He slapped the phone receiver into my hand.

“I can’t. Not with Mom in San Antonio and, besides, he’s probably in class and—”

“No excuses.” He dug into his pocket, pulled out his car keys, and tossed them to me. “Your heart has been yelling the answer all week, but you’re not listening. Go to him.”

“Dad, I—”

“No more excuses. You will go to him because you love him and because I love you and I want you to go.” He placed his hands on both sides of my cheeks. “Do you know how hard it is to watch my daughter’s spirit fading away right in front of me?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because...because I’m afraid.”

“It’s okay to be afraid. It’s not okay to give into that fear.”

“But—”

“Ay, Manuela. I love you, but you’re a stubborn girl. Your mother frequently reminds me that you get that from my side of the family.” He grinned. “I know you think you’re protecting the family. Maybe from Nic’s parents or maybe from Julian’s jealousy. Ah, don’t give me that surprised look.” He tapped the bottom of my chin, which had almost dropped to the floor in shock. “I’ve been around the block a few times. I know some things too. I’m the father, and it’s my job to protect the family and we don’t need protection from Nic or his family. I know you. You’re not afraid of what Nic’s family did or didn’t do. You’re afraid of loving him completely.”

“No, that’s not it.”

He folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow.

And then I realized that I was an idiot. Even Dad knew Nic and I were made for each other. Nic had always been there for me. I was the one who was always pulling or pushing him away. I was the one who had built the wall around myself, and Nic was the one who had taken it down, brick by brick. And even after everything was gone and the only thing left standing was me, the real me, he loved me still.

“Are you sure?” I glanced outside the window, eyeing the minivan.

“Yes, I am.”

“I love you, Dad.” I kissed him on the cheek before I flew out the door.

I
t was a minor miracle that the minivan didn’t keel over and die when I finally screeched to a stop in the no parking zone in front of Nic’s dorm. Dashing into the building, I heard someone yell that I’d left the car door open. I didn’t care. No one was going to steal that clunker. All I could think about was getting to Nic.

When the slowest elevator in the world finally opened its doors on Nic’s floor, I flew down the hall and banged on his door.

“Nic! Open up! It’s me.”

“Hey, beautiful.” Steve popped out of his dorm room, heading toward me. “Okay, so I am soooo disappointed in you. This ensemble,” he waved his hand over my pale gray blouse and black jeans, “boring!”

I rolled my eyes. “Not having a good day, Steve. Have you seen Nic?”

“Of course. And he’s looking way too sexy today. Now, hon, if you ever get tired of him let me know because I sure would—hey, what’s the matter? Don’t cry! I was just kidding.”

I wiped the tears from my face. I was sobbing, and I couldn’t control it. “I know. It’s just been a long day. I really need to see Nic.”

“Aww, honey.” He pulled me into his arms, patting my back. “Tell, Steve-O all about it. Let it all out.”

“It’s all crazy. His family doesn’t want us to be together, and they’ve been doing everything they can to keep up apart, and it’s just gotten to be too much.”

He sighed. “I know how you feel. It’s like you’re fighting a war just to be together, and then you forget who you’re fighting against and start fighting each other. Am I close?”

“Yeah. How did you know?”

“Honey, been there, done that, and will probably do it all over again tomorrow. Now, you do know that I’m G-A-Y, right?”

I looked him up and down. He was wearing a fishnet t-shirt and purple jeans so tight, he’d be arrested for indecent exposure the moment he stepped out of the dorms.

“No! Really?” I feigned shock.

He pushed me playfully. “Just imagine what it’s like when my dates bring me home to meet their families. Yeah, not exactly welcomed with open arms. In my case, we both get thrown out. Sometimes, in fighting against the prejudices of others, we forget who the enemy really is and accidentally hurt the one we love.”

“Yeah, I think I forgot that for a while. His parents don’t want me to be with Nic. But I’m done fighting against Nic. I’m ready to fight for him.”

“Hmm, that would explain the mafia looking hit man that was just here.”

“What?”

“Some man in a business suit and dark hair was following Nic down the hall. He had all his bags with him.”

“Did the man have gray hair around his temples and piercing brown eyes?”

“Yeah, that’s him.”

“Shit! That’s his father.”

“Really?” Steve shivered. “That man was all ice. Hard to imagine a sweetheart like Nic coming from
that
man’s loins.”

“Do you know where they went?”

“After he gave me his waffle iron, I asked Nic if he was finally going to make an honest woman out of you and elope. He gave me a funny look and didn’t say a word. He just mumbled something about family obligations and left.”

He left! I couldn’t let him leave—not like this.

“How long ago?”

“Hmm, let’s see. Maybe five minutes ago?”

I ran back to the elevator. Maybe he was still here and I’d just missed him in my mad dash into the building. Running outside, I scanned the parking lot and immediately spotted Nic’s Porsche. I let out a breath of relief.

Walking over to his car, I touched the hood, missing him so much I ached. It was the closest I’d been to him all week. Just knowing that Nic’s car was still here made me feel a little better. He probably just went with his father to Koppe for a visit. I checked my watch. If I floored it, I could probably catch them. I fought between wanting to drive after him and not wanting to see his father. I’d probably beat the crap out of Mr. Marcelli if I laid eyes on him.

There was a high-pitched giggle, and I turned to see a blond guy tickling a girl he was with. They looked like the typical college students fresh-faced and happy with a life filled with parties, clubbing, mid-morning classes, and midnight runs for pizza. I’d never cared about that kind of life—until today. Today I yearned to be in Nic’s arms and have him tickle me, to be the one giggling and acting silly. Instead, I stood in the middle of a parking lot, staring at a red Porsche, wishing that Nic would magically appear so that I could tell him that I loved him.

No! No more of that shit!
I was tired of whining and tired of wanting.
Asshole father or not, I’m going after Nic.

Just as I was about to head back to the minivan, there was a squealing of tires. I jumped back and a car slammed on the brakes, stopping only a foot away from me.

“What the hell, Chela?” I slammed my fist on the hood of her car.

“Chillax, chica,” she said as she and Julian climbed out.

“Mandi, thank God we found you!” Julian’s eyes were frantic. “Have you seen Juan?”

“No. Why?”

He groaned, his dark face turning pale. “Well, uh, do you by any chance know where he might be?”

“Tell her, pendejo.” She slapped him upside the head. “She’s his sister and deserves to know how you fucked up.”

“Tell me what?” I felt the hair on the back of my arms stand up. This couldn’t be good. I’d never seen Julian so freaked out.

“Butt out, Chela!” he snapped.

“Butt out? Me, butt out? I didn’t want to be in this mess in the first place.”

“Tell me what,” I repeated, raising my voice above Chela and Julian’s arguing.