Scandalizing the CEO (13 page)

She pointed her finger at him. “You could be, you just don’t want to. Because you’re a coward.”

“I’ve hit men for saying that.”

“You’re not going to hit me and we both know it.”

“That’s right, but I will walk out this door.”

“If you do, then it will be because you’re afraid. Afraid to take a chance on something good and lasting.”

He walked to her and for the first time she wished she’d left her shoes on because she could use a couple of extra inches right now. She felt overweight and weak compared to him. But she knew she wasn’t.

Her size had never truly defined her. She might have let it at one point, but she was smart, funny and sexy no matter what her weight was. And right now she knew that she was worth loving. She always had been. This man was going to realize at some point that he’d given up on something good.

“Love like this doesn’t come along every day, Steven. And if you walk out my door, you will miss me. Tonight, tomorrow and a hundred other tomorrows, because you will end up alone.”

“Thanks for the prediction, Madame Ainsley, but I don’t need your second sight to tell me that. I like to be alone. You and me, we had some hot sex and that was it.”

She shook her head. “You can’t even see what you are throwing away.” She couldn’t stop the tears that burned, but she refused to let them fall. Blinked and blinked until they pooled at the bottom of her eyes.

“Don’t do that. Don’t look at me with those wide, wet violet eyes and try to make me feel guilty,” he said.

“I’m not trying to make you feel anything. I wanted to love you, but you’re too set in your own ways to understand that love isn’t a trap.”

He gave her a cynical look that made her shiver. “Sorry, love, but I know better. I’ve seen my mother trapped by her feelings for her work. And my father couldn’t even leave his true love—the Everest Group—to
meet
his sons, much less spend time with them.

“I know what love is but it’s not the same love that you’re talking about.”

She wrapped one arm around her waist and watched him. There were no words to make this okay. Not for him and certainly not for her. She knew when he had a chance to think…hell, what did she really know about him?

But she didn’t know if he’d come to the realization that she was worth keeping before she moved on. Before she looked at him and was filled with apathy, not empathy.

“I think you should go,” she said.

“I think so,” he said, picking up his suit jacket and walking toward the door. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I did enjoy every minute we spent together. You are a very special lady, Ainsley.”

Then he walked out the door and she stood there watching him go, watching him walk down her block away from her. A light rain fell and he didn’t quicken his pace, just kept moving steadily, inexorably toward his car.

She closed the door and wrapped both arms around her waist, feeling as if she were falling apart. She had no idea how she was going to recover from this. She hadn’t thought she could feel this bad from a person again. No one had ever hurt her like him. He’d hurt her badly five years ago, and she didn’t want to admit he’d done it again.

She sat there for a long time, tears burning at the back of her eyes. Finally, she just drew her knees up to her chest and put her head down. She let her tears fall freely, knowing that they were going to come one way or another.

Her cell phone rang and she thought about getting up to answer it. It might have been Steven, but she knew it wasn’t him. He would have come back if he’d had a change of heart.

And she would have let him in. Even though he’d said those things, she still loved him and she had a feeling she would for a long time.

S
teven knew he’d made a mistake the first time he’d slept with Ainsley. She was a mass of contradictions and she made him care too much.

The rest of the week passed in a haze. Dinah had gone above and beyond on her recommendations for the North American operation with detailed notes for all the locations. She was turning that line of business around. He wouldn’t have anything to base that on, other than his gut instinct, until the first financials came in at the end of the month, but so far each day they were improving and were way above last year’s revenue at this same time.

His business unit was outperforming Henry’s by a hair and Geoff was struggling, thanks to rising gas prices. But now, he didn’t care about winning the competition with his half brothers anymore. All he really wanted was…Ainsley.

But he’d made damn sure that she was out of his life. He hoped she moved on quickly, but he knew the way he’d ended things would take time for her to recover from.

But as she’d sweetly listed all the reasons why she loved him, he had felt so afraid. Not for her, because she so obviously loved him, but for himself, because he felt the same way. He wanted desperately to spend the rest of his life with her.

With one person.

And that was a weakness he’d never allowed himself before this. Never even encountered. So he’d done the one thing he could think of: end things. End them in a way that would leave him no way to go back to her. Because if he’d left even a hint of an open door there, he knew he’d come back and break that door down.

And if he held her in his arms again, he was keeping her. He wasn’t about to let her go. Not his Ainsley with her sweet smile and made-for-sin body, her brassy confident manner in the office and her shy sensuality in the bedroom.

He walked out of the bedroom at his apartment in London and into the living room to the bar. He pulled out a bottle of aged scotch and poured himself two fingers. He downed it and then poured himself another one.

There wasn’t any amount of liquor that could drown this, however. No amount of thinking or rationalizing that was going to make the tears he saw in her eyes okay. He should never have been so brutal.

He knew from what she’d said that she’d been as lonely as he had been. And she’d tried to change her life first by losing weight and then by reaching out to him. By making love with him and then by loving him.

