Remembering Hell (11 page)

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Linda wakes up from the weirdest
night ever. Dreaming, in Hell. Go figure? Linda’s night was filled with dreams.
She isn’t sure whether she should feel comforted or terrified by the images
that haunted her overnight.

She was young again and happy and
with Louise her best friend. They were walking down the street of some strange
city in which Linda was pretty sure she had never been, and they were walking
and laughing. Suddenly Louise looked at her with a strange expression and said,
“I don’t think I’m supposed to be here.” And she turned around and left.

Linda stopped her and said, “You
aren’t just going to leave me here, are you? Isn’t there something you can do?”

Louise gave her a lovely smile and
said, “It doesn’t work that way. Sorry, babe. See you on the flipside!” She
winked as Lou used to always wink, then disappeared.

All of a sudden Linda was at her
office complete with the dour attorneys and witchy Suzy. She said, “I’m looking
for my friend.” Absolutely no one was paying attention to her, so she started
searching the office. She was looking through cupboards and drawers as if she
was going to find Louise crouched inside of one of them. Then she saw her walk
out the door. She ran after her screaming her name. “Louise, don’t leave me
here! Louise!”

Then Louise was gone.

Linda wakes up with tears streaming
down her face. She feels abandoned by a ghost.

When Linda met Louise for the first
time, it was almost comical. Linda was in the throes of her own personal
rebellion, against a solid middle-class suburban upbringing. Mostly she was
just bored.

Her mom and dad wore down their
knees and ran their throats dry with prayers for Linda. The funny thing is they
were probably praying for a new influence on their daughter, who they felt was
naïve and impressionable. But what they didn’t realize was Linda always made
her own choices. Including the fact that she was already pulling back from the
scene and from the friends that made her parents nervous. She would just hang
out every once in a while, and one of those nights Louise walked in. Boom…the
answer to her parents’ prayers. A brand new influence named Louise Patterson.

The mutual attraction between Linda
and Louise was instant and intense. Linda never understood why Lou was so
insistent that they become best friends, but she was grateful for it. She
jumped on the bestie bandwagon immediately and the two of them became inseparable.

Louise was not just bigger than
life, she was enormous. Exciting and adventurous, she always had a plan. Even
if that plan was to do absolutely nothing for days. In fact, that was Louise’s
signature move. Doing fuck-all for days and days and days, and still having
more fun and more laughs than anyone else.

Linda loved Louise like a sister,
and at some point the friendship had transcended into something much more
familial than anything she had known. When Louise named her daughter Linda,
that was it. She became Aunt Linda and set out to spoil her name sake rotten.

After Louise died of breast cancer,
Linda was devastated. It felt like someone had pulled a plug inside of her and
let her soul drain away. She became obsessed with “Dinny”—little Linda’s
nickname—and became a second mother for her. Dinny was so small when Louise had
passed, but she had her mother’s pluck as well as her eyes. The two Lindas
helped each other heal.

The point of this is Linda and
Louise had always saved each other. Yet, in her dream Louise had walked away.
What was her subconscious telling her? That she doesn’t need saving. She is not
convinced of that. That Louise is saving her, but not the way she wants? She
would like to believe that is true. She wonders if Louise is happy, and
secretly hopes that she is.

Linda still feels discombobulated
and weird as she gets to work. She immediately picks up a stack of folders and
starts to file them. She is still trying to shake off the previous night when
all of a sudden Suzy looks at her with disdain.

“Do you think you are going to get
overtime?”

“What?” Linda says.

“We don't pay overtime. It’s time
to go. Get the fuck out,” Suzy says.

Linda is now very confused. “Are
you high?” she says to Suzy. “What are you talking about? I’ve been here for
like five minutes.”

Suzy says, “Obviously I’m not the
one with deficient mental capacity. You’ve been here all day.”

Linda doesn’t understand. “What?”
She looks around and sees everyone else leaving. The partners are all getting
their briefcases and walking out the door. Suddenly she feels tears behind her
eyes. “Suzy, can I ask…what did I do all day?”

Suzy just rolls her eyes. “Not
much. Threw some files around, as usual,” she answers tersely.

Linda is astounded. How could she
have lost all that time? Now she starts to panic. Maybe there is something else
going on. Maybe there’s an even greater punishment waiting for her around the
corner.

Linda runs outside and sits down on
the curb. She starts to cry now. Heavy sobbing that makes her feel like she’s
choking out in this horrible heat. She closes her eyes and imagines being back
in her room and decides she is just going to sit there on the curb hugging her
knees for quite a long time.

