Return to Hendre Ddu (2 page)

‘I don’t like you very much Miss Rees,’ Mari Elen told her in a hurt but very reasonable voice.

‘I suppose I’ll have to live with that for the time being,’ Nano told her. ‘We’re all too busy now to play. Mister Tom is coming home.’

Later that evening Catrin arrived on the farm holding herself like a queen, proudly pregnant. Her father kissed her and Nano relaxed for a moment and told her how well she was looking. ‘I like these honeymoon babies,’ she told them all. ‘It shows that the parents mean business. It’s time
for you, Mr Ifans, to think about a little sister or brother
for that little Miss over there, who’s becoming far too spoilt.’

‘No, she’s not, Nano. She’s perfect and I don’t want her different. You never complained that Tom and Catrin were spoilt.’

‘I wonder if Tom is still hearing from that retired colonel’s daughter, May something? Your poor mother was very pleased that he had a nice young lady promising to write to him. A lot can happen in a letter, can’t it Mr Ifans? Oh, I remember how my dear Rachel used to hang about for the postman when you were first courting. That was a happy time, though her father was hopping mad, do you remember? He’d wanted her to marry that ugly old fellow, Jim Reynolds, Dôl Goch. But he was too old for her anyway. I was glad you’d turned up, though I know I gave you a hard time at the beginning.’

Chapter two

‘I wish we were back at Cefn Hebog,’ Lowri said when Josi joined her in bed that night. ‘I don’t feel right here in Mrs Ifans’ bed.’

‘Neither do I, but we’ll soon get used to it. Come and cwtch here with me. I had to stay, you know. I’ve neglected the lad’s farm for too long. I’ll have to try to whip it into shape now, the hedges are in a dreadful state. It’s I who should set them to rights because I learnt the art of hedging from my father. You cut about three-quarters of the way through a branch, near the base, so that new growth will shoot out from it in the spring, with a hazel or an ash sapling hammered in every few yards to strengthen it. Yes, my father, Jasper Evans, was a master hedger and he taught me the way of it. But I haven’t the time this year, it’s a labour-intensive task and I’ll have to look to the cattle and the horses and leave the hedging to the others for this year. I don’t want Tom to think the farm’s been neglected, though I know it has; poor Prosser has done all he can. And poor Miss Rees has had to work too hard for years now. She must be well into her seventies you know, and should be taking it easy. You’ll be such a help to her. She won’t make you work too hard, either, because she’ll know I’ll be looking out for you. And I suppose it’s true that Mari Elen is getting too much of her own way with you and me. Neither of us seems to be a match for her, but Nano has some natural authority. Tom and Catrin always behaved well when she was in charge. Poor Tom. How will we find him, I wonder. Did you know about little Sali losing her heart to him?’

‘No. I was told they’d taken her away because she was lonely and unhappy here. She’s always been a foolish little creature, but I half understand how Tom’s feelings must have affected her. He was so sad about his mother and about leaving Hendre Ddu that she must have felt that some of it was about leaving her. Girls can be very foolish creatures if they have no one to bring them down to earth. If I’d known how she felt I would have been able to put her right. For instance, I would have told her about this sweetheart of his, I’m sure that would have altered her feelings.’

‘Nano mentioned this sweetheart. Of course, I’d been told nothing about her.’

‘I think Miss Rees made a great deal out of hearing that some nice girl or other, a retired colonel’s daughter if I remember rightly, had promised to write to him. It was to raise poor Mrs Ifans’ spirits when she was so loath to let him go abroad.’

‘I was loath to let him go abroad, too. And I told him so more than once. I thought he was mad to enlist. I only hope he isn’t too badly injured.’

The next morning a War Office letter arrived letting them know that Tom had lost his right leg at the knee and was to be invalided out of the army; an honourable discharge they called it. He’d been in the field hospital for more than a month and he was doing very well.

Nano fainted on hearing the news but Lowri and Josi soon realised that this was no ordinary faint, she had suffered a stroke and had to be carried to her bed which proved no easy task, even for Josi and Davy Prosser between them. Dr Andrews and Catrin were called and Nano insisted that they, too, were to stay for the foreseeable future.

