Romancing Mister Bridgerton (27 page)

“I love you,” he said, leaning forward to kiss her. And this time she couldn't reply, because his mouth remained on hers, hungry, demanding, and very, very seductive.

He seemed to know exactly what to do. Each flick of his tongue, each nibble of his teeth sent shivers to the very core of her being, and she gave herself over to the pure joy of the moment, to the white-hot flame of desire. His hands were everywhere, and she felt him everywhere, his fingers on her skin, his leg nudging its way between hers.

He was pulling her closer, rolling her on top of him as he slid onto his back. His hands were on her bottom, pulling her so tightly against him that the proof of his desire seared itself into her skin.

Penelope gasped at the astounding intimacy of it all, but her breath was caught by his lips, still kissing her with fierce tenderness.

And then she was on her back, and he was on top of her, and the weight of him was pressing her into the mattress, squeezing the air from her lungs. His mouth moved to her ear, then to her throat, and Penelope felt herself arching beneath him, as if she could somehow curve her body closer to his.

She didn't know what she was supposed to do, but she knew she had to move. Her mother had already conducted her “little talk,” as she'd put it, and she'd told Penelope that she must lie still beneath her husband and allow him his pleasures.

But there was no way she could have remained motionless, no way she could have stopped her hips from pressing up against him, nor her legs from wrapping around his. And she didn't want to
allow
him his pleasures—she wanted to encourage them, to share them.

And she wanted them for herself as well. Whatever this was, building inside of her—this tension, this desire—it needed release, and Penelope couldn't imagine that that moment, that those feelings wouldn't be the most exquisite of her life.

“Tell me what to do,” she said, urgency making her voice hoarse.

Colin spread her legs wide, running his hands along her sides until they reached her thighs and squeezed. “Let me do everything,” he said, breathing hard.

She grabbed at his buttocks, pulling him closer. “No,” she insisted. “Tell me.”

He stopped moving for the barest of moments, looking at her in surprise. “Touch me,” he said.

“Where?”

“Anywhere.”

Her hands on his bottom relaxed slightly, and she smiled.

“I
am
touching you.”

“Move,” he groaned. “Move them.”

She let her fingers drift to his thighs, swirling gently as she felt the soft springiness of hair. “Like this?”

He nodded jerkily.

Her hands slid forward, until they were dangerously close to his member. “Like this?”

Abruptly, he covered one of her hands with his. “Not now,” he said harshly.

She looked at him in confusion.

“You'll understand later,” he grunted, spreading her legs even wider before sliding his hand between their bodies and touching her most intimate place.

“Colin!” she gasped.

He smiled devilishly. “Did you think I wouldn't touch you like this?” As if to illustrate his point, one of his fingers began to dance across her sensitive flesh, causing her to arch off the bed, her hips actually lifting them both before sagging back down as she shuddered with desire.

His lips found her ear. “There's much more,” he whispered.

Penelope didn't dare ask what. This was already an awful lot more than her mother had mentioned.

He slid one finger inside her, causing her to gasp again (which caused him to laugh with delight), then began to stroke her slowly.

“Oh, my
God,
” Penelope moaned.

“You're almost ready for me,” he said, his breath coming faster now. “So wet, but so tight.”

“Colin, what are you—”

He slid another finger inside, effectively ending any chance she had for intelligent speech.

She felt stretched wide, and yet she loved it. She must be very wicked, a wanton at heart, because all she wanted was to spread her legs wider and wider until she was completely open to him. As far as she was concerned, he could do anything to her, touch her in any way he pleased.

Just as long as he didn't stop.

“I can't wait much longer,” he gasped.

“Don't wait.”

“I need you.”

She reached up and grasped his face, forcing him to look at her. “I need you, too.”

And then his fingers were gone. Penelope felt oddly hollow and empty, but only for a second, because then there was something else at her entrance, something hard and hot, and very, very demanding.

“This may hurt,” Colin said, gritting his teeth as if he expected pain himself.

“I don't care.”

He had to make this good for her. He had to. “I'll be gentle,” he said, although his desire was now so fierce he had no idea how he could possibly keep such a promise.

“I want you,” she said. “I want you and I need something and I don't know what.”

He pushed forward, just an inch or so, but it felt like she was swallowing him whole.

She went silent beneath him, her only sound her breath running raggedly across her lips.

Another inch, another step closer to heaven. “Oh, Penelope,” he moaned, using his arms to hold himself above her so as not to crush her with his weight. “Please tell me this feels good.
Please.
”

Because if she said otherwise, it was going to kill him to pull out.

