Rival Dreams (Rival Love #3) (8 page)

Her brows knit together; she looks more confused than angry. She grabs my arm and pulls me away from another restaurant. “Okay, let’s just head back and …”

I cut her off and jerk my arm free from her. “No. I can’t do this shit anymore.” I use my index finger to draw an imaginary line between us.

“What?” Tears form and fall. An ache settles in me. It has to be done, though. The longer I wait the worse this will get. I just … I love her so fucking much and I need to let her go. Let her follow her dream and accomplish it. I’ve got to do this.

I glare at her. “You heard me.” My voice is cold. I almost can’t believe how Jekyll and Hyde I can be. “I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore.”

“That’s not funny! If this is some stupid joke of yours, it’s not one bit funny!” she says, pointing at me with a shaky finger as a river of tears streams down her face.

“I’m not joking. Didn’t you hear me earlier? I’ve been trying. And honestly, I can’t be this beck-and-call bitch anymore. You need someone else.”

She takes a few more steps back and shakes her head. “I never asked you to be that. I just … I just wanted you …”

I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have, but she’s fighting me. I need her to give up now or I’ll cave like a house of cards. “The last couple of weeks I’ve realized the guys are right. I mean fuck, Sky, I feel like we’re married. I don’t want to be married. And what the hell was up with your gasping earlier? I mean for fuck’s sake. I know earrings and rings come in the same box, but holy Christ, you looked like I stabbed you with a knife as soon as you saw they were just earrings.” I shove my hands into my pockets and laugh. “Look at me. All this doesn’t need to be tied down just yet. Not to you. Not for life. Why the hell do you think I ditched you the day we were supposed to look at apartments? Yeah, I know I promised, but here’s the thing: I like my space. You’ve got OCD so fucking bad that if one god damn thing was out of place you’d have my ass for a week over it.” It’s not true. Sky is only OCD about her closets, books, and CDs—they have to be in a certain order. But mostly she just likes things neat.

It must have been the final nail in the coffin, though, because she storms up to me and bitch slaps me. I might have whiplash from the blow. “Fuck you!” she screams. “You brought up the idea of us living together. You should have been a man and told me you’d changed your mind. I asked you more than once if you were sure you wanted to go through with it and you kept saying yes. So don’t you dare for one second turn this around on me. You want us to be nothing to each other, fine. We’re nothing!”

“Great. It’ll be like we were the first day you came into my life.”

She turns on her heels and walks away. She’s still in my view, not looking back, which is good, because what would she think of me staring after her? I’m supposed to be the selfish prick who broke her heart, not the person who cares about her.

Skylar stops at the corners and takes a seat on a bench. I can see her body shaking. She texts someone and a few minutes later I watch her get into a car with North Carolina plates, and on the back bumper a sticker that says, “Surf’s up bitches.”

I sigh as the car disappears from my view. “Bye, love.”

The streets are full of happy couples hugging each other, laughing at possibly nothing. It only makes me realize what I’ve done. My breathing comes hard, like I’ve run a marathon. I blink back some tears that are about to fall. A tip for those of you who don’t know this: guys don’t cry in public. They avoid it as much as possible.

I rub my smarting cheek and make my way back to the parking garage. Popping the door open, I finally break down. It’s ugly, if I do say so myself. A grown man crying is never pretty. My chest heaves and a flood of tears breaks free. I drop to the ground and smack my head against the door. Yeah, there will probably be a dent, but I honestly don’t give a fuck.

My phone falls out of my coat pocket and onto the paved ground. Through blurred eyes I snatch it up and call the one person who can stop me from doing something stupid, like running to Skylar’s dorm and begging her for forgiveness. I need to be strong and stand my ground, even if it kills me. For her. That’s what this all comes down to: her happiness in the end.

Derrick answers after two rings. Yeah, I know. I’m calling the one person I haven’t really spoken to since last year. In all fairness, he’s the only one who can distract me from my mess.

“Yo yo. Derrick here.”

“What up, man?” I say, trying to hold back the ache in my voice.

“Caleb! Holy shit balls. What’s up, man? I haven’t talked to you in forever. How’re Sky and you? Don’t tell me you’re fucking getting married.”

