Second Ride Cowboy (Second Chance Series) (9 page)

CHAPTER NINE

LILA WOKE WITH a start. The sun was bright and a bird chirped outside the window. Rolling, dragging blankets with her, she checked the clock.
Ten A.M.
. She hadn’t slept past eight-thirty since Ava was born. Jumping up, Lila grabbed her robe from the bottom of the bed, pulled it on and headed for Ava’s room.

The crib was empty. Lila’s stomach turned.

Descending the stairs as fast as her legs would carry her, she made it to the bottom when she heard noise coming from the kitchen. Walking in, Ava was sitting in her highchair, consumed with picking up a piece of cereal. Ava’s giggle made Lila smile and the rich aroma of coffee made her mouth salivate. She found Duke at the sink, coffee cup in one hand and newspaper in the other. He didn’t hear her come in.

Lila stood back and watched. Her heart swelled and her eyes moistened as she looked at the two people who she loved most in life. One could think they were a happy family. She swallowed back a bitter taste of reality. There were many obstacles she couldn’t hurdle, not alone.

Duke appeared to have rolled from bed wearing sex appeal. Tousled hair and five o’clock shadow made her insides turn to mush. Lowering her gaze, his shirt was unbuttoned and she took great pleasure in seeing his chest. He’d put on some weight and his brawny chest and toned abs were back. Her mind wandered to yesterday in his bedroom. She’d missed out on seeing his torso because they hadn’t taken the time to undress fully, like two teenagers suffering from raging hormones. She no longer saw the web of scars on his dark skin that she’d stared at when his accident first occurred.

His magnificence was irresistible and his masculinity was momentous.

A needful ache flowed through her. Her fingers ached to pop the button at the waist of his worn jeans and loosen the zipper. She didn’t want a quick screw, not like before, but take things slow and explore his body with her hand and tongue.

Shaking her head to dislodge her wanton thoughts, she gulped down a dose of modesty. Living under the same roof and resisting the sexual urge would be impossible—not when she craved his touch.
Not just anyone would do
. She knew Shaun would be willing to remedy her dry spell, he’d made his intentions clear on several occasions, but she just never had the desire to move to an intimate level with him. She wanted one man, and he stood ten feet in front of her.

His crotch bulged.
Busted!

“What other woman can give me an instant hard on with a stare?” Duke’s deep voice penetrated her skin and warmed her blood.

Denying she’d been ogling his goods would be a waste of time when she could think of a handful of things she’d rather do with her mouth than spit lies. “It never hurt anyone to look.”

“I agree. How did you sleep?”

“I won’t be running a marathon, but I can’t complain either,” she said.

  “I’ve heard tale that sex is the solution to sleepless nights.”

Damn, his smile was contagious.
He teased her and she couldn’t help falling for his charm. She moved her attention to Ava, who was still intently scooping up pieces of cereal between her forefinger and thumb. “Don’t worry, I sleep like a baby most nights.” She went to Ava and kissed her on the top of the head. The little girl held up a piece of food for Lila. She took it from Ava’s small fingers. “Mmm. Delicious. Thank you for sharing.”

Lila caught Duke’s gaze on her. She self-consciously swept her fingers through her hair as a quiver rushed through her.

“I know Lucas isn’t fulfilling your needs.” He saluted her with his cup, holding her gaze with his.

“I’m not discussing Shaun with you.” She moved to the cabinet, took a cup down and poured herself coffee.

“A woman who is satisfied doesn’t stare at another man like he’s breakfast in jeans.”

He fished for details, she knew. She busied herself pouring cream and sugar into her cup, hoping he’d drop the questioning. Taking a long sip, she didn’t care that it burnt all the way into her stomach.

“You really haven’t slept with Lucas, have you?”

Her cheeks warmed. “None of your business.” She kept her eyes in her cup.

He laughed. “It’s true.”

