Read Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette Online
Authors: Brittany Deal,Bren Underwood
Tags: #table manners, #thank you notes, #social etiquette, #entertaining, #dating etiquette, #thank you note etiquette, #bridesmaid etiquette, #maid of honor etiquette, #how to shine as your best self, #tech etiquette, #modern manners, #win friends, #etiquette expert, #proper social behavior, #respect, #social conduct, #charming, #etiquette advice, #good manners, #wedding etiquette, #move on over Emily Post, #polished, #self-help, #etiquette guide, #build confidence, #how to be your best self, #guest etiquette, #manners, #hosting, #host etiquette, #elegant, #being a great guest, #nice people, #social media etiquette, #the power of appreciation, #Etiquette
Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (7 page)
This last hurrah before your bestie earns her “Mrs.” title is one big party—filled with a whole lot of scenarios that can be tricky to navigate. Whether it’s a girls’ night out or a full weekend of bachelorette fun at an exotic locale, be ready to have a good time and make it all about the bride.
You’re going to spend some moolah, so here’s what’ll be expected of you in terms of costs:
•
You are responsible for your own costs. So, if the party will include a plane ride, book your flight and accommodations ahead of time and coordinate with the other attendees.
•
Expect to cover all or a portion of the bride’s expenses (which will be split among the attendees).
•
Also, some maids of honor will prepay for the weekend and ask the other attendees to write them a check in advance. Send your check as quickly as possible; no one likes to track people down for money.
If you’re the maid of honor . . .
and you prepaid a small fortune for the bachelorette party, remember to ask people to pay you in advance of the event (deadlines are helpful). However, when you get a large group of girls together, it’s inevitable that you’ll get stuck tracking down a few stragglers. I recommend sending a friendly e-mail (or two, or three if needed) reminding these girls of the costs as well as how much each girl owes, and kindly request they send you a check (apps like Venmo work great too!). Worst-case scenario, if the ladies don’t respond shoot them a quick text, call them, or even try mentioning it in person the next time you see them. Bottom line: be tactful and polite yet persistent in your approach, as the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
•
YOU MAY HAVE TO BRING A BACHELORETTE SHOWER GIFT.
Check with the host to see if there will be a shower (typical gifts include lingerie) at some point during the party, and if so, be sure to bring a gift.
•
YOU SHOULD CHECK THE DRESS CODE.
Confirm the dress code with the host so you can wear the appropriate attire. For example, you’ll need to know if you’ll be going on an afternoon hike, spending the day at a spa, or going to a fancy club. Again, remember the “don’t wear white” rule, as you don’t want anyone thinking that
you’re
the bride.
•
YOU’LL WANT TO RUN RISQUÉ IDEAS BY THE BRIDE.
As an attendee, don’t hire a stripper or bring phallic-shaped treats or straws unless you’ve run it by the bride, or she has specifically mentioned she’s game. Keep in mind that proper bachelorette etiquette doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone. While one bride might find these things funny, another bride (or attendee) may feel put off by them.
Sure, you’re one big group of girls who just want to have fun, but there are a few cardinal rules you won’t want to break:
DON’T
get sloshed; know your limits when it comes to cocktails. (Hint: If you lose your purse, you’ve passed your limit.)
DON’T
disappear with some random guy.
DON’T
complain about the accommodations or atmosphere at the bar.
DON’T
bail on planned activities.
DON’T
wear anything totally inappropriate or distracting; remember, it’s a celebration for the bride, not you.
DON’T
dominate the conversation and discuss your own wedding; instead, talk about the bride’s wedding, her honeymoon, etc.
What do you do if you’ve been invited to a destination bachelorette party?
If you’re lucky, your bride-to-be friend will make her bachelorette somewhere easy to get to (read: this trip won’t cost you a small fortune). Otherwise, you might get stuck on an exotic getaway, which will be lovely, of course (let’s just hope you’re getting a fat tax refund this year). If you can’t afford the trip, be honest with your friend (or the organizer) about that and be apologetic that you can’t attend. But don’t feel guilty—falling into debt for a party weekend is not worth it. At the end of the day, your budget is a good reason for not being able to attend, and your friend will understand.
Wedding invitations are as mysterious as they are magnificent, aren’t they? You’ve got multiple envelopes, cards, and details all separated from one another with tiny pieces of tissue paper.
Then there’s the (hard-to-read-yet-exquisite) calligraphy that your friend shelled out big bucks to have scrawled all over that heavy stock paper. If you find yourself feeling like the invitation is written in a foreign language, follow this guide to help you make sense of it all:
•
THE LOCATION.
Check the location to see if it’s a local or destination wedding. If it is a destination wedding, make sure you’re able to attend, RSVP, and then start planning your travel. If you can’t attend, make sure to RSVP as soon as possible so the bride can plan accordingly and adjust the guest list.
•
+1 OR STAG.
Unless the invitation is addressed to you and your significant other (or to you “and guest” if you’re not attached), you’re flying solo. If you don’t see “and guest” on that invite envelope, do not ask the bride if you can bring the guy you just met on
Match.com
and have been seeing for the last few weeks. Instead, resolve to go alone as your fabulous self.
•
LITTLE ONES.
You may only bring children to a wedding if they have been invited—which means their names will be on the invitation. Otherwise, make arrangements to leave the kiddos at home.
[
BRITT:
This may be obvious, but this note about kiddos also includes pets. Yes, even ones that fit in your purse (
you know who you are!
)
.
]
DECODING THE ATTIRE LINGO
BLACK TIE.
Men wear a tuxedo; women wear a formal cocktail dress, formal knee-length dress, or formal evening gown.
BLACK-TIE OPTIONAL.
This is your chance to re-wear that ballroom gown if you want to make it worth its price tag. Guests can wear black tie or opt for evening wedding attire.
