Secrets of My Hollywood Life: Family Affairs (12 page)

“You mean other than the fact that she can’t drive?” Ralph snorts.

D’OH! I cover my burning face in shame. On-screen, Ralph is explaining how I told him I was going behind my family’s back to take driving lessons and how inexperienced I was behind the wheel. While he talks, they show a few pictures Macho Mark must have taken of me once I realized he was in the car. In one, I look like a madwoman as I lunge for his camera. In another, my mouth is contorted in a crazy scream.

HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER EIGHT: Tabloid shows and reputable magazines that rely on celebrity cooperation and access don’t like to print photos of a celebrity looking ticked off. (The exceptions being a mug shot or a “celebs yelling at the paparazzi” E! special.) They know that an unflattering picture only pisses off the celebrity more, makes the shutterbug who took the picture look incompetent (What? He couldn’t get a good shot?), and bores readers, who hate the idea of their favorite stars acting, well, like normal human beings who get a little mad like everyone else.

But according to Nadine, who is pretty chummy with a few less reputable tabloids and gossip Web sites (she feeds them positive stories and quotes when necessary. Shhh . . . ), some rags eat up the meter-busting furious rants because they know, deep down, the public loves to see them.

In my case, the absurdity of the situation — combined with the fact that I wasn’t actually trying to hurt anyone — is probably too good for the media to pass up. Those pictures will make Ralph and Macho Mark a bundle and be in all the magazines by week’s end. I pull up my comforter and try to disappear. Then the phone rings.

“Don’t answer it!” Mom says in alarm, but Matt has already picked up.

“Hello? Oh hi, Tom.” Matt’s voice deepens. “Yeah, she’s doing fine. She can talk to you.” He pushes the phone under the covers.

“Hello?” I answer weakly.

“How you doing, champ?” Tom asks, trying to sound upbeat. But I know Tom. I can tell something’s up. “For you to take a sick day, you must be pretty bad. I won’t keep you, but I had something important to tell you.”

“I’m glad you called. I was going to call you,” I tell him. I take a deep breath. “Tom, I’m not lying about being sick. My mother can vouch for me.” Mom coughs. “I admit I had a driving lesson before work, but I swear, I fell ill there. It wasn’t because of what happened that I . . .” Tom cuts me off.

“Kates, don’t worry about it. I believe you. That’s not why I’m calling. I wanted to tell you that Alexis was on
Celebrity Insider
today.”

“We just saw it.” I grimace at the memory.

“I want to apologize for you hearing about Alexis staying on from a TV show and not from me,” Tom says.

“Thanks, Tom.” There is so much I want to say about this, but now is not the time.

“You should know that no permanent decisions have been made about her character,” Tom adds. “We just felt that the character was testing so well that we couldn’t let her go.

And, between us, since so many people have contract negotiations this year, and not all will be picked up, the studio felt it could spare the extra expense to keep her around.”

The words
contract negotiations
make me feel dizzy again. Doesn’t Tom realize that I’m one of those people? What is he saying?

“I’m not thrilled she announced her stay before I could tell you all,” Tom continues, oblivious to the torture he’s causing me. “I will talk to her about that. But because she will be around for at least a while longer, I want her to feel comfortable, especially with all those rumors about her not fitting in, and today’s blunder with Sky.”

Not fitting in? I wonder who started those rumors. I wonder who planted those stories of Alexis feeling alienated. Probably Alexis herself, to get me in trouble! “I have no problem with Alexis,” I say through gritted teeth.

“Good!” Tom replies happily. “Then you won’t mind taking a trip with her.”

“Excuse me?” My heart is starting to thump a thousand beats a minute.

“The network is so excited about how great the ratings have been that it’s rewarding its main players with a trip to Vegas,” Tom explains. “Melli and Spencer can’t get away because they have kids, so they’ll get something else, but all the younger cast members are heading to Vegas. Doesn’t that sound fun? I’m coming with you guys as a chaperone and everyone will have a chance to bond with Alexis.”

“Bond,” I repeat. What can I say? If I tell Tom how I don’t trust Alexis, I’ll look like the bad guy. “Um, okay,” I reply. “But Tom, you know we can’t gamble, right?”

“With the spas, the food, and the shows, you won’t even care,” Tom says. “Tell Matty he’s going too, will you? I’ll call you over the weekend and give you more details when I have them. We’re chartering a private flight on Tuesday and you’ll each have your own room. The network wanted you to bunk up, like sleepaway camp, but I figured it would be for the best if you, uh, had some space.”

“Space is good,” I agree.

