Science...For Her! (42 page)
On a semirelated note, a
star
is a massive, luminous sphere of plasma held together by its own gravity. They don’t look like that cute little star shape that we see in the cartoons—they’re actually more like spheres. Stars are all “apples,” huge waists, no ass. Here’s what a star would look like if it could lose weight:
FIG. 7.6
FIG. 7.6
How to Get the Stars’ Hot Looks!
Powder your face with orange and/or red costume foundation!
Once you have a smooth undercoat, streak it with red eyeliner to get the “veins” of stars.
If the coloring isn’t working, punch yourself in the face a bunch of times! The slight bruising should give you the color you need to approximate a supernova.
If punching your
self
in the face doesn’t work, find a boyfriend or husband and irritate him enough that he punches you in the face! While many men claim to be “anti” punching women, you can definitely send them over the edge with a well-placed gab.
Are you in too deep? You gave your husband/boyfriend/father/teacher a taste of hitting you, and now he can’t stop? Well, check out what you’re wearing! Are you asking for it? If so, change IMMEDIATELY!
Has he progressed to burns? Well, CONGRATS—that looks way more like a star than just a punch! Stars are balls of burning gas, so this is going to be great for your realistic star look. Think of stars as very fat, very round women who have angered their husbands/boyfriends such that they have burned them all over for millions of years!