Saved (32 page)

“Of course I do, Ari.”

“I was going to tell you that you and I were
having a baby, that our future was growing in my stomach. I wanted
to tell you how scared I’ve been for the last week, how scared I
was that you were going to be upset because I missed my pills and
got pregnant, how scared I was that you would pick Rebecca’s baby
over ours, and how scared I was that our baby might have Fragile X.
I was going to tell you all this, but you left. You left to go be
with Rebecca and a child who you didn’t even know was yours when I
knew for a fact that you were the father of my baby.”

Jeff’s face turned white as a ghost.
“Ari…we’re gonna have a baby?”

When I saw the smile slowly spread across his
face, I died inside all over again.

I turned my head away and
started to cry.
Why didn’t I tell him
sooner? Why am I blaming him when it was entirely my fault?
If I had just told him, he might not have walked
away from us.

“Ari, baby, I could never, ever be upset with
you. When I held that baby in my arms, I felt nothing, and in that
moment, I knew he wasn’t mine. I only want to have kids with
you…only you.”

He reached over and turned my face back
toward him.

This was tearing me up inside. I needed to
tell him even though I knew I was about to devastate him.

“I lost the baby when I fell off Rose.”

He stood up straight and started to shake his
head. “No…oh God… no.”

He slowly started to lower himself to his
knees. When his knees hit the floor he put his head on the side of
the bed and started to cry.

“Oh god…Ari. I’m so sorry, baby…oh god…this
is all my fault.”

I wanted so badly to comfort him, but at the
same time, I wanted him to hurt just as much as I did.

“I need you to leave, Jeff. I need to be
alone.”

He looked up at me, eyes filled with tears.
“I’m not leaving you again, Ari. I’m never leaving you again.”

“I don’t want you here!” I
shouted at him. I winced in pain from my bruised ribs and pounding
headache.
Motherfucker!
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, that fucking
hurt.

“I’m
not
leaving you baby. You can shout
and scream all you want, Ari. I’m never going to leave your side
again. It doesn’t matter if you want me here or not.”

Ellie walked into the room. “Is everything
okay, Ari?”

When Ellie looked at Jeff on the floor, she
saw that he was crying. Walking over, she dropped to her knees next
to him.

“Jefferson.”

He turned and hugged her, and then he started
crying even more.

Of all the times I’ve
fallen off a horse, why do I now get ribs that hurt so damn bad I
can’t move
? I just wanted to be the one to
hold and comfort him.

Shit! I’m losing my goddamn
mind.
I just told him to leave, and now,
I’m jealous of Ellie hugging him.

“It’s all my fault, Ellie. It’s all my
fault.”

Ellie kept telling Jeff it was okay.

No, it wasn’t okay.

“No, it’s not okay!” I yelled.

Ellie and Jeff both looked at me with
concern.

Jeff stood up, took my hand, and kissed
it.

“No, baby, it’s not okay. I’m so sorry I did
this to you, Ari. Please don’t ask me to leave you. I just need to
be with you.”

Ellie stood up and walked over to the other
side of the bed. The two most important people in my life were on
either side of me, so why did I feel like I was so alone?

“I…you didn’t do this to me, Jeff. It just
wasn’t meant to be,” I struggled to keep the tears from falling
again.

Jeff shook his head. I knew he was beating
himself up inside right now. I was feeling so many things that I
couldn’t keep them straight. I was tired. I hurt everywhere. I was
angry, sad, and devastated. All of this rolled up into one. My urge
to comfort Jeff was pissing me the fuck off also. I just wanted to
be angry with him.

“Ari, I love you more than
life itself. I’ll do anything for you. I will do
anything
for you,
baby.”

I smiled at him because I knew he meant every
word he was saying.

“Can you go push Rebecca down an empty
mineshaft?”

Ellie let out a giggle.

Jeff smiled. “Baby, if you really want me to,
I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

“As much as I really want to say yes…no, I
don’t want that.”

I turned to Ellie and she gave me the
sweetest smile.

“Ellie, please tell everyone they can leave.
My parents need to get back to Matt. If Josh and Heather haven’t
killed each other by now, I’m sure they’re ready to go insane with
my baby brother. I have Jeff now. I’m gonna be fine.” I smiled at
the love of my life.

