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Authors: Melody Carlson

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“Yeah, her raora's always been a little concerned about the whole rock band thing. Mow she' s saying that Laura may have to quit. But we're all praying that it works out.”

“Does that scare you?” she asks. “I mean, to think the band could actually be hurt by this?”

“Yeah. It's been kind of hanging over our heads off and on during the whole tour.”

“You mean Laura's been using—?”

“No, not so much the drug thing, but just one thing or another keeps hitting us. I think I've finally gotten to the place where I have to keep giving it all back to God. I have to trust Him with our future or else I'll just go crazy.”

“That makes sense. Good for you, Ghloe.”

“Did you hear that Caleb came home for Christmas Eve?”

Caitlin nods. “Josh told me. That's so cool.”

“Well, mostly cool. I was sad that he left so abruptly.”

“Yeah, but God's going to use that whole thing, Chloe. And at least you guys can stay in touch now.”

It takes us about an hour to really catch up, and by then the coffee shop is starting to get busy and we keep getting interrupted by friends. Mostly mine, which seems odd considering I had
so few just a year ago. Ah, the price of fame.

“Well,” says Caitlin as we stand up. “I promised Ben that I'd take him to the mall to return some clothes my grandma in California got him. They're about three sizes too small.”

“He must really be growing.”

“Yeah, like a bean stalk.”

“How's he doing?”

She shrugs. “I'm not so sure. He seems different lately. You could be praying for him, Chloe.”

“You bet.”

And so as I pedal my bike home, I pray for Benjamin 0'Conner. I pray that God will get ahold of him and never let him go.

HOLD ON
get him, God,
and hold on tight
hold him fast if he should fight
show him, God,
that You're the One
who made the earth
the stars and sun
get him, God,
and let him know
the way Your love
never lets go
amen

Twenty-Four
Thursday, December 30

(HOMETOWN HAPPENING)

It's all set. Redemption will perform at the Paradiso Cafe on New Year's Eve. Kike had posters up by Tuesday, and he says the word is spreading fast.

“There's going to be standing room only,” he told me on the phone yesterday.

“How about a cover charge?” I suggested. Actually it was something I'd been thinking about since he'd asked.

“What? You girls aren't getting rich enough on your own?”

I laughed. “That's not it. I just thought maybe we could donate any profit to the homeless shelter in town. Our pastor mentioned that they're having a hard time this year.”

“That's a great idea,” he said. “I might even kick in a little myself. Thanks, Ghloe. We all need a moral compass sometimes.”

I sort of cringed at that. I mean, Kike and Jill aren't Christians and I want to witness to them, but I don't like the idea of them thinking I'm
some kind of saint. “Veil, Jesus is ray moral compass,” I told him. “Otherwise, I'm sure I'd be totally lost.”

He laughed, but not in a mean way. “Good point.”

Then I called Laura and told her about the idea to donate the proceeds.

“Hey, maybe Mom will let me play,” she said hopefully.

“Is she still pretty down on you?”

Laura sighed. “You can't really blame her, Chloe. I blew it pretty bad out there.”

“I know. And I'm not blaming her. I just wish she could see how much you've changed—I mean in good ways. I think the whole experience has made you a rauch bigger person. Kore like Jesus.”

“Thanks. But I don't think ray mom sees it quite like that.”

“Yeah, I'm sure she's pretty worried.” Then I told Laura about what happened with Caleb.

“That's too bad.”

“Well, good and bad. We're trying to believe it could be a turning point in his life.”

“Yeah, well, don't hold your breath.”

“Are you speaking as an addict now? Or as old doubtful Laura?”

She laughed then got more serious. “Actually, I'm speaking as a recovering addict with a sister…”

“Oh, yeah. How^ Christine doing? Did she come home for Christmas?”

“She's doing about the same as usual. She wanted to come home for Christmas, but my parents wouldn't let her. As soon as I got home, they insisted I tell them the whole ugly story of where exactly I'd gotten the pills. And when they heard that Christine was involved, they got really furious. I didn't want to rat on her, but I wanted to be honest with them. I need to regain their trust, you know? Still, I feel pretty guilty about Christine. I mean, it's not really her fault.”

