Rhapsody (The Bellator Saga Book 5) (25 page)

She didn’t know what to say to that. “Were you afraid I’d be mad at you?”

Jack sighed heavily. “That may have been a consideration as well.” His arms tightened around her. “I wanted to remind you that you’re free. Free to live as you see fit, to make your own decisions. Even if they aren’t the choices I would make.”

Caroline lifted her head up to look at him. “You did that knowing there was a chance I wouldn’t come back.”

He closed his eyes. “It wasn’t the first time I let you go under those circumstances.”

Like she could forget that. How silly of her to assume he had. “I know.”

“It didn’t get any easier the second time around. It hurt like hell.”

Just when she thought he couldn’t do anything else to surprise her, he’d throw her again. His unconditional love knew no bounds.

“I wanted you to come back to me,” he whispered. “Voluntarily. And I wasn’t going to interfere in that process.”

So much of what he’d done over those several days prior to the mission made sense. Too much sense. Caroline stroked his cheek. “You shouldn’t discount your own suffering, Jack. Your own sacrifices. You’ve had your own burdens to bear.”

“They pale in comparison to yours.”

“It’s not a contest.” She hugged herself to him. “You really are a very selfless, giving man. And you’re quite a good husband.”

“I love you,” he said softly. “I tried to do what was right by you.” He kissed her again. “Do I get to ask you something too?”

It was only fair. “Of course.”

“It’s about the night you trashed the bedroom.”

Oh.
That
. “Okay.”

“Why didn’t you wake me up when you got back?”

Why hadn’t she? She’d wanted to do it. Sat there for a good ten minutes thinking about it. But how-?

He smiled slightly. “I wasn’t exactly asleep. I felt the blanket. Felt you kiss my forehead and tussle with my hair. And I just-” He cleared his throat. “I found it curious, that’s all.”

“I wanted to,” Caroline whispered.

“I know. You sat by the couch for the longest time.” He chuckled. “I had to sneeze.”

“I wish you would have told me you were awake.”

“So we could have avoided everything that happened the next night?”

Seemed like a perfectly legitimate reason to her. “Yeah.”

Jack shook his head. “No, that needed to happen so we could get to here. And here is good, right? Generally speaking.”

“Generally speaking, yes.” Hell, if they were going to play the question game Caroline could go on all day. “So, Mr. Turnabout Is Fair Play, why did you leave my apartment that night after I kissed you? You could have stayed. And you probably could have talked me out of going on that mission.”

“You weren’t ready. Even if you thought you were, you weren’t.”

He rubbed the stubble on his chin. He needed to shave but they hadn’t really been all that concerned about such things over the past few days. And she liked feeling that scratchy pseudo-beard on certain parts of her body. But she was distracting herself.

“Were
you
ready?” she asked.

“I don’t know. I did know that if I didn’t leave, I’d start ripping your clothes off.”

Caroline smiled. “I tried to rip off your shirt.”

He leaned in to kiss her. “I remember. I had a very uncomfortable, very awkward walk back to my apartment, let me tell you.”

She’d felt just how uncomfortable he was when he’d been pressed against her. “Sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am. A little.” Caroline closed her eyes. “That was some kiss. Jesus.”

“I got that bottle of baby oil out of the drawer as soon as I got back here.”

He’d probably set some sort of record for jerking off. Maybe he’d reenact it if she asked nicely. “Pervert.”

“Wanna get it out? I think you need a back massage.”

“You want to give me a rubdown with your wanking lube?”

“Does that turn you on?”

“A little. No front massage?”

He’d already taken the bottle out of the drawer and popped the top. “Turn over.”

She rolled on her stomach. “Is this good?”

He grinned, straddling her thighs. “Your ass looks great.”

“Are compliments included in the full massage package?”

He started rubbing the baby oil into her shoulders. “Indeed they are. And I’ll get to your front. All in good time.” Caroline buried her nose in the pillow and Jack brushed her hair back before switching to her neck. “You’re so tense,” he said. “We have to work on that.”