She nodded, but said, “I need a moment.”

He swallowed, forcing his breath through his nose in short bursts. It was the only way he could concentrate on holding back. She probably needed to stretch around him, to allow her muscles to relax. She'd never taken a man before, and she was so exquisitely tight.

All the same, he couldn't wait until they'd had a chance to do this enough so that he didn't have to hold back.

When he felt her relax slightly beneath him, he pushed forward a bit more, until he reached the undeniable proof of her innocence. “Oh, God,” he groaned. “This is going to hurt. I can't help it, but I promise you, it's only this one time, and it won't hurt much.”

“How do you know?” she asked him.

He closed his eyes in agony. Trust Penelope to question him. “Trust me,” he said, weaseling out of the question.

And then he thrust forward, embedding himself to the hilt, sinking into her warmth until he knew he was home.

“Oh!” she gasped, her face showing her shock.

“Are you all right?”

She nodded. “I think so.”

He moved slightly. “Is this all right?”

She nodded again, but her face looked surprised, maybe a little dazed.

Colin's hips began to move of their own volition, unable to remain still when he was so obviously near to a climax.
She was pure perfection around him, and when he realized that her gasps were of desire and not of pain, he finally let himself go and gave in to the overwhelming desire surging through his blood.

She was quickening beneath him, and he prayed that he could hold out until she climaxed. Her breath was fast and hot, and her fingers were pressing relentlessly into his shoulders, and her hips were squirming under him, whipping his need into a near-frenzy.

And then it came. A sound from her lips, sweeter than anything ever to touch his ears. She cried out his name as her entire body tensed in pleasure, and he thought—
Someday I will watch her. I will see her face when she reaches the height of pleasure
.

But not today. He was already coming, and his eyes were shut with the fierce ecstasy of it all. Her name was ripped from his lips as he thrust one last time, then slumped atop her, completely bereft of strength.

For a full minute there was silence, nothing but the rise and fall of their chests as they fought for breath, waited for the tremendous rush of their bodies to settle down into that tingly bliss one feels in the arms of one's beloved.

Or at least that was what Colin thought this must be. He had been with women before, but he had only just realized that he had never made love until he'd laid Penelope onto his bed and begun their intimate dance with a single kiss upon her lips.

This was like nothing he'd ever felt before.

This was love.

And he was going to hold on with both hands.

I
t was not very difficult to get the wedding date pushed forward.

It occurred to Colin as he was returning to his home in Bloomsbury (after sneaking an extremely disheveled Penelope into her own house in Mayfair), that there might be a very good reason why they should be married sooner rather than later.

Of course, it was quite unlikely that she would become pregnant after only one encounter. And, he had to admit, even if she did become pregnant, the child would be an eight-month baby, which wasn't too terribly suspect in a world full of children born a mere six months or so following a wedding. Not to mention that first babies were usually late (Colin was uncle to enough nieces and nephews to know this to be true), which would make the baby an eight-and-a-half-month baby, which wasn't unusual at all.

So really, there was no urgent need to move up the wedding.

Except that he wanted to.

So he had a little “talk” with the mothers, in which he conveyed a great deal without actually saying anything explicit, and they hastily agreed to his plan to rush the wedding.

Especially since he
might
have
possibly
misled them to believe that his and Penelope's intimacies had occurred several weeks prior.

Ah, well, little white lies really weren't such a large transgression when they were told to serve the greater good.

And a hasty wedding, Colin reflected as he lay in bed each night, reliving his time with Penelope and fervently wishing she were there beside him,
definitely
served the greater good.

The mothers, who had become inseparable in recent days as they planned the wedding, initially protested the change, worrying about unsavory gossip (which in this case would have been entirely true), but Lady Whistledown came, somewhat indirectly, to their rescue.

The gossip surrounding Lady Whistledown and Cressida Twombley and whether the two were actually the same person raged like nothing London had heretofore seen or heard. In fact, the talk was so ubiquitous, so utterly impossible to escape, that no one paused to consider the fact that the date of the Bridgerton-Featherington wedding had been altered.

Which suited the Bridgertons and the Featheringtons just fine.

Except, perhaps, for Colin and Penelope, neither of whom were especially comfortable when talk turned to Lady Whistledown. Penelope was used to it by now, of course; nary a month had gone by in the past ten years when someone had not made idle speculation in her presence about the identity of Lady Whistledown. But Colin was still so upset and angry over her secret life that she'd grown uncomfortable herself. She'd tried to broach the subject with him a few times, but he'd become tight-lipped and told her (in a very un-Colin-like tone) that he didn't want to talk about it.

