Role Play (15 page)

As
I slowly swam back to life, I realized I was squashing her into the leather cushions of the couch. The smile on her face, the way she languidly stroked the hair at the back of my neck, said she didn’t mind.

“The bed is right there,” she laughed. “We couldn’t even make it.”

“That was… wild,” I agreed.

It
was supposed to be the usual kind of conquest. I had seen plenty of women get turned on by my place before. But Sierra had prowled around in delight, assessing the loft like she was a real estate agent. She had been completely open about her enthusiasm.

So
I figured I was right about her after all. It gave me the green light to keep lying to her.

I
had been surprised when I kissed her that she jumped me instantly. Maybe the sight of my view had overwhelmed her usual caution.

But something else
had happened as we had sex. She had drawn me in unawares. I started to believe in her again. Like she could be real, not a selfish bitch like the others. Like Adrianne.

I
pushed myself off her, detaching myself by degrees. She looked like she didn’t want to let me go. And I didn’t want to let her go. But the contrast between reality and what I felt was giving me a mind-warp.

I
avoided her eyes as I gathered up my clothes. My shirt was messed up, with the fabric torn by two of the buttons when they came off. I crumpled it up to throw it away. I couldn’t afford to waste money like that. I made do with putting on my suit pants, the best I owned, which I had kicked off as heedlessly as my shirt.

She wasn’t smiling now, not after I pulled away so abruptly.

Sierra went into the bathroom and was in there long enough that I was able to calm down and regain my wits. I wasn’t sure why I had reacted so strongly to her.

When she came out, her own polite mask was firmly in place. It
almost felt like the whirlwind sex hadn’t happened. Almost.

I’d never seen a girl detach as quickly as I could. Usually
women would be trying even harder, touching me even more to break through.

“You said you found out something about
Lola?” Sierra asked.

Glad to be reminded,
I went back to the desk where my laptop sat. I clicked on the saved website and entered Lola’s full name into the database. It was easy to find out stuff about people online. You just had to know where to look. And I had gotten very good at researching the background of the women who pursued me. Tricia came from a wealthy family and she was a manager at a big insurance company. She also had too much credit card debt that her daddy paid off every so often. And a previous marriage that she had never mentioned to me, or as far as I could tell, anyone else in the scene.

Sierra
was from upstate New York and had taken the SATs twice, scoring well but not high enough for any scholarships. She didn’t have a credit card or any debt.

That information
had given me hope, but then she had come in gushing over my apartment, and the doubts had risen again.

“What is this?” Sierra asked, squinting at the screen.

“Lola is getting food stamps. She applied last month.”

“Food stamps!”

“It says here from her income that she qualifies.”

Sierra stared at the number, as if adding it up in her head. “Yes, that’s about what she makes.”

I gave her a sideways look. So it wasn’t a complete scam. She and her sister were that poor.

Then Sierra caught sight of something. “Wait a second! Is that supposed to be her address?”

“Yes, it’s the one on her driver’s license.”

“But that’s
in Brooklyn!”

“Bed-sty, to be exact,”
I said.

“
Lola and I live in Queens.”

I
turned the laptop to myself and called up the DMV. “The last time it was updated was five weeks ago.”

“She changed her address?”

“That’s also Martin’s address of record,” I told her.

Sierra looked very pale. One hand was steadying
herself against the desk. “She’s leaving me...”

“Most likely she’s giving
her boyfriend the food stamps. Martin can’t get them himself because he’s only been a New York resident for a few months.”

“She’s barely slept at our place for
weeks.”

I
hesitated, hearing something in her voice. “Is that so bad? Things aren’t very good between you two.”

Her lips pressed together as she turned away from the computer. “
I’ve always had Lola. I’ve never been alone.”

I
watched her walk over to the window and stare out at the view. It gave me a pang to see her take solace in it. “I’ve always been alone,” I told her.

That got her to turn around.
I felt like I had said too much, but the concern in her eyes was reward enough.

“What about your family?”

“None to speak of.”

“No mom or dad?
” she asked. “Somebody must have raised you.”

“
Barely.”

I
wanted to believe in her, but all evidence pointed to the contrary. I needed to find out the truth once and for all. I couldn’t stand the way my gut told me to trust her, but objective observation told me to cool it, pull back and take charge.

There was no other choice.
I had to keep moving forward. I was committed now, so I had to play the game as I had always played it. And see what kind of person she turned out to be.

“
Lola’s profile says she’s going to the Festival this weekend,” I told her. “It’s north of Baltimore. I can get us flights down. It will be two whole days where you can see her. Maybe if you talk to Martin, you’ll feel better about the whole thing.”

“I don’t know…
what if she’s angry that I followed her there? That could be the last straw for her.”

“I
f you don’t want her to see you, this will help.” I reached into the desk and pulled out a camouflage face mask. It was silicone with holes punched into it, and looked like a steampunk version of a face mask.

She put it on and went to look in the mirror by the door. “Wow, you can’t even tell
it’s me! And my voice… it sounds different.”

“
With that, she doesn’t have to know you’re there. And we can have a fun weekend besides. Everyone should go to Festival at least once in their lives.”

“I have to work tomorrow.”

“We can leave after you get off.”

