Running Northwest (2 page)

Thank you all.

On the side of a dark and desolate Oregon coast road; Thomas James stood by himself hidden in the shadows. Alone and lost in thought, he felt detached. He eventually crumpled to the ground, his legs giving way beneath his large frame. The previous few hours were replaying in his mind like a bad movie. About two hours
prior,
he got a phone call from the county police. It took him barely five minutes to get to the accident…she was almost home.

When he pulled up hours earlier near the flashing emergency lights he
was amazed at how many there were
. When he got out of his truck, he could feel the glances and glares boring into his head and body. It was nearly 1 am; there usually was not much traffic on the road at this time of night. Now, there were cars starting to back up. The road was completely closed going both north and south. This was a small town on the Oregon Coast and everybody knew everyone; at the very least
,
they heard everything rather quickly.

Thomas stepped out of his truck, pulled the collar of his black pea coat up and walked towards the mass of flashing lights. The rain was coming down harder now than when he left his small house on the beach a few minutes north. People were standing by the police tape as he approached, most of which were holding umbrellas. He looked to the right of him and saw a News truck parked on the side of the road. He growled under his breath at the sight of them. The rain hit and ran down his face, his hair was soaked but he did not care…his heart was beating out of control in his chest. As he got closer, he walked through the small crowd of nosey onlookers; he recognized some of the faces.

As he walked, he felt someone’s hand on his shoulder and heard the faceless person say something that was probably meaningful and heartfelt but he did not care and pressed forward. He did not pay attention as he ducked under the police caution tape
, silently
ignoring the yells from a younger police officer telling him to stop.

An older officer approached Thomas with a grim look on his face, shooing away the younger police officer that just caught up to him and grabbed his arm.

“He’s fine Jerry, I’ve been waiting for him,” the old man said sticking his hand out towards his friend.

The younger officer’s face went slack. Thomas shot him a murderous glare then looked towards the older man and nodded at him.

“Gary,” Thomas simply said then reached out to shake the sheriff’s hand.

It was then that he realized how badly his hands were shaking – and not from the cold October breeze.

“Hey Tom,” Ga
ry said looking down at Thomas’
large hand, also noticing the shaking…and the glazed look in his younger friends eyes.

Thomas could feel the stares again coming from all around him: the other police, EMS crew, firefighters, nosey bystanders and a few friends. It felt like they were all trying to read his thoughts and sense his feelings.

“Gary, tell me what happened,” he asked his friend.

“We can talk about the details later, partner. Just know that it was bad. It took a while to get her out of the car. We actually we just did a few minutes ago,” Gary said.

Thomas shook his head up and down in a silent response. He looked over to what was left of her c
ar and the wreckage of the semi,
shocked at how bad it was.

“Can I see her, Gary? I really need to see her,” Thomas asked.

“I don’t know Tom, I don’t think…I don’t know if you really want to do that,” Gary replied.

“Please Gary…I have to,” Thomas said as he looked directly into the sheriffs eyes.

Gary looked into Thomas’ eyes, studying them, trying to see if his young friend had the strength to do what he needed to do.

“Yeah, of course, sorry Tom…follow me,” Gary said reluctantly.

The two men walked silently towards a pair of EMS personnel who were standing next to a stretcher that was lowered near the ground. Thomas stopped short and looked at the sheriff who also stopped, realizing that Thomas was going to say something.

“She didn’t suffer did she, Gary? I mean, how long did she last for?” Thomas asked quietly.

“Tom, we can talk about that later,” Gary said.

“No, Gary, I need to know right now!” Thomas yelled, suddenly agitated as his emotions began to show openly.

He quietly apologized for the outburst to Gary, who in turn smiled and patted him on the shoulder, as if to silently say it was okay.

“She was gone by the time we got here Tom, but your girl was tough; I think she fought for a while.” Gary said.

“How do you know that?” Thomas asked, an eyebrow beginning to rise.

“A hunch, I’ll tell you later, just go see your girlfriend,” Gary said.

Thomas shook his head again in response, his mind a blur. The two men again walked towards the stretcher. As they got closer, Gary walked over to the EMS crew.

“Hey guys, give him a bit of time with her okay?” he said.

The two EMS personnel nodded in response. They walked away leaving the giant of a man alone with his dead girlfriend.

He stood, briefly
looking down at the stretcher, a few rain and blood soaked sheets hiding her body. He walked closer, then fell to his knees in the mud and the water. His breathing
was heavy
and hard; it felt like the air was being sucked right out of his body. Despite the rain, he felt hot and nauseated. He took his coat off and covered her body with it. He just had a black t-shirt on underneath that was soaked through already.

Thomas pulled the sodden sheets from over her face and shoulders. He leaned forward and put his hand on the side of her face. He gently rubbed her cheeks with his thumb and ran his fingers through the hair on the side of her head that was soaked with water and dirt, trying not to pay attention to the blood mixed into her hair. He leaned farther down and put his face right next to hers so their cheeks were touching, the rain hiding the tears that were now pouring down his face.

He was not normally an overly emotional man, but tonight in the rain, storm, and dirt everything Thomas hid from everyone in the world, except from her, came out. Tonight he held the broken body of the woman he had spent his whole life hoping for in his arms. The woman who had made him believe in anything and everything; the woman who made him believe there was still reason to hope when he thought all hope was lost.
More than anything, she was the only woman who had ever truly believed in him
. Who believed
that he could walk away from the bad things that haunted him from his past.
She was his best and most true friend she was everything to him. She brought everything together, made everything beautiful and amazing. She was the missing piece of the puzzle of his heart and life. Now that she was
gone,
he felt as though the best part of his life was gone. Sitting there alone with her, the woman he loved covered in a dirty sheet in the rain, he felt instantly broken, suddenly and awkwardly lost…he felt less of a man…empty.

