SE Jakes Bound By Honor (8 page)

Damon snorted. “He would’ve been hurt if I hadn’t gone. It was a stupid idea to think I could do this without messing it

al up again, anyway.”

“What happened between you two at the club?”

“He had to do something he wasn’t ready for. Again, it’s my fault. Damn you, Jesse.” He buried his hands in his hair,

felt LC sit next to him and sling an arm across his shoulder.

“Jesse knew you wanted to sel the club.”

Of course. Jesse knew everything. The problem was, he never did anything about it. “I didn’t want what Jesse did, LC.

It was al too much.”

It was the first time he was saying the words out loud—and he felt as if he were betraying Jesse, but he had to spil al

of this out or it would break him.

He needed to move on.

LC waited a beat before he spoke and then, “I’ve known that for a long time too—probably before you did.”

“Then why didn’t Jesse do anything? How could he not have?”

“He didn’t want to.” LC’s voice was hard now. “Look, I loved the guy too, but he was damned selfish when it came to

his needs.”

He had been. And Damon had felt there was no way to escape—partial y because he’d stil loved Jesse…and partly

because he felt completely responsible for his charge.

“I thought maybe I could do it with the club, LC. But I’m done. Out,” he whispered hoarsely. “Too many memories.”

“I know. We’l sel , then figure out what to do next,” LC said. “We always do.”

Comforted, Damon let LC rub the knots out of his shoulders for a silent half an hour. LC, who’d been there for him for

a hel of a long time.

The man understood what memories could do. When Damon felt better, he would take some time to remind his friend

that he needed to crawl out of the weight of his own past as wel .

When LC finished, he rubbed the back of Damon’s neck. “Tonight’s Dave’s retirement party at Rex’s.

You’re expected to go,” LC reminded him.

He was—and he would go. “What about you?”

“Someone’s got to stay and run the place,” LC said. “I think you’d rather it be me tonight.”

After final y dragging himself up and out, Damon was having a better time than he’d expected at Rex’s, mainly

because he spent the first hour laughing at his Navy friend who was in love…and miserable as fuck.

“Tel him,” Damon insisted as he lounged against the kitchen counter, staring out into the crowd of men out of uniform,

a half-empty glass of whiskey in his hand.

“I can’t. He’s under me,” Rex pointed out grimly.

“Yes, that’s where you want him.” Damon laughed at his own joke and ducked Rex’s attempted slap to the head. The

men had known each other since Damon was in Delta, and he and Rex had done some joint task force missions

together.

“He’s straight. And a total pain in the ass.” Rex shook his head as he glanced at the man they were discussing, a

Navy SEAL like Rex who defined tal , blond and handsome. “Sawyer goes out of his way to drive me crazy.”

“Sounds like he’s looking for your attention.”

Rex took a sip of his beer and shrugged as if it didn’t matter. “You think?”

“He’s here, isn’t he?”

“For Dave—it’s his party.”

“Keep tel ing yourself that, you dumbshit.” But Damon couldn’t deny that he understood what Rex was going through.

With some of these young guys, it was hard to tel if they were gay or not, and one wrong move could ruin a career. But

judging by the way Sawyer kept glancing over at Rex, Damon was pretty certain he could see something there.

And then Tanner walked i n a nd Damon finished hi s drink i n o ne gulp, unable t o deny the tug h e felt o n seeing the

handsome boy. Rex, of course, noticed immediately.

“You know him?”

“He served with Jesse.”

“Ah.” Rex remained silent for a minute. “Something going on between you two?”

Damon was saved from having to answer that question by another.

“Need a refil ?”

A young soldier, one who’d been scoping him out al evening, was by his side. Damon said no to the drink because

he didn’t need to hit the bottle tonight, but let the young man named Jordan flirt like hel with him.

Jordan was handsome. Receptive. Damon wondered if the young soldier would end up under him tonight. It wouldn’t

be hard to get Jordan to come home with him, to fuck him outside on the beach, even.

