Salvation (The Protectors, Book 2) (2 page)

Seth

I wasn’t expecting Ronan to put his hands on me. And I definitely wasn’t expecting the rush of the lust that went through me when he shoved me hard against the wall and held me there with his body. My anger was supposed to have made me immune to the need I’d had for him from the time I was old enough to realize that’s what the emotions churning through me were, but it hadn’t. My fury, my hurt – all they did was ratchet up the intensity of what I was feeling.

I should have done a lot of things as he held me there.

Pushed him away.

Cursed him.

Admitted that he’d destroyed me when he’d walked out on me three years earlier.

But all I could do was stand there and relish the feel of his strong fingers wrapped around my wrists, pinning my hands to the wall. I welcomed the heat that wafted off his big body and warmed me in a way that nothing else could. I drank down the sound of every one of his rough breaths, the only proof that he wasn’t completely unaffected by the contact, because his hard eyes gave nothing away. And when I dropped my eyes to his lips, lips I knew from experience were softer than they looked, I felt the slightest shudder roll through his body.

I didn’t know how long he held me there for and, in truth, I didn’t care. I’d wanted for so long for him to see me as something other than his boyfriend’s pesky, desperate little brother, that I needed to get as much out of this one moment where he was seeing me as a man that I could, because I suspected it would have to sustain me for a very long time.

I’d met Ronan for the first time when I was thirteen and my brother, Trace, had brought a then 28-year-old Ronan home to meet our parents after they’d met at the military hospital where Ronan was completing his residency. Even at my young age, I’d been fascinated by Ronan. He’d had a certain cool confidence to him that had drawn me in, but it was the way he’d laughed and joked with me that had had my hero worship turning into something more within a couple of visits. I’d fought to keep the fact that I was falling for my own brother’s boyfriend a secret, but Trace had easily picked up on it and hadn’t wasted time in teasing me every chance he got with jokes about not trying to steal his boyfriend out from underneath him. And he’d never failed to make sure Ronan was around when he’d made the comments. I’d known that my brother’s ribbing was meant to be harmless fun, but my feelings had run so deep that every joke he’d made had caused pinpricks in my soul, because I’d known I’d never have what he had. Because despite my mother’s assurances to the contrary, I’d known even then that I’d only ever want Ronan and any man who might come my way in the future would always pale in comparison.

Maybe it would have been easier if Ronan had shared my brother’s penchant for making light of the way I felt. But he’d only fanned the flames of my burgeoning want by protecting me from my brother’s unintentional cruelty, and he’d never allowed the awkwardness to change the way he’d treated me. He’d always been kind, interested and encouraging. And he’d promised me that someday I’d find that lucky someone who would change my life the way Trace had changed his.

And then everything
had
changed. In less than a year my parents were gone, my brother was gone and the Ronan I’d fallen in love with was gone.

I managed to remain perfectly still as Ronan held me against the wall, afraid that any movement would break whatever reverie we’d both fallen into. I wanted so badly to lean forward and brush my lips over his, to once again taste the sweetness that was so unexpected and so intoxicating, but I’d learned my lesson the first time around. And as much as I wanted Ronan to leave, I couldn’t bear the humiliation of him choosing to walk away from me again instead of enduring my naïve, painfully inexperienced kiss.

Ronan finally pulled back and released his hold on me, but just one of my wrists. “You have a first aid kit somewhere?” he asked as he tugged me forward.

“My bathroom,” I said.

I followed him silently to the main part of the house and didn’t try to read too much into the fact that he still had a hold of my wrist. My dog, Bullet, came with us, but I didn’t miss how the animal stuck right next to Ronan’s side. Since the German Shepherd was my perpetual shadow, it should have bothered me more that he’d abandoned me for Ronan. But it didn’t. It was just a reminder of how easy it was for man and beast alike to gravitate to the big, quiet man.

