Runaway Dreams (13 page)

You take me somewhere I have never been before and the

immensity of the landscape fills me with wonder. It took me

a long time to become the kind of man for whom wonder was

a property of being. But you took me there easily like shadows

breaking in sunlight. I know you wonder sometimes about

your measure, how the world sees you and it's funny because

it's you that gives measure to me, and that, I suppose, in the

final analysis is what motherhood is all about: the transfer

of magic conducted gently like a hand upon the brow. It

lives in the eyes of your children when they look at you.

Those times when you're not looking, busy with the pots or

arranging things, your head bent in concentration, working

at getting it right for them. They look at you with eyes filled

with wonder. At this woman who bears their chin, their nose,

their eyes, their look of solemn thoughtfulness and I see them

inhabit the same landscape as I do. All of us transported and

transformed by virtue of allowing you to touch us. I love you

for that. For the anonymity of motherhood you travel in,

oblivious most times to the practical effect of magic you

carry in your hands.

In your hands I lay the articles of faith

the elements of this teaching way

that has brought me so far out

of darkness and into the light

of understanding who I am and how

I got to be here as a human being

a man and an Ojibway

that's the thing of it you know

this act of discovery

goes on forever whether

you want to believe that or not

because we're created to be those three things

three truths of us that never change

for the length of time we're here

and our work is the search

for the meaning of those things

so we can carry the teachings on

to where our spirit travels next

on its eternal search

for its highest expression

of itself

this is what our elders say

so that you can never be less

than what you were created to be

you can only become more

and the heart of that teaching means

you never have to qualify for anything

you never have to prove yourself worthy

because you always were

the three truths of you

man, Ojibway, human being

inarguable, inextinguishable, alterable only

by Creator's hand

and she's not likely to

along this path there are many

examples of what it means

to be a good human being

watch for them

and follow their lead

because there are teachers everywhere

even in the most unexpected places

where you wouldn't think to look

they stand there holding mirrors

so that we can see ourselves

and become more

I have found saints in prison cells

and holy women under lamp lights

and great philosophers eating

the humblest fare behind dumpsters

and visionaries in one-room shacks

at the end of gravel roads

burning twigs for warmth

in the very least of these

was always something to carry with me

on the journey to myself

I just had to want to find it

when people learn to live with little

they open themselves up to more

not of worldly things or grandeur

but of spirit

so when the settlers came and saw our people

living simple lives upon the land

they thought us poor and backward

and when we opened our hands

to share the plenty we knew existed

they thought us savage and ill prepared

for a world that demanded fortune

but they were blind to where our ceremonies

directed us

not to a salvation promised on some other plane

but right here on this ground

where we learn to live and become

the people we were created to be

Creator is everywhere around us

we are joined from the moment we arrive

and we sprang from this Earth

so that we can never be lost

we are always home

this is what it means to be

a human being

in the Indian way

it means the world is our teacher

its rhythms and its motions are our university

in the ones who fly

the ones who crawl and swim and walk

four-legged are spirit teachers meant to guide us

and they hold within them

great examples of fortitude, steadfastness

harmony, balance, sharing, loyalty, fidelity

compassion, love, truth, wisdom

and sacrifice

that we need to learn if we are

to learn to live well and long

and take the skin of this planet

as our own

watch them these spirit teachers

they live honestly

for they were born knowing

exactly who and what they are

and have no need of the agony

of the search

they are our protectors

and we honour them by following their natures

seeking to reflect their spirit

in our own

and this is why we call them
dodem

or totem as the settlers learned to say

in the plants and grasses and even

the rocks are things meant

to inform the way we travel

they teach us of community really

like when the sapling reaches for the sky

from the ribs of the Grandmother tree

when she lies down in the forest

or the stones offering their faces

to the rain so the moss can breathe

in these things are elemental teachings

that bring us to ourselves

that teach us to be human animals

neither less nor more than any other being

this is what the elders say

what we learn is that life is a circle

and the moment that we enter it

the first principle that comes into practice

is equality

for we are energy and we are spirit

and there is no hierarchy there

nor does there need to be

this is why our ceremonies and our rituals

are built on circles

because we are all teachers

because we are all mirrors

because we need each other

to find the truest possible expression

of ourselves

we come out into this reality in humility

naked and crying in the innocence

that allows us to be carried forward into trust

which in turn grows into the strength

that allows us to look within ourselves

for the truth that is our own

and in this way we attain a degree

of the wisdom that allows us to return

to the innocence that bears us

forward into the sacred circle of learning

again for that is what life is

always was

and always will be

there is no end to circles

only continuance

and learning never stops if we allow it

so when we arrive at that point in time

when our joints are old and tired

and we find ourselves aged and bearing

the white in our hair

that is the colour of knowing

we are blessed to find

the greatest teaching waiting for us there

that this journey toward becoming

a good human being, this struggle

results always in our becoming

good men and women

and ultimately good Ojibway

or whoever we were created to be

because we learned the greatest lessons first

when we learned to be good people

I became a good Indian after

I became a good man who learned

to be a good human being

that's the natural way of things

and it can't occur in any other order

so my wish for you is that you learn

to see the world as altar

where everything you need to pray

and sing and hope and dream

and become

is laid out there for your use

when you choose to pick it up

because the truth is, my sons

that's where the power lives

within the choice that we are born with

choose to allow

choose to discover

choose to become more

and in this way you become

a creator

aligned with the spirit of creation

and filled with the immense power

of possibility

the magic that is itself a circle

containing everything

I have learned in my time here

that we are born covered in things

like love and trust and loyalty

humility and hope and kindness

and that sometimes the world

has a way of rinsing those things off us

so we stand naked and crying again

but at that very moment

when we want it the most

Creator allows us to find a way

to re-cover ourselves

in those spiritual qualities

so don't be afraid to fall

it's how we learned to walk

in the first place

instead, go forward in all things

and take the teachings with you

so that in quiet times in quiet rooms

or somewhere out upon the land

you can lay them on the altar again

and choose to pick them up

and carry on

I'll be with you

standing at the edge of a forest somewhere

or on a rock overlooking a stretch of water

breathing and laying tobacco down

in gratitude and mumbling quiet prayers

for the joy of your becoming

Richard Wagamese is Ojibway and a member of the Sturgeon
Clan. Separated from his people by foster care and adoption
he effectively disappeared for twenty years. When he reconnected with his people, elders told him that his role was to be
a storyteller. So armed only with a grade nine education he
undertook their teachings and guidance. What resulted was
an award-winning career of thirty-two years as a journalist in
radio, television and newspapers and then, beginning in
1994, as a published and award-winning author. He has published eight titles in non-fiction, fiction and now, poetry. He
is recognized as one of Canada's foremost Native writers and
journalists. A renowned public speaker and storyteller, he
has taught in universities, colleges and high schools, and he
has led workshops in every part of Canada. He was honoured
by Thompson Rivers University in Kamloops with an Honorary Doctor of Letters degree in 2010. He lives with his wife,
Debra Powell, in the mountains outside Kamloops.