Ruined: Loving An Alpha Male: BWWM Romance (8 page)

Lou was finally kicking us out, and Mason walked me to the back of the bar to my car. He shoved his hands in his pockets and smiled shyly.

“I had a great time hanging out with you.”

I smiled back. “I did too…with you…hanging out with you.”

I shook my head and thought,
Idiot
. Much to my relief, Mason just smiled.

“Do you need a ride home?” I asked, trying not to let the night end.

Mason shook his head and moved back from me slightly. “Oh no, that’s okay. I’ll be fine. Goodnight, Max…uh….” he trailed off.

I knew what he wanted, so I smiled and said, “Shaw…Maxine Shaw.”

He bowed.

“Well, Ms. Shaw, until next time. Have a good night and text me when you get home, please.”

I gave him a horrible salute and opened my car door.

I called back, “Until then, Mr. West.”

I am officially in hell. Since I’ve seen her at the bar three and a half weeks ago, I realized the need to have her was completely overwhelming. I mean, just listening to her talk to me is turning me on. I’m horny as fuck, and there’s no one I want to release into other than her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a guy. So I have tried to fulfill this nagging want. But after hours of fucking a couple of random females Alex hooked me up with, the need is still there. It’s her that I want.

Fuck me.

The Saturday I found myself at The Bar sitting in front of the piano Lou recently bought, I was at a low. The amount of alcohol I consumed was not taking the pain away. The memories of what I did as a SEAL and who I had become were overwhelming me. I can’t begin to understand how I’ve come to this point. I went out in search of somewhere to drown my guilt. I was thinking about my team, about the SEAL buddies I lost and the ones I left behind. I felt like I abandoned them by leaving like I did, and it was starting to eat at me.

The fog of all the death I had seen was suffocating me, and I could feel the darkness creeping up within me. Then suddenly it all seemed to fade when I heard her voice. My eyes shot up and locked onto hers as she glided over to me. All of the fog was starting to disseminate. The feeling of loss was fading and being replaced by the need for this woman. My heart started to beat faster as she got closer to me. I was captivated by her beautiful eyes, hypnotized by the sway of her hips, rendered helpless by the fullness of her lips, and,
fuck
, I was hungry for her touch.

I’m not a shy person. I have no problem being assertive, bold, arrogant, cocky, or blunt. I can go on and on about the lengths I could stoop to. But this woman has turned on something in me that I’ve been working on suppressing. I feel like I’m losing control, and I don’t know how to handle it. I want to kiss her. I want to grab her by her hair and impose my will on her.

For the rest of that night, we just talked and laughed. I found myself telling her stories about my childhood and all the jokes me and my brother pulled. I loved watching her laugh and smile. It made me feel warm and giddy…and some other shit that I really don’t want to say out loud. I asked her questions, just to hear her talk. Her voice was making me lose my mind. I imagined how she would sound if she moaned with pleasure, what she would say to me and how her touch would feel. I tried to concentrate on playing the piano to keep from revealing the damn boner I had just by her sitting next to me.

As the night ended, I tried to figure out a way to take her home with me. But I couldn’t. She has a boyfriend, for one. He’s an asshole. But he exists, and I don’t like to share. So I couldn’t press on her. I was glad she was stronger than I was. If she did happen to ask me to go home with her, I wouldn’t hesitate.

So I found myself walking home in the cold. But I wasn’t feeling anything but warmth from just being around her. She smelled amazing. She looked heavenly and sexy. I couldn’t take my eyes off her the whole night she was next to me. The Scotch I consumed wasn’t clearing my judgment at all. But I told myself,
Hey, I can handle this
. If I don’t go to The Bar too much, I won’t see her but once a week at the fights.

When Sunday came around, I watched sports in my apartment all day and worked out some. My brother called me about some business shit, so I worked for a little bit before I called it a night. I did everything I could not to think of Max. But that night I beat off just thinking about her and hoping this would be the last time I would do this. But fate is not my friend.

When I got to Lou’s gym to work out, she was there. I was shocked at first. She smiled at me, and I fucking melted.

Yeah, some bitch shit I know, but that’s the only way I can describe what happened. I was fucking putty as she talked to me and smiled at me. I got jealous when the other guys in the gym were talking to her or eye fucking her.