“Now go rest,” Tom says, “and forget all about the stupid car. It took me three times to pass my driver’s test.” He chuckles to himself.

“Thanks, Tom.” I poke my head out from under the comforter and I hang up. “Tom wants the cast to go to Vegas,” I tell everyone.

“That’s interesting. I was just about to ground you from taking Austin there.” Mom looks stern.

“But Mom, it’s his birthday,” I protest.

“You lied to us, Kaitlin,” she says. “You can’t expect us to reward your behavior.”

My face fills with tears. “Don’t take it out on Austin. It’s his birthday gift.”

Mom shakes her head and looks at my dad. “An
FA
trip I have to agree to, but I’m not about to say yes to another trip to Vegas till I see how your behavior improves.”

I could continue to argue, but I’m on such unsure footing as it is, I know it will just make everything worse. At least she didn’t give me a definite no. I can’t believe how badly I’ve screwed things up.

“Do I get to go?” Matty asks. I nod. He hollers with joy.

“Vegas news later,” Laney yells over the commotion. “First let’s see the end of this.” Laney pushes play again on my TiVo and we hear Ralph’s reply to Maggie’s question about the type of person I appear to be. (“Scared and lonely.”) Mom keeps trying to talk over Ralph to ask questions. (“Kaitlin, what were you thinking?”) The clip ends with Ralph’s hopes for me to continue lessons.

“Kaitlin, if you’re watching this, I know we had a rocky start,” he says solemnly to the camera, “but you’ll find no better driving school than Wheel Helpers. I’ll even give you the next lesson for free to make it up to you. What do you say?”

Not in a million years, Ralph!

“This is bad, but not as bad as it could be,” Laney reflects as she turns off the TV. “We have two things working in our favor — Sky’s age will take off some of the heat and we can play up Kaitlin’s illness and say she wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“Oooh!” Mom squeals. “Maybe Kate-Kate should be sick on Monday too.” They begin to file out of my room and I grab Nadine’s hand.

“I’m so sorry,” I say. “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

“It’s okay. It’s my fault,” Nadine says. “I know better. I should have dragged you out of there.”

I squeeze Nadine’s hand. “You couldn’t have stopped me.”

We both start to chuckle. We’re still laughing when Anita walks in a few minutes later with soup, some fresh ginger ale, more Tylenol, and cold medicine.

“The doctor will be here in the morning,” Anita says. “I’ve told your mom and Laney not to disturb you again tonight. You need sleep.”

I swallow the Tylenol and smile gratefully at Anita and Nadine. “Slwp sunds goo,” I admit, feeling very groggy. And I drift off in a haze of meds.

FrDy, Still 10/11111111111111111111

NOT 2 SLF:

SLWP. SLEEP. SLWP. SLEEP.

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October 14

Family Affair Hot Gossip — Are Sky Mackenzie and Kaitlin Burke in or out?

by Christi Lemmon

The
Family Affair
cast has spats and quarrels on set like any regular family would, but have tensions escalated to the point that certain family members are actually on the verge of being disowned? That’s right, kiddies — our on-set sources say that the top brass is getting sick of the off-screen shenanigans of some members and a few may be on their way out the door. The word is they’ll look toward new blood to fill that void.

Whose jobs are in question, you ask? We’ve already reported that Peter Hennings (who plays Dr. Braden) is in jeopardy of not having his contract renewed after his screaming match with a grip turned downright nasty. (Peter, it isn’t nice to name-call. Especially when your profanities are politically incorrect.) Peter is currently in therapy to work through what he calls “the hatred inside of me that I never knew existed.” Word of his contract renewal has been nonexistent.

While Peter’s possible departure might be obvious, the latest names to appear in the questionable column are ones that really hurt — Sky Mackenzie and Kaitlin Burke. Yes, they’ve been feuding for years, and yes, it’s always enjoyable to read about, but apparently the studio is growing tired of the drama their actions cause.

“Usually the fighting is just between the two girls and it doesn’t really affect anyone,” says a source too close to the stars to name “But over the past few months, the girls have taken their dramatics to new levels — interrupting filming, causing delays, and being difficult with cast members. It’s like they think they’ve become too big for the show. This last outburst from both of them — Sky lying about her age, Kaitlin lying about being home sick when she was supposed to be filming — really upset the higher-ups. They feel Sky and Kaitlin are making a mockery of the show and they don’t want to let it continue.”

Hmm . . . both girls’ contracts are up for renewal this year, making it the perfect time for the studio to give them the old heave-ho, no? “The girls’ salaries and demands have only increased over the years,” added the source. “While the girls are popular, so are less expensive stars, like newcomer Alexis Holden, who is an absolute gem to work with. There is not a diva bone in her body. A lot of people think it would be easier to add her to the roster and drop the troublemakers. Plus they would save a bundle.”

