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“Dad…” He whispered the word, but it banged around the inside of his car like a scream for help. “Dad, I didn’t mean it.”

Luke felt a stabbing in his heart, a pain as raw and gripping as if God himself were squeezing it, wringing out the anger and unbelief and bitterness. The pain was worse than anything Luke could remember, but it was something else, too.

It was freeing.

He closed his eyes.
God, I’ve done everything wrong, broken every promise I ever made to you…to my family. But I understand now. I do. There’s nowhere else I want to turn. You hold my future, God. Please forgive me
.

Almost immediately the tightness in his heart eased, and he felt a dawning on the horizon of his soul. It was a feeling he recognized, one he hadn’t known for a year but that he’d never forgotten.

The feeling of forgiveness.

Forgiveness and newness, hope and a second chance. They suddenly loomed as big as all his tomorrows strung together.

He savored the feeling. Then finally he started the car engine. The best part about the story of Peter was that for all his early boasts of strength and for all his dismal denials, God never gave up on the man.

And now Luke was sure that even after the debacle of the past year, God had not given up on him either.

Luke pulled out onto the highway and thought about the Baxter annual Labor Day picnic taking place at the lake. None of them knew he was coming, and if they were angry at him, it would be his own fault. But maybe—just maybe—they cared enough to give him another chance. He’d know soon enough.

Lake Monroe was ten miles down the road.

Life had already ended, but still Ashley was forced to go through the motions.

Walking along the beach at Lake Monroe. Playing Frisbee with Cole. Building a fort of twigs and rocks and leaves with Maddie and Hayley. Offering to help her father with the barbecue. All of it a series of disjoined actions, completely robotic. As though someone had scraped out her heart and soul and mind, and replaced them with enough mechanics to go through the motions of life, but nothing more.

Ashley sat on the shore and watched Kari and Ryan, hand in hand, standing with their feet in the water. They would be married in just three weeks, and then Kari’s storybook life could continue as though it had never been interrupted.

What about me, God? Who will be there for me?

A recent memory of Irvel played in her mind. The woman had been sitting on the edge of her bed smiling, nodding her head.

“What is it, Irvel?” Ashley stepped into the room. Irvel’s blood pressure was still unstable much of the time, and Ashley had wondered if the woman was having a seizure.

But Irvel had turned to her and grinned. Then she waved like a little girl looking at her mother from her place at the kindergarten table. “Hi. Guess what?”

“What?” Ashley had come closer and put her hand on Irvel’s shoulder.

“Hank’s here with me.” She raised a shaky hand and motioned at the pictures adorning her wall. Pictures of Hank. “He loves me so much.” She gave a happy shake of her head. “Isn’t that wonderful?”

Ashley thought about Landon and swallowed an ocean of sorrow. “Yes, Irvel. Hank is a wonderful man.”

Ashley had assumed she and Landon would find their way into a relationship like the one Irvel had shared with Hank. But now…now Ashley’s future seemed as ominous and empty as a city parking lot at nightfall.

In the midst of the terror she felt about her future were a handful of lies that made her feel disconnected, even more like some kind of machine with a key in her back. When she first returned home from Paris, she’d been adept at keeping secrets. It had been her way of surviving. But not anymore, and the things she wasn’t saying were making every moment an effort.

She’d known about her positive blood test for weeks, and still only Landon and Luke knew the truth. Her parents, Kari, Cole—even her doctor—didn’t know yet. She simply hadn’t found the strength to tell them. Doing so would make her situation so much more real. Her announcement would start a clock ticking, the one that would count down the days until she either responded to treatment or fell victim to the virus.

And the secrets welling within her were hardly relegated to her blood test only. No one else knew that she’d contacted the Wellingtons in New York City and told them she wouldn’t be bringing them any more art. She explained only that she needed to be closer to home, more focused on her private life. A local gallery not far from the university would handle any paintings she might sell.

Also, she was keeping quiet about Luke. No one knew that he’d moved in with her and Cole—though she suspected Cole would say something any day. The others didn’t know anything of Luke’s son or the fact that he was in New York City with Reagan.

Everything about her life was a lie, and all of it so monstrous she wasn’t sure how to begin to tell the truth. But however it happened, the truth had to come out. She couldn’t live like this much longer.

“Mommy, play catch with me!” Cole came tearing down the sloping grassy shore, a softball in his hands. “Let’s do the dropsy contest. We have to beat our record.”

Ashley lifted herself from the shore and dusted off the back of her shorts.
Dropsy
meant they’d count the number of times they caught the ball without either of them dropping it. Their record was twenty-two.

“Okay.” She was dying inside, but she grinned anyway. “We haven’t broken it all summer, but maybe—”

Cole tossed the ball to her. “One.”