She told me she was working out the rest of her internship here at the gym, with Stephen, the sports rehab specialist that works with Lou and the fighters he trains. She had started the internship before she got with Travis. Well, she said ‘Trip,’ but I’ll be damned if I’m going to call him that shit. But now that they broke up…

I paused and interrupted her, “You two broke up?”

She nodded.

“Yes, we broke up on Saturday. Look, I don’t want to bore you with the details, so please don’t ask.”

Holy shit. I had to take a small step away from her and close my mouth. I suddenly felt the urge to attack, to be the assertive arrogant asshole that I can be. There was no doubt I wanted her. But fuck, she just broke up with her boyfriend. How insensitive would I be to ask her out right now? This, of course, was the conversation my head was having with my conscience. But my dick was saying something else, and I felt myself crossing the blurred lines.

I told myself I needed to respect her space, so I made myself scarce.

I smiled telling myself,
Hell, I can handle this.

After all, she doesn’t seem to be interested in yours truly. She’s just being nice to me. However, instead of staying away from her, I found myself seeing her almost every day while I trained and almost every night. I started to become a regular at The Bar when she was there working, of course. I don’t know if she seemed to mind me being there or not, but she never seemed to feel I was bothering her. I let her do her job, of course, and I tried not to be alone by dragging Alex along with me. He put up a fuss at first, but I gently reminded him he owed me for the many nights I went out with him and Rachel.

Alex quickly forgot all about him escorting me to see a female I had no intentions of pushing up on when he started talking to Teresa or Tiny. A few nights a week turned to almost every day and weekends. I would make it to The Bar to watch her and her friends perform. Secretly I wished she was thinking about me when she sang or fantasizing about me when she danced.

I mean, I almost lost it when they sang their four-part harmony to “Mercy” by Duffy. They wore sexy, small, shimmery dresses with the highest heels I had ever seen. But you couldn’t tell by the way they moved and danced. As they sang, and the men in the audience went bananas, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I could have sworn she was singing directly to me, but I could be wrong. Yeah, I know, big fucking ego, right?

When my fights came on Saturdays, I figured I’d be okay during the fights. Max would be far away from me in the bleachers, so I could concentrate. But yet again, fate had other ideas. She was in the waiting rooms with us. She walked out with us. She sat right behind me on the side of the ring, while I waited my turn to fight.

Before my fight, she would lean into me and say, “Good luck.”

I’d close my eyes for a second as I inhaled her scent. I held her gaze, unable to find my voice to talk to her. I swallowed nervously.

‘Wait, am I fucking nervous?’

I simply nodded my thanks.

Well, I did make sure that every weak-ass fighter I met in the cage I either knocked out or forced to submit. While the ref would do his thing, I would look for her in the crowd or by my bench and find her beautiful smile. Of course, I never showed any emotion back at her while I was in the cage, except when Alex would say to me, “You better not waste my fucking time with this asshole.”

I mean will he ever get over the Lawrence fight? Hell, it was like ten years or so ago. Damn.

So for three weeks, I’ve been struggling with this woman that I was clearly intrigued by. I didn’t want a relationship. I knew I was too fucked up. But I also couldn’t stop thinking about her. I was starting to feel frustrated. Just knowing who I was and the type of woman she was and my rising desire for her, I was losing my mind. Of course, Alex wasn’t helping at all. He knew I was frustrated and knew the reason for my frustration, but that didn’t stop him from rubbing it in. He would call her over by us while I was jumping rope or hitting the bag or even sparring. I was miserable, and he found it fucking funny. My frustration was overwhelming me to the point where I had to take it out on something or someone. As I said before, I tried hooking up with one of Alex’s friends. But she couldn’t keep up to satisfy me. So now, I’m sexually frustrated and royally pissed off.

Every time she walked past me, I could smell her perfume. It was some sweet fruit smell that drove me insane. It made me want to ravish her for hours. The smile she kept giving me was unmanning me. God, I want this woman!