After a few minutes, his
tears turned to thick, deep, full-bodied uncontrollable sobs. He made no effort to conceal or hide his pain and heartbreak. He cried hard enough so that even God and his angels certainly must have heard what he was going through.

He sat up slightly, still on his knees, leaning over his girlfriend’s body. He grabbed her small hand and held it with both of his own. He brought their entwined fingers to his rain and salt soaked lips and kissed them gently, as he had done so many times before. He cried harder than he ever had in his entire life.

Suddenly, as if on cue from Hell itself the rain came down in thick heavy sheets. The wind blew harder as it came off the Pacific Ocean that was only 100 yards away. The forces of nature made the huge trees around the area sway; the leaves and small branches blew around and around. People began to scatter to escape Nature’s fury. Nevertheless, Thomas stayed vigilant by his girlfriend’s side, not noticing anything going on around him. Although Gary, the other police officers and emergency crews were only 20 or 30 feet away they could hardly see Thomas and the lifeless body of his girlfriend. The wind and the rain were now nearly drowning out Thomas’ heavy guttural cries and screams. They were frightening to those who were able to hear him.

Again, Thomas put his hand on the side her face, gently stroking it with his large fingertips. He leaned over and looked at her face – dirty, wet and cold but still beautiful. In his
heart,
she was still alive and smiling. He lightly and tenderly rubbed his thumb over her lips then leaned closer and kissed her one last time. In his mind, he saw the life that in a few weeks they would have begun together. A life they had wanted practically since the day they met over a year before. A life of hopes and dreams, adventures, long walks on the beach, campfires, long talks through the night and a family perhaps. A life filled with wild and passionate love; a life that would never happen now, not the way they had both hoped and wanted. Thomas stopped kissing her and rested his forehead on hers. At Thomas’ rented beach house were two empty plates and a burning candle on the kitchen table. Next to them was a small box with a diamond ring inside. It was waiting for a woman who would never hold it, never see its sparkle in her eye or enjoy the look of it on her hand.

As the crying continued through the rain, there was a flash somewhere in front of him but he hardly noticed, let alone cared. Thomas closed his eyes, still clutching her small, lifeless hand in his. Feeling alone in the downpour, through his tears, he whispered quietly to his dead fiancée the words she loved to hear him say ever since the first time he told her.

Thomas kissed Sarah’s forehead one last time. Then pulled the soaking sheets back over her. He slowly lifted his large, but now weak, body off the ground and looked over towards his friend Gary, the county sheriff. Thomas nodded to him to come over to where he was standing. As Gary approached, he managed a sympathetic smile to his friend.

“Thanks for that, Gary,” Thomas said quietly adding, “I just needed to say goodbye in my own way, or at least the best that I knew how.”

“I get it, Thomas, you don’t need to tell me thanks. And for what it’s worth bud, I’m really sorry,” Gary said looking everywhere but into his friends eyes.

“Thanks,” was the only thing Thomas could say.

“Um Tom we should get her out of here now, okay?” Gary said to his friend.

Thomas only nodded in reply and stepped a few yards away from Sarah’s body. Gary waved the EMS crew back over and told them to go ahead and take her away. A few minutes later Gary turned and looked over a
t Thomas who was standing deathly
still and silent nearby.

“At least he put his coat on again,” Gary thought to himself.

Thomas did not move except to breathe and Gary could see his friends’ eyes follow and watch everything, every move the EMS crew made with her body. After she was put into the back of the ambulance, Gary walked over to his friend, and put his hand on the man’s large shoulder.

“Hey man, it’s late. Why don’t you take off, there’s only cleanup now,” Gary said.

Thomas
turned
, looked
Gary in the eye
and said, “I’m going to stay here for a while if that’s okay. I’m not ready to leave just yet.”

Gary nodded a silent yes in reply and in his gravelly voice said, “Okay, Thomas, that’s fine. I’ll stop by the house tomorrow in the afternoon and we can talk about stuff.  Sound all right with you
?
I mean, if you’re going to be there at least.”

“Yeah…that’s fine, I’ll be there,” Thomas answered quietly; distracted and lost in thought, staring off at nothing.

“Okay then, I’ll leave you alone now, buddy,” Gary said as he turned and walked away to assist with the rest of the cleanup.

The tow trucks and cleanup crew were already at work, clearing the road of the devastating carnage from the wreck. After hours had passed, at nearly 3 am, everything was cleaned up. The road was open again and vehicles occasionally went by going to or from somewhere, the drivers having no idea what had happened just a few hours prior on that very spot. The police and onlookers had long since left. Gary was the last officer to leave about 40 minutes ago, making sure Thomas was left alone and that he was going to be okay.

Now Thomas James sat alone on the lonely dark road. The rain had stopped for the most part, the heavy fall wind still blowing hard. As he sat staring across the road to the spot where Sarah’s body had been, a single, lonely, final tear ran down his beard-covered cheek. He had sat there for the last hour or so, a thousand thoughts going through his mind, a hundred feelings pouring from his heart and soul.

Quietly he said, “What am I going to do without you Sarah?”

After a few minutes, he stood up and walked slowly and silently towards his pickup truck. He blended with the shadows, feeling like a wraith as he walked, emitting sadness and darkness with every step fo
rward. It was time to go home
what was left of it. Knowing now it was just a place; Sarah had made it a home.