'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy (28 page)

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Authors: Leslie Langtry

BOOK: 'Scuse Me While I Kill This Guy
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I shook my head to clear it. Don’t worry. Richie was going down in a big way. But I had started to recognize that I wasn’t interested in being part of the Bombay Family anymore. I wanted the people in the boat to be my family, but not those I was rushing to meet.
I caught Diego looking at me with what I assumed was curiosity. I sent him a weak smile and he rewarded me with a full, warm, genuine one. Diego didn’t know it, but he was already a part of me. He loved Romi, and he loved me. No matter what, I vowed I would make it all up to him.
Paris slowed the engine and I could see we were coasting to a small, vine-covered cove about 200 yards to the west of the bungalows. As we pulled in, we lifted the veil of green and managed to tie up the boat behind a canopy of foliage.
“There’s a small cave over there,” Paris pointed, “where I used to hide out.”
We all slowly turned to look at him.
Paris blushed. “I just needed a spot to be alone sometimes.”
Dak asked, “Why?”
“To write poetry, okay? I always wanted to be a poet!” Paris blustered, then looked away.
“Leave him alone, Dak!” I smacked my brother up one side of the head. “Where does the cave go?”
Paris regained some of his composure, but now I imagined him in a white, billowy tunic, a jerkin and long boots.
“The cave actually lets out by the ropes course. I’m pretty sure no one knows about it. It’s always filled with undisturbed cobwebs and I’ve never seen any footprints in the mud. Not even last week. The best part is, we’ll bypass the booby traps.”
Liv and I looked at each other. She shrugged as if to say she’d had no idea her brother moonlighted as a bard.
“Sounds great.” I took the lead. “It’s a small island. But this should help us advance unannounced. Let’s go.”
The sun was up, but soon we ventured into complete darkness. We switched on our flashlights and followed Paris through a dark, dank tunnel covered in bat shit. I have no idea how long we walked.
No one spoke while we moved, just in case there was an echo. If the Council had other family members doing recon or was using some of Missi’s devices to find us, we weren’t going to make it easier.
Eventually, we emerged through a hole in the side of a cliff. Gulping as much fresh air as we could, we slowly made our way to the jungle floor. If Paris were right, the main building was a fifteen-minute hike to the east.
Paris was wrong. It took only ten minutes, tripping us up when we suddenly walked out of the fauna and into the pool area. The sun was directly above us, and we stood out like, well like assassins in black at a tropical pool party. No one was there, but I knew that security cameras were picking us up. They suddenly knew where we were. We had to act quickly to keep the Council off guard.
I ran to the door and opened it. Well, I guessed there were no surprises now. And the five of us burst into the Brutus Conference room, guns a blazin’.
The Council members sat in their seats on the dais, looking serenely at us as if we were scheduled to join them for tea. Not one of them reacted to the weapons in our hands. That kind of freaked me out, because we looked pretty scary, or so I thought.
“You’re early,” Grandma said tersely.
“Are you surprised?” I stepped in front of everyone else.
“Who’s he?” Lou barked, pointing at Diego.
“Where’s Romi?” I replied.
“I said, who is he?” Lou roared.
I leveled my gun, sights lining up in the middle of Lou’s forehead. “He’s my boyfriend. You got a problem with that?”
The Council exchanged looks, but still failed to fall to their knees in terror, begging for mercy. Damn.
“Where the hell is my daughter, Grandma?” I repeated.
“Where the hell is the mole, Virginia?” she responded. Damn. I hated it that she sounded cooler swearing than I did.
“I’m sure Richie is around here somewhere. He’s next on my list. But age before beauty. Right?”
I heard the other pistols come up, each leveled at the forehead of a different Council member. I felt a surge of adrenaline. Now this was more like it!
“Richie is the mole?” Dela asked, her voice full of doubt.
I nodded. “Yes. Oh. Are you surprised, Aunt Dela?”