And he’d spurned her.

And for what?

He was a coward, just as she’d said. He was the worst kind of man. The same as his father, the man he’d never wanted anything to do with.

He picked up the phone despite the late hour and dialed her number. What was he going to say? He had no idea. “Hello?”

Her sleepy voice made him smile and he knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t talk to her now when he was feeling like this. He needed to make sure he could be her man. And not run away the first time there was something he deemed too emotional.

He hung up without saying a word and sat back in the big leather chair of his. He found his cell and dialed Edmond’s number.

The lawyer answered on the very first ring.

“This is Steven.”

“Hello, Steven. What can I do for you?”

“Tell me why Malcolm even acknowledged my birth and the births of Henry and Geoff. It was clear he didn’t want a family or heirs. So why did he?”

“I have no idea. At the time the Everest Group was struggling financially and he was trying very hard to get it back on track.”

“Then why have heirs?”

“I think he wanted to ensure the company would live on after he died. I just don’t think he knew how to focus on a woman and his business at the same time.”

“Just like me.”

“Indeed, sir. I’ve heard you are very like your father.”

“In what way?” Steven asked.

“That you are a workaholic. Someone who focuses only on the bottom line.”

“That doesn’t make me like him. That makes me like
any other corporate shark,” Steven said. “Ainsley called him a sperm donor and that’s all he’s been.”

“I’m sorry that you feel that way. Malcolm did the best he could by you and the other heirs.”

Steven thought about that for a very long time. “Have you ever—never mind. Sorry for bothering you so late.”

“Not a problem, sir. Call me any time. Is there anything else?”

“Why haven’t you called Ainsley back?” Steven asked.

“Malcolm doesn’t talk to press.”

“This isn’t press. I have arranged a series of interviews with
Fashion Quarterly
magazine and I think the promo will be great for our company.”

“Sounds good,” Edmond said.

“It would be better with Malcolm. Will you ask him if he will answer a few questions?”

Edmond cleared his throat. “You know he—”

“Just ask him. Say it’s the only thing that his son has ever asked of him.”

“I will, sir.”

Steven hung up—he was going to end up as Ainsley had painted him, but he hadn’t realized that before this moment. He was going to end up alone with only his business partners at his deathbed.

And he didn’t want that.

He wanted a different future. He wanted to have a wife and maybe a few kids with large violet eyes and pretty dark hair.

He wanted to have something to come home to and have Ainsley in his arms every night. And that was never going to happen unless he won her back.

And there was only one way to do that. He had to figure out how he could have her and not lose himself.

But after a lifetime of running away from attachments and emotions, he wasn’t sure where to begin. He only knew that if he didn’t he was going to end up like Malcolm Devonshire and he didn’t want that.

He’d spent his entire life trying to prove to himself that he was better than his father and it was time he took the one risk that his biological father never had—love.

Ainsley didn’t attend the rugby match, but sent her reporter instead with Freddie. They both had a wonderful time, which she gathered from Freddie’s tweeting of the event. It got them some nice advance publicity for the articles that Bert was writing. He’d even wrapped up his piece on Henry. And she heard from him that he’d spoken to Steven and Geoff there as well.

The Devonshire heirs could be Freddie’s show now. She didn’t want to have to see any pictures of Steven; it was too hard. She woke up in the middle of the night missing his arms around her and that made her mad because before him she hadn’t had anything to miss.

She’d spent her entire life alone, and had expected to continue it that way. But Steven had given her a glimpse—a hint—of what life could be, what it would be like to share her life with someone. And she wanted that.

She still craved his presence; she still needed him and loved him.

So when she got a DVD by special courier she wasn’t sure what it was. It was marked “Devonshire Heirs,” and when she opened it up and popped it into her DVD player she saw that it was a BBC One special interview with the Devonshire heirs. At first she was worried the interview
would be similar to theirs, but luckily, the focus of the interview was different from the one she had Bert writing for their magazine. But the TV coverage certainly wouldn’t detract from the articles they were running.

When the camera zoomed in on Steven, she was surprised to see how tired he looked. She took a few steps forward toward the screen, not even turning around when she heard her office door open.

“I think the main thing I’ve taken from my life was that I needed to be better than Malcolm. I wanted to make my own life—a better life. But I never realized that I was following the same path. Making the exact same mistakes,” he said, looking directly into the camera.

She felt as if he were speaking directly to her.

“What mistakes have you made?” the interviewer asked.

There was a knock on her door and she paused the DVD.

“Yes?”

“It’s quitting time and happy hour has come to you,” Freddie said.

Cathy entered the room behind him with a pitcher of margaritas on a tray. “I’m not sure…”

“I am. This is your friend talking and you need a break.”

“What are you watching?”

“An interview with the Devonshire heirs. Steven is about to talk about his mistakes.”

Freddie put his arm over her shoulders without a word. He took the remote from her hand and pushed play.

