Right Where I Belong (11 page)
God, help me.
Natalia needed the right words to help her stepmother, and at the moment, none were coming to mind. “Do you really think they would condemn you? Your sister loves you. I can see that. So does Pastor Brian. Neither of them seems like people who enjoy watching others suffer. I think they’d be happy to help you if you’d just let them.”
Maureen’s eyes softened for a moment, then hardened. “No, Natalia. I can’t. I won’t. I have to deal with this myself. It’s my fault I got here. My own stupid choices. I didn’t listen to them before, so how can I go crying to them now?”
Natalia wanted to argue, but Maureen wouldn’t listen. She had made up her mind. God would have to change Maureen’s heart. Natalia vowed to pray even more for her. She couldn’t stand to see Maureen suffering so much.
She held Maureen’s hand until her stepmother fell asleep, then Natalia made her way up to her room. How could she judge Maureen for not asking for help when Natalia did the same thing? Addy had just offered to help her, and Natalia refused. Natalia thought of her stepmother downstairs, lying on the couch and drowning in grief. With a deep breath, Natalia picked up the phone.
“Addy?” she asked tentatively. “I need to talk.”
W
hat’s wrong, Natalia?”
Addy’s kind voice made her cry even harder. She hated this.
I shouldn’t have called her.
“Natalia?”
“I’m sorry.” She took another deep breath.
“Did something happen with Maureen?”
Suddenly Natalia found herself spilling out the whole story—the divorce papers, her father’s new fiancée, Maureen’s depression.
“The worst part is that I hear more from my friend Carmen than I do from my own parents.” Natalia looked at her computer, where yet another e-mail from her best friend sat unopened in her in-box. Anger bubbled up inside, anger she hadn’t even known was there.
“I’m sorry, Natalia. Have you talked to them about how you feel?”
“Right.” Natalia laughed. “We do not talk about feelings in my family. We talk about to-do lists.”
“Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for you to talk about how you feel. You’re not used to it.”
“Maureen and I used to talk about that kind of thing.” Natalia remembered nights when her father worked late. Maureen would come home and they’d talk about everything from God to school to their favorite movies. “That hasn’t happened in a while, though. I miss that Maureen. I’m beginning to wonder if she’ll ever get over this.”
“Do you talk to God about how you’re feeling?”
“What?”
“Jesus promises to make our burdens light. He wants to help you, Natalia. Just like he wants to help Maureen. You might not be able to help her see that yet, but you can turn to him. Maybe she’ll see him in you and realize she doesn’t need to be struggling through this on her own either.”
“I hadn’t really thought of that.” Natalia closed her eyes. “I feel like I’m drowning, and all I can do is just keep my head above water.”
“All the more reason to let God help you. Let him be your life raft. I’ll help too.” Addy’s laugh was soft. “I’ll sit and help you row back to shore.”
“Thanks, Addy.” Natalia would never have had a conversation like this with Carmen.
“Can I make one more suggestion?”
“Sure.” Natalia dried her eyes with a tissue.
“I’ve found the best way to deal with difficulties is to try to focus on helping others. It’s so easy just to think about myself, you know?”
“I barely know anyone here, though. And I think Maureen and I are both tired of me trying to help her.”
“What about the ESL ministry? Brian has a classroom full every Thursday, and his main helper, Anthony, just left to go back to college in Tallahassee. Anthony is Cuban, so he was able to work as an interpreter. Brian doesn’t have anyone to do that now.”
Natalia was torn. Addy was right about needing to think about others. But couldn’t she be involved in a ministry that didn’t require her to work so closely with Brian? His face came to her mind more often than she wanted to admit, even to herself. When she saw him in church on Sundays, her heart raced and she couldn’t keep her eyes from the back of his red head during the service.
She admired that he was often bent over his Bible, taking notes and nodding at his dad as he preached. Most of the other teens were nodding off or texting with their phones hidden in their palms. Brian was certainly different.
“He doesn’t have anyone to interpret?”
Addy shook her head. “And you’ve heard his Spanish. If you don’t come in and give him a hand, he might lose the whole class.”
Natalia laughed. “That is certainly true. I’m just not sure I can handle hearing him murder my beautiful language every week.”
“I’m sure he’d be very grateful for some private tutoring.”
Natalia didn’t like how enticing that thought was. “No, this relationship will be strictly business.”
“Sure, Natalia.” Addy laughed. “You keep telling yourself that.”
I
am here for community-service hours.
Natalia walked into the church’s main entrance, looking for the ESL classroom.
I am not here to spend time with Brian. I am not attracted to him. I am not going to keep thinking about him. But what am I doing now? Thinking about him.
Spotting the classroom, she glanced in but found no one there. She checked her phone. She was a few minutes early. Natalia walked back toward the entrance and found a plush wing-backed chair to sit in as she waited for the class to begin.
“¡Hola, mi ayudante!”
Brian’s huge frame filled the doorway.
Natalia winced at his horrible pronunciation, hoping to mask her delight in seeing him.
“That means, ‘hello, my helper.’ At least, that’s what this says.” Brian held up an electronic translator.
“The words were correct.” Natalia refused to look Brian in the face. “But I think you’d better leave the Spanish to me. What do we need to do?”
He grabbed Natalia’s arm and lifted her to her feet. She
was sure the heat from his touch raised her temperature at least five degrees. She pulled away and crossed her arms.
Brian looked at her for a moment, then smiled. “All right. Business it is. First, we need to set up the classroom. I like to put the chairs in a semicircle so we can all see each other. There are about fifteen who come on any given Thursday. Ten of those are here every week, the other five vary. I’ve got cookies and drinks out in my truck. We’ll set those up in the back.