“Not totally, but she should take a little of the blame.”

“I guess. Then she called yesterday. And guess what?”

“She's given her heart to the Lord?”

“I wish. No, she wanted to sell me more pills. I told her I was done with that—forever. I even told her how messed up I got because of it. Then she told me she was broke and needed money.”

“Oh, no…” I felt bad for Laura. “What'd you say?”

“I told her I had a bunch of Mickey D-bucks that I'd give her.”

I had to laugh at that.

“I also told her that I'm in an outpatient rehab program now.”

“What'd she say about that?”

“She didn't believe me. She just hung up.”

“I'm sorry, Laura.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“So, how's the old rehab going?”

“It's kind of cool. I mean, in a weird way. It's like I was getting so down on myself about the whole thing, thinking that I must be such a lowlife to get hooked. But hearing others talk about their addictions makes me feel like less of a loser. I'm starting to see that we're all wired differently, and some of us need to be really careful. I've also been able to share with them about how God has been key in my recovery.”

“That's cool. Allie and I are going to attend our first Al-Anon meeting next Tuesday.”

“I don't see why you guys need to—”

“Because we love you, Laura. And because we promised Omega. Remember?”

“I still can't believe all the trouble I've caused.”

“So, do you think your mom will cool off when it's time to go back on tour?”

“Thank goodness we have almost three months. Ky dad's been trying to convince her that it was just a onetime blunder. I'm sure glad someone in this family believes in me.”

“Oh, Laura, I'm sure your mom believes in you too. She's just very protective of her baby.”

Laura made a groaning sound. “Thanks, I
needed that little reminder.”

Then we joked about how we've been taking so rauch abuse for being the “rock stars” back in our old stomping ground.

“You know Allie would be eating this up,” I said.

“When's she getting home anyway?”

“In time for tomorrow's gig.”

“I guess we don't really need to practice.”

“Nah, I think we can pull it off for the hometown crowd. But I'm hoping we can get back to practicing after the New Year.” Mow this is an understatement, since I had the old nightmare about flopping big-time on the stage. Still, I think it's too soon to crack the whip.

Tuesday, January 4

(CRUISING 'ROUND TOWN)

Where to begin? First off, most importantly, I now have wheels! Well, other than my bike, that is. It all started when I wanted to borrow a car for New Year's Eve.

“Why don't you get your own car?” suggested ray dad as he made coffee that morning.

I frowned at him and got ready to argue, but then it hit me—why don't I get ray own car?

I knew he could see the light go on in ray face about then. “You see, not such a bad idea from the
geezer, eh? If you had your own car we wouldn't always be scrambling for rides around here.”

“Yeah,” I said slowly. “And I could actually afford it too. Do you really think it's a good idea?”

He grinned. “I can't believe you're asking me that. Since when have any of us been able to tell you what to do?”

“Hey, I'm trying to be an obedient and submissive daughter now.”

He just laughed. “Well, as fate would have it, I don't have to work today. You want to go looking, pumpkin?”

“Looking for what?” asked Josh as he emerged looking half awake.

“Your sister's new car!”

“Hey, cool. Can I come?”

So the three of us went car shopping. Ky dad was certain that Ifew Year's Eve—and it was just starting to snow—would be the perfect time to get a real deal. And as it turned out, he was right.

Naturally, Dad and Josh wanted to look at the hottest, fanciest wheels out there. It's like they think I'm made of money now. But I humored them. And we actually test drove a Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder (Josh's suggestion). But the whole time I kept eyeing the back lots for what I really wanted. To say my brother and dad were a little let down when I finally saw the car of my dreams
is a total understatement. But there it was—a completely refurbished 1972 Volkswagen bus. Now talk about a classic!

“You gotta be kidding,” said Dad. “You want that old thing?”

I nodded with a big grin.

“I think I might've ridden in the back of that thing during my college days,” Dad said with a frown. “I can't believe you could have the pick of the lot, and you want that.”

Josh just laughed. “I think it suits you to a T, Chloe. Don't know why I didn't see it coming.”

“Yeah. We can put all our band equipment in it and everything. Or even go camping. See, it's complete with a little fridge and everything.”