Ronan led me to the bathroom and turned me so my back was against the counter. He glanced at me and I automatically said, “Bottom drawer” since I knew what he was looking for. He found the first aid kit and opened it and pulled out a couple of butterfly bandages before running a washcloth under water. His touch was surprisingly gentle for such a big, scary looking guy and I wondered how many of his patients were shocked by the contradiction. At 6’5, Ronan towered over most men and he had the bulk to back it up. He wasn’t bulging everywhere, but he had a rock hard body that even now rippled beneath his clothes. His stormy gray eyes were typically shrouded in mystery, but I’d seen them both joyful and haunted and everything in between.

I wished for the thousandth time that I could reach out and touch him because every time he shifted, my eyes were drawn to a spot on his upper chest where he’d left the first button of his shirt open. I could see bronzed flesh and a smattering of black hair that I desperately wanted to experience beneath my fingers. Would it be soft like the silky, coal black hair on his head or would it be wiry and rough? I’d seen enough naked men when my curiosity about sex had gotten the best of me and I’d checked out gay porn sites, but the life I’d been living hadn’t afforded me the opportunity to experiment hands-on and, unlike Ronan, I was utterly lacking in the chest hair department.

Ronan finished cleaning the injury and then closed it with two butterfly bandages. But once he secured the last bandage, his fingers didn’t leave my face right away and I held my breath as the rough pad of his thumb grazed my cheek.

“Better?” he asked, though his voice was a strange, hoarse whisper I’d never heard before. That, combined with his touch, stoked the nerves in my already swollen cock and I swallowed hard as I tried to shift my body so he wouldn’t notice my predicament. But all I managed to do was brush my crotch against his and he froze at the contact. And then I saw it – the flare of arousal in his dark eyes. Even in my innocence, I knew it for what it was and as much as that terrified me, I wanted to cry out in relief too.

He wanted me.

His finger had stilled in its caressing of my bruised cheek and his eyes fell to my mouth. His whole hand drifted down to cup my jaw and I forced myself to hold completely still. Because I wasn’t going to fuck this up. I wanted it too much.

Only there was one part of myself that I couldn’t keep still. My mouth. Because before I knew it, I was whispering his name and his whole body drew up tight.

“Fuck,” he suddenly snarled and then his mouth came crashing down on mine.

No amount of wishing for that exact moment prepared me for it in any way because once Ronan’s mouth covered mine, I was completely lost. The kiss was brutal and rough and I didn’t even get a chance to adjust to the feeling of Ronan’s lips searing across mine before his tongue was pushing into my mouth. I gasped at the feel of it stroking over mine and a wave of heat washed through me with such force, that I was sure my knees would give out. I felt the hard edge of the counter digging into my ass as Ronan leaned into me.

I was completely overwhelmed by the sensations that bombarded me as Ronan consumed my mouth – and that’s exactly what it was. I had no control, no comprehension of anything besides how good it felt. And no idea how to kiss him back. I had the fleeting thought that my inexperience would turn him off, but if he noticed, it didn’t slow him down in any way and I was glad. Because I knew if he stopped, if he pushed me away and said I was too young or said he couldn’t because I was Trace’s little brother, I’d never recover. Hell, I’d likely never recover anyway because in my gut, I knew it was only this good because it was Ronan.

The hand that had been holding my face skimmed down my neck and along my side until it curved around my ass and drew me forward. The feel of Ronan’s stiff length against mine had me gasping but Ronan stole that sound along with what little of my sanity was left. I gave myself over to him completely and didn’t protest anything he did to me as his hands roamed all over me and his body rubbed against mine. At one point, I felt his blunt fingers pushing down the back of my jeans and I was sure I’d come in my pants as his pointer finger pressed into my crease. His sensual torture of my mouth didn’t let up for even a second but my brain finally started to catch up, and I wrapped my arms around his neck as I tentatively speared my tongue into his mouth. He groaned and then he was suddenly pushing away from me.