“We begin with a short devotion. That’s where I’ll need your help. Some of our students speak very little English, so I’ll need you to translate. After that, we get to work and it’s all English. This week they’ll all be telling a little about themselves. I told them you were coming, so they have been working on a one- to two-minute introduction.”
“You told them I was coming? When? I only called you this morning.”
“I told them last week.” Brian winked. “
You
may not have known then, but I did.”
“How did you know I would come?”
“God told me.” Brian grinned broadly. “He and I are very close.” Brian winked again, and Natalia hoped her face didn’t reveal how unnerved she was by this young man.
She had no idea how to respond to him. Thankfully, she didn’t have to because Brian abruptly left the room to get the cookies and drinks.
Natalia set up the chairs and looked around the room. Posters with the parts of speech filled the back wall. To the side was a poster board full of photographs of what Natalia assumed was the group. Brian stood in the middle—a huge
redheaded column, arms wrapped around shorter, smiling Hispanics.
“Those are last year’s graduates,” Brian said as he returned to the room and began laying out the snacks. “We had a great group. Most have moved on—some are taking classes at the community college. These two”—Brian pointed to a couple at the end—“became Christians. I was able to connect them with a Spanish-speaking church a few miles away. They are plugged in and loving it. They’ve invited all of the others too. It’s been exciting to see them grow.”
Natalia couldn’t help but look at Brian’s face as he spoke. Pure joy. He loved those people.
He certainly has his father’s pastor’s heart.
She wanted to ask if Brian planned on going into the ministry, but she didn’t have time. A man in a plaid shirt and jeans walked in and planted a kiss on Brian’s cheek.
“Brian,” the man said, his accent changing the name to “Bree-ahn.” Natalia liked the change.
“
¿
Cómo estás, amigo?”
“Victor! I am doing very well.” Brian slapped the man’s back. “And your English is way too good to make me try to use my rotten Spanish.”
“This is true.” Victor put his hands out expressively.
“Victor.” Brian pointed toward her. “This is Natalia. She’ll be helping us this year.”
This year? I just signed on to get my community-service hours. Of course, at three hours a week, it’ll take me all year.
“
Señorita
Natalia.” Victor took her hand and kissed it. “
Muy bonita
. For once, Brian was not exaggerating.”
Natalia looked over to see Brian’s cheeks turning pink. “
Gracias, Señor
Victor. I am happy to be here.”
The door opened again and this time a group of five entered. Natalia tried to remember all the names. Just when she thought she had them, another group entered.
“Just in time.” Brian walked over to hug each of the members.
He’s so comfortable. With everyone. I can’t even imagine that.
“Grab a snack and a drink and then sit,” Brian directed.
Pastor Mike, the associate pastor, stuck his head in the doorway. “All good, Bri?”
“Yes, sir.” Brian stuffed a cookie in his mouth. “Wanna sit in?”
“Not unless you need me. But I’ll be in my office if anything comes up.”
Natalia looked from the door to Brian. “Is this supposed to be Pastor Mike’s job?”
“Not exactly.” Brian gulped down some juice. “He’s in charge of outreach, and this counts as outreach. But he’s got a ton of other ministries he’s involved in. I worked with him in here from the time I was a freshman. He let me take it over last year. It works great. He gets to catch up on paperwork on Thursday nights, and I get to be in charge. Win-win.”
Brian introduced Natalia to the group, and she noticed several of the members look from their leader to his new helper with winks.
Don’t even go there.
When Brian asked Natalia up to the front to translate, her mouth went completely dry.
What if I mess up? What if I can’t do it fast enough and these people don’t get the message?
She closed her eyes, willing herself to pray. As she did, Brian began his own prayer quietly.
“God, we thank you for this time together. Help me have wisdom as I talk about your Word and help Natalia as she translates my words. Use us to glorify you. Amen.”
Natalia felt herself calm, peace washing over her. Until Brian looked over and smiled.
Don’t look at me,
Natalia wanted to scream.
I can’t focus when you’re looking at me.
So she stood a step behind him, her eyes on the faces smiling at her. Faces of people wanting to hear God’s Word in their own language.
Help me do this, God.
Brian took out a worn Bible and opened it to the center. “I’m going to talk about Job.”
Brian paused, and Natalia realized that was her cue to begin translating. Switching from English to Spanish so quickly was more difficult than she had expected, but once Brian got into his message, they found a rhythm. Natalia was able to listen to Brian and translate at the same time.
“Did Job have a right to complain?” Brian asked, waiting for a response.
“Sí,”
Maria, an older woman, responded. “His children were taken from him, his money, his land, his health. If anyone had a right to complain, it was him.”
“That makes sense.” Brian nodded. “How many of you have experienced some of these things?”
Hands all around the room went up, and there were stories behind each one.
“This story is in here for you,” Brian said. “For all of us, whenever we think God is being unfair or we have a right to complain. Do you know what God finally told Job at the end of this book?”
Natalia waited with the rest of the room for his answer.
“He didn’t say anything.” Brian shut his Bible. “He didn’t have to. He reminded Job that he is God. He is sovereign. He knows what we can never know and he works in ways we don’t see. We can trust him, even when terrible things are happening. He is holy.”
Natalia finished translating and bit back a tear. She needed to hear this message. She wished Maureen could hear this message as well.
“I don’t want to minimize your pain.” Brian looked at the people in the room, compassion filling his eyes. “I know what some of you have gone through, and I can’t even imagine it. But God is bigger than your pain. He will meet you in it, help you through it, and he will bring you out of it.”
One of the members shouted “Amen,” and Natalia echoed that in her heart.