Sanders 01 - Silent Run (35 page)

“I knew you were in danger. I felt terrible that I couldn't help,” Catherine added.

“Well, you helped me today. If you hadn't hit Rick over the head with that bat, we could all be dead now. Where did you get it, anyway?"

“Teresa's hall closet. I was going for an umbrella, but I found something better. Dylan had told me to stay put, to call the cops, but I knew he was walking into a volatile situation. I couldn't stand by and do nothing."

“I never thought you had that in you,” Teresa said, amazement in her voice. “You, Catherine, were always such a pacifist, peace, love, joy, harmony. What happened to that?"

“I'm not a pacifist when it comes to people I care about. By the way, what's with going back to your old name, Tracy?” she asked, turning her attention to Teresa. “You hated that name."

“I've been trying it out, but I think I'm going to stick with Teresa."

“You two always thought that changing your names, or pretending to be someone else, would make a difference,” Catherine said. “It was a stupid game you played. You can't hide from yourself. Don't you get that?"

Sarah glanced over at Teresa and saw the same sheepish expression in her eyes. “We get it,” Sarah said. “It just took us a while."

“A long while,” Teresa agreed. “So what am I going to call you now?"

She thought for a moment. “Sarah. I'm going to be Sarah, because that's who I am to Caitlyn and to Jake, and with any luck I can keep them both in my life."

“You will,” Teresa said with confidence.

“And you're keeping us, too,” Catherine said firmly. “We're family. And now that we're back together it's going to stay that way. Besides, someone needs to keep you two out of trouble.” Catherine stood up and opened her arms, sending them both an expectant look.

Teresa groaned. “We are not doing a group hug."

“Yes, we are,” Catherine insisted. She went over to Teresa and threw her arms around her. Teresa squealed in protest.

Sarah moved to join them. For the first time in a long time, everything was right in her world. She wondered how long it would last.

* * *

Sarah's optimism faltered with the dawn of a new day. She'd received a call earlier that morning from a police detective in Los Angeles who wanted to talk to her in regard to Shane Hollis's murder and the fire at her apartment building. He'd insisted that she come down to Los Angeles for an interview. She'd had no choice but to agree. The more crimes she could pin on Victor, the easier it would be to keep the police from being interested in prosecuting Jake for Victor's murder. So far Jake seemed to be in the clear -- so much in the clear that the local cops had said he could return to San Francisco. And, of course, Jake wanted to take Caitlyn with him.

He hadn't asked her permission. He'd just started making a list of what he would need to take care of Caitlyn once he got home. Then he'd headed out to the store to pick up supplies. Those supplies were now packed in his car, and he was waiting on the sidewalk for Sarah to bring Caitlyn to him.

Everything was changing. One chapter of her life was over and another was beginning. She'd done this before, started over, but she hated having to do it again. This time she really had no choice. She wasn't the only one making the decisions.

She moved slowly down the porch steps, dread and worry weighting each step. She knew she had to let Jake take Caitlyn home. He deserved time alone with his daughter, and Caitlyn needed to be somewhere settled and safe. Sarah also knew she had to go to LA and finish cleaning up the mess she'd made eight years ago. Those were the facts. The facts sucked.

How on earth could she let Caitlyn go?

Aside from the past few days, they'd never been apart. And having been apart had only made Sarah want to keep her daughter at her side for every second of the rest of her life.

Caitlyn played with Sarah's hair as she walked down the path to the sidewalk. She liked to twist her fingers in the curls, a happy little game that always made her smile.

Sarah paused by the car and turned back around so Caitlyn could see Teresa and Catherine on the porch. “Say bye-bye,” she told Caitlyn.

“Bye-bye,” Caitlyn said with a cheery smile, mimicking her mother's wave.

Sarah would have liked to play the moment out, but Jake was waiting. As she turned to him, he held out his arms.

“I'll take her now.” His tone was quiet and determined, as if he were afraid she was going to make a scene.

She hesitated for a long moment, her arms instinctively tightening around Caitlyn's small body. For seven months it had been her and Caitlyn against the world. But for those same months Jake had sweated out the nights alone in fear and worry.