Catrin and Lowri hugged each other, both terrified by what had happened. Nano had always seemed indestructible; Hendre Ddu without her at the helm was unimaginable. They sat at her side, stroking her stricken face, talking to her and listening to her heavy breathing.

‘Tell us the truth,’ Josi begged his son-in-law when they were back downstairs. ‘Is there any hope of a recovery? Any hope at all?’

‘She’s strong and healthy and her heart is sound so she’ll get a little better quite soon. She’ll soon be sitting up and trying to talk, but a complete recovery is unlikely I’m afraid. She’s suffered a major stroke. Let’s hope that Tom’s arrival helps her recover. She dotes on him, I believe.’

‘She dotes on him, of course she does, and on Catrin too. And she’s eagerly looking forward to the baby’s arrival, I know that. She’s got a lot to live for.’

Catrin and Lowri made up the bed in the guest room for Catrin and her husband. ‘You should have our bed, by rights,’ Lowri told Catrin when they’d finished.

‘What rights are those then?’ Catrin asked. ‘My father is the head of the house, at least until Tom arrives home and you are his legal wife so doesn’t that give you a right to the best bedroom? Stop putting yourself down. When you came to be a maid here, my mother told Tom and me that you were our cousin and that we were to treat you as family and I’m sure we always did. Now why can’t you accept that, since we always have. You’re now my step-mother and I’ll respect your judgement and try to agree with everything you suggest.’

‘Don’t be silly,’ was Lowri’s only response. ‘And don’t let Nano hear you saying things like that. She doesn’t hold with all this equality. Oh, Catrin, what will we do if she dies?’

‘She’s going to get better. Perhaps she’ll never be really well again but she’s going to make a partial recovery, Graham seems quite confident of that. She’ll always be in charge, will always be able to tell us what to do. We have to believe that.’

‘Where is Nano?’ Mari Elen asked as she came in from the yard for tea.

‘She’s not well so she’s having an afternoon in bed,’ Josi told her.

‘Take her some hot milk and two Marie biscuits,’ was Mari Elen’s suggestion. ‘That will put colour in her cheeks. I don’t much like her but I don’t like her being ill. When I’m ill Lowri puts her cold hand on my forehead and it makes me feel much better.’

‘We’ll have to hire a full-time nurse,’ Dr Andrews said. ‘I believe that Nurse Griffin, Nyth Brain, is a large, capable woman.’

‘Oh no,’ Lowri moaned. ‘Miss Rees hates Mrs Griffin, Nyth Brain. She frightened poor Mrs Ifans terribly one day, mentioning that word ‘cancer’ to her when no one else had dared mention it. Miss Rees almost attacked her on the spot and she’s never spoken to her since. She won’t even go to any chapel social or village eisteddfod now for fear that Mrs Griffin will be there. I’d rather do all the nursing myself than leave her to that woman.’

‘You’re far too small and delicate,’ Dr Andrews said. ‘Miss Rees will have to be lifted and turned two or three times a day and she’s a fair weight. All the same I’m glad you told me about the animosity between her and Nurse Griffin, that would never do. I’ll have to find someone else in Cardigan. I know the deputy matron of the women’s hospital there and she’s sure to be able to suggest someone suitable, someone she’s trained. And perhaps I ought to go now, there’s no time to lose.’

‘What about your dinner?’ Catrin asked, but he’d already disappeared.

They had to have their meal without him, but Catrin assured them that it was perfectly normal for her husband to miss at least one meal every day.

‘Well, doctors don’t do too much hard manual work, do they? Their work is very important, I know that, but it’s not hot sweaty work like men on the farm do. Or take the horses, now. Nobody would ask a good working mare to miss her meal. It’s like the petrol for a car, you’ve got to keep them going.’

‘I have to miss supper very often when Lowri puts me to bed early. And I’m busy all day long.’

Their chatter floated over Lowri’s head, she was far too worried to listen.

At least Graham’s errand proved worthwhile. The deputy matron had been able to recommend a competent and conscientious nurse who had recently finished her previous job and could start the following morning. ‘Another bed to be made up,’ Catrin grumbled, ‘all the same it will be good to have an extra pair of hands.’