Bringing her gaze up, she tried her best not to allow him to ruffle her emotions. Ignoring the subject would work, she hoped. “The sun is beautiful this morning. You should consider going out and visiting the crew.”

“Why haven’t you slept with him?”

She choked on the warm liquid, coughing and sputtering, she finally said, “Drop it.”

“Sweetheart, why do you hide your secrets from me?”

The throatiness to his tone awakened every cell in her body, even a few she had forgotten existed. “I’m not hiding anything. I don’t know why you care.” Her fingers trembled and coffee sloshed over the rim of her mug.

He leaned closer and her heart thumped against her ribcage.
Would he kiss her?
He moved past her, brushing his arm against her shoulder, took the carafe from the holder and poured himself another cup. His body heat soaked through her thin robe. “If he planned to be around my child then it’s my business,” he said next to her ear.

“You had one evening in Ava’s life and you got up with her while I slept, now you believe you’re a father?”

“I have a lot of making up to do.” His eyes sparkled like jewels and he smelled of soap and shaving cream.

The close proximity made her nipples tingle and her pelvic muscles tighten.
Damn betrayal of her body
. She gritted her teeth. “What brought about this change? The other day you wanted nothing to do with our child and now suddenly you’re daddy-do-good? I mean, I’ll tell you, I love the effort, but the long haul is what matters.”

He put his mug down on the counter and his shoulders seemed to slump. “I thought she’d be afraid of me.”

“Afraid? Why, Duke?”

He ran his fingers down the scarring on his face. “I bet this is scary to some people.”

Sadness washed over her. “The scars are barely noticeable. You’ve never been superficial, and neither is Ava.”

He lowered his hand to his side. “I don’t give a damn for myself, Lila.”

She wanted to tell him that when she looked at him all she could see was love. Instead, she said, “The skin will continue to heal. It takes time. You’re viewing yourself with a harsher perception than others. You’re alive and that’s what matters.” Her throat tightened as emotion filled her chest. “For most people, it’d take months, maybe years, to walk after a comatose state. What seems like a turtle pace to you is actually amazingly fast compared to others.”

“Does a part of you wish I’d died in the accident?” he asked. His searching gaze burrowed into her.

“What?” she snapped. “Why would you ask that? Not once had I wished you’d died. I begged God to bring you back. There were moments I couldn’t even breathe because I missed you so much.”

“But I was a human chain, keeping you from moving on. I was dead weight.”

“Don’t say that. Please don’t.” Her eyes blurred.

“You would be married to Lucas. I know you would be. Ava would have him as a father.” His voice was low and full of emotion.

“She has a father. She has you, Duke. You have a purpose for being here and she needs you.”

“Is she the only one that needs me?” he asked.

His words were like claws, sweet and bitter. She took a step to the side. Her mind warned her to run, but her heart begged her to stay. “Chance and Carly had faith. They saved this place for you. Chance was by your side often.”

“Chance said
you
were by my side. He said you never left me during the first months after the accident, until Ava was born.”

“I couldn’t tear myself away from your bedside. So many nights I’d fall against you and tell you how I hated to see you lying in that hospital room. I had cried until I couldn’t think straight. A part of me had gone numb because I couldn’t take the pain any longer.” She wanted to give him a glimpse inside her heart, at the agony she’d endured.

“Why did you stay? Why hadn’t you moved on?” His voice was soft.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Eighteen months, I laid in that bed. You must have wanted to leave and never come back. A part of you must have hated me.”

His words dug into her like a dull blade. “I never hated you.”

“It would have been a normal emotion.”

“I hated that you were lost to me,” she admitted.

“You stayed because you were guilty.”

Turning away, she couldn’t look at him. She heard him as he moved closer, felt his heat. “No, it wasn’t guilt,” she said. “It was something more.
Much more
.”

“What? Tell me, Lila.”

When she turned, her shoulder rubbed against his chest. She lifted her eyes upward, meeting his gaze. “Hope. Only the deepest of love can give one so much faith. I clung to it like a lifeline. I found devotion I never knew I had.”