She caught it and flipped it back to him. “Two.”

They kept up the pattern, and Ashley let Cole count by himself. She was too busy thinking about the biggest lie, the thing that most affected her heart: the idea that she and Landon were still together. Only she knew the truth.

They were finished. Forever.

Landon had honored her wishes. He hadn’t called her or made any contact since she left Manhattan. Obviously, as difficult as it had been for him, he’d thought over her situation and agreed that breaking up was the most sensible thing to do. He was a thousand miles away, so a friendship was out of the question. Besides, they could hardly pretend to be friends after tasting love, after knowing the strength of their feelings.

“Eighteen.” Cole’s voice rose a notch as he caught the ball and tossed it back to her. “Nineteen.”

Ashley pressed her toes into the cool grass and pictured Landon, the way he’d looked the last time she saw him, telling her he loved her from the hallway elevator near her hotel room. He needed to move on. She could offer him none of the stability and future he deserved.

The irony was unbelievable. All her life she’d known she was wrong for Landon. She’d fought his attempts at a relationship and convinced herself that she didn’t feel anything but friendship for him. Then—just when she finally realized how wrong she’d been, just when she’d recognized how very much she longed for him and loved him—the blood test came. And with it, a full-circle trip right back to the way she’d felt in the beginning.

She was all wrong for Landon Blake.

“Twenty-two!” Cole caught the ball and jumped up and down with it. “Here we go, Mommy. It’s the dropsy record!”

Maddie and Hayley stopped collecting pretty rocks and came over to watch them. They stood a few feet from Cole, their eyes wide, ready to celebrate if Cole gave the signal.

He tossed the ball to her, and though it was a little to the side, Ashley lunged for it and caught it with one hand. “Twenty-three!” She held the ball high and turned to Cole. He was dancing in a circle, moving his fists back and forth in the air and shouting, “We
did
it! We broke the dropsy record!”

Brooke’s two girls formed a circle with Cole, and the three of them held hands and did a dance that got faster and faster until they collapsed in a pile on the grass, giggling and tickling and talking all at the same time.

Ashley watched them, but all she could think was
God, what’ll happen to Cole if I don’t make it?

Something near the parking lot caught Ashley’s attention, and she turned. A man was walking their way, and at first she figured she had to be wrong. Her heartbeat picked up and her mouth hung open. It couldn’t be—he never would have come here, not when he was supposed to be in New York.

But as he came closer she was convinced beyond any doubt.

Her brother, Luke, was making his way down the grassy hill toward the place where her parents were setting up dinner.

J
OHN WAS REACHING
into the cooler, pulling out the bags of preformed meat patties, when he noticed Ashley, Kari, and Ryan staring at something behind him. Before he had time to turn around, Elizabeth touched his elbow and nodded toward the parking lot.

“Did we leave something in the—”

He never finished his sentence.

Because when he looked over his shoulder to the place where his family was focused, what he saw made his heart take wing. There, walking toward him with slow, deliberate steps was Luke. And for the first time in a year, he wasn’t scowling or smirking or rolling his eyes.

He was smiling.

Luke…his son—his only son—was walking toward him, faster now than before, his entire face lit up.

Beside John, Elizabeth uttered a quiet gasp and took hold of his arm. “John…”

“It’s okay.” He looked at his wife and patted her hand. “Let me.”

His knees shook and his feet moved like lead, but he took a step toward Luke, and then another and another until just a few yards separated them. It was then that John could see something else, something besides the once-familiar smile.

His son was crying.

“Dad…” Luke held out his hands and stumbled the last few steps as he fell into John’s arms—and into an embrace that held fast for what felt like a moment and a lifetime all at once. Luke was a bit taller than John, but he buried his face in John’s shoulder, clinging to him the way he’d done when he was a boy.

John wanted to say something, but words could never have captured the tidal wave of emotion crashing around his heart. Instead he held on, rocking Luke, letting him sob as he spoke a string of apologies into John’s T-shirt.

“I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t know what I was doing…I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.” John whispered the words, because a whisper was all that would squeeze past the lump in his throat. “You’re home now, Luke. It’s okay.” He drew back and squinted. The boy must’ve been crying for a while before getting to the beach, because his eyes were swollen and bloodshot.

“I can’t believe I’m here. I thought…I was afraid you wouldn’t want me anymore.”

John tilted his head and placed his hand along the side of Luke’s face. “You don’t know how I’ve prayed for this moment, Son.”

“Yes.” Luke gulped back another sob and gave a strong nod of his head. “Yes, I do know. Because I’ve prayed about it too.”

John blinked, but before he could say anything, he heard the shuffling of feet behind him—many feet. In a slow rush of bodies and arms and cries of “Welcome home, Luke,” and “Thank God you’re okay,” and “We missed you,” each of the Baxters—even the youngest grandchildren—formed a circle around John and Luke. They pressed in close for a hug, an embrace that erased time and told all of them that no matter how far they strayed, they would always be welcomed home.