Sky Mackenzie’s rep wouldn’t return calls, but Kaitlin Burke’s pulicist, the always-fiery Laney Peters, said: “As usual, you guys stick to reporting outrageous lies. The truth is, the studio adores Kaitlin Burke and her job at Family Affair is not in jeopardy.”

Stay tuned . . .

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Next

Nine:
Alexis Exposed

An all-expense paid trip to Las Vegas is the perfect vacation from reality. With the five-star hotel accommodations, fine dining, tickets to sold-out Cirque du Soleil, VIP club passes, and private poolside cabanas, I’ve got everything I need to forget all about being semi-grounded, possibly ruining Austin’s birthday, and facing the aftermath of my driver’s ed class fiasco. This trip couldn’t have come at a better time and to a better place. Vegas is Hollywood’s favorite playground and I, for one, have been itching to hit the sandbox.

I just hope I don’t get in trouble for throwing sand at Alexis.

It’s only been a few days since my ill-fated driving class, so maybe I’m still keyed up about being betrayed by Ralph. But the fact remains that I can’t stop thinking about traitors and Alexis’s true motives. Everyone from the media, to our network, to the staff, to my own baby brother, seems to adore Alexis, except Sky and me. So I can’t help wondering, has my jealous streak warped my true perception of her? I mean, maybe she was just having a bad day when Sky and I overheard her bashing us in the wardrobe closet. Maybe she was honestly being friendly to Austin and not flirting with him at the Priceless event. And the nasty tabloid stories, like the recent round about Sky’s and my contract renewals being in jeopardy, could have come from anyone.

Two days into our
FA
trip, I decide I can’t hash it out on my own anymore and I need to bounce my thoughts off Lizzie. She’ll tell me whether I’m being paranoid or not. When I call, I start off telling her all about my first night in town, which included a private dinner at Emeril’s restaurant, which he cooked for us himself, and tickets to the Beatles tribute show, Love. I got Austin a tee as a souvenir. It was the least I could do after I found two dozen roses waiting in my suite when I checked in with a note that said,
You can drive my car (when I actually get one) anytime. Keep your chin up. Can’t wait to see you in a few days
. I can’t believe I’m so lucky. I haven’t told him yet that our Vegas trip might be on hiatus. I’m hoping Mom will reconsider.

“You have the best boyfriend ever,” Liz admits. “Except for mine, of course.”

“Of course.” I laugh. “So listen, I wanted to ask you something —”

“So I haven’t told you my big news yet.” Liz doesn’t hear and is yapping away. “Guess where I’m going next weekend?” She doesn’t wait for me to answer. “New York! My dad surprised me with a weekend getaway so we can check out New York University.”

“Liz, that’s fantastic,” I gush.

“I’ve been telling him all about the drama program and he agrees it could be a perfect fit for me,” Liz exclaims. “Can’t you see me living in New York City, Kates? I would totally fit in. I’ll have this awesome roommate, be a short walk from the coolest clubs and restaurants. All we need is for you to shoot a few films in town so that I can see you all the time and we’ll be set.”

“Definitely,” I reply. “I’ll get right on it.” But in my head I’m thinking how much easier life would be if Liz didn’t get into NYU at all. Then she wouldn’t move so far away.

I slap myself on the head. WHAT AM I DOING? This is my best friend! Of course I want her to get into any college she wants. I want her to be happy! I’m beginning to think my brain has been taken over by an alien life-form. I have to stop it before I become a totally conceited, ultracompetitive star who only cares about her own happiness — and career trajectory.

I’m so ashamed of my thoughts that I make up some lame excuse about having a headache. I hang up quickly, never asking Liz about Alexis. I put my sleep mask on and think about how I can fix things. If I’m conjuring such awful thoughts about Liz, who is my best friend, then maybe I’m so blinded by jealousy that I have Alexis all wrong too.

In the morning, I hit the spa doors running in a fitted brown velour Gap track suit. Our whole group is scheduled for a day of fitness and beauty, starting with a ten AM spin class, so I know Alexis will be here. Canyon Ranch’s 21,000-square foot fitness center has Pilates, yoga, and a three-story-high rock wall. Austin always raves about rock climbing with his teammates, so I’m itching to squeeze in a session.

