Saving Axe (Motorcycle Club Romance, Cowboy, Military) (Inferno Motorcycle Club) (21 page)

“Yeah, yeah,” June said, rolling over.  “Hey!  Remember how I like my eggs.”

I walked toward the bathroom,
shaking my head and looking at Bailey laying in her dog bed in the corner of the bedroom.  “Don't look at me like that, girl.  I didn't do anything to your momma."

June

Cade walked past the bed, headed out to the kitchen.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Going to make you breakfast,” he said.  “You’re
a demanding taskmaster.”

“Like that?”

Cade turned toward me, stark naked.  “You got a problem with something?”

I giggled.  “It
just doesn’t really seem sanitary,” I called as he walked out the door. Not that I had any problem with him strutting his stuff around my house, butt freaking naked.  I wasn’t going to get tired of seeing his ass - that was for sure.

I laid back against the pillows, pulled the sheets up, cool around my nakedness.  I wasn't sure what to think about all of this.

Cade, making me breakfast in bed.

Cade, back in my bed.

Axe, or whatever the hell his name was now.

Bailey jumped up on the bed, interrupting my thoughts, and tucked herself by my side in her usual place, whimpering.

"Hey, baby, do you need to go out again?" I asked.  She laid her head down on me and sighed, settling in.  Scratching her behind the ear, I spoke to her softly.  "I know you're used to having me to yourself, but..."

But what, exactly?

But Cade is going to be around here more now?

Because he's not.

I swallowed the lump in my throat that formed as I thought about him, and shook my head.  There was no use in getting upset about it.

It is what it is.  A short-term reunion.

Ex-sex, that's all.

He'd be leaving for California soon.  And, even if he were here,
did I think he was going to magically become a different person?  Sure, the past week he seemed clearer somehow...sober, even - but that didn't mean anything.

People don't change.

Short-term with him was okay,
I told myself.  When I'd left high school, it was sudden, yanking me away from Cade.  Here I was, getting the chance to revisit the past.  I was fortunate. Not many people had the opportunity to do that. 
Just because it was a short-term thing didn't mean it wasn't any less meaningful than something long-term,
I reasoned.  This, the time with him now, would be the last chapter in our story.  It had to be.

Cade
just wasn't a long-term guy.

"I hope you're resting up." Cade entered the bedroom, a tray in hand, wearing one of my aprons.  And nothing else.  He set the tray on the bed
in front of me, and I laughed.

"What?" Cade asked.

"Nothing," I said.  "I'm just laughing at the sight of your naked ass in that apron."

"You always said you liked a man in unifor
m," Cade said.

"Oh, that's a uniform, now?"

"If you had a chef hat, I'd have worn that for you instead.  But all you had out there was an apron."

I laughed, although I had to admit, the image of Cade wearing nothing but a chef's hat wasn't exactly unappealing.

"Are you still laughing at my apron?" Cade asked.  "That's pretty brazen, considering I'm the guy with the food."

"No," I admitted.  "I just pictured you wearing nothing but a chef's hat."

Cade raised his eyebrows and handed me a cup of coffee, nudging Bailey over.  "Scoot, you," he said softly to her.  Then, to me- "What?  I would even wear it on my head, just to be polite."

"Where else would you wear it?" I asked, auto
matically.  Cade glanced down.

Oh.

Yeah, Cade the ex-sniper Marine, the outlaw biker covered in tattoos, naked in my kitchen, a chef's hat covering the goods...that was definitely not funny.

Sexy as hell.  But not funny.

Cade must have noticed the look on my face.  "Eat your french toast and stop thinking about me naked."

"You don't know what I'm thinking about," I said.  But I felt a warmth on my cheek
s anyway.

"Junebug," he said.  "I can read you like an open book."

I hope not.

I averted my gaze
, feeling guilty that I'd been thinking about him and me and what it all meant.  Then I looked down at the plate.  "You made us french toast?" I asked.  "I hope we're going running since we're carb-loading."

"You couldn't keep up with me, Junebug."  Cade speared a bite of french toast and
put it in his mouth.

I laughed.  "Give me some of that," I said, grabbing a fork.  "Somehow I think your
decrepit old ass would have a lot harder time keeping up with me."

"Nice try," he said.  "We're the same age."

"Yes, we are," I agreed.  "But unlike you, I've aged well."

"Are you saying I haven't aged well?" Cade asked,
gesturing to his naked body, covered in the apron.  "Because this is grade-A meat right here in front of you."

I rolled my eyes and popped a bite of the breakfast in my mouth.  Who knew Cade could cook?  "Mmm.  This is good.  I guess you have learne
d some things since high school other than boozing and riding on motorcycles."