Okay maybe Derrick wasn’t the best choice after all. The very mention of her name sends me into another spiral. I slide into my car and laugh bitterly, “Nah, man, we, uh … I … uh … broke up with her today.”

I hear some noises in the background that sound like the makings of a party. A couple of doors shut and then Derrick says, “What do you mean you broke up with her today? On Valentine’s Day, are you out of your fucking mind? That’s so completely messed the hell up, bro. Where the hell is Lance? I’m going to kick his pansy ass for letting you do something so stupid.”

“Derrick, calm down! Jesus, man. I had to do it. I just …” I start to sniffle as I recall the look on Skylar’s face. The pain I put there. Her hand colliding with the side of my face so hard you would have thought she punched me. My jaw still hurts and I deserve it. “I love her so much, but I know she won’t follow me. She fought tooth and nail to get into Duke and she’s not going to leave it when I go into the draft.”

“Dude, congrats. I was wondering if you were … but Caleb, don’t take this the wrong way, you’re a goddamn moron. Did you even ask her if she’d go?”

“You don’t get it. I can’t ask her. She belongs here. And who knows where I’ll be.”

“Okay. I just think maybe you should have asked her and let her draw her own conclusion. You two have fought this long to be with each other, I just can’t understand why you wouldn’t ask her.”

I sigh. “I was scared she’d follow me and regret it for the rest of her life. I can’t let that happen. Sky needs to finish what she started here. Without me.”

Derrick clears his throat. “I don’t know. You’re right, I guess. But how are you going to handle it? Think about it. Some other dude is going to ask her out. Might be her study partner. Might be some douchebag on her team. Fuck, it might be some dumb punk-ass bitch in one of her classes. Point is, someone’s going to ask her out. And eventually she’s going to say yes. Then what? Are you going to come charging back and stake your claim all over again?”

“No. I think it’s pretty clear I am never going to get another chance with her again.” The reality of this statement is like a knife to my heart. Tears prick my eyes and I actually let them fall. She’s the best damn thing that ever happened to me, and I just let her go. “All I can do is hope they make her happy and treat her right.”

“Jesus, man, you really did ruin it for good. I’m sorry. Look, I got break coming up in a month, maybe I’ll come hang out with your sorry ass. We’ll celebrate your going pro and just shoot the shit. Until then, man up. Quit crying like a girl. I can hear you sobbing. And tell Lance to fucking call me. Pronto.”

“Gotcha. Thanks, bro.”

“Any time. I gotta get back to the kegger.” He hangs up and I’m alone with my thoughts in a parking garage.

***

Breakfast was awkward. Skylar didn’t look at me the entire time. She drank juice only because Erin made her. Uncle Bri was a whole other story. He glared at me. A hardcore, glint-in-his-eyes kind of glare. As soon as Sky excused herself from the table and Erin followed her to the bathroom, that’s when things really took a turn for the worse.

“What did you do?” my uncle asks.

“I broke up with her.” There. No beating around bushes, let it all out there on the table.

I barely touch my eggs. In fact, looking at them makes me sick. And I thought losing your appetite after a nasty breakup was just a chick thing.

“Oh. When? You told me yesterday things between you two were fine. Were you lying to me? I get it if you don’t want me in your business, but I sort of need to know what I’m walking in on, Caleb. This situation isn’t exactly normal.”

I roll my eyes. “Last night. I broke up with her last night. And I know, of all the damn days in the world I picked the worst, but it had to be done. I can’t do this to her.”

“Did you tell her about the draft?”

“No. And why do you think that is?” I ask in the most sarcastic tone I can possibly muster.

Uncle Brian shakes his head. There are traces of silver streaked through his brown hair; I guess I never really noticed him aging until now. “So, you’ll suffer and let her suffer because you think it’ll somehow spare you both in the long run? Am I understanding you correctly?”

I can’t stand it when he acts like such a wiseass. Something tells me this is exactly how he’s going to be the whole day though. “It doesn’t matter, does it? It’s done. She can continue on with her dream and I’ll go down the path toward mine.”

“Oh, so you did this for her. I see now. Excuse me for still finding this to be one of the most idiotic solutions you’ve ever come up with to fix a problem.”

Why? I’d seen him do it countless times before he met Erin.