He kneaded her upper back, working his way down, and Caroline moaned in appreciation.

“You like that?” he asked.

It wasn’t exactly a deep tissue massage but it was damn close. “You’re gonna put me to sleep if you keep doing that.”

“That good?”

She yawned. “Will you be here when I wake up?”

Jack kissed her neck. “Always.” He paused. “I might be in the living room or taking a shower, but I’d come back in here eventually. I have to finish off those cookies first.”

Caroline giggled. “You’re silly.”

“No,” he said. “I’m in love.”

She liked how they could discuss the serious things and switch back to banter. An aspect of their relationship she’d missed. “Such a ladies’ man,” she whispered.

Jack slid off her back and lay on his side facing her. “What did you miss most about us being together?”

She drew little circles down his abdomen. “The way you touch me,” she said. “Feeling close to you. It’s hard to put into words.”

He trailed his fingers down the curve of her ass. “I missed this.”

How many days had they spent in bed? She wasn’t tired of it and neither was he. She spread her legs, ever so slightly. He’d get the hint. “Don’t stop,” she whispered.

He rolled her over, pulling her up until her back was to his chest. “I love doing this to you,” he said, teasing her clit.

Caroline leaned her head into his shoulder. “Keep going.”

“I will. As long as you don’t stop, either.”

He rocked against her, using his fingers to bring her to the edge, bringing one hand up to cover her mouth. She felt his cock against her ass and did her best to reach around and touch him.

“You like that, don’t you?” he whispered. “It gets me so fucking hard when you let me do this to you.”

They’d played around. Teased and toyed, coming close to crossing edgier sexual lines. But she’d missed that dominance in his voice. That complete confidence in what he was doing and who he was to her. She gritted her teeth as he bit her shoulder.

“Come for me, baby,” Jack said softly. “You know you want to. You can pretend to be the good girl but we both know you’re filthy as hell. Find it and take it.”

Caroline moaned against his hand, moving her hips in time with his rhythm.

“That’s it,” he said. “You’re so beautiful like this.”

Her remaining resistance gave way and she screamed. She could feel Jack grinning against her neck as he released his hand from her mouth, lowering it to her shoulders as she rode the wave.

“Jack,” she whispered.

He licked her neck. “Next time I use my tongue. And I don’t stop at one.”

Her throat was raw. A few more orgasms like that and she’d lose her voice completely, even with his hand over her mouth. And he’d love it. She cried out as he bit her shoulder again. “Oh, fuck,” she managed.

Jack locked his elbow under her knee, pulling it up so he could get a better angle, pressing his cock inside her. “If you insist.”

He squeezed her neck gently, easily the most aggressive move he’d made during their tumbles in the sheets. But his split second of hesitance was enough to make her nod her head ever so slightly. He’d know. He was gauging her boundaries and she was learning to stretch them. He squeezed a little tighter, chuckling into her ear, still allowing her to breathe but leaving some very possessive marks. Her heart sped up as he continued a rapid pace, continually hitting her G-spot as he thrust inside her. No, she definitely wouldn’t have a voice when they were finished. She weakly murmured his name.

“You like that?” he asked.

God, yes.
All she could do was nod again.

“Harder?”

Please please please. Don’t make me beg.
Another nod, more vigorous this time.

He chuckled. “I’m happy to render you mute. You’re so fucking beautiful like this,” he grunted, interspersing his words with every move he made. “Such a dirty girl. And all fucking mine.”

Caroline lay against his chest, bound to him by the hand around her throat and the elbow locked in place behind her knee, and let him take what he wanted, knowing that he’d give it back to her in return. Jack growled, whispering obscenities in her ear as she came again, spurting inside her in a sweaty rush.

He turned her around to face him. “How was that?”

She’d normally want to wipe a cocky grin off his face but he’d earned this one. Caroline closed her eyes and shook her head, unable to speak, trying to figure out how he had the energy to form words.

“It helps my sense of self-importance when I render you incoherent like that,” Jack said, laughter in his voice. “Damn, that was good.” He wiped the perspiration off her forehead. “You look gorgeous right now.”