She had to let him take Caitlyn. He was a good man. He was a good father.

She was the one who had screwed up. She was the one who had brought danger to their lives. She'd made one mistake after another. And now it was time to do the right thing -- the only thing. Still, she stalled. “She likes to sleep with her blanket at night, and if she's fussy, you can read her a story. She likes the butterfly book or the book with the pink bears on the front."

“I got it."

“Oh, and if she gets really cranky, she likes the sound of the vacuum cleaner."

Jake nodded. “Vacuum cleaner, right."

“Applesauce. That's her favorite after-dinner snack."

“You wrote it all down, Sarah."

Sarah kissed Caitlyn on the cheek, tears welling in her eyes and streaming down her face as she said, “I love you, baby. But you need to go with your daddy."

Caitlyn's tiny hands cupped Sarah's face. Her daughter had no idea what was happening.

“Mama cry,” Caitlyn said, wiping her hand across Sarah's wet face. “Mama sad."

“I'm okay. I'll see you soon, baby,” Sarah said, her heart breaking in two. With one last tight squeeze, she handed Caitlyn over to Jake.

Caitlyn, God bless her, gave Jake a happy, trusting smile, not realizing that he was about to take her away from her mother.

Jake stroked Caitlyn's curls as he looked at Sarah. The pulse in his neck was beating fast. “You'll see her tomorrow, you know. I'm not going to keep you out of her life. I wouldn't do that to you."

“I know. It's just difficult. We still haven't talked about how we're going to take care of her in the future. There's so much we haven't discussed. This is happening so fast. I'm not ready."

“We'll talk when you get to San Francisco.” Jake cleared his throat. “It's going to be all right. We'll work it out."

“Drive carefully,” she said.

“I will.” Jake put Caitlyn into her seat and strapped her in. When he got out of the car he gave Sarah a reassuring look. “Don't worry, Sarah. She'll be safe with me."

“I know that. I trust you. I do."

Jake started to say something and then changed his mind. He walked around the car and got in. He started the engine and pulled away quickly, giving her no chance to beg him to stay.

Catherine and Teresa came down the path. Sarah saw the questions in their eyes. They didn't understand her actions, but they would support her anyway. “I have to give him this time. I owe him."

“You're so strong now,” Catherine commented. “The little girl who used to crawl into my bed at night is all grown-up and braver than I could ever be."

“I'm not brave. I'm really not.” But Sarah waited until Jake's car had turned the corner before she sank into Catherine's loving arms and cried her heart out.

“It will be all right,” Catherine said soothingly.

“You'll figure out a way to make it all work. Jake seems like a good guy,” Teresa put in. “And if he tries to take sole custody from you, we'll kick his butt."

“He is a good guy,” Sarah said, sniffing as she tried to pull herself together. “He's the best. I ruined everything. I had the perfect family."

“Oh, sweetie,” Catherine said with a sad smile. “Don't you know yet that perfect doesn't exist?"

“I still want it to."

“Cinderella and the prince -- your favorite fairy tale,” Teresa said. “How about we get some breakfast before I drive you to LA?"

“Are you sure you want to do that? I can rent a car."

“Do you actually have an ID?” Teresa asked.

“Come to think of it, no, but I do have cash.” And now she remembered where she'd gotten the cash. She'd never put any of her paychecks into the bank. She'd cashed them and kept the money in the heater vent with her IDs. She wondered what it would be like to live her life above ground again, to be able to walk freely down the street, not be concerned whether anyone was following her. She couldn't even imagine it.

“I'll drive you,” Teresa said. “It will be fun. A road trip."

“I'm coming, too,” Catherine said.

“I don't know why you're both being so nice to me.” Sarah shook her head. “I don't deserve it."

“Yes, you do. You're a good person,” Catherine stated firmly. “Don't forget that. Every decision you made, you made out of love."

Before Sarah could reply a car came around the corner, a very familiar car. She straightened in alarm.

Jake pulled up in front of them and jumped out of the driver's seat. He dashed across the sidewalk.

“What's wrong?” Sarah asked as he jogged toward her. “Did you forget something?"

