Road Trip (14 page)

“We need to pray,” announced Willy after Elise and Davie excused themselves to see that our stuff was getting loaded onto the bus. Rosy remained at the table with us. She's been a solid support to Laura through this whole ordeal. She told me that she had an aunt who got hooked on heroine at a young age and died of an overdose while still in her twenties. She understands this stuff.

Willy began to pray. “Dear God, please open our hearts right now and let us speak with honesty and love. We invite Your presence and ask You to guide us through what could be a difficult conversation. In Jesus” name we pray. Amen.”

Laura's head remained bowed as Willy cleared his throat and started to speak. “Laura, we are all very concerned for you.”

She continued looking down at her plate, and the rest of us just waited for Willy to continue.

“We know you're having a struggle, and it looks like you are losing. We love you like a sister, and when you're hurting, we are all hurting.
We just want to do whatever it takes to get you through this.”

Laura slowly lifted her head to reveal two streams of tears streaking her bronzed cheeks. Her eyes looked tired and sad, and her chin was quivering. “I'm sorry,” she managed to sputter.

Rosy handed her a tissue and put her hand on Laura's shoulder. “It's okay, baby. Go ahead and get it out.”

Laura sniffed and wiped her nose, then looked around the table. “I don't know how to say this—” She started to cry again.

“We love you, Laura,” I placed my hand on her arm. “You know we love you. We don't care what's wrong; we'll still love you. If we stick together, I think we can get through this.”

“That's right,” said Willy. “But you've got to be honest with us.”

“Gome on, Laura,” urged Allie. “There's nothing you can tell us that we probably don't already know. You just need to get it out into the open.”

“Okay.” Laura held her chin up. “You guys were right. I did take Allie's Ritalin.” Then she looked back down as if she was horribly embarrassed.

I gently squeezed her arm. “It's okay, Laura. We still love you. You gotta know that. We realized you were having a hard time.”

“Yeah,” said Allie. “Why don't you just tell us what happened. Get it all out.”

Laura looked back up and nodded. “You're right. It's just hard to say. I'm so ashamed.
⁴

“Hey,”. said Willy. “You're a really strong Christian, Laura, but you're only human. God knows we're going to make mistakes. It's how we handle the aftermath that makes all the difference.”

“Yeah, I can believe that about other people. It's just hard to believe it about myself. I feel so rotten and hopeless and stupid. I'm such a fool.”

“God can work all things together for your good, Laura,” I loosely quoted one of my favorite Bible verses. “When you love Him and obey Him. And despite what's happened, we all know that you want to do that.”

“I do. I just can't believe I've blown it so bad. It probably started with those stupid sleeping pills.” She shook her head. “They did help me sleep, but they made me feel so groggy and dull the following day. It's like I just couldn't get going. And remember how Eric almost didn't let us open for Iron Gross that first time, back in LA? Well, I knew it would be completely my fault if Redemption failed. And I knew I needed something to get me going that night, especially after I'd promised everyone that I could get it together in time for our performance.”

“And you did get it together,” said Allie. “You were fantastic.”

“It was the Ritalin,” Laura admitted in a flat voice. “I'd gone down to the bus the day before to get a pair of shoes. And while I was down there, I remembered Allie's pills in the medicine cabinet. I knew that they were actually some kind of pep pill for people who don't have ADD, and I wondered if they would help me get out of that funk that the sleeping pills brought on. So I sneaked a pill out of the bottle and saved it for the next night— for our first opening performance.”

“That's why you were so great that night,” I said.

She nodded sadly. “At first I was only taking them for concert nights, but then it got so I could hardly function without them. I told myself that a doctor would probably prescribe them for me if I'd had time to go in for an appointment.” She sighed. “But I knew deep down that wasn't true. And I always knew it was wrong. The guilt feels like I'm wearing a coat made of lead.”

“But what did you do when you ran out of pills?” asked Allie. “My mom said it was only a month's supply.”

“I begged my parents to invite my sister to come over for Thanksgiving.”

“Christine?” I asked, knowing full well that Christine has a serious drug problem.

