Sasha: The Awakening (The Wallflower Series Book 2) (7 page)

“Tell us, what’s going on? Is everything okay?”

Sasha gave him a warm smile. “Yes, there’s nothing wrong.”

Not believing her, Justin opened his mouth to inquire once more when Lola practically shoved him aside and held out the crumbled paper Sasha had thrown away. “Well, then who is Dmitri? Come on girl, you don’t have to keep secrets from us.”

Sasha shook her head at Lola’s questioning. She had always reminded her of Teagan in her lack of tact. It was normally what made Sasha admire her: the clear and blatant display of confidence and straightforwardness. But, today, she was not in the mood to answer their questions. Not when she could barely answer them herself.

“I’m not speaking of this. When and if I’m ready, I’ll be happy to disclose aspects of my personal life. But, until then, you two will just have to be satisfied with the flowers.”

Lola scrunched up her nose at Sasha’s response but knew that her friend was perfectly within her right to not answer their questions. She sighed in defeat and plopped down in the seat facing Sasha’s desk. Justin merely nodded his head and added with concern,

“Promise me this though: you’ll tell us if you are in trouble.”

Lola rolled her eyes, “Geez, Justin. Stop being so dramatic.” But even as she said this, Lola looked into Sasha’s eyes, waiting for her promise.

Seeing that they were merely worried, Sasha smiled and nodded, “I promise. Now let’s head to lunch.”

When Sasha finally returned to the office after a rambunctious lunch with Lola and Justin, as was the norm, she was greeted by the ringing of her cell phone. After looking down at the number, she didn’t hesitate to answer as she knew she should have. Sasha knew her physical attraction to Dominic was only spurred by his likeness to Dmitri, but that wasn’t why she liked his company. Even when they had first met, he had always been open and warm to her despite the cold greetings she received from his family. She couldn’t deny that when she had been with Dmitri there were times she wondered what their relationship would have been like had he been as easygoing as his younger brother. But as quickly as those thoughts had come, she had pushed them away. Dmitri’s broodiness was so much a part of him she couldn’t see him without it. And despite his faults, two years ago she wouldn’t have changed him for the world.

“Hello?”

“Sasha!” Dominic greeted her excitedly. “I told you I would call.”

She laughed; his uplifting energy was contagious even over the phone. “That you did. I apologize for the other day. Leaving so suddenly and all.”

“That’s actually why I was calling. I wanted to make sure you were okay. And to also keep my promise for dinner. So…how about it? Are you up for it tonight?”

Sasha felt internally torn. While on one hand, she truly enjoyed Dominic’s company, seeing him would bring back memories of her ex. She was getting ready to decline when she admonished herself; why was she allowing Dmitri to control her actions?

“Of course,” she spurted. “Just name the time and place.”

After Sasha had returned home from work, she quickly jumped into the shower and found herself unable to choose the best outfit for her dinner with Dominic. Considering it wasn’t a date, she thought it best not to wear anything too provocative and finally decided on a simple black cocktail dress. It was formfitting, stopping at mid-thigh with a high lace neckline, showcasing a respectable amount of cleavage for the occasion. There was a knock at her apartment door just as she was placing her feet into her black high heels.

Quickly grabbing her purse and keys, she opened the door and smiled in greeting at Dominic on the other side. He embraced her and placed a gentle peck on her cheek before stepping back once more.

“You look amazing,” he gushed once they made their way back to his car after Sasha locked her apartment door.

“Thank you. So, where are we headed again?”

He told her the place name and her brow rose. The place sounded familiar but she was unable to place exactly why. Assuming it was probably work-related, she simply shrugged and enjoyed their conversation as Dominic safely drove her downtown. Despite having not known each other very well, conversation flowed easily between them with no mention of both their connections to Dmitri. Sasha found it refreshing that he was kind enough to avoid the topic.

“What is it like to basically run an entire hotel conglomerate?”

He scoffed. “Once my father finally releases the reigns, I will let you know. Until then, I guess I have to be satisfied with my position as number two.”

At the mention of Nikolai Vikhrov, Sasha fell somewhat silent. She was happy when they finally arrived in order to avoid a reply. But her satisfaction with evading mention of Dmitri’s father was replaced by shock, as her mind was flooded with memories at the sight of the restaurant Dominic had chosen. This was where she had first met Dmitri. He had ignored her in favor of her friends and she had merely accepted his treatment, having believed it befitting when comparing herself to Faye and Jaelynn. Even now, the memory angered her but knowing Dominic wasn’t aware of its significance, she decided to say nothing as they parked and walked to the front door. As per design, she could see nothing of the inside from behind the closed tinted doors. But standing on both sides of the entrance, were two men dressed dashingly in tuxedos, each holding a bouquet of red roses.