“Don’t you see? I’m twisted and torn inside. My body is weak.” His stare was laser sharp, probing her. “To imagine another man touching you kills me, and yet, I am consumed with guilt because I truly want you to be happy.”

“If the situation was different and I was the one laying in a coma, what would you have done? Forgotten that I’d existed?”

“No Lila, I wouldn’t have. I’d have waited as long as it’d taken for you to wake up.”

“And what if that day never came?”

“Then I’d have died a lonely man.”

She combed his features, hoping to find dishonesty and found nothing but truth. “I realize you believe my relationship with Shaun proves something, maybe disloyalty. I’d say it has to do with pride. Your pride.”

He laughed. “Pride?”

“You think I stuck around because I felt sorry for you. You’re wrong. I stayed because I loved you. Never pity. I feel sorry for you now, though. You refuse to see the miracle—a second chance at life. If you’d look past the scars, the time lost, and see the gift you’ve been given.” With those words, she pushed past him and went to Ava. “Come sweetheart, let’s go get dressed.” She lifted the child into her arms and they left Duke alone.  

CHAPTER TEN

DUKE HAD BEEN apprehensive about seeing anyone, but when he saw Chance and Carly he was glad they came. He greeted Chance with a buddy slap and his gaze moved to Carly. A long time ago, he’d had a crush on her. Hell, what man wouldn’t? She was beautiful. Looking back now, the attraction hadn’t been physical, although she was lovely inside and out, her personality had drawn him in. The fascination had turned to friendship.

Chance and Carly were made for one another, and that’d been obvious the moment they’d met. Chance had known of Duke’s fondness and had even joked about it on occasion. When Carly and Chance had lost their first son, Duke had watched as his two best friends suffered.

Once upon a time, Duke had thought Carly and Chance would never find each other again. The pleasure of seeing his friends remarried with a new family made him happy.

Carly grinned as she approached him. Her eyes were bright and she carried a child in her arms.

“Carly, who do you have there?” Duke asked.

“This is Chancelor. He’s about to become a big brother.” Carly patted her rounded stomach. The little boy mimicked her action, patted his own tummy and giggled. He looked just like Chance.

“I see you and Chance have been busy while I was lying around on vacation.” Duke gave her a wink. Carly laughed.

“Why haven’t you been over to visit us yet? Should I have my feelings hurt?” Carly asked.

“I’d heard Thelma wasn’t around to cook,” he said.

“Are you saying the only reason you stuck around was for Thelma’s southwestern cooking?”

“Well, you know I couldn’t resist her chicken.”

“I’d be hurt, but I knew you weren’t at our dinner table every night for mine and Chance’s company.”

“I could barely stand to look at Chance’s mug out on the ranch, but Thelma’s food made it all worthwhile over a dinner plate,” Duke said.

“Hopefully she’ll be back before long,” Chance wrapped his arm around Carly’s shoulder.

Carly looked up at her husband, one corner of her mouth curved downward. “Are you saying something about my cooking?”

“No, sweetheart. I love everything about you.” He kissed her soundly on the cheek. The love between them was outstanding.

Duke smiled. “It’s good to see you two together again. Feels like old times.”

“Only better.” Carly batted long eyelashes.

“What’s this I hear about old times?” Lila came out of the kitchen.

Duke turned and looked at her. His heart raced. She and Ava had been gone most of the day running errands and they’d only been back a short time. Ava was sleeping in her crib. Duke secretly wished she’d wake up so he could see her. It was amazing how a sweet child could wrap a man around her finger.

Lila swept past Duke. He caught her scent—berry and spices. The smell intoxicated his senses. The strapless sundress she wore, with the tempting view of her shoulders and the tops of her breasts, would drive a man into insanity. The dangling earrings touched the parts of her neck he wanted to kiss. His fingers ached to pull the clip out of her hair to let down her long hair. She’d always had an amazing effect over him. Some things would never change.

