Second Chance (Cruiser & Lex, Book 2) (18 page)

Cruiser

I stand outside the Woods’ house, staring at the door. I should march right in there, all the way to Lex’s room. Demand that she take back her words. Beg for her to give us another chance. I know we have problems. I know we carry around all this extra crap that most couples don’t have. But we can make it work. We got to make it work. Because we love each other.

I turn away from the door. Unless she doesn’t love me. She can’t possibly love me the way I love her if she’s willing to throw what we have away because of our damn pasts. I whack the tears forming in my eyes. Ram my fist in the wall of the house. Dammit all to hell.

The anvil has hit me on the head. Hard. Cracked open my skull. There’s no patching me up. Because I’m broken beyond repair.

I enter the house and see them. Suitcases lined up in the hallway. My gut clenches. He’s actually doing it.

Rey comes down the stairs with a few more articles of clothing. He crouches down to one of the suitcases and stuffs them inside. He straightens up and looks at me like he didn’t see me standing here. “Oh. Hey, Cruise.”

I’m thrown from one shit to another. I softly punch my fist into the wall. “What are you doing, Rey?”

“Moving in with Dad.”

I follow him up the stairs to his room. “You’re serious about this.”

“Have I ever not been serious about something?”

His room’s a mess. Clothing, shoes, and other crap are scattered on his bed and the floor. But the place looks empty. When he packed for L.A., he didn’t take all his stuff.

“Do you want to talk about it before you make such a rash decision?”

He gets on his knees before an opened drawer. “What’s so rash about this? I’m moving in with Dad, that’s all. Not flying to the moon.”

“You’ll have to go to a new school. Make new friends.”

“I’ll survive.”

“You’ll have to get used to a new neighborhood.”

“What a death sentence.”

“We won’t hang anymore.”

He stops what he’s doing and glances up at me. His eyes search mine for a few seconds before he returns to his packing.

I edge closer into the room and sit down on his bed. “Seems all we’re doing lately is moving away from each other.” If Rey moves away, I’ll lose someone else I love. Well, not lose because he’s not dying or anything, but I’ll be all alone.

He gets up, facing his back to me. “Gotta get used to it.”

Yeah, I know. But we still got time. I need to look after him. I can’t just let him run off and do who the hell knows what. Especially now, with this damn useless heart of mine that brought me nothing but trouble since the day I was born. I don’t have Lex. Not anymore. I need my bro. I’ll always need my bro.

“I’m coming with you.”

“The hell you are. I don’t need a babysitter.”

“This isn’t only about you, Rey.”

He faces me. “What are you talking about?”

I don’t say anything, but my eyes fill up. I turn my back on him and head to my room. Slam the door after me.

***

Dad opens the door with a hesitant smile. Widens it, and Rey and I walk in. Dad, all flustered, grabs my bag and one of Rey’s. He’s got three when I only packed one. Dad nods to a room in the back. “That will be your room. Sorry, boys, you’ll have to share.”

Rey and I used to share a room when we were little. I don’t know when we decided to get our own rooms, whether Rey wanted his privacy or I did. Maybe Mom and Dad thought it’d be best for us.

We get into the back room. Two beds are squeezed inside, along with a small dresser. Guess Rey and I need to share that. No carpet on the floor.

This will be home for the next year and a half. Or until Rey decides to get his act together. Although, I don’t know if I want to go home. Yeah, I do. But I also don’t.

Mom seemed a little hurt with my moving in with Dad, but she told me to go. I guess she wants me to look after Rey, too.

“I’ll leave you to unpack.” Dad rests the suitcases on the floor.

I choose the bed at the window. Rey doesn’t object. I sit down and he sits down on the other one. We face each other.

“Homey,” I say.

“You didn’t have to come.” He’s trying to pretend that he doesn’t give a shit, but I know he’s glad I’m here.

He shuffles back until he hits the wall. Crosses his arms over his chest and stares at his sneakers.

This loud ticking noise. I glance at the wall and see a familiar clock. The one Rey and I bought for my dad as a Father’s Day gift when we were younger. It’s round and white, with a train that says, “Best Daddy Ever.” Mom got headaches from it because of that damn ticking. I guess Dad kept it.

I try to block Lex out. She’s on my mind, all the damn time. I keep going through it over and over in my head. Could I have said something different to convince her to give us another shot? Did I not prove enough to her how much I love her and how my heart belongs to her and only her?

I grab my pillow and fling it. It knocks into Rey. “What the hell?” he yells. Chucks it back to me.

I catch it and toss it aside. “Sorry.”

“Ever since you came back from Lex’s, you’ve been in this crappy mood. What happened?”

I don’t say anything.

“Cruise?”

Damn, the tears. I make a fist, feeling my fingers digging into my palm. The pain doesn’t keep the tears away. I turn my head and wipe them away before Rey could see.

He gets up and sits next to me. Rests a hand on my arm. “Cruise.”

Tears keep coming. Like I got a damn hose in my eyes. “She dumped me.”

I’m not looking at him, but I feel him jump back like my words gave him an electric shock. “She
broke
up
with you?”

I curse under my breath. His surprise makes me feel even more pathetic.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Don’t even get it. We got too much baggage. She can’t deal with it.”

“But…but you guys are perfect for each other. You love each other.”

I get up, face my back to him. “Don’t try to hide your excitement.”

“I’m not excited. Why would I be excited that the girl you love broke your heart? Geez, do you think I’m such a horrible person?”

I rake my hands through my hair and turn around. “Fuck, sorry. I didn’t mean any of that. Didn’t mean to take this out on you.” I walk over to the wall, make a fist to slam in. But I curl my hand to the side. “Feel like shit.”

