Secret Shopper (31 page)

“
Phoenix.” Thomas looked at me completely now, my name sounding so odd in his pained voice. Shame overwhelmed me and I hid behind my sunglasses. Finally, Thomas moved into the shade inches from my body. He slowly removed the funeral program and my clutch purse from my hands and placed the items on a chair. He took my hands in his and didn’t say anything for a few minutes. His hands were warm, his body emanated heat and a delicious musk mingled with his cologne. I became heady and I swear the ground shifted beneath me. I continuously kept Thomas on the outside, and even now, after he traveled on a whim to be with me in my time of grief—I couldn’t just say what he longed for.
I want you.

I began to sob despite myself. How I wished my dad was still alive to meet Thomas. He wrapped me with his body, lightly and maintaining a small distance between us. He let me cry as he rocked me side to side slowly.

My head and arms rested on his chest and my hands were balled into fist maintaining the barrier between us.
Why couldn’t I just let him in? Even now?
As I watched the last car leave, with Pharaoh and mom and Rachel, I thought of my father and the many things he didn’t get to experience. That family trip to South Korea we were always talking about but never took. The unfinished projects around the house that dad stockpiled materials for. The family tree album he started, but left incomplete for the last ten years mostly because Pharaoh and I didn’t show enough interest.

I finally reached both arms around Thomas and held on tight. Now was all I had. Now was all anyone ever had. My dad had a career, a wife and children. He got to see retirement. He walked his daughter down the aisle, for the wrong guy unfortunately. He saw his son finally find his calling. But, he didn’t see his grandchildren, and he didn’t see his daughter happy, truly fulfilled. As I held Thomas, I wasn’t sure if my words could make up for the self-made rift I created over these last three months. I moved my ear to the left side of his chest. I wanted to find solace in the rhythm of his heartbeat. Thomas jerked backward like I burned him. In an instant we were apart again. He stood out in the sun and I remained in the cool of the shade alone. He looked down at his chest, hand wavering over his heart. I heard the cemetery workers shuffle away behind me, finally giving us privacy. I was about to be dumped even before I had Thomas’s heart.

“I’m sorry, Thomas.” I guess this was his chance to let me have it. He never really lost his cool with me, but I knew I deserved it. I mean, his physical reaction now was to push me away. How could I be the great love of his life, if I wasn’t even a good friend to him? I raised my face to Thomas expecting him to be glowering at me. I squinted my eyes in preparation for the onslaught of hateful words. Instead, Thomas was loosening his tie. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt. What the hell was he doing? We were at a cemetery and my dad, rest in peace, was technically in the area.

Thomas, looking like a hotter Clark
Kent, stepped towards me again and pulled his shirt open to reveal the left side of his chest. There was an eight by eight white gauze loosely taped on his flawless ivory skin.

“What happened?” I asked frantically. “Don’t tell me you were saving another damsel in distress.” I joked.
Was he shot? Stabbed?

Thomas pushed his sunglasses off his face finally. His beautiful iridescent eyes looked weary, maybe from the traveling and jet lag—but I suspected it was because of me. He shook his head no and gingerly peeled off the tape. I’m not sure what compelled me to take over, but I stepped up to Thomas, his chest level with my eyes.

“May I?” I asked Thomas. He removed my sunglasses carefully before allowing me to be Nurse Betty. It was like I was in the Twilight Zone. What kind of injury could he have under this gauze? The sci-fi part of my brain fantasized that Thomas was from an alien planet and now that he declared his love for me, this thing was going to bust out of his chest and take over my body. That would explain his otherworldly beauty, I mused.

As I peeled back the bandage, the skin underneath was shiny. Was it a burn? I continued to unveil what looked like blood. But this wound had a distinct pattern, an art to it. I dare say, it looked like his skin was aflame. Thomas did not move, his eyes remained
on my face. It was like he awaited my reaction. On Thomas’s chest, right over his heart was a vibrant Phoenix. My mouth dropped open as I gazed at this fresh tattoo.

