Seaside Secrets (22 page)

“How could I not? You went from a carefree kid who was surfing and loving life to a broken man. You were coiled so tight and running yourself into the ground with surfing and training and God knows what else. I was worried you’d never go back to the boy you were. I was never really sure if it was because of your father’s passing or something else.”

“Both, Mom.” Tony rubbed his eyes with his index finger and thumb. “Tell me about Dad.”

“I’m breaking a promise I made to him by telling you, but you’re an adult, and I suppose you do have a right to know.”

“Thank you.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. “Whatever it is, it’s got to shed some light on the way he changed.”

“Yes, it will do that.” She paused for a long moment, and when she continued, her tone was compassionate. “Honey, that spring your father was diagnosed with ALS.”

Tony sat bolt upright. “What? Why would he want to keep that from me? Why would you?”

“Calm down, please. This is not easy for me to talk about.” Her words were sharp, though she spoke softly.

“I’m sorry.” He rose to his feet and paced again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Isn’t this something you should have told me?”

“I promised your father I wouldn’t. He was given a year to live. He knew that was going to be his last summer with you. His health was declining, and—”

“Christ.” Tony sank back down to the couch. He couldn’t imagine what his father had gone through. “When did the drinking begin?”

“I don’t know exactly, but sometime soon after he received the diagnosis.” His mother paused, and the answers became clearer.

“He wasn’t drinking at a work party that night, was he?”

“No.” A whisper.

“Mom. He…he killed himself when he crashed into that tree? It wasn’t an accident?”

“I don’t know.” Her voice was stronger but shaky. “We’ll never know. But the father you were with that last summer is not the man your father always was. Surely you know that.”

“He was always tough on me.”

“Yes. Because he didn’t want you to make a mistake. Parents worry, honey. When your child tells you he wants to be a pro surfer, as a parent you want to protect them from failing. To parents who aren’t surfers, you might as well have said you wanted to go to the moon or be a rock star. It was all so foreign to us. Your father and I were businesspeople. Straight and narrow, follow the road put forth by your elders. College, graduate school, family. Solid path. You threw us for a loop. Not that we didn’t want to support your dreams, but…”

“It’s okay, Ma. I get it. I know how it must have sounded, but I was driven. I lived and breathed surfing. Still do. I made it, and damn it, Dad never got a chance to see that. He never got a chance to move past all that shit he gave me and be proud of what I’d done.”

“Oh, honey.” Her voice trembled, as if she were crying. “Even back then your father was proud of all you’d accomplished and the fact that you were on your way to becoming the best. But he saw that summer as his last chance to make a difference and guide you in the way a father should.” She paused for a beat, and when she continued, her tone was softer. “He just didn’t know how to get so much out in so little time. And the alcohol didn’t help.”

Tony’s eyes teared up. “ALS.”

“It’s not genetic, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“It’s not that, although it is a relief. I just wish I had known. Maybe I could have talked to him about…everything.”

“He loved you, Tony. He loved you so much. All those times his anger got the best of him, he wasn’t aiming that venom at you. He was angry about the disease, about leaving us before he was ready. You just got caught in the line of fire.”

TONY TOSSED THE phone onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. Amy stood on the wrong side of the screen door with her heart in her throat.
ALS
. She’d heard him say it, and now he was falling apart. Who was he talking to? Who had ALS?

“Tony?”

Tony spun around, eyes red and watery. She read his silent plea and forced her legs to carry her inside. He didn’t stand from where he sat on the couch. He simply reached a hand out, and as she took it, the air shifted, became heavier. He drew her down onto his lap, and her arms instinctively circled his neck. She held him as his breathing hitched and his grip on her tightened.

“That was my mom,” he said against her shoulder. “My father…was sick.”

His sadness pressed in on her through the weight of his large hands splayed on her back and his warm, stubbled cheek against her. Amy closed her eyes and hoped she could offer a modicum of the strength that he’d always offered to her.

“I’m sorry, Tony.”

She felt him nod.

“He had ALS, Amy. ALS. I had no idea.” His voice trailed off.

