Second Ride Cowboy (Second Chance Series) (13 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

LILA CAME HOME late from work and saw the light streaming from underneath the door to Duke’s office. He’d been unusually quiet since they’d witnessed Carly giving birth a week ago. Lila wasn’t sure why he’d been distant, but she’d left him alone.

Stopping outside his closed door, she debated whether to say something, but decided against disturbing him. Going upstairs, she checked in on sleeping Ava. Lila then went to her own room and changed out of her uniform into a nightgown. She started for bed, when a thought needle her. Once upon a time, she could tell Duke anything. They’d shared each other’s hopes and dreams. They needed to talk, if anything, for the sake of parenting.

Lila made her way downstairs.

The door was now open and the office was shadowed, smelling of rich leather and tobacco. Mr. McAllister used to smoke pipes and the aroma lingered. Duke sat behind the desk with his head lowered. “Are you okay, Duke?” she whispered.

His head popped up. “I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“That’s not the truth. You’ve been preoccupied. And for the life of me, I don’t know why I consider it my problem.”

He shrugged. “It’s not.”

“Then there shouldn’t be any difficulty talking about it.”

“I heard the conversation you had with Carly,” he said.

“Conversation? We’ve had lots of them.”

“You told her you’d wanted me there while you were giving birth.” His voice was low, full of emotion.

“Of course I did,” she said.

He closed the open folder and pushed it across his desk. “There are some moments I can’t change or take back. I missed so much while I was in the hospital. You were carrying our child.” He moved his gaze over her stomach. “You did all of that alone. I should have been there for you, for our child.”

The sincerity in his tone touched her. “We’ve talked about this. It wasn’t your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have played hero that night at Swift Wind. Chance had insurance for accidents.” He dropped his fist to the desk, upsetting the holder. It fell over and pens rolled across the smooth top, landing on the floor. “Damn, I’m angry. It pisses me off that a bastard like Kincaid can screw up a person’s life and only serves time in prison.”

Lila crossed the room, the shiny wooden floor was cool on her bare toes. The AC was on and her skin was chilled. She got closer to his desk and what she saw made her heart pound.
A photo of Ava
. He’d taken it from the living room. “If it makes you frustrated, then he gets the best of you. Like Chance, he was livid after the accident. He swore he was going to see Martin Kincaid’s head on a platter. Carly explained to Chance that making everyone sad and angry is what Kincaid thrives on.”

 “It doesn’t sound like Chance to back down when he’s mad.”

“He didn’t “back” down. He spoke to the judge and asked that Kincaid be forced to do community service while he’s serving his time.” Duke’s brow popped up. “One thing I’ve heard Kincaid is doing, sewing blankets for the burn unit of the local hospital.”

Duke laughed and his features softened. “That’s fitting.”

“After all, he was very good at sewing the saddles over at the ranch.” She sighed. “And Duke, you’ve got to let go of the past. It’ll only take away from your future. There are still many more firsts to come with our daughter. First day of school. First date. Graduation from high school and then college. First daddy-daughter dance on her wedding day. Maybe even a couple of grandchildren. In the scheme of things, you’re here for all of the times she’ll need you most.”

He scrubbed his chin as if he needed to rid himself of excess energy. The top three buttons of his blue chambray shirt were open and she caught a glimpse of his toned chest. He pushed back his chair and got up. “I’m getting a drink. Want one?”

“Sure.”

He went to the wet bar and opened the cabinet doors. “Sorry, sweetheart. I don’t have the ingredients for a fruity cocktail.”

“You remember what I like, huh?” She sat down on the leather couch. It was as soft as a baby’s bottom.

He poured two glasses of whiskey and brought her one. “How could I forget? We were in that small Italian restaurant just outside of San Antonio and they’d served the best cocktails. They had the finest lasagna too, but that night I couldn’t taste a damned thing. You blew my mind when you’d whispered in my ear that you weren’t wearing panties underneath the short skirt.”

“I should have been kinder and waited until dessert to tell you.” She propped her feet up underneath her, noticing he watched her over the rim of his glass. Her body came alive. He had a skill that no other man had, or ever would. One glance and she abandoned logical thought.

“It was all about visual foreplay that night.” He lifted a brow and gave her a mischievous grin. “Every time you licked your lips, tossed your hair, took a bite of food, it drove me closer to the edge. I thought I’d go crazy before I could touch you.”

Bringing the glass to her lips, she took a sip. The burning sensation warmed her inside out. “Whose idea was it to drive so far away from home?”

“Mine. I reaped the pain of that decision behind my zipper all the way home.” He downed his whiskey, placing his glass on a coaster. “That was the longest drive, although I did speed like a maniac.”

Lila slid her fingers through her hair. Duke’s thick voice and subtle heated glances made her want to touch herself. Dropping her hand to the low neckline of her gown, she slid her thumb along the satin. He kept his eyes on her. His throat moved as he swallowed. She stretched one leg and the hem of the gown lifted high upon her thigh. His growl told her he liked what he saw.