On the fourth Saturday of my fighting career, I was being tempted by Max, irritated by Alex, and pushed by Max’s ex—Travis. While I had my headphones on back in the waiting room, I watched Travis and his crew come in the room with us. Sometimes fighters shared waiting rooms before the matches started, so I didn’t think anything of it. What heightened my awareness was the tense look in Max’s easy-going eyes. I had Jay-Z going in my Beats headphones waiting to be taped up, when I looked over at Max. She was trying to act normal while she was taping Phillip the Snake, one of Lou’s fighters, who sat next to me.

I watched a slight tremor in her hands, and I met her eyes. She gave me a weak smile, and that’s when I noticed Travis laughing and looking in her direction. Even Phil looked a little uncomfortable, which made me take my headphones off and start to hear “bitch” come from his twisted non-existent lips. I looked in his direction, and he smirked at me and snorted.

Did that son of a bitch just snort at me?

I stood and was about to make my way over there, when Alex got in my way. ‘Damn Alex.’

“Hey, asshole. He isn’t on the menu yet. Can you sit the fuck down and calm your shit? You have a fight in the next hour. Save your energy.”

I looked in Alex’s eyes.

“You really think I need energy for the clown I’m about to fight?”

“You know what the fuck I mean… Sit down. There’s a time and place for everything, and now isn’t the time.”

“Yeah, when is that time Alex?” I asked him.

Knowing I was getting impatient and frustrated, he nodded his head.

“Soon,” was all he said to me.

I only sat down when Max leaned into me and said softly, “I’m fine.”

I looked in her eyes, and I knew she was lying. But I sat down anyway. Alex was right. There’s a time and place for everything, and I can wait for my time to wipe my ass with his face.

I let Travis continue to act an ass, but I watched Max closely for any signs she was getting fed up. When it was time to head out, I watched her walk toward the bleachers with the spectators. I felt the first hint of anger come back when I saw Travis look over at her. She passed him but didn’t look in his direction. I noticed he called after her, but she kept walking. The problem started again when he walked up to her and grabbed her arm.

I watched her body language and saw a hint of fear rake her body. I watched the exchange, trying to reel back the anger that was building. I told myself if he didn’t let her go in the next minute, I would have to do it for him. Finally, after an agonizing second or two, she snatched her arm back and walked away. She went to sit next to her angry-looking friends—Michelle and Teresa.

Travis and I made eye contact for a long time. I knew he and I would have to have a heart to heart very soon. I was sure of it. Alex motioned for me to head to the cage. I looked in Alex’s eyes, and he looked worried.

“You good?” he asked me.

I smiled, but I knew it was superficial.

“Yup,” was all I said as I walked by him.

I was ready for this fight. I had so much frustration built up; it was unreal. I made eye contact again with Travis, and then I looked up and into the eyes of Max. I could tell she was still bothered by the confrontation she had with Travis, which pissed me off even more. I wasn’t paying any attention to the announcer or the people screaming and yelling. I heard Alex call my name, and I reacted by swiping the feeble attempt of my opponent at a punch with a hard right fist of my own. I then connected the strongest uppercut I could against his face. He dropped instantly, and I knew he wouldn’t get up.

I made eye contact with Travis as the ref counted to ten. I was hoping I could bait him for a fight sooner rather than later. I hoped when I smiled and blew him a kiss—and then flipped him off—that would help. Alex laughed, and Lou just shook his head in disappointment. Who I wanted to actually be affected by what I’d done was Travis, and he was. I could see the anger dripping off him.

Good. I hoped that I wouldn’t have to wait very long for him.

That night I went to The Bar to check up on Max. I didn’t get a chance to see her after the fight. When I left later that night, she was gone. It was about 2 a.m. when I got to The Bar. It was still crowded, so I found a table in the back and had a few beers. I spotted her but didn’t let her know I was there. I just watched her work. She interacted with everyone with such ease. She flirted with some of the guys but never went overboard, and they seemed to respect her.
As the place started thinning out, she finally spotted me. She smiled and came over to me. I watched her glide over with that stunning smile of hers.

“Hey, you. How long have you been here?” she asked me.

“Not long. Are you able to take a break for a minute?”

“Sure, it finally slowed down. Why don’t you come over by the bar while I clean up, so you can talk to me?”