But first I’m going to find Alexis, tell her all about Canyon Ranch’s Rasul treatment and convince her to get one with me, and then totally win her over with my friendly personality. She won’t be able to pass up the Rasul. It’s this Middle Eastern–inspired body wrap where you’re covered in therapeutic mud, placed in a beehive-shaped room with heated seats and a fake starlit sky, and given an herbal steam. At the end of the treatment rain falls from the “sky.” Even Alexis will have to be impressed by that.

I don’t have to look very far to find her. Alexis is standing with Tom, Matty, Trevor, and the gang outside the aerobics room. I’m sure Matty is drooling over what Alexis is wearing: a ripped pink tee that flaunts her taut belly and skintight black bike shorts that accent her giraffelike long legs.

“Hey, Kates,” says Trevor, bounding over in lacrosse shorts and a muscle tank, looking like the cover of
Men’s Health
. His blond hair is matted to his sweaty face, like he’s already gotten in an early morning workout, and his blue eyes are playful. If anyone is having a great time on this trip, it’s him. The girls have been throwing themselves at Trev everywhere we’ve gone, making his infatuation with Sky a thing of the past. “Ready to spin?”

“Yep. Can you save me a seat next to you?” I ask. “I have to talk to Alexis for a minute.”

“No problem.” Trev eyes the cute instructor with curly brown hair and miniature waist walking past us to the aerobics room door and follows her.

Everyone will be going inside in a minute so I have to move fast if I want to get Alexis alone. I quickly walk over and flash Alexis a big smile. “Hey!” I sidle up to her. “Having fun? I feel like I haven’t seen you the whole trip.”

Alexis stops talking to Hallie and looks at me strangely for a moment, but she quickly recovers. “Hey, you!” Alexis enthuses. “I haven’t seen you either and I’ve really wanted to hang out.” She pouts. “I’ve been bonding with Hallie here and trying to get over the whole thing with Sky.” Her eyes well with tears. “I still feel SO bad.”

“I keep telling Alexis it’s not her fault,” Hallie says. “She had no idea Sky was lying about her age.”

I nod. “By the way, maybe I missed this part, but did you ever say how you found Sky’s license in the first place? Sky doesn’t usually carry a wallet on set.” The Alexis hater in me is taking over again and I can’t seem to help myself.

“Like I’ve said, it was on the floor. I don’t know how it got there.” Alexis is smiling, but her voice is slightly strained.

“Gotcha. Well, do you care if I join you guys? I’d love to bond now that I’ve found you,” I say. I could swear someplace nearby Matty just snorted. He’s got a distinctive snort. I ignore it.

Alexis looks taken aback. “Of course! Hal, will you give us a sec? I just have to talk to Kates alone about something and we’ll be there in a jif. ”

Good! A minute alone. I’ll say my piece, we’ll make up, and we’ll be off to the Rasul treatment in an hour.

“Sure,” Hallie says. “I’ll save you both bikes.”

The doors to the studio open and Tom pats me on the shoulder as he walks by with Hallie and the rest of the group. I don’t see Sky. “We’ll see you inside,” Tom says with a grin. “I want to remind you about tonight’s all-important dinner at Tao. I’ve got
Celebrity Insider
and
Hollywood Nation
coming by to do some positive interviews with the cast.”

“We’ll wow them, Tom,” Alexis says. “Now get inside and find a bike. I’m going to whip your butt in there.” She laughs. Once Tom’s out of earshot she stops laughing and looks at me.

“So what’s up, Kates? I feel like you’ve been avoiding me,” she scolds.

The words get caught in my throat, instantly giving me away. “A little,” I admit.

“Why would you do that?” Alexis looks aghast. “I’ve been nothing but nice to you.”

“Well . . .” I’m not sure how to word this. “I just . . . I’ve heard you talk about me behind my back.” There. I’ve said it.

For a moment, I think I see Alexis’s cool, confident demeanor crack. “No way. Who said I have?” She waves her hands madly. “It doesn’t matter. Whoever told you that is lying to your face.” She reaches out and clasps my hand. “I admire you, Kaitlin. If anything, I want to be just like you.”

I look into her face, so bright and hopeful. Maybe this nagging feeling I’m having is wrong. Alexis might not have meant to say those things we overheard. She could have ut-tered them in a moment of anger. I’ve certainly done that. “You want to be like me?” I can’t help asking. It’s kind of flattering.

“Absolutely.” Alexis squeezes my hand tight. “You have the career that I want, I mean, I aspire to have. That’s why I want to stay on
FA
for as long as possible. To learn from you.”

Really?

“And I would never, never, ever say a bad word about you
ever
,” Alexis adds with a big smile.