“When? Why?” I looked at Thomas like he was crazy. Did the airlines have a tattoo parlor on the plane that I didn’t know about? My eyes returned to the beautiful red firebird.

“Well, when? The day before Rachel called me. Why?  Because. Phoenix Rose Lizama.” Thomas lifted my chin so I could meet his gray eyes. “I love you.” I let his words sink into my brain and travel through my body. He stood there looking both beautiful and vulnerable. He just branded himself for me and I was hesitating like an idiot, yet again.

The warm breeze whipped around me and it felt like the forces that be were nudging me forward. I took a hesitant step towards this glorious man. Thomas’s hands remained relaxed by his side. His palms faced towards me, begging me, reassuring me that it was okay to make that leap of faith. I looked up into his eyes and the tears that rolled down his beautiful face was enough confirmation for me.

I bridged the small gap between us quickly and took Thomas’s tragic angelic face in my hands. I pressed my lips tentatively to his. Thomas’s desire surged and he swept me up off the ground and pulled me into him. He seemed unaware of the pain on his chest now. Our lips, hungry, continued to discover each other in the balmy paradise weather. My senses were heightened and I took in the heat of his face, the warmth of his tongue and his flavor mingled with the salty ocean air made me light-headed. We came up for air twice before reality got the better of me. I felt like jelly as we continued to embrace.
Finally
, was my only thought. At last, I opened up and Thomas was true. That kiss was a fantasy turn reality.

“Finally.” Thomas whispered, echoing my thoughts. “So,
Phoenix,” his voice was husky and dripping with desire. “Did I have to fly
all the way
to Guam to make you realize that I love you?”

“No, Thomas. The tattoo helps though.” I joked. “And, just so you know my mom almost named me Piranha.”

He chuckled, “Glad she chose wisely.”

I kept off Thomas’s freshly scarred chest this time. I turned to face him again. He deserved to hear what I was about to say, instead of just having my kiss, a damn good kiss admittedly, declare my feelings. I made a space between us to look up into his eyes. “I, I love you too, Thomas. It was always there, but I was too chicken shit to tell you. I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Thomas soothed me with his voice. “You don’t have to apologize. I was all ready to offer my condolences, then chew you out like a jilted lover. But, after the way you just kissed me?” Thomas teased, and I smiled despite myself.

“You did some in return too mister, but we should get going.” I had to remind myself that we were in a cemetery and dad was only several feet away from us. I also didn’t want my mom to think I was kidnapped or something. “Nice touch on renting the blue Prius, by the way.”

“I can be dramatic too.” He smiled.

Thomas buttoned up his shirt after I reapplied his bandage, which he made tough between kisses. I helped him with his tie and after a few more kisses, I gathered my things and invited Thomas back to the church social hall.

“Phoenix. Your eulogy was beautiful.” I hadn’t realized that Thomas was in the crowd. “Would you mind if I pay my respects to your dad?” I smiled at my new man. Why was he so perfect? Did I really get to keep him? I nodded and Thomas handed me the car keys. I walked slowly, willing myself to keep moving forward and give my dad and Thomas their privacy. I sat in the warm car and immediately blasted the air conditioner. I saw Thomas in the distance, kneeling with his head down. A new bittersweet bud blossomed in my chest and my eyes teared up. If I had just opened my heart faster, Thomas would have met my father properly. I guess things have to work out in their own time. But, I felt like my dad lost out somehow in knowing such a good hearted man. Someone like him.

As Thomas made his way back to the car, I took my hair down, which was now in nice waves. I reapplied all my make-up. The humidity on
Guam was a killer. I made up my mind that before I left Guam, I was going to make my commitment to Thomas more permanent. I didn’t have the energy to figure out how yet. The blackness of the day had shifted to bright white. I wondered if it was possible for my heart to suffer whiplash. It was all so melodramatic for me that the day I buried my father, was the day I admitted my love for Thomas.