The most overwhelming feeling of comfort came
over me. Just having him smile at me and tell me how much he loved
me brought such a peace.

My heart was breaking inside, but somehow, I
knew it was all going to be okay.

Ellie kissed me gently good bye and walked
out of the room.

Jeff leaned down to softly kiss my lips.

“I love you, Arianna.”

“I love you, too, Jeff.”

“It’s all going to be okay. Please tell me
you believe me.”

“I believe you.”

Too bad my heart didn’t agree with what I
just said.

CHAPTER
THIRTY-THREE

JOSH

I stood there at the kitchen entrance,
watching Heather play with Matt. She was amazing with him. It was
no wonder she wanted to be a teacher. She had a gift. I couldn’t
believe how patient she was with him, it was clear that he loved
her.

They were both mopping Jeff and Ari’s kitchen
floor…again.

“Heather, do you like mopping with me?” Matt
asked.

He had the cutest damn smile
I’d ever seen.
Little guy is moving in on
my girl.

My girl…I wish.

She had barely spoken two words to me since
everyone had left. I had finally talked Lynda into heading back up
to Emma and Garrett’s house after an hour of her rolling her
fucking eyes at Matt and Heather.

As I started to walk into the kitchen, Matt
held up his hand to stop me.

“Oh no, Josh. Don’t walk on the wet floor.
You’ll fall!”

“Gotcha, buddy. I wouldn’t dream of walking
on this beautiful clean floor, especially not after the wonderful
job you and Heather did cleaning it.” I smiled at Heather. I was
shocked that she smiled back at me. My heart dropped to my
stomach.

“Matt, how about I take the mops and bucket
outside and then Josh can take you to go see Stargazer? Would you
like that?” Heather asked as she gave me a wink.

I swore that I would do anything this girl
asked me to do.

Matt jumped up and down and then ran over to
me.

“I’m gonna take that as yes. So, let’s go see
Stargazer buddy.”

When Matt smiled at me, my heart melted.
Then, I thought about Jeff. Sue and Mark called to say they were on
their way back to pick up Matt. That must’ve meant Jeff was with
Ari. If I knew Jeff, he was falling apart inside, blaming
himself.

I thought Gunner and Jeff were nuts for
wanting to have kids so soon. I thought they needed to enjoy life
for a bit before they got tied down with kids.

Heather walked by and gave Matt a kiss on the
top of his head before she headed outside to dump out the bucket
and clean the mops. She looked up at me and smiled again. There
went my heart dropping to my stomach.

Maybe Gunner and Jeff weren’t so nuts.

***

Matt and I were just about to take Stargazer
out for a walk on her lead when Sue and Mark pulled up. Matt
started to run over to Sue, but then he quickly turned back and ran
up to me.

“Josh, can I give you a hug good-bye, you
assmole?”

I tried not to laugh, but I had to. I got
down on my knees, and Matt gave me a big bear hug. Then, he did
something I wasn’t expecting.

“I love you, Josh. Bye!” He spun around and
ran off.

Sue called out her thanks as I waved good-bye
to them.

I couldn’t stand up, so I sat down on the
ground as I watched them walk off. Sue stopped to talk to Heather.
I watched as Heather threw her head back and laughed.

I wanted what Gunner and Jeff had. It hit me
like a ton of bricks the moment Matt said he loved me. I wanted it,
and I wanted it with Heather. When she looked over at me, she
stopped laughing. She turned back to Sue, and it looked like they
were saying their good-byes.

After she gave Sue a hug, she started to walk
toward me. Then, she stopped dead in her tracks. I heard someone
come up behind me. I felt a kiss on my cheek, and I turned around
to see Lynda standing above me.

“Hey, handsome. What are you doing down here
on the ground? Did Matt wear your ass out?” Lynda laughed and then
sat down next to me.

When I looked back at Heather, I saw that she
was now walking back toward Jeff and Ari’s house.

Fuck me.

“Hey, Lynda. I thought you were going to wait
for Emma and Garrett to get back.”