Lou stood and snorted. “Richie isn’t the mole! He’s saved us. Just like he saved you at the reunion.”
Okay, so I lost a little of my composure. “He didn’t save me! It’s his fault I choked on the sponge cake! He wasn’t even doing the Heimlich maneuver right!” I waved my gun around while I spoke. Behind me came noises of movement and I realized I’d left the agreed-upon course of action.
“Dak is the mole. And it’s a good thing you brought him, or Romi wouldn’t be going home with you.” Lou sneered. I swear. He actually sneered.
“No, Uncle Lou. It’s Richie. We have proof. But please excuse me if we don’t set up a little PowerPoint presentation for you right now. You’ll just have to take our word for it.” I looked at Dak, whose pistol was pointed at Lou. “I think you should sit down and shut up before my brother blows your head off.”
Lou sat down, glowering at me. Something was wrong. None of them were armed, nor were they making a move to defend themselves. Why? We could kill them all right now and there was nothing they could do about it. I’d already instructed everyone to aim for the head, just in case they had body armor on. What was going on?
“We know the truth, Gin,” Troy said coldly. “Richie told us that the four of you were plotting against the family. He said you had incriminating photos of us. Is that true?”
Well, he had me there on the incriminating photos. In fact, they were in my backpack as we spoke. “No.” Hello? Why weren’t Liv or Dak speaking up? Hearing nothing from them, I continued, “That’s not true. Richie took the pictures. He planted evidence on Dak in order to frame him. I want the mole dead as much as you do. But that mole is Richie, not us.”
“I don’t think so, Gin.” Richie’s voice came over the PA system. I could hear him, but I couldn’t see him. He must have been in the multimedia booth. I fired a shot at the window.
“She shot me!” Richie screamed. “That bitch shot me!”
I got him? Huh. Didn’t expect that. I really didn’t think he’d be that stupid. Oh well. Yay me!
To my surprise, Diego walked to the control booth, kicked in the door (looking soooooo cool when he did that) and dragged my slimy little cousin out. By George, I
had
shot him! Just in the right thigh, but I finally got to shoot Richie!
I re-trained my gun on Grandma as Diego dropped my bleeding cousin in front of me, then returned to his position of targeting Troy.
“Thanks, hon!” I whispered as he walked past me. Diego grinned with amusement.
Time to get a confession out of Richie. “Tell them, dickhead. Tell them what you did before I shoot your balls off.” I trained my gun on an area of Richie I didn’t even want to think about.
“Owwwww!” Richie screamed. “She shot me!”
I rolled my eyes and kicked him, then pressed my boot down on his throat. “Tell them!”
“That’s enough, Virginia!” Grandma barked. She rose and reached behind her chair, pulling my gagged-and-bound five-year-old forward in front of her. Romi’s eyes grew wide as she saw her mother, aunt and uncles dressed like a SWAT team with guns aimed in her direction.
“You can have your daughter when you turn Dak over to us. Give us the evidence and we will sort it out to decide what is going on.”
I heard a sharp intake of breath behind me. “Gin, I’ll go. They’ll see. You have to get Romi back. They won’t hurt me,” Dak’s voice pleaded behind me.
I turned to look at him in amazement. He loved Romi—that was never in doubt. And this was such an unselfish act, I wanted to hug him.
“Not a chance, Grandma,” I shouted back. “Not much of a grandmother, are you? Kidnapping your great-granddaughter in order to kill your grandson. I don’t think you should look for any more cards from us on Mother’s Day.”
Liv said, “We’ve seen the evidence. You’ll just have to take our word for it. Now hand over Romi or this will be your last day on the Council.”
Woo. Tough words. I liked it.
“Hell,” Dak responded, “this will be your last day on the planet.”
Grandma’s jaw dropped. “You, my own grandchildren, would actually shoot me?”
We nodded in unison. “That’s what you’ve trained us to do, isn’t it?”
