SEAN: A Mafia Romance (The Callahans Book 3) (13 page)

“What about—?”

“It can only be you. I’ve thought about this a lot—and I know, only you.” Tears filled her eyes. “It’s a horrible thing to ask a child. But I feel like I have no choice.”

“Are you really in that much pain?”

She nodded even as a spasm overtook her again. She grimaced, tears filling her eyes once again. A few spilled over the corners, and she wiped them away. When she did, I saw the horrible bruises that her IVs and the many needle sticks they’d forced her to endure over the past few weeks had left behind.

“How long did the doctor say?”

“A month, if I’m lucky. More if we do chemo.”

“How much more?”

“A couple of months, maybe.”

“It’s really that bad?”

“It had already spread by the time they found it. It’s in my bones, my liver, my stomach. Pretty soon I’m not going to be able to speak because of the one in my brain. Then I’ll never be able to argue with your father over the things he wants to do.”

She was right. I knew she was right, yet I couldn’t make myself wrap my mind around what she wanted.

“If I talked to him—?”

“He’s convinced himself that what he’s doing is right. But it’s my life. Shouldn’t I have a right to choose how I live my final days?”

“Of course. But, Momma, wouldn’t you want to spend your final days with us?”

“I have. I’ve spoken to each of you and said what I needed to say. I’ve said goodbye to everyone, and I think they’ve all said goodbye to me, except maybe your father. And he’s never going to say goodbye.”

She was right about that, too. He wouldn’t. I didn’t want to.

“Please, Sean. I know this is terribly unfair and that I shouldn’t do this. But it’s what I want. Do you understand?”

“Of course.”

She took my hands and held them between hers. “I love you so much. I knew you would do this if I asked.”

“I just…”

I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to make this about me. It was about her, about her right to choose. I was just the one who was going to have to live with it.

She held my hands for a long time, and we stared into each other’s eyes. I liked to think that we communicated a great deal in those final moments. Maybe we did. Maybe not.

With a deep breath, I turned to the IV machine and tried to open the little door that covered the programming buttons. It wouldn’t open. I worked at it, played with it, but it wouldn’t open. They’d put a lock on it to keep people from doing exactly what I was about to do.

I could pick the lock, but I wasn’t sure it would do any good. There was likely some sort of code I’d have to input.

I searched the drawers under the medical cart that held all the supplies they could possibly need to treat her. There were syringes in one of the drawers. I took one out and clumsily used the ports on the IV lines to draw out a large amount of morphine from the bag hanging above the machine.

They didn’t think of everything.

I injected the medication into my mother’s arm, but as I did, I noticed the writing on the IV bag.

Saline.

The morphine must be inside the machine.

“Momma…”

“Please, Sean. I don’t want to keep living with this pain.”

“But the medicine is locked up. I can’t get into it.”

“Is there something else?”

There wasn’t. They hadn’t left any potentially fatal medications in the room. There were no scalpels, no ropes or belts. There was nothing. Nothing except the pillows under her head.

She saw me looking at them and understood the direction of my thoughts. She reached behind her and tried to tug one of the pillows free, but she wasn’t strong enough. My beautiful, jolly, angelic mother wasn’t strong enough to simply pull a pillow out from under her head.

I gently lifted her head, like she must have done for me when I was a baby, and tugged the pillow free. Then I laid her back on the remaining pillow, straightening her hair as it flowed around her face.

“It’s okay, Sean,” she said softly. “This is what I want.”

“I know, Momma.”

I kept hoping they’d come to check on her, that something the nurses did or said would change her mind. I hoped they would find me suffocating my mom, and they would call security, drag me out of there, and put me in jail. I hoped someone would come to their senses and realize this was not what was supposed to be happening in here. But no one came, even when instinct caused her to kick her legs, even when she clawed my arm with her fingernails. No one came as she grew still, as she stopped breathing and the life slowly left her body, as I continued to hold the pillow over her face for impossibly long minutes, waiting to be sure she was gone. I didn’t want to have to put her through this a second time.

And then I collapsed, my arms shaking from the effort, falling onto the mattress beside her. I was breathing hard, as if I’d just run a marathon, not sure where that was coming from. Then I moved the pillow aside and saw the blood trickling from her broken nose, the surprise and shock in her eyes. I tossed the pillow onto the floor and gathered her up into my arms, sobbing as if I was five years old again.

“Momma…momma…momma!”

I don’t even remember the nurses coming in; I don’t remember when Pops got there. All I remember is waiting for the police arrive to take me away for killing my own mother.

But they never did.