She looked at Dominic questioningly but he avoided eye contact. When the two men both handed the flowers over to her, she took them without complaint. Assuming it was a special occasion for the restaurant, she respectfully kept both of them in her hands and waited as the gentleman swung the doors open. Sasha couldn’t help the gasp that escaped her at the sight of the restaurant decorated beautifully with candles and roses splattered from wall to wall. But there was not a soul in sight.

Her apprehension grew as her eyes scanned the room and still found not one more customer other than herself and Dominic. Again, she turned to him but was met with empty space. Making a full circle, she found the front doors closed once more with no sign of Dominic. Thinking he had forgotten something in the car, she took a step toward the entrance to find him when she heard someone clear their throat behind her.

In the center of the room, there was a single table set up romantically with white fabric over the chairs and two table settings facing one another. Standing beside it was Dmitri, dressed in a sharp blue collared shirt and tie. The pants he wore emphasized his long legs and lean hips. He smiled at her shyly.

“I wanted you to know.” He stated simply.

Sasha’s eyes narrowed at him. It had been a set up. “Know what?”

“What it was truly like for me the first moment I met you. Your friends surrounded you but all I could see was you; it was as if there was no one else around us. But, this time, I wanted to do it right. I want you to know exactly how much I was thrown by you. I don’t want you to remember how I acted, how I hurt you even before we started dating. I want to replace every moment of pain I have ever caused you.”

He took a step towards her. “I’m sorry for the subterfuge; I honestly didn’t think you would come otherwise. So, please don’t be angry with Dominic. He knows how much I care for you and how much I want to correct things between us.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t have come. And I’m not staying.” She made to turn around but paused at his words.

“At first I thought it was lust. You were so different from any woman I had ever considered so I assumed that I was just simply growing tired of the norm. But it was more than that. I have never needed anyone before, Sasha. I liked having the upper hand in every relationship, having people need me instead of the other way around. And, at first, I thought the dynamics between us were the same. But then, things changed when my family came in between us. I started to need
you
.”

He walked toward her until he was standing directly in front of her, towering over her small stature. Reflexively, he reached out to circle her waist but pulled back right before making contact. Sasha wasn’t surprised by her body’s reaction to his nearness. She felt herself lean closer to his warmth and she hated herself for it.

“I pushed you away because the last person I needed, I lost. Being without you these past two years has been torture, Sasha. Every day I wanted to pick up the phone and call you just to hear your voice and beg you to come back but I couldn’t. I let my stupid pride get in the way every single time because I couldn’t fathom being so vulnerable to someone again. You see I’m not as strong as you are. You have faced countless rejection and still have enough courage to love others. But I’m done being a coward; I need you, Sasha.”

She watched in surprise as he leaned down and rested one knee on the floor of the restaurant.

“Please…”he begged, his eyes looking up at her honestly, “have dinner with me. That is all I ask.”

Instead of answering, she stomped over to the table and plopped down on the soft cushion of the chair. “This doesn’t mean anything,” she warned him as he took the seat opposite her, referring to her acceptance of his offer.

Dmitri merely smiled and motioned for the maître d’ with a flick of his wrist. “It means everything,” he quietly corrected.

They sat together in silence until their food had been served before them. Sasha was trying to avoid eye contact with him but she could feel his gaze settled on her person. After two years, it felt so strange to be in his presence, but even more shocking was her body’s continued response to his nearness. He had been her first so of course there would still be some remnants of attraction. But she almost felt like jumping out of her seat to be closer to him. How could she hide this from him for the entire dinner when it felt like gravity was pulling her in his direction?

To distract her body’s response, she decided to ask the one question that had been haunting her since his revelations. “Why wait two years? If you felt so sorry about what happened, why didn’t you approach me sooner?”

Dmitri wasn’t at all surprised by her question. It was something he had asked himself many times and, though he had a reason for waiting, there was still regret that he was forced to stay away. He laughed dryly, “For all my efforts at keeping my family at arm’s length, it seems they have influenced my every decision.” Shaking his head, he hesitated before revealing, “Nadia got worse after the…incident at the bar. After I pushed you away things imploded. My father was hounding me as to how I could let a woman like you into my life, and Nadia began to feel suffocated with all the attention she was receiving from everyone. The tension between my father and I definitely didn’t help matters.

“You see, after you left, Dominic came to me and was the voice of reason like he usually is; he tried to explain to me how I had continually made grievous errors when it came to you and our relationship. His words were only further corroborated by my feelings when I saw you come into my office. I wanted to stop you from leaving but the very thing that had caused me to destroy our relationship- my family- was even more of an open wound than it had been before. Coming back to you was not in the cards until I could see Nadia through her anorexia and finally…get away from Nikolai.”

She didn’t know if she had any right to ask but Sasha couldn’t stop herself from saying, “How is Nadia?”

