Sara, Book 1 (7 page)
What do you mean, Sara?
“Well, like, we can go flying all around town, and no time passes. Don’t you find that strange? And like me being able to see you and talk to you, but Jason and Billy cannot see you or talk to you. Don’t you find that strange?”
If their wanting were strong enough, they could, Sara, or if my wanting were strong enough, I could influence their wanting.
“What do you mean?”
It was their enthusiasm for something they hadn’t actually seen that brought you to my thicket. They were a very important link in the unfolding of our meeting.
“Yeah, I guess.” Sara didn’t really want to give her little brother the credit for this extraordinary experience. She was more comfortable letting him keep his position as a thorn in her side. But a key to her joyful enlightenment? That was too much of a stretch just yet.
So, Sara, tell me, what you have learned today?
Solomon smiled.
“I’ve learned that I can fly all over town and no time will pass?” Sara stated questioningly, wondering if that was what Solomon wanted to hear. “I’ve learned that Jason and Billy can’t hear me or see me when I fly, because they’re too young, or not ready? I’ve learned that it isn’t cold at all up there when you fly?”
That is all very good, and we can talk all about that later, but, Sara, did you notice, that as long as you were talking about what you
didn’t
want, that you couldn’t get what you
did
want? But when you began talking about what you did want—even more important, when you were able to begin
feeling
what you did want—then it came instantly?
Sara was quiet, trying to remember back. But it wasn’t easy to think about anything that she was thinking or feeling before she was flying. She would much rather think about the flying part.
Sara, ponder this as often as you can, and practice it as much as you can.
“You want me to practice flying? All right!”
Not just flying, Sara.
I want you to practice thinking
about what you do want, and thinking about why you
want what you want—
until you’re able to really feel it. That is the most important thing you’ll learn from me, Sara. Have fun with this.
And with that, Solomon was up and away.
This is the best day of my life!
Sara thought.
Today, I learned to fly!
“H
ey, baby, do you still wet the bed at night?”
Sara felt angry as she watched them mocking Donald. Too shy to interfere, she tried to look away and not notice what was going on.
“They think they’re so smart,” Sara murmured under her breath. “They’re just plain mean.”
A couple “too cool to be alive” boys from her classroom, who were almost always seen together, were making fun of Donald, a new boy, who had only been in the classroom a couple of days. His family had just moved into town and was renting the old run-down house at the end of the street that Sara lived on. The house had been empty for months, and Sara’s mother was happy to see someone finally moving in. Sara had noticed the rickety old truck being unloaded and had wondered if the little bit of broken-down furniture was really all that they had.
It’s hard enough to be new in town and not know anyone, but to have these bullies picking on him already, well, that was just too much. Standing there in the hallway, watching Lynn and Tommy deliberately making Donald feel bad, Sara’s eyes filled with tears. She remembered the outburst of laughter in her classroom yesterday when Donald was asked to stand to be introduced to his new classmates, and when he stood up he was clasping a bright red plastic pencil box. Sara admitted it wasn’t the coolest thing to do—more appropriate for kids her little brother’s age, but she certainly didn’t believe that it deserved this kind of humiliation.
Sara realized that that had been the critical turning point for Donald. Had he been able to handle that first moment differently, perhaps standing bravely and grinning back, not caring what the rotten class thought about him, maybe things could have gotten off on a different foot. But that wasn’t to be. For Donald, embarrassed and truly frightened, slumped into his chair, biting his lip. Sara’s teacher had reprimanded the class, but that really made no difference at all. The class didn’t seem to care what Mr. Jorgensen thought of them, but Donald surely did care what the class thought of him.
When he left the classroom yesterday, Sara had seen him drop his bright new pencil holder into the wastebasket by the door. Once Donald was out of sight, Sara had retrieved his ill-chosen trinket and had stuffed it into her school bag.
Sara watched as Tommy and Lynn went down the hallway. She listened to hear them clumping down the stairs. She could see Donald in front of his locker, just standing there, staring into it, as if there must be something in there that would make things better somehow, or as if he would like to crawl into the locker and avoid what was out here. Sara felt sick to her stomach. She didn’t know what to do, but she wanted to do something to make Donald feel better. After looking down the hallway to make sure the bullies were really gone, she pulled the red box from her bag and hurried toward Donald, who was now fussing around with his books, in an ill-at-ease attempt to regain his composure.
“Hey, Donald, I saw you drop this yesterday,” Sara said simply. “I think it’s neat. I think you should keep it.”
“No, I don’t want it!” Donald snapped back.
Shocked, Sara stepped back and mentally tried to regain her balance.
“If you think it’s so neat, you keep it!” Donald shouted at Sara.
Quickly stuffing it back into her bag, hoping no one had seen or heard this embarrassing exchange, Sara hurried into the school yard and headed home.
“Why don’t I stay out of things?” Sara scolded herself. “Why don’t I learn?”
“S
olomon, why are people so mean?” Sara pleaded.
Are all people mean, Sara? I hadn’t noticed.
“Well, not all of them, but lots of them are, and I don’t understand why. When I’m mean, I feel awful.”
When are you mean, Sara?
“Mostly when someone is mean first. I think I sort of just get mean to pay them back.”
Does that help?
“Yes,” Sara offered defensively.
How so, Sara? Does paying them back make you feel better? Does it turn things around, or take any meanness back?
“Well, no, I guess not.”
In fact, Sara, what I have seen is that it just adds more meanness to the world. It’s a bit like joining their chain-of-pain. They are hurting, and then you’re hurting, and then you help someone to hurt, and on and on it goes.
“But Solomon, who started this awful chain-of-pain?”
It doesn’t really matter where it started, Sara. But it
is
important what you do with it if it comes to you. What is this all about, Sara? What has caused you to join this chain-of-pain?
Sara, feeling rather sick to her stomach, told Solomon about the new boy, Donald, and of his first day in class. She told Solomon about the bullies who seemed to find never-ending things to tease Donald about. She told Solomon about the alarming incident that had just taken place in the hallway. And as she relived what had happend, as she was describing them to Solomon she felt her painful anger growing again, and a tear pushed out of her eye and rolled down her cheek. She angrily wiped it away with the back of her sleeve, truly irritated that instead of her usual happy chatter with Solomon, she was now sniffling and blubbering. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be with Solomon.
Solomon was quiet for a long while as scattered, disconnected thoughts shot about Sara’s mind. Sara could feel Solomon watching her with his big loving eyes, but she didn’t feel self-conscious. It almost felt as if Solomon was drawing something out of her.
Well, it’s clear what I
don’t
want,
Sara thought.
I don’t want to feel like this. Especially when I’m talking with Solomon.
That’s very good, Sara. You have just, consciously, taken the first step in ending the chain-of-pain. You have consciously recognized what you
do not
want.
“And that’s good?” Sara questioned. “It doesn’t feel so good.”
That’s only because you have only taken the first step, Sara. There are three more.
“What is the next step, Solomon?”
Well, Sara, it isn’t hard to figure out what you don’t want. Do you agree with that?
“Yes, I guess I do. I mean, I think I usually know that.”
How do you know that you’re thinking about what you
don’t
want?
“I can just sorta tell.”
You can tell by the way you feel, Sara. When you’re thinking about, or speaking about, something that you
don’t
want
—
you always feel negative emotion. You feel anger or disappointment or embarrassment or guilt or fear. You always feel bad when you’re thinking about something you
don’t
want.