"You already saw some of what I've learned."  His hand brushed mine as we reached for the plate, and I felt a tingle run up the length of my spine in response to his touch.

"Well, I seem to remember you being pretty good at that in high school."

"I remember both of us being pretty good together," Cade said.

We were pretty good together. 
Were
being the operative word. 

We ate in silence, and then Cade finally spoke, his gaze focused on the bedspread, not looking at me.  "Do you ever think about what it might have been like if you'd have stayed here?"

I swallowed hard.  If my parents hadn't been killed?  If my sister hadn't committed suicide?

I think about it e
very day.

But us?  I stopped thinking about that a long time ago.
 

Until he walked up that driveway.
  Now I couldn't stop thinking about it.

"No
," I said. 
Lying to him.
  "Do you?"

Cade didn't look at me.  "
No."

I watched the muscles in his jaw clench, saw him swallow. 

I wasn't the only one lying.

Later that night,
we laid in bed, me on my stomach, Cade stretched out on his back, his body perpendicular to mine, head resting on my ass while he looked at the ceiling.  Bailey stretched out at the foot of the bed, content after she'd run around outside.

"
I looked for you, for a long time," I said, finally honest.  "After I joined the Navy."

"You did..."
Cade's voice trailed off to nothing, more of a statement than a question.

"It was stu
pid, I know.  Silly," I said.  The words just kept coming, spilling out of my mouth of their own free will, like I had no control over what I was saying.  "And it was so long after I'd left here, after med school and everything.  It was dumb.  I'd heard you were in the Marines and I kept watching for you.  I had this weird idea I might just run into you somewhere, like I'd walk into the waiting room of the clinic and there you would be.  When I was in Afghanistan, I thought I saw you once.  I knew it wasn't you, but I hoped..."

"I thought
the same," Cade said.  His voice was quiet.  Somber.  "I kept track, you know.  Talked to your aunt."

"She never said."

"No," Cade said.  "I never thought she would."  He paused.  "I don't think she liked me keeping in touch, you know?  I was this huge reminder of what happened."

"It's not like I could forget."

"None of us could, June," he said.  "We all lost."

I laughed, the sound bitter.  "You lost your girlfriend," I said.  "Not your entire fucking family."  It came out harsher than it sounded in my head, and I was sorry as soon as I said it.  Still, I felt my body tense, and I squirmed underneath Cade, wanting to be rid of him
, needing him to not touch me.

Cade sat up,
and moved away from me.  I didn't look at him as I sat back against the pillow, drawing my knees to my chest protectively.  Who did he think he was, comparing my loss to his?  I lost my family, and then him too.  He had only lost me, a high school girlfriend.

That's it.  I
t wasn't the same at all.

"Junebug," he said.  "I didn't mean it that way.  I wasn't saying that m
y losing you was the same thing as what happened to your family.  You know I wasn't saying that."

I exh
aled, wanting to be rid of the tension I felt rising within me.  Why did I feel so on edge?  "I know, Cade."

"Why did you join?" Cade asked
, still not looking at me.

"The Navy?" I asked.  "Not to follow you, if that's what you're thinking."  I blurted it out
. 
Why was I being such an asshole?

It wasn't even the truth.  Cade might not have been the primary reason, but he was at the back of my mind.  He'd always been in my thoughts.  I couldn't really say I joined without ever thinking about the fact that Cade was a Marine, could I?

Cade let out a laugh, but it didn't sound happy.  "Got it, June.  That's not what I was thinking."

I
tried to explain.  "I meant, I wasn't stalking you."

"Understood."  But he just sounded irritated now.  And with good reason.

"I don't know why I joined, exactly," I said.  "I wanted out.  I went to undergrad, and then to medical school, and everything just kept following me.  All the shit from my past, it trailed me wherever I went.  Friends would ask about my family, that kind of thing.  It got old, and I wanted something different.  I wanted a new life."

"In the military," Cade said.

I shrugged, tracing my finger over the pattern on the bedspread, picking at the stitching that unraveled on a part of the embroidery.  "Yeah, I mean, I could start over, travel, you know?  Be someone new.  And there was this guy..."

"Shit, June," Cade said.  "I don't want to hear about some other fucking guy."

"Shut up," I said.  "I don't mean it like that.  I was in medical school, doing my rotations.  We were a couple years into the war in Iraq, and I hadn't even thought about the military as an option.  I was pulling ER duty, doing easy stuff for the docs, and we got this guy, an ex-Marine, double amputee.  Tried to slit his wrists.  Did a decent enough job of it too, lost a lot of blood, but his mom had shown up at his house for a surprise visit and found him.  I was working at a civilian hospital, so I had never really seen any of the Marines come in, you know?  We just happened to get him because we were the closest place."