“Oh, they’re home now. I heard them mention
to Gunner’s folks that Sue and Mark were on their way to pick up
Matt, so I thought I would come and see if you’d like to go out
tonight. Maybe we could hit the honky-tonk in town and do some
dancing?”

“Well, yeah… maybe. Let me talk to Gunner and
see how Ari and Jeff are doing first.”

Lynda’s smile faded. “I’m really so sorry to
hear about Ari losing her baby. I mean, I didn’t even know she was
pregnant, but still, I hate to see that happen to anyone. She seems
like a really nice girl.”

I smiled at Lynda. I knew she was just trying
to be nice, but I was pissed that she caused Heather to turn and
walk away.

“Did you drive over here?” I asked standing
up.

“Um, yeah. I thought you might like to come
back with me, and then we could head out tonight. I mean, if you
feel like it.”

I looked back over to where Heather had
walked back to the house.

“You know what? I am in the mood to go out
and grab a few beers. How about I get ready and meet you back at
your grandparents, place?”

Lynda gave me a smile before she hugged me.
“Oh, you won’t regret it, Josh! A night out is just what you
need.”

I watched as Lynda drove off in the Jeep
toward Emma and Garrett’s place. I started to head back to the
house when Gunner sent me a text.

Gunner:
I need some fucking drinks and loud music. You up for going
out tonight.

I sent him a text
back:
Fuck yeah. How’s Ari? Where the hell
was Jeff ?

Gunner:
Shit, dude. I’ll tell you all about it over a
beer.

I replied:
Okay, I’m going to jump in the shower and then
head over.

I walked into the house and
heard the shower going in Jeff and Ari’s bathroom.
Why is she taking a shower in their
bathroom?
I wondered if Heather was going
to go out tonight also.

I walked into the kitchen
and made a mental note to have the place cleaned up before Ari got
home. The last thing she needed to do was worry about cleaning. I
reached into the fridge, pulling out a beer. I practically downed
it right there.
Shit, I need to just get
drunk tonight.
I needed to get Heather out
of my mind, and I only knew one way to do that. It had been too
damn long since I’d fucked someone.

I slammed the rest of my beer and threw the
bottle in the trash.

When my phone beeped, I pulled it out to see
Lynda had texted me with a picture of what she was wearing
tonight.

Motherfucker.
The picture she sent me was hot. I knew just the
person to get Heather off of my mind.

I was sending Lynda a text back when I ran
right into Heather coming out of Ari and Jeff’s bedroom.

We hit dead-on and she dropped all her
bathroom stuff as I dropped my phone. We both started to lean down
to pick up everything. As I stood back up to let her go first, my
head hit her in the chin.

“Motherfucker!” Heather grabbed her chin and
stumbled backwards.

She looked like she was about to fall, so I
reached out, grabbing her other hand, as I pulled her toward
me.

“Holy shit Heather! I’m so sorry! Are you
okay, princess?” I placed my hands on either side of her face while
I moved her head back and forth looking at her chin.

Watching her poor eyes water up, I knew she
was trying to hold back the tears. When she reached out her hands
and put them on my forearms, I saw the first tear slide down her
cheek.

Oh. My. God.
I wiped the tear away. I felt like such a douche
for hurting her even though it was an accident.

“Oh shit, Heather, I’m so sorry, princess. I
didn’t mean to hurt you.”

She tried to smile at me. “S’okay Josh. I
should’ve been looking where I was going. Ouch, I think I bit my
damn tongue!” she let out a small laugh.

Her hands were still on my arms, and I let my
eyes look down her body.

Holy motherfucking
shit!
The blue robe she was wearing was
open, and of course, she was naked underneath. My legs wobbled just
a bit, and she grabbed my arms tighter.

“Oh my god, Josh are you okay? I didn’t think
my chin was that hard! Do you need to sit down?”

I looked back up to her, and she must have
caught on to what I had been looking at. I slowly moved my hands
down her face to her shoulders and pushed the robe off of her.

She just stood there, staring at me. I
thought for sure she would reach for her robe, but instead, she
licked her lips. I almost had to grab the wall to stand up
straight.