Delaney

“She asked you to do it.”

The words hung heavy in the room. Sean was still sitting in that chair, still staring down at the floor, his hands between his legs as if he’d lost all muscle control. He shook his head, his hands shaking with it, denying my words even though he’d just told me exactly what’d happened in his mother’s hospital room that night.

“Sean, she was terminally ill. She asked you to do it.”

“It doesn’t matter. I killed her.”

“At her request.”

I went to him, pushed his shoulders back, and climbed into his lap. He still wouldn’t look at me even when I tried to push his head back.

“She was my mother. She was in pain, half-crazed by the treatments they were giving her. I should have said no; I should have told her that she needed to live long enough to let us all get used to the idea of her death. I saw what it did to my brothers, to Stacy. Saw how devastated my father was. I couldn’t…I couldn’t even go to the funeral. I watched them bury her from a distance; I watched that casket go into the ground, and I knew it was because of me. If I hadn’t—”

“If you hadn’t, she would have died a few weeks later, in pain, miserable. She would have left you all with memories that she didn’t want you to have.”

“Instead, I killed her and tore the family apart, anyway.”

“How?”

“Stacy moved away, unable to deal with how Pops stole the final weeks of her life. Kevin spends most of his time as far from everyone as possible. Killian and Ian came back to Boston instead of living the lives they’d intended to live.” He shook his head. “Everyone lost sight of what their lives were supposed to be when she died.”

“And how is that a bad thing?” I touched his face again and tried to get him to look at me again. “Stacy’s back with the family. She’s married and raising a child of her own. Killian and Ian are working with your father and they seem happy.”

“They should have gone straight. They should have had a different life.”

“They might have chosen this life anyway. You don’t know that they wouldn’t have.”

“I do because Momma would have chased them away. She didn’t want this for them.”

“How do you know that?”

He finally looked at me then. “She didn’t like what Pops did for Jack.”

“But that doesn’t mean she didn’t accept it. Eventually.”

He shook his head, but he didn’t look away. I took his face in my hands and held him as gently, yet firmly, as I could.

“She was sick. She was dying. She wanted to go out her way.”

“But that way…”

“It’s awful, I agree. But you gave her a gift when you allowed her to choose how she would die.”

He lifted me off his lap and began to pace the length of the small room. “You don’t understand. I’ve killed people. I’m a murderer.”

“You let your mother die with dignity.”

“And what about the others? The gang members and Italian mob guys I’ve killed for Jack?”

My heart stuttered a little in my chest. “You didn’t mention that.”

“Your father is the leader of the Irish mob, Delaney. What did you think working for him meant?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

“It means violence. It means death. It means doing things that bring darkness into innocent people’s lives. It means that I’m not the man you thought I was.”

“No. It means that you’ve done things you’re not proud of.”

He snickered at that. “You think?”

“It means that you have some choices to make.”

“And what’re those?”

“Do you want to be with me, Sean?”

All these things rushed over his face, feelings that were so strong that each one made an impression on his handsome features. Fear was the dominate one, but love and affection followed closely behind. And hope.

“I want that more than anything.”

“Then you have to make a choice. Me or my father.”

“It’s not that easy, Delaney.”

“Sure it is. My father thinks you have a death wish. He says that’s the only reason you asked to work for him. And now I know why you were acting that way, but you’ve got to know that it’s no longer necessary.” I walked up to him and pressed a finger into his chest. “You didn’t do anything wrong when you helped your mother die. You don’t need to be punished for it.”

Sean’s face crumpled for a moment. He looked up at the ceiling for a moment, trying to regain control.

“You don’t understand.”

“I understand better than you think I do. I know how much you loved her. I know she was very convincing when she asked you to do it. My mom…she could talk me into just about anything. We can’t say no to our moms.”

“Delaney—”

“Stop, Sean.” I took his hands in mine. “It’s awful. You shouldn’t have been put in that position. But it’s over now. She knows the truth. You know the truth. And now I do. It doesn’t need to go any further than this. But you don’t have to punish yourself, either.”

“You don’t hate me?”

“Of course not!”

“You don’t think I’m a monster?”

I cradled his face in my hands again. “Of course not. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. How could that person be a monster?”

The air seemed to go out of him like air rushing out of a tire. He wrapped himself around me and held on tight, a sob slipping from between his lips before he could stop it.

“I love you,” I whispered against his ear. “I love you so much.”

And I kept saying it until the steel came back into his back and he began to hear it.