‘I don’t think she’ll be prepared to do any housework,’ Graham warned.

‘No, I’ve noticed that it’s only wives who have to turn their hands to anything and everything.’

When Tom arrived home the next day, he managed, with the help of one of his crutches and some gentle pushing from his father, to negotiate the stairs to see Nano and when he spoke to her, she regained consciousness and smiled at him. Everyone felt jubilant though it was only a small step forward.

‘This will do me a lot of good,’ Tom said later. ‘I’m not the invalid now, and I’m feeling much better for it. I was feeling very sorry for myself, coming home like this, but now I realise that there are much more important things. I’m out of the hell of France, I’m thankful to be alive and happy to be home. I’m going to be all right. You shall see.’

Catrin kissed him and Lowri fetched him some tiny new potatoes with butter and buttermilk, which had always been his favourite snack.

‘You’ve lost a leg, I hear,’ Mari Elen said, like one struggling to make polite conversation. ‘Can I look up your trouser leg?’

‘You may. But I’m afraid there isn’t much to see except for bandages. You may like to see it when the district nurse comes to change the dressings.’

‘I would, thank you. I think I’m going to like you though you’re a bit old for a brother. I’d prefer a baby brother but all the same I like your face.’

‘And I like yours. I hope we’ll be great friends. Shall we shake hands? Or kiss, perhaps?’

‘Not at the moment. I don’t know you well enough yet. But in a day or two I may like to kiss you.’

‘I look forward to that.’

‘My goodness, she’s a bright little thing,’ Tom said later that evening when she’d been carried off to bed. ‘I thought of her as a baby still.’

‘She was three a few months ago, a schoolgirl now, and already quite a character in the area. You and I will soon be known as her brother and sister I’ve no doubt.’

‘And when is your baby due? I only have to turn my back on you for five minutes and this is what happens. Mother would have been thrilled though, wouldn’t she, to be a mamgu. I can see her so vividly as she was when I first remember her, a regal figure in a splendid cream high-necked dress with lace frills on the bosom, women had such important bosoms in those days – what’s happened to them – and her gold watch on a long gold chain. Do you know Catrin, I really felt her presence at my side when I was first wounded and hovering between life and death. Don’t mention it to anyone, or they’ll think I’m touched in the head. All the same, I felt she was near me, I really did.’

‘Tom dear, I wish we’d been closer as children. We were always quarrelling weren’t we? Perhaps we’ll find ways of being close now. I feel it was you who brought me the greatest joy of my life, my love for Edward. Even now that he’s been dead for over three years, I still feel his love surrounding me. Perhaps it’s not so far from the way you feel about mother’s presence.’

‘The living and the dead are very close, I’ve realised that. While I was in hospital, hot and sweaty with very little pain relief, I used to go over and over the Reverend Isaacs’ sermons. Yet at the time, I hardly knew I was listening to them. He was a great pacifist of course, and I wish I’d paid more attention to his words. I found nothing worth fighting for, the glory of war is a fabrication: there is no glory. There certainly is sacrifice and unbelievable bravery amongst the common soldiers but the high-ranking officers send men over the top every morning with absolutely no pity. Up those scaling ladders and they’re shot as soon as their heads appear over the parapet. I wouldn’t send a horse into those battlefields and they are ready to send hundreds of young men to their almost certain death. Of course it was my duty to blow the whistle, but it was always, always against my better judgement. I do hope no one ever tells me that I was wounded in a great cause or I shall refute it. I lost my leg in a stupid battle for a few hundred yards of territory of no earthly use to anyone.

‘Some of those poor Welsh and Welsh-speaking country lads I met out there were totally bewildered and shell-shocked and yet if they turned their back on the heavy bombardment in front of them they were shot as traitors. I’m ashamed of volunteering for active service. I wouldn’t feel so badly about it if I’d been conscripted as men are now. But no, I went out of some feeling of comradeship I suppose, with all those other fools who were enlisting. I was never a true patriot like Edward. Well, I only hope he was killed before finding out what a sham it all was, all for material gain, and how useless his sacrifice was. Don’t tell Father how I feel, he’d despise me more than ever.’