Even with the free flights, it would cost
me about $300 for the Festival tickets and cab fare. Festival was one of the cheapest weekend events you could do in the scene, but everything cost money. But it would be worth it. Sierra expected a romantic weekend getaway with a millionaire, but she would soon find herself in an old children’s camp complete with tents that slept ten people on folding cots.

T
hen her true colors would shine through.

Pulling down the mask
to hang around her neck, Sierra finally smiled back at me. “I’ll have to see if I can get off work on Saturday.”

“Call in sick,” he said. “You won’t regret it.”

Now she really smiled. “Okay, I’ll do it. Let’s go.”

Chapter 13

Sierra

I
hoped that when I agreed, we would end up kissing again. This time in the bed, by that glorious window. I wanted to snuggle with Victor for a long time, and ask him more about his childhood. I never met anyone who didn’t have family. It was my biggest fear, losing Lola. But he lived with that reality all the time.

So
I was ready to settle in for the evening, but Victor looked at his watch and told me that he had a business dinner he had to go to.

I
ended up on the sidewalk much quicker than my mind could process. My body was still throbbing from our first time making love, as I walked to the subway entrance. I had barely been up in his place for an hour.

That
’s not right.

I couldn’t understand how something could feel so right and so wrong at the same time.

Looking up at Victor’s window, I thought about how wonderful it was going to be to go away with him. Our relationship had taken a huge leap forward really fast. Maybe I should have played harder to get, but that bus left the station when I let him touch me again at Pleasure Salon, after that awful scene in the Chamber. And then I let him stroke me until I came at the party…

I was ready to fall into daydreams again, but something else was bothering me. I didn’t like the idea of calling in sick for work.
I rarely called in sick, and only when I had to. If I could mask the symptoms, I showed up with a smile. Lola called in sick whenever she wanted to, and that’s why she could barely keep a job for six months. The one thing supervisors wanted was no surprises and a warm body on shift.

I
got onto the subway and on the way north, made up my mind. I got off at 34th St/Herald Square along with the mass of rush-hour commuters. I was jostled and quick stepped it to stay up with the pack. By 5 PM, I was normally still working or long off, so I usually didn’t have to deal with this crush.

I m
anaged to peel away from the crowded rush headed for the track change, and took the stairs to the street. I had to fight the inward flow as everyone else was getting off work and heading down into the subway.

I
walked straight to the store to make my plea to my boss. Kalisha was a girl on the rise, in her late twenties and that much further along in her career than me. I found her in the big storeroom. She was checking the packing slips on a load of boxes that came in against the list on her clipboard.

I
realized it could blow the whole weekend away if my supervisor refused to let me off. But I had gotten this far by playing it straight. I couldn’t change now.

I
explained to Kalisha that my new guy wanted to whisk me away for the weekend, but I would need to take Saturday off. Kalisha grumbled and checked the schedule, and for a second I thought I made the worst mistake ever. But then my boss relented. I had always been good about taking other girl’s shifts when they couldn’t make it into work, a fact that Kalisha remembered just in time to be gracious about my request.

By the time
I got back on the subway, I wasn’t even seeing the rush hour traffic anymore. All I could think about was going away with Victor, worry-free! I almost didn’t care how Lola thought she could afford a weekend in Baltimore when she was bouncing checks and getting tattoos. I was too excited about Victor to give Lola much thought.

But when
I reached my darkened apartment and saw the few remnants of Lola scattered around, reality rushed in.

When
I opened Lola’s closet, it was nearly empty. Lola had a habit of selling her clothes when she needed cash. Maybe that explained the drought, but more than likely her clothes were living in her new home now. In Bed-sty, a trendy neighborhood, but I’d heard it wasn’t really safe in spite of the influx of hipsters and artists looking for cheap digs.

I
didn’t think spying on Lola at the Festival would solve anything. At this point it was more a reflexive action, trying to stave off the inevitable. I had to take any chance I could—maybe I could learn something that would keep us from flying apart like a nuclear explosion. At the very least, I had to take the chance when it was offered.

I
couldn’t imagine my life without Lola. We had grown up twined together like two trees, and I still needed that support. Lately I had found myself thinking more about the rest of my family, the fact that other than Lola, I had no one else I could turn to. My tired, uninterested mom. My older brother who was about to get married and hadn’t even bothered to text me about it. I had to hear from my mom and then like his Facebook status. It made me felt rootless and exposed.

That’s why
I was going to the Festival with Victor. The breath-taking, confusing Victor. The man who had made me feel better than I’d ever felt before, and who touched me like he couldn’t get enough of me. The man who had gone completely cold once the sex was over and couldn’t rush me out of his place fast enough.

But he
asked me to go away with him.

I
spent hours packing the overnight suitcase I usually took up to my mom’s for Christmas. It was too small to fit everything I wanted to take. I checked Lola’s profile and found the link to the Festival website, but it didn’t give much information unless you were registered, including where it was located.

I
wasn’t sure what kind of clothes I would need but the descriptive words on the website like “rustic” and “woodsy” gave me a clue. I packed for a series of picnics on a hot summer day, with shorts and peasant skirts, plus my slinky halter dress in case I needed something sexy for evening. Shoes were the hardest, and I finally decided to take a huge tote that I could carry on the plane with extra shoes and toiletries.