Eventually his grip eased and he gazed sadly into her eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

She kissed him to soften the hurt threaded in his voice. He deepened the kiss, turning it hot and urgent, greedy for comfort she was more than willing to give. Amy was the first to draw back, wanting to show him the love she felt so deeply and to fill her own need to bring him respite from whatever was tearing him up inside.

There was nothing she could say to take away the hurt she saw in his eyes. He pulled her closer, and she knew he needed to be loved the way she’d loved him all those years ago. She needed to take away the ache of sorrow and fill him with comfort in a way only their love could. She kissed his jaw, his neck, the tender spot at the base of his neck that made him hard. She pushed at his tank top, running her hands over his muscles. She stroked his nipple with her tongue, and his hands fisted in her hair, holding her mouth against him. Amy followed his lead, sucking, loving, grazing his sensitive skin with her teeth. She moved lower, tasting the saltiness of his rippled abs as she moved from his lap to her knees between his legs. He held her gaze as she unzipped his shorts and took his hard length in her hand, then lowered her mouth to him, loving him until his head fell back and she knew thoughts of them had erased the sadness in his beautiful mind. When he came, it was her name hissing from his lips, her gaze he held as he dragged her up and kissed her like being with her was the only place on earth he ever wanted to be.

OVER THE NEXT few days, Amy and Tony talked about his father’s illness and the magnitude of what his father must have felt. Tony was angry at first about his parents keeping it from him. As he came to grips with his new reality, Amy gave him the time and space to deal with it in the way he dealt with most things. He threw himself into surfing and working out. He was up before dawn for morning workouts, then beat his body up for most of the day, and when he’d return, he and Amy would talk until the wee hours of the morning and then make love until the pain and confusion was once again held at bay.

Sunday morning Tony took Evan surfing while Amy, Bella, and Jenna went to help Leanna at the flea market. Luscious Leanna’s Sweet Treats had taken off so much that Leanna couldn’t keep up with the customers at her booth. She’d even begun leaving Pepper at home with Kurt because she needed to focus solely on sales. Sunday was the busiest day at the flea market, and today was no different. It was a gorgeous summer afternoon with temps in the mideighties and a nice cool breeze. The girls wore their typical attire of their bathing suits beneath sundresses, with the exception of Leanna, who had on her jam-streaked cutoffs and a tank top.

While Leanna and Jenna helped customers, Bella and Amy applied labels to jars sitting beside Leanna’s colorful, hand-painted Volkswagen bus. She always parked behind her booth, as most of the vendors did.

“Have you had any repercussions from the stunt you pulled with Theresa?” Amy asked Bella.

“
Pfft
. No. She can’t outdo me. She knows that now.”

“But that was breaking and entering. You’re lucky she didn’t have you arrested.”

“No, it wasn’t. I offered to water her plants while she was gone. Besides, it’s all in fun. She knows that. Let’s talk about something that matters. How is Tony holding up with the news about his dad?” Bella asked.

Tony hadn’t hesitated when Amy had asked him if she should share the news of his father’s illness with the girls. She wasn’t sure if he’d been so quick to allow it because they would be there to support them or because he was just not into keeping secrets any longer. His decision seemed to be driven by both. She’d told the girls about his father’s illness, and as she’d expected, they’d been empathetic and supportive.

“You know Tony. He’s keeping himself busy until he’s really ready to deal with it. I think he needs closure.” Amy set a jar on the table and picked up another. “Is it weird that I feel guilty about that summer? I mean, maybe if I hadn’t been so attracted to Tony back then, he would have had more time for his dad or been more focused on him. Maybe he could have talked to him instead of just being upset over how he was being treated.”

“It’s not weird, but only because you have the biggest, most unselfish heart on the planet.” Bella peeled the backing off a label and pressed it on the jar. “You hate to see anyone sad, and you want to fix it for him. But he’s a guy. You can’t fix anything for a guy. No one can. They’re like…” Bella looked out at the sea of people walking between the booths. “I don’t know what they’re like, but while they want us there to listen and love them, they want to be the fixers.”

“I just want to do the right thing and help him through this.”

Bella set down the jar and reached for Amy’s hands. “Ames, you are doing the right thing. You and Tony are together. The rest will work itself out.”