Carly and Lila hugged and chatted about a new purse, and Duke still couldn’t take his eyes off her. His mind rambled to their earlier conversation and how she’d accused him of self-pity.
Damn, she was right
. He was a horse’s ass. He’d gotten good at keeping people at arm’s length. He’d had years of practice.

“Let’s go take a run on the ranch.” Chance interrupted Duke’s thoughts. “I’ll grab the cart. No walking required.” Duke hesitated. He hadn’t been out on the land yet. He guessed this was as a good a time as any to explore his new home. “We’ll be back ladies,” Chance said.

“Take your time. We have lots of girl chat to catch up on.” Carly blew Chance a kiss.

Ten minutes later, with Chance driving, they cruised along the edge of the peach orchard. “Looks like Carly’s peach grove is doing well,” Duke said as he glanced over the waves of trees.

“We’ve hired staff to take care of the daily ins and outs. Carly’s busy with Chancy and with the new baby on the way we’ll both be busier. I try to take as much time away from the Swift Wind as possible.”

Duke scrubbed his jaw. “Chance, I can’t thank you and Carly enough for all you’ve done for me.”

Chance shrugged. “We haven’t done much. Nothing more than you’d do for us.”

“To save the homestead for someone who may never come back from a coma is a lot, whether you realize it or not. You could have sold this place for three times what I bought it for.” Duke knew Chance was a proud man and had only a sliver of sentiment, but to Duke it was obvious his friend had softened some. Apparently, fatherhood took its toll in a good way. “I just wanted to say how grateful I am.”

Chance cleared his throat and stared into the distance. “That day you weren’t supposed to be at Swift Wind. I should have been the one in the barn when that bastard Kincaid took his revenge.” Duke heard Chance catch his breath, as if the words were hard to form. “I’d still like a chance to meet that son-of-a-bitch again.”

“It is what it is, Chance. No one’s fault but that demented asshole. If I thought tearing him from limb to limb could get back my life, I’d have already paid the loser a visit. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.” Duke needed to move forward, just as Lila had said. To do that, he had to let go of the anger.

“Your life is far from over, pal. You lost eighteen months, not forever. Here is your life, waiting for you.” Chance swung the cart toward an outer barn.

“Wish it were that simple, partner. I feel like a whole lot of people are bound to me by a whole lot of guilt. I don’t like to be at the end of pity’s stick.”

Chance shook his head. “Don’t be a fool like I was. My arrogance almost stole the best thing in my life. I can only say, some things are worth fighting for. Lila was your biggest supporter through the coma. Hell, you two have a daughter and that’s enough to change any bastard’s running fever. Damn pride will screw you out of a fortune if you’re not careful.”

Chance’s words stayed with Duke as they explored the McAllister. He felt a new eagerness to get out on the ranch and start doing business. He still couldn’t believe the place was his. His life wasn’t perfect, but he did have a purpose, he had to set his priorities. As he grew stronger, he knew it was time to take his spot at the helm of his land. He had friends counting on him. And a child.

His heart swelled with pride. For his little girl he’d do anything, and that meant getting to know her.

****

Lila stopped stirring the sauce on the stove to watch her friend take down the expensive bone china from the glass hutch.

“By the way, I’m so glad I gave you this dinnerware,” Carly said as she ran her finger along one plate.” I refuse to touch any of Chance’s mother’s old kitchenware. I’ll break every last piece. He tells me it’s a waste for her crystal and antique glass to sit in a hutch, but he’d change his tune when dish after dish disappeared because of my clumsiness, especially during pregnancy. I’d love to hand her collection down to our children one day.” She palmed her rounded stomach. Lila smiled at the tenderness.

“You left a lot of items here when you moved,” Lila said as she went back to the pan and stirred. “Are you sure you don’t want anything back? For instance, you didn’t take any of your father’s furniture from his office.”