“Being a workaholic and keeping everyone at arm’s length. That made me successful in business, but it has left me rather isolated,” Steven said.

“I’m sure there are women everywhere ready to help you fill your lonely nights.”

Steven shrugged. “There’s only one woman for me…if she’ll still have me.”

She couldn’t believe what she heard. She stopped and replayed it. She watched it again and then pushed pause. “Is he talking about me?”

“I’m sure of it. You said he was going to come back to you some day,” Freddie said. “It looks like that day came sooner than you thought.”

“Do you think he’s changed?”

Freddie lifted one shoulder. “Only you can decide.”

“I’m so afraid. I still love him. How can I say no to a chance to have him in my life? It’s what I’ve dreamed of.”

“There’s your answer,” Freddie said.

“When did this air?” she asked. “How did I not hear about it?”

“It hasn’t aired yet,” Cathy said holding up the envelope it had come in. “There’s a note from the producer saying that Steven asked for an advance copy to be sent to you.”

“Is there a note from Steven in there?”

She shook the envelope and nothing came out. “Nope.”

“What do I do?” she asked her two closest friends.

“I’d call him,” Cathy said. “Whatever happened between you, it’s obvious that he’s sorry. His part of the interview was all about you.”

She considered that but she’d made the last gesture, offered the last olive branch, and look how that had turned out. She wasn’t sure she had the confidence to do it again. She just couldn’t. She needed to see a sign from him.

What kind of sign?

“Freddie?”

“I’d wait, but then I’m not courageous when it comes to matters of the heart.”

He wasn’t and his track record was much longer than hers. Cathy and Freddie both looked at her as if they expected her to make a choice right then.

“I have to think about this. I’m scheduled to go to New York tomorrow. I’ll call him when I get back. I can’t jump back into that fire right now.”

“Great idea. If he loves you, it doesn’t come with an expiration date,” Freddie said.

That’s right. Was love forever? She hoped it would fade when it looked like she’d be heartbroken forever. But now? Should she jump in her MG and drive to find him? Though she missed him, she was going to have to wait until she was sure. Wait until the memory of the pain he’d inflicted on her subsided.

She worked until nine and went home to an empty house. She packed her carry-on bag and found the La Perla negligee that he’d given her still in the bag. She’d never had the chance to wear it for him. She held it up to herself and when it was time for bed she put it on.

She lay in her bed staring at the ceiling and thinking about Steven. She reached for her phone and almost called him but stopped herself. She wasn’t ready.

A part of her wanted
him
to come back to
her
because he had been the one to walk away. She rolled on her side and hugged the pillow that he’d slept on to her stomach. It smelled faintly of him but the scent was fading and she knew she should probably go ahead and wash it, but she hadn’t.

She’d just kept it here because she loved a man who was afraid to admit that he loved her. That interview intimated
that he might have changed his mind, but she wasn’t going to risk her heart on a maybe.

Steven had hoped she’d call him when she’d seen the interview, but she hadn’t. He knew that he was going to have to show her that he loved her. That would take more than vague words on a taped interview. She needed and she deserved the big gesture.

He picked up his cell and called her friend Freddie.

“This is Steven Devonshire,” he said when Freddie answered the phone.

“What can I do for you?” Freddie asked.

“I need your help to surprise Ainsley.”

“Why? Do you just want her back in your bed or do you want her in your life for good?”

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” Steven said. He wasn’t about to talk about his personal feelings with this guy.

“It is, because I had to pick up the pieces after you broke her heart—not once but twice. So you tell me that you aren’t going to hurt her again or you can just hang up.”

“I’m not going to hurt her again—you have my word.”

“Okay, so what do you need from me?” Freddie said.

“I need Ainsley to come back to the Leicester Square store today at 2:00 p.m.”

He hoped that Ainsley would be flattered that he remembered that the location was where they’d both met again. He wanted to go back to the beginning with her—not five years ago, but this time—and ask her to marry him.

“I’ll do it. But why don’t you just call her?”

“I want to surprise her,” he said.

He hung up a few minutes later and realized that he was going to be very disappointed if Ainsley didn’t show
up. But he had a feeling she would. A woman like Ainsley didn’t fall in love easily and he was counting on the fact that she did care deeply for him.

Ainsley finally spoke to Edmond, Malcolm’s solicitor, and the man told her that Malcolm was too ill to be interviewed. Maurice was a little disappointed that they couldn’t get Malcolm, but the articles on the mothers were so interesting that he was happy with that.

“I need to do photo shoots with the men and their mums. But otherwise I think this is wrapped up,” she said to Maurice on the phone.

“I see you didn’t mention a relationship with Steven in the draft of the article I received.”

“We’re…this is difficult, Maurice, but I’m not sure we have a relationship.”

“Why not?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Everything in life is if you let it be. You found a way to get these articles done and kept from compromising your integrity. Why can’t you figure out how to keep your relationship with him?”