“Yeah. They let me call her, and I asked her for pills. She came for Thanksgiving, and I paid
three hundred dollars for enough to get me to the end of the tour.”

“Three hundred dollars!” Allie just shook her head.

“At the time it didn't seem so bad.” Laura looked back down at her plate. “But I know it was wrong and stupid and sinful.”

“So where do you go from here, Laura?” asked Willy in a kind voice.

She looked up. “What do you mean?”

“I mean with the drugs.”

“Oh.” Her eyes darted from face to face. “Well, I've quit taking them, if that's what you mean.”

“When?” he asked. “When did you stop?”

“The day you guys asked me about it in the practice room. I decided then and there that I had to stop. I knew it was way out of hand.”

“How long ago was that?” asked Rosy.

Laura held up five fingers.

“And how you been doing, baby?” Rosy's voice was full of compassion.

Laura frowned. “Ifot so great. I'm sure you've all noticed. That's why I fell apart at the concert last night. That's how useless I am without the pills.” Her eyes filled with tears again. “I guess I've ruined it for everyone now. I'm sure we'll get canceled.”

No one said anything, but I suspect we all agreed with her. There's no way Omega would let
us continue to open for Iron Cross. Ibr one thing, we sound horrible with Laura in this condition. But more important, you can't very well have an addict performing at Christian concerts.

“What about tomorrow night's concert?” asked Allie. “Can Omega find a new warm-up band by then?”

“I seriously doubt it,” said Willy.

“Do you think there's any way you could pull it together for just one more night?” I pleaded with Laura, then I stopped myself. “I'm sorry. I guess that's pretty selfish on my part.”

“Actually, I think I'm the one who's been pretty selfish,” she admitted. “I mean, I really thought I was doing it for the band to start with. But when I continued taking the pills, I knew it was because I liked the feeling I got when I was high. I suppose I truly am an addict.”

“Anyone can become an addict,” said Rosy. “All you have to do is give in to whatever wrong urge comes along. You do it for long enough and— presto!—you become an addict.”

“I knew I was playing with fire,” Laura continued. “I knew that every single one of us could get burned because of me. Oh, I'm really, really sorry, you guys! I know you'll forgive me, but I wouldn't blame you if you didn't. You have every right to be totally furious with me. I'm so sorry.”

We all reassured her that we forgive her and
love her and are glad that she finally told us the truth.

“But what about tomorrow's concert?” persisted Allie. “We can't just leave Iron Cross high and dry.”

Laura nodded. “You're right, Al. We can't do that to them. Especially when I think of how Michael stepped in to help me last night. Somehow I've got to pull myself together for them.”

“Is that even possible?” I asked.

“All things are possible with God.” Suddenly her chin grew firm, and I thought I saw a spark of confidence from the old Laura. “Okay, I know I could be totally wrong, but somehow I think that I might be able to do this.”

“The last time you said that was when you started taking my Ritalin,” Allie reminded her.

“I know. But that won't be the case now.”

“Do you still have the pills your sister sold you?” asked Rosy.

“I flushed them down the toilet five days ago. I was afraid not to.”

“Good girl.” Rosy patted her on the back. “You know the difference between a fool and righteous man, baby?”

Laura shook her head.

“Well, a fool falls down once and just stays down. Whereas a righteous man might fall down a lot, but every single time he gets right back up.”

“With the help of God,” added Willy.

“That's exactly right.” Rosy nodded. “Only by the grace of God can you beat something like this, Laura. His strength is made perfect in weakness.”

“Well, I've got plenty of weakness,” confessed Laura.

“Between you, Allie, and me, I always thought you were the strongest one,” I told her.

“Yeah, I suppose there was a time when I thought that too.” She smiled a sheepish little smile. “Guess I proved myself wrong about that.”

“So, what do you think, Willy?” I asked. “Is it worth the risk to go on tomorrow night?”

He rubbed his chin. “Good question. Is it?”

“What have we got to lose?” asked Allie.

“Just our pride,” I answered. “And that's not such a great thing anyway.”