She could only deduce that he was ashamed of her. Or if not of her, precisely, then of her work as Lady Whistledown. Which was like a blow to her heart, because her writing was the one segment in her life that she could point to with a great sense of pride and accomplishment. She had
done
something. She had, even if she could not put her own name on her
work, become a wild success. How many of her contemporaries, male or female, could claim the same?

She might be ready to leave Lady Whistledown behind and live her new life as Mrs. Colin Bridgerton, wife and mother, but that in no way meant that she was ashamed of what she had done.

If only Colin could take pride in her accomplishments as well.

Oh, she believed, with every fiber of her being, that he loved her. Colin would never lie about such a thing. He had enough clever words and teasing smiles to make a woman feel happy and content without actually uttering words of love he did not feel. But perhaps it was possible—indeed, after regarding Colin's behavior, she was now sure it was possible—that someone could love another person and still feel shame and displeasure with that person.

Penelope just hadn't expected it to hurt quite so much.

They were strolling through Mayfair one afternoon, just days before the wedding, when she attempted to broach the subject once again. Why, she didn't know, since she couldn't imagine that his attitude would have miraculously changed since the last time she'd mentioned it, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. Besides, she was hoping that their position out in public, where all the world could see them, would force Colin to keep a smile on his face and listen to what she had to say.

She gauged the distance to Number Five, where they were expected for tea. “I think,” she said, estimating that she had five minutes of conversation before he could usher her inside and change the subject, “that we have unfinished business that must be discussed.”

He raised a brow and looked at her with a curious but still very playful grin. She knew exactly what he was trying to do: use his charming and witty personality to steer the conversation
where he wanted it. Any minute now, that grin would turn boyishly lopsided, and he would say something designed to change the topic without her realizing, something like—

“Rather serious for such a sunny day.”

She pursed her lips. It wasn't precisely what she'd expected, but it certainly echoed the sentiment.

“Colin,” she said, trying to remain patient, “I wish you wouldn't try to change the subject every time I bring up Lady Whistledown.”

His voice grew even, controlled. “I don't believe I heard you mention her name, or I suppose I should say
your
name. And besides, all I did was compliment the fine weather.”

Penelope wanted more than anything to plant her feet firmly on the pavement and yank him to a startling halt, but they were in public (her own fault, she supposed, for choosing such a place to initiate the conversation) and so she kept walking, her gait smooth and sedate, even as her fingers curled into tense little fists. “The other night, when my last column was published—you were furious with me,” she continued.

He shrugged. “I'm over it.”

“I don't think so.”

He turned to her with a rather condescending expression. “And now you're telling me what I feel?”

Such a nasty shot could not go unreturned. “Isn't that what a wife is supposed to do?”

“You're not my wife yet.”

Penelope counted to three—no, better make that ten—before replying. “I am sorry if what I did upset you, but I had no other choice.”

“You had every choice in the world, but I am certainly not going to debate the issue right here on Bruton Street.”

And they
were
on Bruton Street. Oh,
bother,
Penelope had completely misjudged how quickly they were walking. She
only had another minute or so at the most before they ascended the front steps to Number Five.

“I can assure you,” she said, “that you-know-who will never again emerge from retirement.”

“I can hardly express my relief.”

“I wish you wouldn't be so sarcastic.”

He turned to face her with flashing eyes. His expression was so different from the mask of bland boredom that had been there just moments earlier that Penelope nearly backed up a step. “Be careful what you wish for, Penelope,” he said. “The sarcasm is the only thing keeping my real feelings at bay, and believe me, you don't want
those
in full view.”

“I think I do,” she said, her voice quite small, because in truth she wasn't sure that she did.

“Not a day goes by when I'm not forced to stop and consider what on earth I am going to do to protect you should your secret get out. I love you, Penelope. God help me, but I do.”

Penelope could have done without the plea for God's help, but the declaration of love was quite nice.

“In three days,” he continued, “I will be your husband. I will take a solemn vow to protect you until death do us part. Do you understand what that means?”

“You'll save me from marauding minotaurs?” she tried to joke.

His expression told her he did not find that amusing.

“I wish you wouldn't be so angry,” she muttered.

He turned to her with a disbelieving expression, as if he didn't think she had the right to mutter about anything. “If I'm angry, it's because I did not appreciate finding out about your last column at the same time as everyone else.”