“Yes, dammit. You. I forgot you.” He grabbed her by the arms and kissed her long and hard on the lips. “I can't leave you behind. I can't do it."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. “You still want me?"

“With every breath I take.” His eyes burned with desire and need. “You are connected to me, Sarah. I can't let you go. I don't know how I thought I could."

“Oh, Jake,” she whispered. “How can you forgive me?"

“Because I can. Because I want to. Because you're the woman I love."

“Still? After everything?"

“The truth is that I never stopped loving you,” he said, gazing into her eyes. “Even when I hated you, I loved you. You got under my skin. You haunted my dreams."

She put her hands on his face and let all of her emotions show. There was no more need to be guarded, to try to protect her heart. She'd already given it to him. “I love you, too, Jake. I always did. I never lied about that. If you'll give me a second chance, I'll do better."

“So will I.” He pulled her up against his chest. “It wasn't all you, Sarah. I have to share some of the blame for not wanting to rock the boat. But we can start over. We can get it right. We know who we are now. The last few days I fell in love with the real you, the one who couldn't hide from me. There are no more lies between us. And that's the way it's going to stay."

“I can't believe you still want me."

“I do. Forever."

She kissed him lovingly on the mouth, tasting the truth on his lips, and nothing had ever tasted sweeter.

“I have to go to LA,” she said, breaking away. “Damn, I can't believe I have to go to LA now."

“Caitlyn and I will go with you, and when you're done there we'll go home together. We'll finish building our house. And when we both know the time is right, we'll get married."

“That plan sounds perfect,” she said as he kissed her again and again and again. Finally, laughing and breathless, she pulled away. “Caitlyn,” she started to say.

“I've got her,” Teresa said, holding Caitlyn in her arms. “Although, if this is going to get X-rated, you might want to take it inside."

Sarah smiled as tears of pure joy now filled her eyes. She took Caitlyn from Teresa, and she and Jake wrapped their arms around their daughter. They were going to be a family after all.

“Well, Sarah,” Catherine said, “I think you finally got your happily ever after."

“I think I did,” she said, meeting Jake for another kiss, another promise for the future.

Two months later

Jake and Sarah said their wedding vows just before sunset in the garden of a beautiful mountain lodge overlooking Lake Tahoe. Teresa stood up for Sarah, while Dylan offered his services as best man. Catherine held a squirmy, giggling Caitlyn on her lap while the minister blessed the union between Caitlyn's parents. It was a damn Hallmark card moment, Dylan thought, as he watched his brother and Sarah share their first kiss as husband and wife.

He followed them down the aisle and was the first to offer his big brother a hug and congratulations in the receiving line. Then he kissed Sarah on the cheek. “You got yourself a good guy. Treat him right."

“I know it,” she said, a loving smile on her lips as she glanced back at Jake. “He's the best."

“So are you,” Jake replied.

“You two are sickeningly happy,” Dylan said. “I'm going to get a drink -- a strong one."

“Your turn next,” Jake said with a grin.

“Dream on, brother. Not everyone wants to have a ball and chain strapped around his ankle. No offense, Sarah."

She laughed, as Dylan had known she would. In the past couple of months he'd come to know his new sister-in-law a lot better, and she had an amazingly good sense of humor, especially about herself. She'd stripped the murky brown color from both her hair and Caitlyn's, returning them to their natural blond beauty. She had also decided to keep the name Sarah and, in fact, had legally changed her name to Sarah Jessica Sanders, combining her present, her past, and her future. Since Jake had forgiven her for putting him through seven months of torture, Dylan had forced himself to let go of any lingering resentment. As long as Jake was happy, that was really all that mattered.

“Thanks for being my best man,” Jake said.

As he left the receiving line, Dylan wandered over to the bar, grabbed a seat, and ordered a shot of Jack Daniels. He enjoyed the burn as the liquor slid down his throat. After draining the glass, he immediately ordered another. He didn't like weddings, and usually avoided them at all costs, but this one he hadn't been able to miss. He was thankful that he'd finished his formal duties as best man. He just had to get through the next hour before he could call it a night.