As if reading my thoughts, he sighs. “I never loved those women. None of them. They wanted more and I wasn’t ready for it. But Erin is different. She …
gets
me, like no other person ever could. Much like Skylar gets you. I’m not saying you had to put a ring on it to keep her.”

I look down at my lap. Erin and Sky both return to the table. Skylar drinks a little more of her juice and then blurts out, “Sorry. I have to go. Work needs me to help set up some last minute touches for a signing tomorrow.”

Erin frowns but hugs Sky. My uncle hugs her next and kisses her forehead. “We’ll see you later, then.”

Sky walks right past me and I drop my gaze so I don’t have to look at anyone at this table.

Chapter 13

Skylar

I haven’t been home since Caleb tore my heart out of my chest and stomped all over it. I haven’t eaten either. Food just seems so unappealing. My mom yells at me to at least drink juice. But how can I possibly ingest anything at all when the person who stole my soul is sitting across from me? I can’t tell my mom what’s wrong. Not right now.

I hardly believe it myself. How can he sit there? Does he have any clue how difficult it was for me to get off Kayla’s couch and come here? She offered to come for support, but I told her it would look bad, that my mom would sense something was wrong. I’m just not in the mood to hash out the details all over again.

So I sit. I stare at the white plate in front of me. I lie, a lot. My eyes are puffy because I worked late and was up finishing a paper. Pale because I’ve been indoors a lot. Not eating because I’m not hungry. Okay, that one’s not a lie. But I wanted her to quit worrying about me. Eventually I’ll be fine. Until then, I can fake it, fake being happy. Can’t I?

I don’t show up for lunch. Work is my excuse. It’s a small lie; I’m not on the schedule, but I go in as soon as someone calls off. This is my release to avoid the twisted knot in my stomach and the vise-like grip on my heart.

Stacking books, I immerse myself in the task at hand. The door constantly chimes. Customers are flooding this place, in and out. It’s really busy, but I don’t care. Dealing with customers would be a bad idea. Dealing with books, not so much. Books can’t sense when there is something wrong. They can’t tell when there is a sob in your throat ready to release. They don’t ask questions. They don’t care about your day. They’re exactly what I need right now.

My bubble of solitude bursts the moment a woman and a man kiss right in front of me. The sight of it makes my walls crumble and I hurry off into the nearest restroom. We have two, one for employees and the other for customers. I go to the public one. Probably not the best idea.

A teen is in here patting her nose while chatting with her friend in a stall. I grip the sink and stare at my reflection. Christ, I’m a disgusting mess. Puffy face, pale skin, and red eyeballs. And Caleb looked so unaffected. He did dump me, but still. We were together for two years. That should count for something, right? Some fucking emotion? My anger is back, and oh my God, it’s practically boiling over.

I notice the teen girl has stopped talking and is staring at me. Her friend pops the stall door open and stands beside her friend. “You didn’t answer my question about what I should do about Dillon.”

The one girl is still looking at me. Her friend doesn’t seem to notice I’m here. I turn toward the girls. “Guys are nothing but a bunch of assholes. It only gets worse as you get older, ladies. You’ll think you can change a player into giving a shit about you, but you’re wrong. They never change. You think you can get an asshole to become a loving person? Well, you can for about a few years and then the prick will go back to what he’s really good at—being a total fucking prick. While he’s at it, he will steal the very core of you. Don’t go after Dillon or any other boy who has a past filled with one-night stands. He’ll ruin you. He’ll even be such a dick … that … he’ll … break up with … you on … Valentine’s Day. Who the fuck does that?”

The girls’ eyes are wide. The brunette who was waiting for her friend elbows her blond bestie. Blondie looks at me for a second then digs through her purse. She pulls out some tissues and says, “Here.”

I mutter, “Thanks.” I’m so completely embarrassed, though. How could lash out at those poor girls like that? God, they’ll probably go home and tell their mothers about the psycho who had a mental breakdown in the bathroom at Hodges and Hutch Bookstore.

***

I run over to my dorm for a duffle bag of clothes and some essentials. Brie, thankfully, isn’t home. My room is like a shrine to him. Pictures of Caleb are all over this place. His stupid scent is embedded in my pillows. Okay, maybe it isn’t and it’s just my brain playing tricks on me. But I can’t stand it.