“I hope so. I hate that he can’t go back and work things out with his dad.” She knew it was tearing Tony up that he couldn’t fix this with a phone call to his father, and she worried about what would happen when keeping himself busy wasn’t enough to dull the pain.

When there was a lull in the flow of customers, Jenna joined them. “Take him to his father’s grave site. He can say a real goodbye, not the angry, confused twenty-year-old’s goodbye of years ago.”

Bella stepped in to help another round of customers so Jenna could talk with Amy, patting Amy’s arm as she passed. Jenna picked up a jar and a label and went to work.

“Do you think that will help?” Amy tucked her hair behind her ear, thinking about Jenna’s suggestion. Tony hadn’t cried at his father’s funeral. She’d never forget the way he’d looked broken and brave at the same time, when inside she’d known he must have been shattered.

“I do. His father doesn’t need to be with him for Tony to come to grips with his feelings. He just needs to be present—you know what I mean?”

“Then maybe I should take him to Pelly, that psychic in P-town.” Pelly was one of the best psychics in the area. When they were younger they’d heard stories of people camping overnight in Pelly’s yard to be seen the following morning. Over the years Pelly had cracked down on those folks, and now he held very limited hours for readings.

“Do you remember when we went as kids?” Jenna’s eyes widened as she picked up another jar.

“How could I forget? Remember how dark the room was? And everything was red. The walls, the tablecloth, even the caftan he wore was bloodred. So weird.”

Jenna laughed. “Remember how nervous we were? I can’t even remember what he told us. I just remember running out and laughing so hard that we tumbled onto the grass.”

“Yeah, well, I remember
hoping
he’d tell me that Tony was madly in love with me, and instead he told me something stupid like,
Be true to your heart and you’ll find your way
.” Amy scoffed.

“Ames…”

Amy met Jenna’s wide-eyed gaze. “What?”

“Duh. You did follow your heart. And you did find your way.”

Goose bumps rose on Amy’s arms. “Yeah. Maybe he wasn’t so far off after all, but maybe that’s not the best thing for Tony. I mean, if Pelly is as good as people say, what if he really does reach Tony’s dad and something’s…I don’t know.
Off
. Or if it doesn’t offer the closure he needs. It might make things worse.”

“There is that.”

“I think I like your idea better anyway. Tony needs to come to grips with his own feelings on his own terms. If there’s one thing I’ve learned this summer, it’s that you can’t fix the past. You can only accept it, maybe try to understand it as best you can, and find a way to move forward and leave it where it belongs. In the past.” It surprised Amy that she was doling out such sage advice so readily. She of all people knew how difficult it was to leave the past behind. And now, reflecting on what she’d said, she also understood how important it was to deal with it before moving on.

It was nearly six o’clock by the time the flea market cleared out, despite the fact that it officially closed at four.

“Beachcombers tonight?” Bella asked as they pulled into Seaside and Leanna parked beside the laundry room, which she often did since her van was so big and it blocked her view of Amy’s deck if she parked in her driveway.

“That sounds perfect.” Amy stepped from the van and glanced over at Tony’s cottage. His car was there, and she couldn’t wait to see him. “I’ll ask Tony. I think we could both use some fun.”

“Ask Tony what?” Tony stepped from the laundry room, shirtless, tanned, and gorgeous, carrying a basket of freshly folded clothes.

“I don’t think there’s anything sexier than a guy doing laundry.” Amy rose up on her toes and kissed him. “Especially this man.”

“I don’t know. Caden in his tool belt is pretty hot,” Bella teased.

Amy laughed. “We were talking about going to the Beachcomber tonight.”

“Sounds great.” Tony slipped an arm around Amy’s waist and whispered, “I need to shower. Want to join me?”

Amy felt her cheeks heat up. “Uh…yeah. Of course.”

They made plans to meet the gang later and headed to Tony’s cottage. Theresa pulled up as they crossed in front of her driveway. She waved, and Amy stopped to greet her.

“Hi, Theresa. We’re going to the Beachcomber tonight. Would you like to come along?”

Theresa pressed her lips together in a way that made Amy feel stupid for asking. She was probably angry about Bella’s prank, although Theresa never really got angry, at least not that Amy had ever witnessed.