My dad rolled his eyes. “A real deluxe edition.”

“And the color is perfect,” I said. “Green, like the earth.”

Then ray dad hugged me. “My little earth muffin. Well, I guess you better let me do the dickering—since I'm not the one who's in love with it.”

And dicker he did. I got it for a real bargain. And it runs great too. Josh had to give me some lessons on how to handle a clutch. But by the time I needed to pick up Laura and Allie (l'd told them they were riding with me), I was driving like an old pro. Naturally, Laura thought I was nuts.

“Why did you want this old thing?” she asked as I helped her to load up her bass.

“I don't see why you're complaining,” I said. “Look at all the gear we can get in here.”

Fortunately, Allie saw it differently. “This is totally cool,” she said as she checked out my fridge, already stocked with soda and snacks. “You want me to do some decorative painting on the outside? Like they did in the seventies?”

“That'd be cool,” I said. “But I'll have to see sketches first.”

Then we did our Paradiso gig, and it was a blast. It's amazing how easy it seemed after what we've been doing. It was more like jamming with friends than really performing. And we took lots of breaks and hung out. Kike told us that the evening managed to earn about five hundred dollars for the homeless shelter. Not bad.

Then tonight, Allie and I went to our first Al-Anon meeting. Okay, we felt a little weird at first because it was mostly older people and wives or parents of people with alcohol problems. But when the leader started explaining things like enabling and codependency, I started paying attention. Wot so much for Laura, but I was thinking about Caleb. I know how much I'd like to help him change—and that's not bad—but until he wants to change for himself, my efforts would be useless. Perhaps even harmful.

“Addicts need to feel the pain of their own natural consequences,” the leader said. “The more they are protected from the results of their bad decisions, the longer it will take them to realize they need help.”

And so I'm praying that Caleb will feel the pain of his bad choices. I don't want God to kill him or anything. But a slap across the side of the head probably wouldn't hurt.

BRING HIM LOW
smack him down, God,
let him feel the pain
show him his loss
so he'll want the gain
knock him low, Lord,
flat in the dirt
till he begs 'mercy!'
let him feel the hurt
let him grovel
crawling in shame
let him feel like crud
till he cries Your name
then lift him up, God,
give him Your grace
bandage his wounds
let him see Your face
amen and amen

Twenty-Five
Friday, January 7

(FIRST WEEK IN SCHOOL)

It felt pretty weird to be back in school again. Kind of knocks you down a peg or two when your biology teacher throws a pop quiz that you're totally unprepared for. But such is life.

After, the first few days, our friends started treating us like normal again. Well, other than Tiffany Knight who likes to glora on to me as if I were free ice cream. And maybe that's partly my fault because I was trying to be polite by answering her numerous e-mails while we were on the road. Actually, I tried to answer everyone's. But for some reason, Tiffany assumes that means we're best buds now. I'm sure she thinks it will help her popularity status, since she's been a lot more on the outside of things this year. Even Kerry treats her like she's got poison ivy.

Actually, I think Tiffany's meanness has finally caught up with her. Ifot that she's being so terribly mean these days, well, not so you'd notice. Although I did catch her making a fat comment about Marty Ruez today in the cafeteria. Naturally, I didn't let that comment fly. I think
Tiffany had almost forgotten what a tough chick I can still be sometimes.

“How would you feel if someone said something like that about you?” I asked Tiffany point-blank at the drink machine. I've decided that I'm not the least worried about offending her—as long as what I'm saying is honest and not mean-spirited. I actually thought I might be able to drive her away earlier this week by talking about God and preaching at her a lot more. But so far that hasn't worked.

“What do you mean?” She looked at me with what I'm sure she must think are innocent blue eyes.

“I mean, how would you like someone to make a nasty comment about your appearance?”I said as Allie's elbow jabbed me in the ribs. She thinks I should try to ignore Tiffany.

“What's wrong with my appearance?” asked Tiffany.

“Well, you're not perfect, you know. Ve all have our flaws, but no one likes to hear them publicly announced in the cafeteria.”

“I just said what everyone knows is true. Someone like Marty Ruez should avoid things like greasy pizza and fries.”

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