Covered in baby oil, disheveled hair, drenched in sweat. Yeah, probably. Caroline gave him an exhausted smile. “That’s because my husband just pounded the shit out of me.”

“It agrees with you.”

“We should do this more often.”

He kissed her nose. “Save your voice, sweetheart.”

Her husband had some serious Cirque de Soleil tractability. She’d like to meet the trainer who’d given him that routine. “You gotta stop talking to me that way when we’re having sex.”

Jack chuckled. “Not when it produces a shaking, speechless result. I know what gets you off.” He bit her neck again, soothing the mark with his tongue. “You love the degenerate stuff.”

“You make me feel so good. I forgot what it was like to feel this way.”

“Then I guess we have a lot of catching up to do.” He kissed the top of her head. “Because you’re never going to forget it again.”

Jack put off going back to work for three more days. Three glorious, relaxing, easy days. He’d even let Caroline sleep for more than an hour at a time before pulling her into his arms again. But things had to move forward. They couldn’t hide away forever, tempting though it was. He’d hoped to sneak out while she was sleeping but when he saw her seated at the kitchen table, he knew he’d be unable to make a quick escape.

“You’re looking awfully spiffy,” she said.

Apparently his polo and dress slacks counted as haute couture. Since he’d been clad in very little the past week or so, she had a point. “I’ve got a meeting in about an hour.”

She maneuvered toward him, wearing nothing but one of his button down shirts. “Do you have to go?” she whispered, fingering his collar.

Leaving cranky, sullen Caroline alone in the apartment for a few hours was one thing. It was a hell of a lot harder to walk out the door and ignore confident, seductive Caroline. Jack squeezed her ass as she trailed kisses down his neck. Surely he could take another quick shower before leaving.

“I can be a little late,” he grunted.

“A lot late,” she murmured, tugging at his shirt. “How long will you be gone?”

“Not very,” he said. Shit. Her hands were making him forget where the hell he was supposed to go. “I’ll be back in time for dinner.”

She kissed his neck. “I wish you could stay here.”

Jesus. He couldn’t remember the last time she’d used that tone of voice. Sweet innocence blended with a hint of something wicked. He wanted to tell her to put her lips someplace else. “I won’t be long.”

She pushed him away from her. “Best get started then.” She pointed at his slacks. “Chop chop. I don’t have all day.”

Jack smiled. Bossy and beguiling. His wife had too many gifts at her disposal. He took another step back and undid his belt and pulled it out of his waistband, holding it like a trophy in his hand.

Caroline stared at the belt and started to back down the hallway, and he knew he’d fucked up. The glazed eyes. The trembling hands. The abject terror. Goddammit, it happened so quickly it seemed like a reflexive reaction.
Fuck.

“No,” she said softly.

The belt clattered to the floor as Jack rushed over to her. “Caroline,” he said. “Stay here. Don’t retreat.” He brought his arms around her. “Stop. It’s you and me. You’re safe. No one can hurt you. It’s gone. He’s gone.”

She hugged him, her breath heavy. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I don’t – that shouldn’t have happened.”

“It’s not your fault,” Jack said. “It’s mine. It didn’t even occur to me that…that particular act might trigger something.”

“No, I shouldn’t have overreacted. You shouldn’t expect a freak-out because you start stripping for me.”

“Don’t blame yourself. You preferred suspenders anyway. Maybe I’ll make a permanent wardrobe change.” He released her and picked up the belt. “Sit down next to me.”

Caroline stepped backward again. Dammit. The past few days had gone so smoothly that he’d almost forgotten she had a list of triggers a mile long, and a list of insecurities even longer.

“Trust me,” he said, sitting down.

She tentatively walked toward the couch and sat next to him. He held the belt out. “Take a good look at this,” he said. “It’s just an object. A thing. You see?”

She nodded.

“It can’t hurt you,” Jack said softly. “In the right hands, it’s something you shouldn’t even give a second glance. In the wrong hands, it’s a dangerous weapon. But that doesn’t mean you have to be afraid of it.” He put it in her lap. “Touch it, Caroline.”