Sean

I paced the front entryway of Delaney’s condo, waiting for her to come downstairs as time ticked down and we prepared to go to Pops’ arraignment. Ian and Killian had both called me several times this morning, Killian still working hard to keep the press at bay. He’d managed to spin Pops arrest in such a way that it had little impact on MCorp so far. Although the morning news opened with the arrest of MCorp’s CEO yesterday morning, Killian had gotten in touch with all their principle investors and advertisers, convincing them all that it was a mistake that would be rectified very soon. Most believed him because none had contacted my office looking to get out of their contracts.

This could have been a fiasco for both MCorp and Pops personally, but Killian was incredibly skilled when it came to spinning people’s understanding of reality. He’d saved them both so far. The only question now was whether or not he’d be able to keep it up if things went south at the arraignment this morning.

Cassidy was falling apart. She was staying with Killian and Stacy until Pops got out of jail. Killian said she cried herself to sleep last night. I knew Brianna told her everything we knew so far. I knew I wouldn’t have done that, especially the bit about the bruises and the fat lip. But Brianna and Cassidy had a relationship that I didn’t fully understand. They were close in a way I would never be with anyone.

Delaney came down the stairs, wearing a very professional suit with dark slacks and a fitted, white blouse. Her blond hair was streaming down her back, long and straight, perfectly combed. And the little bit of makeup she wore highlighted what was beautiful about her face—which was just about everything.

She was so composed, so together. She made me feel like a bowl of Jell-O in comparison.

She also made me feel calmer.

We’d come home last night and were tangled together under her sheets for a long time, holding onto each other for hours. She didn’t seem composed then. There was emotion rushing over her face that I couldn’t keep up with. I wanted know everything, feel everything. I wanted to live in that moment for the rest of my life. And when she said she loved me, that she’d never leave me, that this was forever, I believed her.

I’d finally shared my dark burden with someone else and she didn’t run screaming for the hills. She promised to stay by me. How incredible was that?

She walked up to me and planted a kiss firmly on my lips.

“It’s going to be okay no matter what happens next.”

I nodded, but my chest seemed to flutter under the muscle and flesh that held it in place. I knew life would continue—how well I knew that. Life continued after Momma died despite the fact that I felt as though it should have ended right there and then. I went back to school, but I was different. Tara sensed it the moment I walked through the door of our shared apartment, berating me for not allowing her to fly up for the funeral. She tried everything to console me, but she had no idea what darkness I’d brought home with me. And when she said she was pregnant…I fucked it up. I did everything wrong. I should have been there for her, but I couldn’t see past my own guilt, my own pain. And she walked away, quite properly. I would have left long before she did if the shoe was on the other foot. I’m glad she found happiness even if I still mourned the premature end of our relationship.

And now, looking into Delaney’s eyes, I knew it’d all worked out for the best.

And I knew this would, too.

***

Everyone was waiting for us in the hallway outside the assigned courtroom. Brianna was sitting on a low bench, quietly reassuring her mother that we’d do the best we could. Killian and Ian were leaning against the wall, whispering to each other. Stacy and the baby stood back a little, exhaustion intensifying the concern on her face. Kevin and Kyle each stood separately, Kevin close to Brianna and her mother, Kyle on the far side of the corridor, distant from everyone as he often was. I held Delaney’s hand, pulling her close to my side.

“Are you ready for this?”

“I should be asking you that.”

I glanced at her, a smile softening the rough edge of my voice. “I meant meeting my family.”

She laughed softly, thinking I was joking. I wasn’t.

Ian marched over, fire in his eyes.

“Have you seen the paper? There’s a column that talks about Pops’ arrest like it’s the first sign that things are finally going right in this town.” He was livid, his words clipped. “Like Pops is such a menace to society!”

“It’s not that big of a deal,” Killian assured us, as he joined us in the center of the hallway. “It’s buried on like the thirtieth page. Hardly anyone’s going to read it.”

“It’s on the website.”

“Yeah, but most people go on the website for the headlines, not little columns like that.”

Ian shook his head, clearly not buying what Killian was saying. But he didn’t argue anymore.

“Has he been brought over?” I asked.

Killian shrugged. “They won’t tell us anything. Just that he’s on the docket at ten fifteen.”

Brianna came over, a cautious smile on her face. “Hey, I have a little news.”

Everyone gathered at the sound of her words, even Kyle. Kevin moved up close behind Brianna, sliding his hand over her hip. The touch—its intimacy—made me wonder what was going on between the two of them. They seemed close already, but this…I wasn’t sure this was such a good idea. Killian and Stacy were one thing, but Kevin and Brianna? He was Pops’ favorite, the one who came last to our family but made the biggest impact. I wasn’t sure a match between him and Pops’ secret daughter would really be a good idea.