She nodded, catching her bottom lip between her teeth before saying, “I apologize for that. You certainly had the right to know ahead of time, but how could I have told you? You would have tried to stop me.”

“Exactly.”

They were now just a few houses away from Number Five. If Penelope wanted to ask him anything more, she would have to do it quickly. “Are you sure—” she began, then cut herself off, not certain if she wanted to finish the question.

“Am I sure of what?”

She gave her head a little shake. “It's nothing.”

“It's obviously not nothing.”

“I was just wondering…” She looked to the side, as if the sight of the London cityscape could somehow give her the necessary courage to continue. “I was just wondering…”

“Spit it out, Penelope.”

It was unlike him to be so curt, and his tone prodded her into action. “I was wondering,” she said, “if perhaps your unease with my, er…”

“Secret life?” he supplied in a drawl.

“If that is what you want to call it,” she acceded. “It had occurred to me that perhaps your unease does not stem entirely from your desire to protect my reputation should I be found out.”

“What, precisely,” he asked in a clipped tone, “do you mean by that?”

She'd already voiced her question; there was nothing to do now but supply complete honesty. “I think you're ashamed of me.”

He stared at her for three full seconds before answering, “I'm not ashamed of you. I told you once already I wasn't.”

“What, then?”

Colin's steps faltered, and before he realized what his body was doing, he was standing still in front of Number Three, Bruton Street. His mother's home was only two houses away, and he was fairly certain they were expected for tea about five minutes ago, and…

And he couldn't quite get his feet to move.

“I'm not ashamed of you,” he said again, mostly because he couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth—that he was jealous. Jealous of her achievements, jealous of her.

It was such a distasteful feeling, such an unpleasant emotion. It ate at him, creating a vague sense of shame every time someone mentioned Lady Whistledown, which, given the tenor of London's current gossip, was about ten times each day. And he wasn't quite certain what to do about it.

His sister Daphne had once commented that he always seemed to know what to say, how to set others at ease. He'd thought about that for several days after she'd said it, and he'd come to the conclusion that his ability to make others feel good about themselves must stem from his own sense of self.

He was a man who had always felt supremely comfortable in his own skin. He didn't know why he was so blessed—perhaps it was good parents, maybe simple luck. But now he felt awkward and uncomfortable and it was spilling into every corner of his life. He snapped at Penelope, he barely spoke at parties.

And it was all due to this detestable jealousy, and its attendant shame.

Or was it?

Would he be jealous of Penelope if he hadn't already sensed a lack in his own life?

It was an interesting psychological question. Or at least it would be if it were about anyone else but him.

“My mother will be expecting us,” he said curtly, knowing that he was avoiding the issue, and hating himself for it, but quite unable to do anything else. “And your mother will be there as well, so we had better not be late.”

“We're already late,” she pointed out.

He took her arm and tugged her toward Number Five. “All the more reason not to dally.”

“You're avoiding me,” she said.

“How can I be avoiding you if you're right here on my arm?”

That made her scowl. “You're avoiding my question.”

“We will discuss it later,” he said, “when we are not standing in the middle of Bruton Street, with heaven knows whom staring at us through their windows.”

And then, to demonstrate that he would brook no further protest, he placed his hand at her back and steered her none-too-gently up the steps to Number Five.

 

One week later, nothing had changed, except, Penelope reflected, her last name.

The wedding had been magical. It was a small affair, much to the dismay of London society. And the wedding night—well, that had been magical, too.

And, in fact, marriage was magical. Colin was a wonderful husband—teasing, gentle, attentive…

Except when the topic of Lady Whistledown arose.

Then he became…well, Penelope wasn't sure what he became, except that he was not himself. Gone was his easy grace, his glib tongue, everything wonderful that made him the man she'd loved for so very long.

In a way, it was almost funny. For so long, all of her dreams had revolved around marrying this man. And at some point those dreams had come to include her telling him about her secret life. How could they not? In Penelope's dreams, her marriage to Colin had been a perfect union, and that meant complete honesty.

In her dreams, she sat him down, shyly revealed her secret. He reacted first with disbelief, then with delight and pride. How remarkable she was, to have fooled all of London for so many years. How witty to have written such clever turns of phrase. He admired her for her resourcefulness, praised her for her success. In some of the dreams, he even suggested that he become her secret reporter.

It had seemed the sort of thing Colin would enjoy, just the sort of amusing, devious task that he would relish.

But that wasn't the way it had turned out.