She ran her fingertips over the soft leather, pausing when she got to the buckle. She pulled her hand away, unable to hide her tears.

“Don’t,” he whispered, kissing her cheek. “It’s okay. I can get rid of it if you want but you need to understand that I would never hurt you with it.”

“I know.”

He squeezed her knee. “No one will ever hurt you ever again. Not as long as I have anything to say about it.”

Caroline stared at the belt. “I hate him.”

“I hate him too.”

“I’m not sure that’s healthy.”

He couldn’t give two fucks about whether it was healthy or not. “It’s a perfectly natural emotion. But he can’t hurt you anymore. Understand?”

“I know.” She held up the belt, stretching it in her hands before tossing it across the room. “I’d prefer you not wear it anymore.”

He’d need to talk to her about her propensity for throwing things around the apartment, but that was a secondary concern. “My pants might fall down.”

“I don’t see a problem with that. Maybe you should stay naked all the time.”

Jack wasn’t about to leave if she was close to having another breakdown. “Are you sure you’re okay, sweetheart?”

“Yeah,” Caroline said, pulling him to his feet. “Throwing things makes me feel better.”

He canceled his planned lecture, wrapping her in his arms. “I love you, sweet Caroline. You’re safe with me.”

She pressed her lips to his, a charming gesture. Her kisses became more determined, more desperate, more persistent, and she started leading him down the hallway leading to the bedroom. “I need you,” she whispered.

Was this a good idea? A healthy reaction? Was he to be devoted caretaker or passionate husband? He didn’t want to aggravate the damage. He stroked her face as she moved her body closer to his. “Caroline-”

“Please, Jack,” she said, undoing his zipper. “Please.”

Impulsivity won out. Goddammit. He would have to be late.
Really
late. He bit her lip, smiling when she closed her eyes. She wanted him to be alpha. He could be alpha. And if they were going to do this, it wouldn’t be in the bedroom. Not when he had an entire array of shoddy furniture at his disposal. “Take off your panties,” he ordered, sitting on one of the kitchen chairs. “I want you here.”

Caroline slid her underwear down her thighs as he pulled his cock out of his pants. She positioned herself over him and he slammed her down onto his length. She cursed under her breath. Oh yeah. She liked that. She liked that a lot.

“You want more?” he asked, his breath hot against her ear.

“Yes,” she gasped. “More.”

He moved inside her. “Do you know how much I love you?”

Caroline whimpered, biting his neck.

“Do you?” he asked, more insistent this time.

She bit his neck again. No, he needed her to say it out loud. He fisted her hair, pulling her head up.

“Answer me,” he said.

She dug her fingernails into his shoulders. “Yes.”

“I will always protect you,” he said. “Anyone who wants to get to you has to go through me.” He thrust again and she moaned. “Understand?”

“Yes.” She clawed at his neck. “Please don’t stop.”

The hell he would. Not when she felt so fucking good. “No goddamn asshole with a belt or a knife or a gun is ever going to hurt you again.” Jack tugged at her hair. “Are you listening?”

Caroline nodded and bit her lip, never breaking eye contact. She held onto everything he said and dammit, from now on he was going to make sure she could count on every single word that spilled out of him. He lowered one of his hands to her back, holding the fingers of his other hand to her lips. She sucked them into her mouth automatically.

So very well behaved. Oh, he would have to pay her back for that one. An explosive orgasm seemed like a fair reward. “You naughty girl,” he said.

“Always.” Caroline arched her back as he pressed his fingers to her clit. Jack leaned forward to tongue her throat.

“That’s it,” he said softly, continuing to stroke her, smiling as she started to moan. She grabbed his shirt and tilted her head back. She was close. So fucking close. He could feel her starting to clench around him.

“Yes,” he hissed, lifting her onto the table as she spasmed against his hand. It wasn’t the most elegant experience they’d ever had, but that wasn’t what he was going for. She was his. He was hers. And if they broke every single piece of furniture in the apartment in order to come back together, he’d take it. “I love making you come when I’m inside you.”