A smile spread across his face in prideful glee at the thought of his sister. “I haven’t seen her so happy and healthy since I was under my parent’s roof as a young adult. There are no words to describe how scared I was of losing her. That feeling of being completely at a loss as to how to make her see just how much she was deteriorating in front of everyone was excruciating. She just moved out on her own and plans to go back to school.

“While I regret not coming to you sooner, I can’t deny that it was the best thing for Nadia. I know she is selfish, egocentric, and high-maintenance but she is also my little sister and at the risk of losing her, I had to put my life on hold. It may have taken years to do it, but, if you were to see her now, you would know it wasn’t all for naught.”

Sasha gave him a warm smile. The love he had for Nadia was lucid in his eyes as he spoke of her and to her chagrin, all she could think was how she wished he had spoken of her in the same way when they were together. Why couldn’t he love her? Yes, he had admitted to needing her but there were no words of love. She wished she still didn’t yearn to hear them.

“Well, I’m happy for her. And I don’t want you to think I’m saying that just to be polite…I only ever wanted to see her healthy and happy. I was never angry with you over your reason for being upset that day. You were right; I should never have made such a decision regarding your family because it was never my place.”

“I sense a ‘but’…”

At this, he watched her face visibly stiffen. “My anger towards you is solely my own doing really. I allowed myself to become so embedded within a relationship doomed to failure because I was too overcome by my childish needs. It may have come off as sarcasm but I really have accepted your apology and I hope that you can accept mine as well.”

Dmitri, despite his immediate instinct to nod in the affirmative, hesitated. If he simply accepted her expressions of regret and willingness to move on from their past, would she ever give him a second chance? Sasha would have no more ties connecting her to him, making it even harder for him to be with her once more and truly make up for what he had thrown away.

He slowly chewed his food in deep thought. It was selfish for him to even consider keeping her hostage through guilt. And he didn’t want them to start over with such dark secrets. He would simply have to have faith that she wanted to be with him as much as he wanted her by his side once more.

“I should have known that you only meant well but that day at the hospital I felt so exposed with everything coming out into the open and you stuck in the middle of my familial drama. I accept your apology as long as you accept mine for every vicious word that came over me that day. It was all said in anger; I wanted to strike back at you for knowing everything that came to the forefront.

“When I told you that I often try not to need anyone, I was also implying that it is difficult for me to open up. Especially in a relationship that was becoming as serious as ours so quickly. For me, it was too quick. I should have communicated that better and that will always be on me. If our relationship was ever doomed for ‘failure’, as you put it, it was solely my doing not yours. I never gave it a chance to succeed. While you yearned for permanence, I was running away from that exact thing.”

Her old feelings of self-doubt resurfaced when she asked, “Was it me? Did you just not want anything permanent with me?”

Dmitri frowned at her question, knowing exactly why she would want an answer. So as to rid her of any suspicion to the truth of his words, he met her eyes directly and replied, “You are the only woman, Sasha, who has ever threatened my need to keep others at a distance. I wanted permanence with you- I still do. ”

Instead of replying, Sasha turned to her food and they sat in tense silence once more. Dmitri continued to gaze at her, wondering how he could ever get beyond her walls. He almost wanted to laugh at the situation; before, it had been him who had kept her at a distance. Now, it seemed he was only getting a taste of his own medicine.

“Enough about the past, I’m curious as to what you have been doing now? Are you still good friends with Teagan?”

She nodded, still in deep thought about his confession. A part of her still wanted to curse him out but she knew the anger only stemmed from her own hurt feelings. No matter her intentions, she was aware of how misguided her actions had been and knew to a certain extent he was right in his anger that day. But what about the times before? Their relationship was more than just that day at the hospital. Could she truly consider being with him again after the many times she felt as if she were fighting for their relationship on her own? Would being with him make her revert back to her former self- the young woman in constant need of acceptance and validation?

Her thoughts turned to Jaelynn and Faye. In the end, Dmitri had done more damage to her psyche than they ever had. As her first love, she knew she would never be able to forget him. But she couldn’t risk being that person again. And Dmitri was too much of a risk.

“Let’s stop pretending, Dmitri.”

He raised a brow at her tone. “Is something wrong, Sasha?”

“Yes, this,” she stated, her hands gesturing to the dinner between them. “Us, pretending to patch things up and become friends or whatever the hell you think we can get back. It’s over. And I’ve moved on. Your inability to do so…is not on me.”

The confusion written across his face almost made her feel a sense of regret at the harshness of her words. Before she could continue her sudden tirade, he released a deep sigh and settled back into his chair. The clang of his utensils against the glass plate resounded between them.

“You say you forgive me…but you are still angry.” As she opened her mouth, he halted her with a raised hand. “No, please. I don’t want this dinner to end in conflict.  I thought that by you accepting the dinner, you were ready to start over. I don’t fault you for still being angry; you have every right. But, when I tell you I am serious about starting over with you, I mean it. And if the only way to make you see that is to back off, then I will.