With Duke, she owned the power of seduction. Knowing what he liked, what turned him on, made it easy to tease him. No doubt, he enjoyed the game of foreplay as much as he liked making the goal. She was happy to give him what he loved. Shifting on the cushion, she showed more leg. Although she’d never considered herself skilled at flirting, knowing his reaction made her feel like she was as lustful as Cleopatra and feeling sexy was as potent as an addictive drug.

“In all the years, there has only been you,” she said, bringing her gaze to his, absorbing the warmth.

One corner of his mouth lifted. “I’m a slow learner, but I believe you. If I hadn’t been so pigheaded, I would have guessed. After all, it’s obvious.”

She swallowed. “Why is it obvious?”

“Lucas isn’t your type. A man who gets his nails manicured isn’t the kind to tame a lioness. After the night you went to dinner with him, he brought back your sweater. We had a discussion that answered any question I had.”

“He’s been a good friend, but there’s only one man who strokes my desire.”

His eyes slanted. “He’s husband material.”

“Yes, he’d make a good husband—not for me. We can’t tell our heart how to feel and who to love. That part of us can shatter into a million pieces and still have the memory of love remain.”

He sat down close to her. “Chance and Carly are an example of that statement.”

Rolling her finger around the rim of her glass, she stared down into the liquid. “I’ve been sort of stuck in one place way too long. Can’t go back and can’t go forward,” she confessed.

“I’m not sure I’m capable of making you happy. We both know I’m not like Lucas, or any other Lucas for that matter.”

“Is that what you think I want? A man like him? You said yourself he isn’t my type.”

“Many women would choose him because of what he has to offer. I’m going to be busting my ass on this ranch for years to get it where it needs.”

“Even if you weren’t in the picture, I still wouldn’t marry Shaun, or any other man for anything other than love.”

“You still need the dream. And I keep letting you down.”

“Why do you always count yourself short?”

“Look at me.” He circled an invisible line around his face. “Think about what’s in here.” He pounded his chest. “There is no changing me.”

Getting up, she set her glass on the table. “I am sick of hearing your pity party. Before the accident, a bad childhood was your excuse for isolation. Now you’re using scars to justify licking your wounds. I’ve never once wanted to change you. You act as if I’ve forced you to settle in some way. Have you forgotten what you said to me the night before the accident?”

“I was in a coma. I didn’t have amnesia.”

“You made me believe when two people love one another they become one.”

He scrubbed his forehead with the back of his hand. “Do you believe in all of that romantic bullshit? Life isn’t a romance novel. Two people aren’t matched together any more than a cowboy belongs to a ranch, as I’d once believed. We make choices. We can’t turn back the clock.”

The sting penetrated her. “If living alone is so grand then go back to that lifestyle.” She turned and started to walk but his hand on her wrist stopped her. He stood up. Bringing her gaze upward, she saw that his eyes were moist. He’d never been a sentimental man. “What, Duke? What is it?” There were many unspoken words hiding in his expression. How could she extract them?

“You’ve been in my blood since the moment you entered my life. I came back from a coma for you, for God’s sake.”

“Then why is loving me so difficult?” she asked.

“Loving you isn’t the problem.”

“Then what is it, Duke? Do you even know?” She fought back tears. “Do you really want

me to walk away?”

“Are you asking me if I’d like my heart ripped out of my chest?”

“I’m not a revolving door. You have to choose— in or out. You can’t decide to love as much or as little as you desire. How fair is it to me? To Ava?”

“Is that what you think I’m doing? I’d never do anything to hurt you, or Ava.”

Before Lila injected reasoning into her actions, which had never been her strength when it came to him, she stepped forward, pressing her body against his. He was a magnet, drawing her in with a force she couldn’t fight. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she stared at him. He

smelled of whiskey and male…heavenly enticing. She breathed him in as she would expensive cologne. “I’m never alive as much as when I’m near you.” She reached up with both hands and grabbed the open neckline of his shirt. With strength stemming from desire, she popped the buttons, sending them scattering across the room.

“Damn you, Lila. Damn fate. Damn this fire you provoke in my soul.” His words tore through her with excruciating awareness.

Kissing his chest, she heard his sharp inhale. His fingers dug into her arms, tender yet demanding. Flicking his flat nipples with the tip of her tongue, she swore she could hear the thumping of his heart. She ran her nails over the wrinkled skin of his scar. He attempted to drag her hand away, but she disregarded his resistance. “I want to touch all of you. There is no limitation on my affection.”

“I’m different, sweetheart.” His voice was ragged.

A cowboy like Duke based his virility on his ability as a man. Could he possibly think he was less because of a few scars and a limp? “Physically you’re still the sexiest man I’ve laid eyes on. Emotionally you remain guarded. When will you realize vulnerability is necessary to love deeper?” She continued to slide her tongue along his upper body, trailing the new defined muscles like a map. A deep moan vibrated his throat. His shallow breaths swept through her hair.

Threading his fingers into her tresses, he gently tugged her head back. “It’s my personality.” One brow curved upward.

“That’s not your personality, Duke. I’ve seen you with Ava. You have no barriers…no bubble. You give your love so easily, freely to her.”