SE Jakes Bound By Honor (4 page)

lifeline…or could sink him even further.

Without knowing which, Damon got out of the truck and headed up the walk, rang the bel and waited. A long four

minutes later, just when he was about to walk away, Tanner answered the door, dressed only in a pair of low-slung

sweatpants.

His eyes were red-rimmed and that tore at Damon’s gut.

Tanner’s chin jutted stubbornly when he saw Damon, his eyes blazed and yeah, Damon deserved it and the anger of

Tanner’s first words.

“How the fuck do you know where I live?” Tanner demanded.

“Your wal et.”

Tanner went to close the door but Damon’s hand shot out, stopping it. “That wasn’t a proper scene,”

he started.

“Felt pretty real to me.” Tanner’s voice was hoarse, and he stil held the door half closed.

“If it had been proper, you wouldn’t have been alone. I would’ve been there to help you through it. I would’ve been there

afterward, when you fel apart.”

“Yeah, one night and you would’ve been able to put me back together, right?” Tanner’s voice held the bitterness

Damon had expected, but the boy didn’t deny that he’d fal en apart. Instead, he let the door go and Damon pushed it

open ful y and took a step closer.

“I can do better. Give you what Jesse wanted you to have,” Damon offered, his voice quiet.

Tanner flicked a surprise gaze at him. “You want another chance?”

“Not at the club. At my place. Just the two of us.”

“I don’t think…I don’t think I’m cut out for this,” Tanner admitted.

“There’s more I want to know…about Jesse.”

Tanner was stil guarded, but he was a man of his word—Damon was counting on that…needed to make al of this

right somehow.

“I can do that. The rest…I don’t know,” Tanner said.

“Why?”

“Look, it’s not my scene, al right? I’m not a sub. I’m not a bottom.”

Damon stared at the boy as the picture of him bound and spread and coming flashed before his eyes.

He’d been out of the game for longer than he’d realized. That—and the fact that Jesse had clouded his judgment—

because he should’ve realized from the second he’d met the boy that Tanner thought he was a top. Damon knew,

from the second he met the unarguably alpha male, that he wasn’t. How to convince him was another issue in itself. “You

sure about that?”

Tanner shrugged like it was no big deal, but the casualness of the gesture didn’t match the confusion in his eyes.

“Yeah, I am. Nothing wrong with it, though. I just prefer being in control.”

Damon leaned in and put a hand around the back of Tanner’s neck, waiting for the man to resist.

He didn’t, and Damon rubbed the heated skin, stil damp from a recent shower. He pul ed Tanner a little closer

although the boy tugged back a little.

Damon tugged harder, told him, “No, baby—you’d prefer someone to take al that control from you until you’re

moaning like a sweet little bitch.”

Tanner’s jaw dropped and his eyes glazed slightly, like Damon had just revealed his deepest, darkest fantasy. Al

Damon needed to do was to step back a little and glance downward to see that Tanner’s cock had turned traitor. When

Damon dragged his eyes back to Tanner’s face, Tanner’s cheeks had flushed in tandem.

It was al he could do not to take the boy inside and fuck him on the floor, but he let his hand slip away from the boy’s

neck reluctantly. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“No,” Tanner agreed, not believing it, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck where Damon’s hand had been. And

he was stil hard. “It’s just something I’m not.”

Tanner would insist that until Damon proved it otherwise, so for now, he didn’t press it. “That’s why it was hard for you

to walk into the club and submit.”

“Wel , that and bringing up Jesse.” Tanner shook his head as though saying the name was as hard for him as it was

for Damon.

“You were close.”

“We were on the same team. Leave no man behind.”

“You didn’t leave him behind, Tanner.”

Tanner didn’t answer and Damon knew that, no matter what he told the boy, he’d believe he somehow let Jesse

down.

Damon knew that better than anyone. “Tomorrow night—after midnight. My loft’s above the club—

you can use the private entrance in the back. Be prepared to stay the weekend.”