Chapter 18

He Loves Me, He
Really
Loves Me

My eyes flickered from Thomas’s wonderful profile to his chest. I didn’t know where to start, how to ask. As usual, Thomas made it easy for me. He turned up the cold air, held my hand and drove slowly back to the church.

“How are you doing with all this
Phoenix?”

“I’m okay, I guess. I’m sorry, Thomas. Sorry for being a terrible friend.”

“Stop that!” His raised voice surprised me and I wanted to pull my hand away, but he held it firm. “Please, Phoenix. You are my best friend. You are everything. No more apologies. Let’s just be.”

I leaned into Thomas, which was easy in the tiny hybrid. “Just be?”

“Yes, Phoenix. And we don’t have to make any official announcements about us. Not today. I don’t want you stressing about that.” He kissed my forehead as we pulled into the packed parking lot. There was still a good number of people at the church. Thomas hopped out of the car and opened my door. If he was jetlagged he hid it well. We walked hand in hand to the social hall for the reception. Thomas’s released my hand as we reached the double doors. A rush of longing overcame me and I gave Thomas a quick kiss. Energized by his presence, we opened the doors together. I targeted my mom right away and made a bee line for her table.

Thomas was concerned that Bradley and his family might be put off or feel disrespected if I walked into the
merienda
with him, hand in hand. Thomas told me that Rachel would have explained to Pharaoh and my mom about him.

Thomas walked with me. All eyes in the room were on us. I didn’t realize that I held my breath until we finally reached my family and I exhaled.

“Mom, Pharaoh,
Imo
, this is my,
um
, this is Thomas Roberts. He came in from San Diego to be here.” I kept my hands crossed in front of me like I was about to get scolded by my mom. I could already feel the eyes of my Korean aunt, my
Imo
, burning into me.

             
“Oh, Thomas! Nice to meet you. Thank you so much for coming today.” My mom was absolutely polite, her grammar flawless this time. And was she swaying as she spoke? Rachel dwarfed by Pharaoh’s bigness looked ridiculous with her giant smile. She was practically dancing in her seat. Pharaoh looked like he was ready to pounce on Thomas. He stood slowly and walked towards us. Tension rippled around the table. Thomas remained relaxed and as handsome as ever.

Pharaoh extended his large tan, tatted arm to Thomas. My brother’s white shirt rested on the chair and he was in a white wife beater—
always hated that term for the tank top
. He leaned in and asked, “Thomas Roberts, as in T.P.R.?” Thomas smiled and nodded to affirm that he was indeed T.P.R. Pharaoh then pulled Thomas to his body and they did the man hug. “Nice to meet you bro.” And I saw Thomas flinch when my brother made contact with his new tattoo, his first tattoo.

             
We all relaxed after Pharaoh invited Thomas to the extensive buffet for a tour. Mom grinned and my aunt thankfully left me alone. The four of us women kept our eyes on Thomas, who glanced back at us occasionally, offering his God-like smile. It was like a celebrity graced us with his presence. Rachel spoke first.

             
“So, Nix. How
you
doing?” She laughed sounding like Joey from
Friends
.

             
“I’m fine.” I leaned into Rachel and we spoke in whispers as soon as my mom started up a conversation with my aunt. Most likely talking about me and Thomas. “I won’t be banishing you to Coco’s Island anytime soon.”

             
“Good. You and Thomas?” She wriggled her eyebrows rapidly looking like Groucho Marx minus the glasses, moustache and cigar.

             
“Yes. Me and Thomas.” I giggled and fanned myself with a paper plate as if I was hot from desire. Rachel stared at Thomas in disbelief when I disclosed the tidbit about the Phoenix tattoo.

             
“Wow. Wow! Now you’re the only one at this table who isn’t tatted. Even your mom and
Imo
have tattooed eyebrows!” We laughed and somehow Rachel planted a seed of inspiration in my mind.

I wanted to be sure Pharaoh wasn’t scaring Thomas too much. Before I reached the table, my self-declared-sexy and single 45-year old Aunt Beverly and her single 30-year old daughter, Beverory took their opportunity to swoop in on me.