Caroline cursed softly as Jack thrust inside her, harder and harder, puffing for air, until he came in a rush, pulling her to him and collapsing onto the chair.

“Fuck,” he said quietly. “Wow.”

She kissed his shoulder. “That was intense,” she murmured. “Really intense.”

If he hadn’t sat down he probably would have fallen over. Jack untangled his fingers from her hair. “You wanted it.”

She smiled. “Have you forgotten what it does to me when you talk to me like that?”

Jack kissed her forehead. “No,” he said. “I haven’t. That was the best part.”

“Half the time I could get off just on all the shit you say to me.”

Oh, that gave him all kinds of ideas. “Then we’ll have to try that sometime.”

Caroline hugged him tightly, still coming down. “I love you, Jack.”

She could keep saying it and he’d never tire of hearing it. Not when he’d gone so long without it. “The feeling is most definitely mutual.”

“You might need to change now,” she said. “I doubt your advisors want to see spooge and other unmentionables on their commander.”

He hadn’t thought that far ahead once he got the brilliant idea to fuck her on the kitchen table. “You don’t know what they’re into.”

She shifted on his lap. “And it’s not your job to give it to them.”

Jack grimaced. He usually tried to stay inside her as long as he could but with her on top it wasn’t the best idea. “You need to dismount, baby.”

“Cowgirl wore out little Jack?”

“Little Jack is increasingly uncomfortable, yes.”

Caroline lifted herself up and he caught sight of a wince she was undoubtedly trying to hide. All they’d been doing was having sex. Hard sex, rough sex, acrobatic sex, slow sex. The effects had to be felt at some point.

“Are you all right?” he asked. “I didn’t mean to-”

She held up her hands. “I’m fine. You’re just wearing me out. And you made me all messy.”

“You can take care of that while I’m gone,” Jack said, then thought better of it, guiding her away from the bathroom. “Wait, don’t. Why don’t you take a nap?”

“I can’t go to the meeting?”

Jack laughed again. “If you went, you’d definitely need to be wearing more than my shirt.”

“I’d put clothes on.”

She sounded huffy. Almost offended. It was adorable, but he had to stay focused. “No, sweetheart. I need to do this alone. I hope that’s okay.” Maybe he could switch from protective to possessive. See if he could test those alpha waters again. They’d dipped their toes in once or twice but neither one of them had pushed much. But she’d responded during that last hard fuck. He wanted more. Jack scissored his hand between her thighs. “By the way,” he whispered. “Don’t clean up.”

“What?”

“Don’t clean up,” he repeated. “I want to think about you lying in that bed, all wet and hot and bothered, waiting for me to come home and fuck you again.”

She grinned. “Commander McIntyre, you are kinky as hell.”

Green light. He’d push a little harder when the opportunity presented itself. Jack led her toward the bedroom. “You love it. And I can be sweet too. Let me tuck you in.”

Caroline yawned as he slid the sheet over her. “You going to tell me a story?”

“I don’t have time. I’m sure you can come up with one on your own.”

She glanced at his pants and he tried not to laugh. The aftereffects of kitchen table sex. He’d have to do laundry more frequently if they kept ruining clothes on a regular basis. A shower. He needed a shower. But he leaned over for a long kiss instead. There were about fifty reasons for him to skip that meeting but one very good one in favor of attendance. She’d figure it out soon enough.

“This is nice,” she said, once he was finished. “Why are you always encouraging me to take naps?”

Because I wear you out so often.
“You deserve to be pampered.”

“And laid properly?”

She’d picked up on that one. Smart woman. “And you’ve been sleep deprived for the last few years.”

“Fair point.”

One more kiss. That was all he could handle before he’d inevitably cross the line between acceptably late and unprofessionally tardy. He could make it up to her later. “I think I need to take a shower and change my clothes in order to keep myself presentable.”

“Such vanity.”

Jack kissed her forehead. “Get some rest. Think of me while I’m gone.”

Caroline rolled over, grabbing his pillow and burying her nose in it. “I will.”