“That's right, baby. Pride comes before the fall, you know.”

“I've certainly proved that, Rosy,” said Laura.

“How about if we see how practice goes tomorrow,” suggested Willy, “if Laura can hang in there and keep up, then I'll be convinced that it's worth a try.”

“What about Iron Cross?” I asked. “Should we let them know what's up?”

“I think it's only fair. But first I'd like to call Eric Green and let him know what's going on.
Are you okay with that, Laura?”

She stiffened slightly, and I could tell she was still beating herself up about everything. “Yeah, it seems only fair. But I hate to think that I'm going to be the cause of a canceled contract.” She choked up again. “I'm just so sorry about everything, you guys. Really, I am.”

“We know, Laura,” Willy said in an even voice. “And you've got to believe that we all forgive you. Now as your manager, I want you to take it easy today. Just rest up and eat right and take those vitamins that Slise got for you girls. We'll just have to cross that next bridge when we get there.”

So that's what Laura did on the road today. She took a couple of naps, and I noticed she was reading her Bible a lot. Then she sat up with Rosy for a while, and the two of them appeared to have a good chat. Already, she seems a little more like the old Laura—in a very fragile sort of way. Will she ever be that strong, resilient Laura that I used to know? I sure hope so. And that's what I'm praying for.

(HEADING TO PHILLY)

Somehow, by the grace of God, Redemption managed to pull it off in Hartford last night. Laura, although not in perfect form, handled herself in a professional and dignified manner. As a result, Michael White was not forced to jump in and rescue us.

Our practice yesterday morning had gone smoothly, and we'd met with Iron Cross in the afternoon to come clean on our “little problem,” which really isn't little. Amazingly, a cool and composed Laura did most of the speaking.

“I'm sure you guys suspected that all was not well with Redemption,” she said after she'd finished explaining everything' to them. “And believe me, I take 100 percent of the blame for that. I've already told my band how sorry I am, and now I'm telling you guys. I am really, really sorry. I doubt if I'll ever be able to express how much regret I feel. And I hope and pray that you guys can forgive me. But I wouldn't blame you if you don't want us to open for you anymore.”

Laura glanced over to where Allie and I were
sitting and sighed sadly. “Anyway, Willy has already told Eric Green about the whole thing, and he's supposed to get back to us later today. Right, Willy?”

“That's right. Eric's been calling the bigwigs to find out what they want us to do. Naturally, it” s difficult reaching everyone on a Sunday. The girls are more than willing to open for you tonight, but they'll understand if you're concerned.”

Allie grabbed ray hand and squeezed it hard. I could tell she was as nervous as I was as we waited for Iron Gross to respond to Laura's confession. Laura went over and sat by herself in a corner. She sat up straight and watched the rest of the group, but the expression on her face was truly tragic. Right then and there I wanted to tell her how rauch I admired how brave she'd been in admitting her problem to these guys, and I could tell she felt absolutely rotten, but I also knew it wasn't the right time and place yet. It was that moment when' it occurred to me that no matter how badly she had hurt our band—maybe to the point of dissolution—she had hurt herself far more. Ky heart really went out to her.

Willy continued in a solemn voice. “But I have to reassure you guys that the girls' practice sounded just fine this morning, and I don't believe they'll have any problems tonight. Still,
you guys have a definite say in all this.”

Now the room got so quiet that I could hear myself breathing. I closed my eyes and silently prayed for God to have mercy on Laura…and our band.

Then Jeremy cleared his throat. “Well, this is interesting. We didn't want to say anything, but we did have our suspicions about Laura.” He glanced over to his brother before he continued.” Actually, it was Isaiah who felt something was wrong. The rest of us weren't too sure, well, until that last performance. Then we figured Isaiah was probably right.” Jeremy put his hand - on his brother's shoulder. “Okay, bro, why don't you say a few words. I'm sure you can speak for Iron Gross.” The other guys nodded, so it seemed unanimous that Isaiah was the spokesman. This struck me as slightly odd since Jeremy is really the leader of the band, but I leaned forward in my chair to listen.