Tears came for most of them, until Cole popped his head up near the center of the circle. “Hey—” he looked at the faces around him—“what about Papa’s hamburgers?”

Laughter softened the moment, and they drew back enough to see Luke, to study him and let him see how much he’d been missed. John had a dozen questions, but they would come later. He was about to wave Luke toward the barbecue pit when Luke held up his hand.

“I’ve made a lot of bad choices this year, and I’m sorry.” He sniffed hard and stood a bit straighter than before. “I owe each of you an explanation.” He looked at the ground, and shame shadowed his features. When he lifted his face, a seriousness flashed in his eyes. “But first, I have something to tell you.”

John wiped his cheeks and waited. Whatever Luke wanted to say, it was important. And apparently it couldn’t wait another minute. John watched Luke and Ashley exchange a look, and he had a strong feeling that whatever Luke was about to say, she already knew.

Luke cleared his throat and let his eyes travel to each of his siblings—Brooke and Peter, Kari and Ryan, Erin and Sam, Ashley—and finally to Elizabeth and John. “Reagan and I have…we have a son.”

The words were out, but their reality was floating somewhere in the breeze above them. Elizabeth looped her arm through John’s and leaned on him, but John wondered if he could hold her up. What was Luke talking about? Reagan was in New York. Luke hadn’t seen her since September 11.

A son?

The idea was as impossible as Luke’s presence among them that day.

The three young Baxter cousins had scampered off a few feet down the hill, tired of the adult conversation. But the others maintained their places. Ashley shifted her gaze to the ground, while the others’ mouths hung open. None of them seemed to know what to say.

Elizabeth recovered first. “Luke…whatever do you mean, honey?”

Luke made small circles in the dirt with the toe of his tennis shoe. When he met their eyes again, he was more composed, and something close to hope cast a light over his expression. “Before Reagan left for New York, the two of us—” he dropped his gaze again before looking up at John—“the two of us let things go too far.” His look shifted to Elizabeth. “I didn’t know about the baby until two weeks ago, when Ashley told me.”

John looked at his daughter and saw relief mix with a hint of guilt. So she
had
known. Thank heaven Luke had felt comfortable talking to one of them. He turned back to Luke and waited.

“When I found out I had a son, I broke things off with Lori and moved in with Ashley. But then I went to New York.” He hesitated and let his gaze go around the circle again. “I’ve been there for the past week.”

“So you really have a son?” The question came from Kari, who still had a sleeping Jessie cradled against her shoulder.

“I do.” For the first time since his initial walk down the hillside, Luke grinned. “His name is Thomas Luke and—” he looked at Elizabeth—“he looks just like me, Mom.”

Elizabeth covered her mouth, and this time she closed the distance between herself and Luke with a long hug. When she pulled back, tears sparkled on her cheeks, and she made a sound that was mostly laugh. “When do we get to meet him?”

“I’m not sure.” Luke moved a step closer so they could all hear him. “He’s with Reagan in New York still. It’s a long story, and, well, I’ll tell you all about it later. But I knew Sam and Erin were leaving tomorrow and I had to be here.” His eyes met John’s and held. “One last time, so we could all be together.”

The evening passed too quickly, but through every minute Luke knew he’d found his way home. The people he’d grown up loving the most had saved a place for him at the table, believing he’d come back one day. And now he had.

It was obvious from his family’s reaction that Ashley hadn’t said anything to them—not about his leaving Lori or moving in with her and Cole, or having a baby in New York City. And obviously not about her blood test. Before the end of the night, he pulled her aside.

“Have you seen your doctor?” They were packing up after the picnic.

Ashley gave a nervous glance at the others up the hill. “Not yet.”

“You haven’t told Dad?” Luke held a stack of folded beach chairs. “Come on, Ash.”

“I will.” Her tone was low, agitated. “Give me time, Luke.”

“Dad can help you.” He stopped and stared up the beach to the place where Cole was helping Maddie carry a pail full of rocks toward the picnic table. His eyes found Ashley again. “You owe it to Cole.”

“Fine.” She began trudging up the hill toward the others. “I’ll tell him tomorrow. After Erin and Sam leave.”

Luke took a few steps then stopped. “Wait.”

“What?” She paused long enough to look at him over her shoulder.

“Have you heard from Landon?”

A terrible sadness fell across Ashley’s face, and she gave a slight shake of her head. “We’re finished. I told you that.”

“He hasn’t called?” The truth of that awed Luke. From everything Reagan had told him, Landon had planned to marry Ashley. It was hard to believe he’d given up so easily. Even in light of Ashley’s blood test.