Grandma stamped her foot. “Fine.” She began to untie Romi. “I wasn’t really going to hurt her.” Maryland walked my daughter over to me. “Let’s see this evidence.”
I lowered my gun and Romi kicked her great-grandmother in the shins. Hard. Twice. And while most children would be punished for something like that, I figured it was time to raise her allowance and give her a later bedtime. Good girl. I pulled her behind me and she climbed into Diego’s arms.
I sighed wistfully, then tossed my backpack to Liv. “See if you can get this running in the media booth.” I watched as she lowered her gun from Florence, who had remained strangely silent throughout this, and walked over to the booth.
Grandma returned to her spot on the stage, and I took my foot off Richie’s throat. I trained my gun on him. I’m not completely hopeless.
Liv popped up in the window, frowning. Through the PA system she announced, “It doesn’t work. I’ve got nothing on the memory stick or the recording device.”
Richie wheezed out a laugh. “Of course not. We set up a strong electromagnetic pulse in all the doorways. Your evidence was deleted the minute you entered the building.” He started to laugh again, so I kicked him in the thigh, causing an impressive blood spurt.
Dela folded her arms. “How convenient that you don’t actually have any proof. Are we just supposed to believe you now?” As if on cue, all five Council members pulled pistols from behind their backs. Where the hell had they come from?
We held our guns in place. It was a classic Mexican standoff. And with my family’s marksmanship record, we could take each other out in one rapid burst.
Think, Gin
, I pleaded with myself. No evidence. And we all have guns trained on each other. There was no way we could survive this. Sure, maybe one or two of us could, but not all of us. Liv came down from the booth, aiming at Florence.
“Drop them, Gin,” I heard Lou say. “We have a lot more experience than you do. Put down your weapons and we’ll talk about this like reasonable adults.”
“Reasonable adults?” I shouted. “What kind of reasonable adults do this kind of crap? I think this family went beyond reasonable about two thousand years ago.”
“Nonetheless, we will shoot you all, including Romi.” Troy said calmly.
Limey peasant-fucker
. From now on—if we survived this—that’s what I’d call him at the family reunions.
“Yeah, but we have a little problem,” Liv said. “We don’t trust you and you don’t believe us. How are we going to work that one out? On the ropes course?”
I laughed. Even though we were in dire straits, it was pretty funny.
“How long do you think you can keep those guns on us?” Dela asked.
Grandma spoke up. “Lower your weapons and we’ll give you a chance to prove yourselves. If not, I guarantee that most of you won’t be going home.”
For some reason, that music from Final Jeopardy started playing in my head. Unfortunately, the wrong answer in this case wouldn’t just get us sent home with fabulous prizes.
I froze. Turning to look behind me would have given the Council the opportunity they needed. There was no way to consult with my troops. And Grandma was right. They would most likely take out at least three or four of us. The only advantage we had was that we were younger and could probably hold the guns up longer—at least that’s the way things were looking with the geriatric hit squad and their trembling triceps.
I didn’t trust them. But there was a chance they were telling the truth. Would they give us the opportunity to prove our innocence? I mean, it looked pretty bad with us in black, holding guns and all. But I could probably stand on Richie’s head until he confessed. I’d even enjoy it.
But what if we lowered our weapons and they shot us? Granted, I was pretty sure Mom and Uncle Pete would avenge us, but what good was that? I didn’t know if the Council could afford to take out four of its hitters. It would, at the very least, increase the retirement age.
The decision was an impossible one. It’s like I came to a fork in the road, and just sat down, unable to decide. Could I wait it out? Not likely, judging by the tremors in Uncle Lou’s hand. No, there was more of a chance that one of them would accidentally squeeze one off, launching quite a gun battle.
If we shot it out, some of us would die. If we did what they said, there was a slim chance we would all live. And I was starting to shake too. Where was a Magic 8 ball when you needed one?
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
“You and I have unfinished business
.”

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