He turned and headed back to his truck before Tanner could say anything, before he could turn Damon down,

because suddenly Damon wanted nothing more than Tanner.

The music was loud, the rooms dark, and the Underground was just what Tanner needed tonight, his cock half-hard

from the second he walked into this club that was nothing like Crave. The crowd was typical y out of control and bad shit

could happen to men who weren’t careful here.

Tonight, he didn’t feel like being careful. That in itself was dangerous but his adrenaline—his need to erase last night

and Damon from his mind—made him race to the point of not caring.

He needed pleasure and if that had to mix with pain to satisfy him, so be it.

Pain brought him back to Damon—the spanking bench and how hard he’d come and how much he hated both

himself and Damon for it. How his sleep wa s broken with dreams fil ed with Damon instead o f hi s usual nightmares

about Jesse’s final hours. It had been something of a relief to wake up sweating and tangled in the sheets and coming…

although having Damon’s name on his lips made him angry al over again.

Damn, he needed a drink and another orgasm—not necessarily in that order. But the drink came at the same time the

men started to circle and Tanner downed some beers and more than his share of shots so he could try to stop thinking.

Sometime between this morning’s dream and the afternoon’s grueling PT session, he’d decided that he’d done what

he could for Jesse, that it wasn’t his fault Damon screwed up last night and now wanted another chance to help him fulfil

the promise.

He was through with second chances and he’d been here more times than he cared to count. This was a,
don’t ask,

don’t
tell
, literal y underground club—dark, anonymous, and it used to be the best place for Tanner to wash away his

troubles.

He came here tonight to lose himself. If he could do that, he could prove to himself that he didn’t need Damon and his

bul shit pity offer.

The strobe lights and dance music had no place here—no, this place was strictly down and dirty.

Some local town kids came here too, hyperaware of their sexuality and sometimes too impressed by the military

men, although they’d be too gentle for what Tanner needed and so he ignored them.

He was cruised hard by several men—although some might recognize him as a top, many of them claimed to want to

be his daddy.

It made him think of Damon’s words and Tanner was glad no one could see his face burning in the dark.

“No, baby—you’d prefer someone to take it all from you until you’re moaning like a sweet little
bitch.”

His cheeks heated as he thought of how he’d jerked off after Damon left, hearing Damon repeating those words to

him, feeling the man’s hand on the back of his neck.

Damon repeated the words to him in Tanner’s dream too, and in that dream, he’d let Damon take everything.

“Fuck,” he muttered, and one of the men standing close laughed and told him, “That wouldn’t be a problem for me.”

Tanner felt the man’s hand run along his denim-clad hip and he didn’t pul away, let the man caress him as he drank

another whiskey and scanned the club for familiar faces.

Joe and Hunt were here—his stomach tightened when he saw them both at the other end of the bar, circling a

younger, no-doubt unsuspecting guy. They’d been together for a long time, although the only ones who’d know that were

the ones who visited here. They hid their relationship wel , as a necessity, since both were in the Army as wel .

Jesse had done the same. Tanner knew Jesse was gay because, wel , he
knew
. Being bi gave him the same gaydar,

although Jesse appeared as butch as the next guy. He’d just looked young, even though he’d been a few years older than

Tanner.

Jesse had been comfortable enough to confide in Tanner as wel .

“I don’t…I’m not enough for him,” Jesse had said about Damon that night he lay dying in the jungle.

“He needs more.”

Tanner hadn’t understood that at the time, just thought that Damon had sounded like an asshole.

“Maybe you’re just going through a bad time.”

“Nah. He’s just too good to me. I’m the selfish asshole who can’t let him go.” Jesse had closed his eyes. “I knew it

would take this to do it.”

“Dammit, Jesse, don’t talk like that.” Tanner had pushed him to open his eyes, to fight.

But Jesse had no more fight left in him.

Now, Tanner blinked, realized he’d gone back to the jungle in his mind far more easily than he’d wanted to.