I was certain the whole thing was over, but I didn’t even have time to protest or question what was happening as I watched Ronan’s eyes dart around the bathroom before settling on the bathrobe hanging on the back of the closet door. A quick flick of his wrist and he was pulling the belt free and then his mouth was back on mine. I forgot all about the strange pause and began urgently kissing him back as my hands settled on his hips. I felt him grab one of my hands in his and then he was folding my arm behind my back. The move pushed me even closer to him. When he did the same with my other hand, I was forced to lean against him as he tormented me with one drugging kiss after another. It was several long seconds before I even realized what he was doing behind my back and by the time I found my voice, my hands were already tied together.

“Ronan, what-”

Ronan stole my words with another kiss and then his hand was rubbing my erection through my jeans. I moaned at the rough contact and tried to ask for more by shoving my hips forward. The hand stroking me drifted up just enough to reach the waistband and then was pushing down into my pants while the other began working them loose. I cried out at the feel of Ronan fisting my cock but he stole that sound too with another mind-numbing kiss. I forgot all about my bound hands as Ronan tugged ruthlessly on my sensitive dick and then ran his thumb across the slit before dipping inside of it. I tore my mouth free of Ronan’s and dropped my head against his shoulder and let out a long, heavy groan as he played with me. Cool air brushed over my hot skin as my pants were opened and shoved down along with my underwear.

Ronan’s hands gently pushed me off of him as he dropped to his knees and I was forced to lean back against the counter to keep myself upright. The hard edge bit into my ass as I lifted my bound hands so they rested on the top of the counter. Even though I was watching Ronan and knew what he was going to do to me, I wasn’t at all prepared for the moment he sucked me in deep. I shouted at the heat and wetness that engulfed me and I instinctively shoved my hips forward. Without preamble, Ronan began sucking me mercilessly as he bobbed up and down my length. One of his hands was cupping my ass while the other was rubbing back and forth over my taint before seeking out my balls.

“Ronan, please!” I begged as he dragged me closer and closer to an impending orgasm that was actually starting to frighten me. I’d jerked myself off plenty of times but I’d never felt this much, this fast, and the unknown scared the shit out of me. But Ronan’s ministrations were expert and utterly ruthless. He showed me no mercy as he hollowed out his cheeks and began dragging up and down my length with almost brutal force. The fingers that had been rolling my balls around traveled over my taint and then pressed into my crack to search out my hole. And the second he pressed down on it, I lost it and began shooting into his mouth as my release took over every part of my body. I had no control as wave after wave of pleasure rocked through me and it was only Ronan’s other arm around my hips that kept me upright.

I was struggling to catch my breath as Ronan rose to his feet and before I could even say anything, his mouth was on mine and I tasted the bitter, salty proof of my release. The kiss was wholly carnal and I loved every second of it despite the exhaustion settling into my heavy limbs. I had no idea if Ronan had found his own pleasure and was trying to figure out what I could to do give it to him, when he suddenly tore his mouth free of mine and spun me around and shoved me face down on the counter. I was still trying to get control of myself so I didn’t realize what was happening until I felt Ronan’s pelvis shove me forward. With my hands bound, I struggled to look up into the mirror so I could see him and my mouth went dry at the sight of him pulling a condom and a smaller packet of something from his wallet.

Surely he wasn’t going to fuck me here? Like this?

“Ronan-”

I had no idea if Ronan heard the tremor of fear in my voice or not but he leaned over me and kissed me deeply before saying, “It’s going to be hard and fast but I’ll make sure you get off again.”

I closed my eyes at the crude words that didn’t mesh with the beautiful way he’d kissed me. God, was this how I wanted him? I knew if I told him that it was my first time, I’d likely lose my only chance with him. In my gut, I was sure he wouldn’t hurt me but did I really want my first time with the man I’d been in love with for almost a decade, my first time with any man, to be just some down and dirty sex act that was more about getting off than anything else?

Fear began to niggle my brain as it warred with my need to be with this man in any way that I could and I automatically tried to pull free of the bindings on my wrists. Maybe it was just the lack of control that was freaking me out. If I could just get my hands loose…