“I can imagine. I’m so sorry, Cruise. Can you talk to her? I’m sure she’ll forgive you—”

“It’s over.” I squeeze my hands into fists again. “It’s over.”

Before he can say anything else, I get down in front of my suitcase and rummage around until I find my pajama bottoms. I march to the bathroom for a shower.

The shower, the damn shower. One of the places that forces me to think. Her face pops in front of me. Her beautiful, expressive blue eyes, sexy wavy black hair. I punch the wall. The tiles leave a mark on my knuckles. I don’t give a damn. I punch it again. Again and Again.

When I get out of the shower, I head straight to bed, ignoring Rey and his questioning eyes.

Lex

My eyes snap open. My head pounds. Glancing over at the clock, I realize I’ve overslept and missed dance practice.

I turn over to my other side and squeeze my stuffed hippo to my chest. I don’t care about dance right now. I don’t care if Coach yells at me. I don’t care if I come late to school. I just don’t care about anything.

Not having Cruiser in my life created this void in my stomach. It feels like my insides are getting sucked in and soon there won’t be anything left of me.

As I tossed and turned last night, I replayed the breakup in my head. Did I overreact? I threw away the love of my life. I’ll never talk to him again, snuggle with him, feel his lips brush against mine, his fingers exploring my body.

I made the right decision. I know I did. Because I was jeopardizing our relationship at every turn. When he took care of Rey, when Erica kissed him. If I continued that way, I would have destroyed him. I’m just not ready.

A part of me is one hundred percent sure that he didn’t kiss Erica. That he couldn’t possibly cheat on me. But the other part wonders if I’m too naïve and trusting. Cruiser’s not used to being in a committed relationship. It’s the truth. He was messed up just as much as I was by Rosie’s accident. He coped by sleeping around. Maybe there’s nothing he can do about it.

It hurts so much. More than it did two years ago. I hardly made it through that. I don’t know if I’ll make it through this.

My hand itches for my phone to call him and apologize and beg him to come to me. So I can hold him and kiss him and tell him how much he means to me. But all I do is hurt him. I have to stop doing that. Cruiser’s been in love with me for years. He’s never moved on. I held him back—he got into trouble because of
me
. He needs to have a good life. He needs to move on and be happy. All I do is ruin everything for him.

Slowly, I haul my body into a sitting position. I blink at the strong sunlight peeking in through my shade. It causes tears to seep out of my eyes. Or maybe my tears are not due to the sun.

I reach for my phone to send Dani a text.
Can I catch a ride with you
?

I run my hand through my hair. It’s a tangled mess. All I see before me is his face as he left my room last night. Hurt, confused. I always manage to hurt the people I care about. I’m so screwed up.

My phone beeps. I assume it’s a text from Dani, but my breath catches in my throat when I see the sender and message.
T. Rex, please. Can we talk? I miss you like hell. I love you like hell. Please give us another chance…

Tears make their way into my eyes, but I push them back. My hand moves to my upper chest, to wrap around the heart pendant that used to hang off my neck. I only get skin. I glance down at my naked wrist. I feel so empty without them.

I should delete all of his messages. I should. But I can’t.

My phone beeps. I sigh, hoping it’s not another message from him. I can’t bear to see his heartbroken words.

It’s Dani.
Missed practice?

My body sags in relief.
Yeah. Pick me up in ten?

Sure.

Thanks
.

I drag myself out of bed, grabbing a pony holder and twisting my hair into a bun. I need to forget about him, for once and for all. But I know that will never happen.

Once I’m dressed, I head downstairs for breakfast. Mom is at the table with Rosie, who’s munching on toast while she plays with her cereal. Dad’s nowhere to be seen. Did he take more hours at work? Maybe in case they decide they want Rosie to go through the procedure Jamie’s having?

I’m in no mood to talk to anyone. I just want to crawl into a cave and hide there forever. I wish my mom and sister a great day and slink away. The Dalton house catches my eyes—how could it not when they live right next door? The garage door is closed. I expect Cruiser to come out. I expect him to rush over to me and gather me in his arms, hug me close, and tell me it was all a horrible dream and that we’re still together.

But the garage door stays closed.

I know I hurt him. I imagine him lying in bed, fighting the tears. Maybe he’ll move on and see how much I’ve been holding him back. Maybe he’ll meet a girl who deserves him. I hope he will. I want him to. All I want is for him to be happy.

A beep jolts me out of my thoughts. Dani’s sitting in her convertible. I head over to the passenger side and climb in. “You okay?” she asks.

“Fine.”

She knows everything that happened. She never judges or tells me what to do, just listens and gives great advice. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

She scrutinizes my face. “You didn’t get much sleep last night, did you?”

I fasten my seat belt. “Can you blame me?”

“Not at all.”

She starts the car and drives toward school. As much as I try to hold them back, the tears crash through my eyes and fall down my cheeks. I turn my head to hide the tears from Dani, but she hands me the tissue box that sits on her dashboard. I give her a quiet thank you before wiping my tears.

I fall back in the seat. “Love sucks. So, so much.”

She nods. “Why do we do this to ourselves?”

I sit up and glance at her. “Is there anything going on between you and Simon?”

She shakes her head. “Just thinking.”

I fall back in my seat and gaze out the window. After a minute or two, I say, “I still love him.”

“Of course you do.” She puts her free hand on mine. “Are you going to wait for him? Until you’re ready to have a relationship with him?”

I swallow away a new wave of tears. “Cruiser’s the one for me. There’s no one else. But I hope he doesn’t wait for me. He deserves to be happy.”

“You do, too.”

Wiping my eyes, I say, “Maybe one day.”