He hadn’t told Damon any o f that, maybe he never would. Right now, h e stil agreed with hi s original assessment of

Damon as an asshole. But he didn’t know what went on behind closed doors. Two sides to every story…and Tanner

didn’t want to know either of them.

He had enough troubles of his own. His family wasn’t happy with his lifestyle, and by lifestyle, they’d meant continuing

to stay in the Army. The bisexual thing was something he’d no doubt take to his grave.

He knew what his family’s limits were, had learned long ago about keeping the truth from people for their own good.

According to Damon, Tanner was keeping the truth from himself as wel . And while he didn’t want to believe the truth

in that at al , he did know that right now, he was in no shape for women. He would be too rough. But these men in the club,

that would work for them.

After finishing his drink, he worked his way t o the back room and found several wil ing men, one o f whom got o n his

knees, unzipped Tanner’s jeans and took his cock in his mouth without saying a word.

The man knew what he was doing, deep-throated hi m first, a nd Tanner rested hi s head against the wa l a nd le t the

sensations of the man’s sucking take over everything. Then he threaded his hand through the man’s hair and forced him

to work to his rhythm…hard and fast, because he didn’t want to draw this out.

There were no connections t o b e made here. Tanner had always believed that’s what he’d been meant for—a life of

fucking and going home alone.

He’d been okay with that until last night—and no w h e couldn’t g e t Damon o ut o f hi s goddamned mind. Could feel

Damon’s hands on him stil , flashed back to the scene at Damon’s club and got harder, which seemed impossible.

“Fuck yeah,” he murmured to himself as the talented mouth sucked him and a hand caressed his bal s.

He gripped the man’s hair and his cock went down his throat again. He groaned, closed his eyes and imagined it

was Damon.

Wouldn’t that be something—Damon on his knees in front of him, taking his cock. Maybe even in front of everyone in

the goddamned club, and the men would be cheering again as Damon held his hips tight and sucked and licked until he

came down the man’s throat.

That would never happen. And stil , it was the dream he’d had last night, the one that made him wake up shooting and

crying out Damon’s name.

It confused the hel out of him. Damon had treated him like crap—and he’d al owed it—for Jesse.

But the man currently on his knees in front of him was treating him very wel . His tongue caressed the bundle of nerves

on the underside of his cock while he stroked, and then he sucked hard on the head and that was al Tanner needed. He

shot down the man’s throat, heard his own harsh breaths above the din.

When he pul ed out of the man’s mouth he was, as usual, stil rock hard.

“Viagra?” the man o n his knees asked a s he stared between his cock and Tanner’s face. “If not, that’s just damned

impressive.”

Tanner didn’t answer, just hauled him up and shoved him, chest against the wal .

The other man didn’t protest, instead helped Tanner puddle his jeans around his calves. Tanner pushed his own jeans

down low on his hips and rol ed on the condom.

“I’m already lubed,” the man said over his shoulder as he gripped the wal . “Go ahead.”

Tanner drove into him, the man moaning about how good he was, how big, and Tanner wanted to gag him because

he didn’t need the goddamned accolades. He just needed to come.

He closed his eyes and bit the man’s shoulder through his shirt, wondering if Damon ever let himself be fucked…

imagined no, and stil pretended this man was Damon and that he was making the Dom crazy by fucking him at just

the right angle. He would hit Damon’s prostate over and over s o he jumped a nd squirmed, b ut wa s unable t o g e t

away because he was impaled in that oh-so-fucking-good way.

Tanner had never let himself be fucked, but he’d been told by many that he was a hel of a fuck.

His bal s tightened and he shot his load into the condom as the man’s ass pulsed around him, and it wasn’t enough.

It was never enough, and he pushed the sweaty hair out of his eyes and downed another beer and thought about

going home.

Rethought going to Damon’s and decided that could never happen.

But stil , maybe Damon was right. Maybe Tanner did need to be fucked…but he’d be damned if he let Damon be the

one to do it.

He swung around and saw Hunt and Joe watching him. Now that would be courting trouble. And trouble was what