“Look, I asked him not to.” Ashley’s eyes welled up. “I asked him to get on with his life. That’s what he’s doing.”

Luke followed Ashley to the car. An hour later, everyone gathered at their parents’ house, except Sam and Erin, who still had last-minute packing to do. When they were all seated around the living room, Luke admitted how crazy he’d been to believe for a single day that God didn’t exist.

“When did you know?” His mother sat curled up next to his father on the old plaid sofa. Her tone was curious, without a hint of condemnation.

“The moment I looked at little Tommy.”

Kari chuckled across the room and leaned her head on Ryan’s shoulder. “Kids have a way of doing that to you.”

“That’s for sure.” Brooke nodded. She and Peter sat on the same sofa, but not next to each other.

“Okay.” Luke looked at the faces around him. He hadn’t been sure he’d tell them this part, but the time seemed right. “You want the rest of the story?”

His mother’s left eyebrow lifted a bit. “There’s more?”

“Quite a lot, actually.” He rubbed his hands together and released a nervous chuckle. His eyes found his father’s. “Reagan and I are getting married on Christmas Eve. We’ll have the wedding in New York.”

A collective sigh seemed to make its way around the room. Nothing audible. Just a feeling that he’d done something very good. Had he been part of a conversation like this any time in the past year, their reactions would’ve irritated him. But now the quiet response told him something he was just realizing: If he was true to himself, his reactions would almost always mirror theirs. Because he was a Baxter. He’d been raised to do what was right, and he’d been happiest when he lived that way. When he didn’t…well, he was plain old miserable. The way he’d been for most of the past year.

His mother made a polite cough and caught his attention. “What about school?”

“School.” Luke nodded. He and Reagan had thought through every detail, and his education was certainly part of the picture. “I’ll transfer to one of the universities in New York City, but not until after we get married. I’ll take next semester off and work to save some money.” He glanced around the room. “I took a full load this summer, so taking time off won’t set me behind.”

Again his mother had a question. “Where…where will you live?”

Luke sensed that his announcement—the part about moving away—was hardest on her. “With Reagan and her mother—in her brother’s room until after we’re married.” The smile he could feel tugging at the corners of his mouth was a sad one. “We talked about waiting until after our wedding for me to move there, but I can’t do it. I’ll move there in a few weeks. After Kari and Ryan’s wedding. I don’t want to miss a minute with Reagan and Tommy.”

“Wow.” Kari grinned at him from across the room. “That’s wonderful, Luke.”

Ryan nodded. “You’ll love Manhattan. At least until Tommy gets older.”

“That’s the other thing.” Luke avoided his mother’s eyes. “When I finish with my bachelor’s, I want to go to law school. Reagan and I figure we’ll stay in New York for at least the next five years.” He paused. All of this was fine for him, but the news was bound to be a surprise to his family. “We’ll live on campus. Reagan wants to be close to her mother.”

“That’s wonderful, Son.” His father slipped his arm around his mother’s shoulders. “Tell Reagan we love her. We can’t wait to see the baby.”

“She wanted to come, but—” Luke looked at his hands and then back at his father—“she was embarrassed. She feels like everything that happened last year was her fault.”

“Poor girl.” Ashley’s tone was gentle. “You made your own choices.”

“I told her that. But she felt funny. Like she wouldn’t know what to tell all of you.”

The conversation continued until long after midnight, and after the others went their separate ways, Luke pulled his father aside and apologized again.

“I need to tell you…about Lori’s abortion.” Luke crossed his arms. “The baby wasn’t mine, Dad. I wanted to say something sooner, but not in front of everyone.”

His father blinked twice and shook his head. “But you were living with her.”

“We had…an open relationship.”

He expected his dad to say something about Lori then, something negative and no doubt accurate about her strange way of thinking, the strange way Luke had been thinking.

Instead his father pulled him close and hugged him. “I feel like a new man.”

“You do?”

“Yes.” He leaned back and grinned. “I have my son back.”

The next morning, just after sunup, Luke woke to the smell of pancakes and coffee and the sound of his mother in the kitchen. The voices coming from the next room told him that the others had already arrived for the farewell. Sam and Erin wanted to be on the road by eight o’clock.

He sat up and stared out the window at the familiar front yard and big oak tree, the winding driveway, and the American flag. For a few seconds he closed his eyes and rested his head on the back of the sofa. What if he hadn’t talked to Ashley that afternoon on campus? What if he’d been too stubborn or too certain that his crazy new way of thinking was the only one worth holding to?

The idea sent a shiver through him, and when he opened his eyes he saw something that was bound to have the same effect on everyone who had already gathered at the Baxter house. Sam and Erin had just arrived.

And that meant good-byes were less than an hour away.