“I took what I wanted—pictures and his cigar box. The memory of my father doesn’t live in material things. I hold everything I need right here.” Carly lifted her hand against her heart. “Besides, we have all we need at the Swift Wind. In fact, I still have plans for remodeling and since Chance has given me free reign of the house, I’m taking advantage. Unfortunately, I had to hire a decorator to finish painting and decorating the baby’s room. I’m afraid it became overwhelming and I didn’t need the added stress.”

“You push yourself too hard,” Lila said with a click of her tongue.

Carly took a seat on one of the cushioned chairs at the bar. “Sometimes I feel I don’t do enough. Chance works so hard on the ranch. I think he misses how smooth things ran when Duke was the supervisor.”

Lila sighed. “I wish Duke would get a fire lit under his ass and get out on the ranch again. You know how he is. If he doesn’t keep busy he feels useless.”

“I’m sure he will in time. Are things any better today between the two of you?”  Carly asked. “I did notice that he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.”

“Hm.” Lila looked across the kitchen at Carly and shook her head. “There is no peaceful ground with a bullheaded man like Duke. He’s stuck on lost time and scars.” The timer beeped. Lila laid the spoon down and grabbed a mitt. She took out the berry pie from the oven. The sweet aroma made her stomach growl and she realized she hadn’t eaten a good meal in a while. Since Duke had come home, her nerves were raw and her hunger was lost.

“You learned long ago, Duke has enough attitude for a dozen men. Somehow, you managed to break through his wall and find the man you fell in love with, twice. Is it so different now? After all, you’ve had eighteen months to deal with the tragedy of the fire. He’s just finding his way through.”

Lila set the pie on the rack and tossed the mitt down onto the counter. “Carly, don’t you

think I understand how hard this must be for him? He looks in the mirror and sees wounds. I look at him and see survival. There is nothing worse than a man who has too much pride, but add self-pity and it’s complete hell.”

“Not too long ago I said the same thing about Chance. Remember?” Carly slid off the bar stool and checked on Chancelor who played on the floor with a toy truck. “I had to fall down a flight of stairs and get amnesia before I realized what’s important. I could have missed the greatest life possible. Isn’t it funny how fate seems to work itself out, to lead us where we need to be? Duke lived for a reason and I believe your faith pulled him back.”

“I’m not sure if there will be any more opportunities with Duke,” Lila said.

Carly’s mouth crooked. “You don’t mean that.”

“I don’t know if I have what it takes to break through his wall again.” Lila rubbed her tired eyes. “I don’t have the power.”

Carly came and placed her hand on Lila’s shoulder. “It’s not the wall you have to break down, Lila. The wall is already gone. You have to prove to him time has passed but emotions are the same. He’s full of uncertainty and doubt. He is scarred and it’s a reminder of what he feels he has lost. Sometimes pain distorts our thoughts and we need someone to help salve the wound.”

“I’m not that strong.” Lila swiped a tear from her cheek. “I love Duke and always will, but loving him comes with a risk of him running, like he has in the past. Maybe I need proof too, that he wants to stay, no matter what surfaces.”

“You were strong enough to sit at Duke’s bedside every day, hoping and praying. Now he’s here. Wouldn’t you say that’s a miracle? The hard part is over. And I do understand your worries about his flight risk, but only you can decide if it’s all worth it. ”

Lila heard her friend’s words, and knew Carly had enough experience in her own heartbreak to speak truthful, but Lila had to keep her focus on Ava and what was best for her. Her mind and heart were at war. “Food’s ready. Shall we call the boys in?”

“Yes. I’m starving. Junior here is kicking me.” Carly patted her stomach.

Later, during dinner, Lila sat at one end of the large mahogany table and every chance she got she stole a glance at Duke who sat on the other side with Ava. He was smiling.

This is a change
.

She guessed he was happy to have Carly and Chance visiting. Lila couldn’t help but feel a sliver of jealousy. Duke had barely said two words to her since he’d come back in from his visit on the ranch, yet he’d been Mr. Talkative to everyone else.