Jordan was not Tanner. And therefore, Damon couldn’t mess up again, the way he seemed t o every time he tried to

make things right with the boy. Better to push Tanner away, once and for al , because he’d fucked up with Jesse and

would no doubt continue to do so with Tanner. Making Tanner hate him would be better for both of them. He was sure of

it.

This was the last place Tanner had expected to see Damon mingling with the military men as if he belonged…and it

was suddenly so obvious that he did.

Jesse had never mentioned that Damon served. And it wasn’t like Tanner and Damon had spent a lot of time talking

about anything but sex. And Jesse.

Damon was no doubt pissed at him for leaving so abruptly, but Tanner hadn’t wanted to face the morning after. Could

barely believe what he’d gotten himself into and hadn’t wanted a lecture from the former Dom who’d literal y saved him.

Stil , he owed the man a thank you. But now, Damon was busy talking to a guy named Jordan, and smiling too

damned much.

His friend Sawyer handed him a beer just then, told him, “Take a picture of that guy—it’l last longer.”

“Shit.” Tanner tore his gaze away and chugged half the bottle.

“I’m guessing you know him.”

“Kind of.”

Sawyer wisely didn’t say anything more. Although notoriously straight, there was something that told Tanner there was

a lot more under the man’s surface.

The party was a mix of men—gay, straight,
don’t ask don’t tell
out in ful force. Tanner figured he’d put in an

appearance and take off and…

What? Go fucking?

But now that he saw the apparent interest in Damon’s eyes as he spoke with Jordan, Tanner’s stomach clenched. He

didn’t know Damon wel enough to know if that interest was feigned or real.

Tanner wanted it to be faked so badly it hurt. He finished the beer and slammed it on the table next to him a little too

hard.

“I’ve seen him look over at you a couple of times. Why don’t you just go over there?” Sawyer asked.

“I can’t.” Tanner would have to harden his damned heart. He’d been doing what Jesse asked, not looking for the love

of his life.

What did it mean that he’d even considered Damon having the potential to be a great love? In the space of a week—

technical y, only two nights—Damon had turned him inside out, had Tanner craving his touch.

Had him wondering how the hel Damon knew him so wel .

You’re not a goddamned bottom
, he told himself fiercely, which didn’t explain why he had dreams where Damon was

buried to the hilt in his ass. In those dreams, Tanner loved every minute of it.

Dream Tanner was obviously an idiot. An extremely horny one that…

“You’re not going to say hi?”

Damon’s voice broke Tanner’s reverie—he looked at the dark-haired man as Sawyer moved away and felt his

cheeks heat. “I didn’t know—”

“That I’d served?” Damon paused and handed Tanner one of the beers he’d been holding. “You did.”

I t wa s true…the commands inherent i n Damon’s tone ha d been what Tanner wa s used t o . The wa y Damon held

himself…yes, it was crystal clear now.

And it made Damon that much more attractive to him.

Tanner took a slug of the beer and then asked, “Are you taking that guy home with you?”

Damon raised a brow. “Why? Does that bother you?”

Tanner didn’t answer. Couldn’t. He just knew it did. Tonight, he would dream of Damon and he’d wake up coming with

Damon’s name on his lips. And Damon was basical y tel ing him that yes, the guy was going home with him, to his loft…

the bed Tanner had slept in last night.

He’d wanted nothing more than to wake up next to Damon, had hoped the man would move into the bed with him. But

when Tanner had opened his eyes and saw he was alone, that Damon had remained on the couch sleeping, he knew

that al of this was simply a favor for Jesse.

And stil , he heard himself asking Damon, “Take me home with you instead.”

“If I do, you’l run again,” Damon told him, pushed past him to walk away.

“You promised,” he blurted out.

“I guess we’ve both broken a couple, so let’s cal it even,” Damon said smoothly. Detached. Not the same man who’d

had Tanner over his knee and then just held him.

Tanner hated feeling this lost. He resented the hel out of Jesse for making him make this promise, hated that he

wanted Damon more than he’d wanted anyone in his life.

He moved closer to Damon, lowered his voice. “I’m having trouble, Damon. It’s not my scene.”

“Doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a sample every now and again. Doesn’t mean you can’t learn something about

yourself when you’re tied down or spanked.”

Tanner thought about the truth in that statement. He’d learned the fine line between pleasure and pain a long time

ago.

“Submission is a gift,” Damon continued. “I don’t take that lightly.”

“You did that first night.”

“That night had nothing to do with submission. For either of us.” Damon paused. “Why do you fear the loss of control?

Because you think it makes you helpless? Weak?”

“I was, with Hunt and Joe.”

“That’s because that wasn’t submission. It’s not about fear. It’s about pleasure. Yours. You’re the one who cal s the

shots.

I can make you feel so good…can turn you inside out, upside down. I can have you begging me to fuck you, own

you…”

Tanner didn’t doubt it. The power of Damon’s words alone were enough to make him practical y come in his pants in

the middle of a crowded party. “I don’t want…”

“What?”

“Al that whip-and-chain shit…I just want…”
Skin to skin with you. You holding me.

When he couldn’t finish, Damon did so for him. “If you can’t say it, you don’t get it.”

“Jesus, Damon.”

“What are you looking for from me?” Damon demanded, although his voice remained low and control ed. Two days

ago, Tanner wouldn’t have had an answer beyond fulfil ing Jesse’s wish. Now, the answer was more complicated, his

body more than wil ing to do whatever this man wanted him to do.

He wanted so much…things he never thought he had wanted.

He wanted forgiveness. But how could he ever expect that from Damon when he couldn’t even forgive himself?

Damon looked like he was about t o reach out and touch him, but then he pul ed back. Tanner realized that hi s skin

prickled at even the thought of contact. “Are you this good? Do you make al the guys you’re with want you the way I do?”

“Yes.”

God, Tanner wanted him to be lying, wanted to be special for Damon and hated himself for giving a fuck. His body

was taut, aching to be pul ed into Damon’s… “Okay, then. I guess I’m going to get out of here.”

“That would probably be best.”

No, it wouldn’t be, but Tanner didn’t argue. Instead, he left without looking back, drove home and paced around the

floor of his townhouse until he was sure he’d worn a groove in the floor.

If you go to him…

He shook off the thought, the fear that bal ed tightly in his bel y, because that al fought with his arousal.

His cock won.

Damon could and would take him in any way he wanted. Tanner had known that from the second he’d met the Dom

and stil , he hadn’t been able to stay away. He’d never thought himself capable of any kind of real feeling—not like this.

The fact that Damon dismissed him so easily and had left with someone else was too much for Tanner. Because as

much as he wanted Damon to claim him, he knew he’d already laid claim to Damon and he wasn’t giving him up without

a fight.

Fighting was something he understood wel , was as used to it as breathing. He’d been doing it his whole life.

Growing up with a silver spoon in his mouth never sat wel with Tanner. He was always somewhere doing something

he wasn’t supposed to, whether it was fixing a car or hanging out with the staff…doing things that were beneath his

station, as his mother would put it.

He’d refused boarding school even though he was the first in a long line to do so and went to public school instead.

And the Army had been his escape, his salvation, a place where no one looked down on him for working with his hands

or getting dirty.

He was made to be a warrior—he felt that deep down in his bones, never felt more comfortable or right than when he

was in his cammies…at least he had, until Jesse’s death had him reeling.

It shouldn’t be surprising that it had taken a warrior like Damon to final y understand him. He didn’t have Damon’s file,

but he could imagine that man on the missions that were so classified they never had a paper trail. He wondered if

Damon was stil plugged in enough to know that Tanner had been handpicked for Delta training, which didn’t guarantee

entrance to the elite ops team, but rather a chance to prove himself worthy.

He had a lot to look forward to, and if Damon could forgive him for Jesse’s death…maybe then he could forgive

himself.

A knock o n the service door registered with Damon through hi s haze o f sleep. As h e dragged himself o ut o f bed,

muttering something about it being too late for someone to be visiting even though it was only midnight, he checked the