“So, I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be completely honest with me. And I want you to really think about it and not react simply out of anger.” He paused and Sasha looked on in shock as he visibly shook. He was obviously unsure of himself as he swallowed with difficulty and nervously wiped at his brow. “Do you still love me- even a little?”

Panic coursed through her. It wasn’t merely shock at his question, but disappointment in herself. She was unable to tell him with utter certainty that she didn’t love him anymore. She had told herself to simply not think about him; she had never considered that even with his absence from her mind, he still had reigns upon her heart.

Dmitri continued to watch her, waiting patiently for a response even as he slightly dreaded hearing the answer. But when she hesitated, he had a sense of hope. She was obviously unsure, and uncertainty gave him room to steer her back in the direction he wanted. But his satisfaction was fleeting once the fear leapt into her eyes, and he realized he had inadvertently cornered her.

Sasha knew her silence spoke volumes. She wanted to scream at herself for showing vulnerability to him. Feeling that there was no way of rectifying the situation, she came to her feet. Her voice slightly shaking, she managed to find her voice again. 

“You have no right to ask me that. You never indicated once in our relationship that you…”her voice broke at the words, unable to relive the fact that Dmitri never returned her feelings of love. She felt exposed and could only find words to fight back the wave of humiliation those memories brought to her again. “You haven’t changed. Even now, all you’re doing is hurting and humiliating me.” Sasha’s face reddened and she took in heavy breaths. “I hate you.”

As tears began to form in her eyes, she blinked them away and turned from him. Before she could reach the door exiting the restaurant, she felt his strong grasp upon her forearm. Sasha tried to twist out of his grip but he merely pulled her to his chest, arms encircling her waist.

“No, Sasha.” He took hold of her chin in his palm and made her look at him. “I’ll never hurt you again. That wasn’t my intent. I-I just need to know if you even want me to fight for you-for us.” He wiped at the wetness beneath her eyes with his thumb. Leaning down, he rested his brow against hers and breathed in her familiar scent. “I keep fucking up with you even as I try to make things right.”

Their gazes connected and Sasha felt her lips quiver at his nearness. She could just as well sense his reaction to her body as she did the heat coursing through her veins. To her dismay, she leaned in closer and lifted slightly onto her toes to reach him. However, at the sign of her invitation, Dmitri couldn’t allow himself to kiss her even though he also yearned for it.

“I can’t,” he whispered instead.

It was as if cold water had been splashed over her. Sasha started to take a step back but his hand tightened on her waist, preventing her escape.

“No, just listen. I want you- so bad. But I can’t allow you to think that all I am after is your body. I know you may just want a physical relationship so that feelings don’t get hurt. But I want you to trust that I won’t hurt you; there will be no hurt feelings this time. So, even though you may not be able to admit to loving or caring for me, by the end of this, you will have no doubt that your feelings are returned.”

At the sight of her annoyed confusion, he broke into a smile. “If I were to just say the words today, you wouldn’t believe me. You may think that is all you want to hear, but you deserve much more than that. So…” he took her cheeks between both of his large palms and caressed the smoothness of her skin adoringly, “first I am going to show you how much I feel for you, and then, when you are no longer in doubt or afraid of your feelings for me, I’m going to tell you. Now, please keep in mind, this is new for me. So, I’m going to try my hardest not to fuck up again like I just did. But I know that before I expect anything from you, I need to prove to you I am worth the risk.”

“And how exactly are you going to do that?” she couldn’t help but ask.

He merely smiled and before she could force an answer from him, the door behind them opened and Dominic stepped into the restaurant. Dmitri looked over her head and nodded in his brother’s direction.

“Dom is going to take you home.” Quickly, he gave her a peck on the cheek at the corner of her lips. Savoring the feel of her for one last moment. Then, he finally released Sasha from his grasp by taking a step back. She felt almost dizzy at the loss of his nearness but hid her reaction behind what had become a familiar mask.

As she turned to Dominic, she heard him whisper behind her, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to ever make you cry again.”

The next day, Sasha walked into work still in a daze from the night before. She had almost stayed up the entire night trying to understand her own warring emotions. On top of all that, the nagging disappointment that she had never gotten over him was still weighing heavily on her shoulders. How could she still be so weak? How could she have even tried to kiss him after he exposed her with that question? How dare he ask her if she still loved him?

Needless to say, Dominic had certainly gotten an earful on the way back to her apartment. While shock may have distracted her before, there had been nothing holding her back from voicing her ire at his deception. But, as was his apparent custom, Dominic hadn’t let any of her insults compel him to return them in kind. Instead, he had simply listened to her complaints in understanding before dropping her off at her apartment with a gentle kiss on the cheek.