Cassidy moved up beside me and slid her arm around my waist.

“Who’s this?”

I drew Delaney up, closer to my family.

“Everyone, this is Delaney Doherty. Delaney, this is the family.”

She smiled and held out her hand to Ian. He looked her over for a long second, then tugged her into his arms for a big, bear hug.

“Nice to finally meet you!”

“It’s about time.”

“How do you put up with him?”

“Why would you put up with him?”

“Welcome to the family.”

They all welcomed her with their own little quip. Even Cassidy, smiling as she approached her, kissing her cheek lightly and offering a polite greeting. For a second, the gravity of the moment was forgotten and everyone seemed lighthearted.

But then the moment passed. All eyes fell on Brianna as she watched from something of a distance, as though this ritual had nothing to do with her.

“What’s your news?” I asked.

She cleared her throat, then stood a little taller.

“I spoke with the partners at my law firm. They said if this case goes to trial, they’d be more than happy to represent Brian.”

A collective sigh rushed through our group. That was good news. Even though Brianna and I were capable lawyers, having a reputable law firm on our side was everything when it came to fighting this case in the public eye. It showed that we weren’t just going to sit back and watch things unravel around us.

“That’s great,” I said.

“And they’ve graciously agreed to allow you to stay on the case with us, Sean.”

My eyebrows rose. “Really?”

She nodded, her smile moving into her eyes. “I told them how great you are and they said they’d be grateful for your input.”

Delaney squeezed my hand. I couldn’t help the smile that slipped over my lips. I’d never been part of a proper law firm. I mean, I did an internship with a firm that was vaguely affiliated with my law school, but I’d never really practiced with a firm. I’d gone from law school to MCorp with nothing in between. So this…it was big for my career.

Brianna touched my arm lightly and Cassidy winked.

“We should go in,” Ian suggested. “Let’s see if we have a case to fight before we start planning how to fight it.”

We moved toward the courtroom, our group intimidating to the other families gathered there. We got our fair share of stares and then some, even from the young wives with babies in their arms who’d been in tears just a moment before. Delaney gave me a sweet kiss before I moved toward the defendant’s table with Brianna.

We had to wait a few minutes for Pops’ case to be called. He wasn’t even in the courtroom yet. I watched as the arraignments of several petty thieves were processed, watching carefully how the procedure played out. It was one thing to learn about this in a classroom, watching reenactments done by my fellow classmates, but it was another to witness it actually taking place.

It was fascinating. I only wished it wasn’t my father’s own fate that was hanging in the balance.

They brought him in as the last case. I wasn’t watching, but I was alerted by the harsh gasp that came from our side of the courtroom. His face was covered in bruises, his lips bloody and swollen. He looked as though he’d just come from a prizefight in the boxing ring.

Anger burst through me like a hot wind. I wanted to find the federal agents who’d done this and kill them with my bare hands.

They would pay for this.

“Brian David Callahan,” the bailiff called in a clear, deep voice.

Pops was brought to the defendant’s table as Brianna and I took our place. “You okay?” I asked softly. He nodded, a smile painfully parting his lips.

He didn’t look okay.

“Mr. Callahan, you’re charged with intent to participate in racketeering. How do you plead?”

Brianna was shaking. She opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

“Your honor,” I said, “my client pleads—”

“Your honor,” the prosecutor interrupted, “the state apologizes for wasting your time, but we’ve decided to drop the charges against this defendant.”

“Excuse me?” the judge asked, just as incredulous as I was.

“It turns out that there was a paperwork snafu, and we are unable to pursue this case at the moment.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” The judge regarded the prosecutor over the top of his reading glasses, thunderclouds in his already dark eyes. “You’re seriously telling me this gentleman just spent the weekend in jail for nothing?”

The prosecutor looked a little sheepish as he nodded. “Yes, sir.”

The judge sat back in a huff, forcing his chair to smack against the wall behind him. He muttered a few curse words before he focused on Pops.

“Mr. Callahan, on behalf of the court and the state of Massachusetts, I apologize for this ordeal. You’re free to go.”

Relief took the wind out of my sails for a second, forcing me to fall back into my chair. And then I heard the cheer go up where the family was sitting. Seconds later, we were surrounded, everyone hugging everyone else. Delaney lay her hand on my shoulder and squeezed, the smile on her face priceless.

“I love you,” I whispered as I stood and pulled her into my arms.

“I told you it would be okay.”

She was right. Teach me to listen to her!