Not meaning what she said is one thing. Saying she never said it is a bold-faced lie. Why can’t she just admit she talked about me? I open my mouth before I can stop myself. “But you did say things, Alexis,” I try gently. “Maybe you didn’t mean them, but I heard you with my own ears.” Her right eye flinches slightly. “Talking to Renee. Sky did too. And then Liz heard you that day at the Argyle Spa.”

Alexis’s face turns to stone. “You heard wrong. Your friend too. And that leech Sky, she’ll say anything to get ahead.” She rolls her eyes. “I thought you said you wanted us to get along. Why are you pushing this? Why won’t you believe me?” She sounds agitated now and it’s sending up red flags.

“Alexis,” I try again, needing to be certain. “It’s okay. Everyone gets bent out of shape sometimes, but I need to know the truth. With all those phony tabloid articles about my set behavior and Sky’s, I don’t know who to trust anymore.”

“Are you saying I planted those articles?” Alexis’s voice is shrill and, for the first time, I notice she looks angry. She lets out a little grunt and runs her hands slowly across her face. When she’s finished, she looks at me and I can see her expression has totally changed to one of eerie calm. “You know what? Forget it. I’m done pretending,” she says. “You’ve caught me.”

“What?” I can’t breathe. What does she mean?

“I don’t like you, Kaitlin,” Alexis says flatly. She glances around, making sure no one is within earshot other than me. “Sky was too smart to fall for my act. But I tried to be nice to you because everyone loves you and I thought being friends with you would get me what I want, but I can see now you’re not biting.” She shakes her head. “To tell you the truth, it’s a relief that you know. Now I don’t have to pretend with you. I’m not the type of girl who likes having girlfriends anyway.” She smiles weakly. “There’s too much competition and jealousy.”

I’m too shocked to speak. My mouth is hanging to the shiny, tiled floor.

“You’re jealous of me, Kaitlin,” Alexis says quietly. “I’ve seen it from day one. You can admit it.”

“I am not,” I lie.

“You don’t like that I’m moving in on your precious turf.” Alexis points her ruby red manicured finger at my face. “Well, tough. It’s time for some new names to get some action on
FA
and I’m going to be one of them.”

“What does that have to do with me?” I ask stonily.

She laughs bitterly. “Everything. Don’t you think I’ve seen how much Tom and everyone adore you? And even that troublemaker, Sky? At first I thought it was a good idea to get in tight with you and your posse, since you have so much influence on Melli and Tom, but I could tell you were suspicious of anyone who wanted to get close to you.” She shakes her head. “So I moved on to being sweet to everyone else on
FA
so that I’d be so adored on and off set that they couldn’t let me go. But when all my baking and other good deeds still went unnoticed, and there was no talk of extending my storyline, I finally pleaded my case to Tom.” She rolls her eyes. “You know what he told me? He didn’t have room for another major teen player because they already had you two. Well, that answer didn’t fly with me.”

Her tone is icy and I feel chills run down my spine.

“So the answer became obvious — if there isn’t room for three of us, then maybe I had to get rid of you two so that I could have a fighting chance. I knew Sky was onto me, which is why I had to find out one of her skeletons. Revealing her true age did the trick.” She smiles smugly. “But you, I figured I’d keep you close until I could find a better way to take you down. Now I can see you already know what I’m up to, so why hide it anymore? You can’t stop me. You’ve got enough problems handling all that new bad press about your set behavior.” Her eyes squint menacingly. “Want to know the best part? If I continue buttering up the writing staff and being nice to everyone else, they’ll never suspect me of trying to ruin your reputation.” She laughs to herself.

I KNEW IT. It wasn’t an alien invasion after all. I was right about Alexis! She’s totally out to destroy Sky and me. She’s
nuts
. “You’re not going to get away with this,” I seethe, my voice eerily calm. It’s taking all my strength not to reach out and smack her across the face. “Tom will never get rid of Sky and me because of some bogus tabloid articles.” I’m so angry I’m shaking, but the truth is, I’m not sure how much more the studio or Tom is willing to swallow. Suddenly I feel very afraid. Alexis could get away with this and here’s the reason why.

HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER NINE: How do the tabloids get away with printing such outlandish lies? They’re brilliant at manipulating words. According to Liz’s dad, my lawyer, in order to sue a tabloid magazine for slander or printing false information and win, a celebrity has to prove that the magazine was being malicious. So if someone says “Kaitlin Burke is pregnant” and I’m obviously not, but burning mad they said it, I have to prove that the magazine was deliberately trying to hurt me by printing that remark. That is tough to do. Usually when a magazine comes under fire for a particularly dirty item, all they have to say is that they
believed
the item was true at the time they printed it and they have their get out of jail free card. Pretty sneaky, huh?