* 
*  *

I wake up feeling as excited as a
kid on Christmas morning. This day feels important. When I meet Joe in the
morning I am surprised, first by his hysterical outfit, and second when he
tells me that he’s starting a new job at the superstore today.

“Sorry about your luck, pal,” I say
through gales and gales of laughter.

“It can’t be as bad as
construction,” Joe says, but still looks a bit miserable.

“Well, the good news is you’ll be
beating off all those painted women, they are gonna love you.” I laugh some
more at him. One of the trademarks of the girls who work in the superstores is
that they get so bored, what with not helping customers that they just reapply
their makeup over and over again. It would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetic.

“Hey, there’s something to look
forward to.” Joe’s sarcasm is thick, and we are both laughing. “What’s up with
you?” he asks.

“Nothing much. Just hanging
around,” I say nonchalantly. I don’t want to give away too much.

“Oh. Because Gabby said something
kind of interesting,” he says.

“What did she say?” Damn, she’s
been tuning in on me.

“She said today I’ll be thinking of
both of you, and hoping for the best.” “Well, that’s nice of her. I guess,” I
say, a little unsure.

When we get to the superstore, I
give Joe a slap on the back and wish him good luck. As he walks away, I wolf whistle
at him, then fall apart one more time over his clothing. Then I wait until he’s
safe inside before I leave to head to the law office. I know I’m going to
arrive about the same time as the employees, and I feel so nervous. It’s like I
am about to meet a rock star or something, not reunite with my oldest and
dearest friend.

When I arrive at the agency, Lugner
is waiting for me outside. “Hello there, Louise. So glad you actually showed
up.”

“Of course I showed up. Was there
any question?” I ask.

“With you humans, there is always a
question. Free will and all that jazz.” He chuckles. “Are you ready to go in?”

“Sure. Is there anything I need to
know before I do?” I say with sudden concern.

“You will be able to see Linda, but
not communicate with her. She won’t know you are here. She will be totally
unaware of her surroundings.”

“That is better than nothing, I
guess,” I say with a bit of disappointment.

“Then let’s go.” He waves his arm
across the door. A light emanates from his fingertips and covers the entrance.
Then it seems to come to life all on its own and it swirls its way inside
before us.

Now it is our turn. He opens the
door and holds it for me, and we enter. The infamous Suzy looks up from her
desk. First registering Lugner, then me. “Good morning, Mr. Lugner. How
wonderful to see you here!” Sycophantic bitch.

“Good day, Suzy. This is my new
friend, Louise. I understand the two of you met yesterday.” His oozing charm
has just a hint of underlying antipathy.

I smile and force myself to be
polite. “Hello again.”

She looks surprised. I guess Lugner
doesn’t bring folks around here very often. “Hello…yes…Ms. Patterson. So glad
the two of you were able to catch up.” Her discomfort gives me a small sense of
pleasure. I look up at Lugner and grin.

“Louise, let’s go into my office.”
He starts to guide me through the office. We do pause in front of a row of
filing cabinets. I look up and catch my breath. My hand flies up to my mouth to
stifle a scream as I look at one of the loveliest sights I’ve ever seen in Hell.
My Linda!

She looks like a robot, or an
automaton. She is just opening up cabinets and filing folders without even
looking at them. Her face is expressionless and her movement unnatural.

“What is going on? Why is she like
that?” I say to Lugner.

“In my office, Louise.” He rushes
me into his sanctuary and closes the door behind me. “I had to put a veil over
her. She is not in pain, nor is she suffering. In fact, today will fly by for
her. She will have no memory of being cloaked at all.”

“But why? I thought the camouflage
Deedy gave me would render me invisible to her anyway. Why does she have to be
all…hypno-zombie?”

“That is an interesting point. The
fact that you could see her yesterday, even just for a split second, and she
felt your presence even if she couldn’t actually visualize you, means that your
connection is so deep that ordinary safety protocols do not fit. Pretty
impressive, to be honest with you.”

“So you could remove the veil, and
we could talk.” “That would be a very bad idea, Louise.”

“Why? Because it’s against the
rules?” I start to get angry.

“Because it would be an exercise in
torment for Linda,” he says quietly.

“Oh.” I sit down hard in a chair
across from his desk.

“You can’t just pop in and say hi,
then go back to Heaven and leave her behind. For her, it would be unbearable.
Imagine what would have happened if Bobby or Dinny had turned out to be real
when you were here, and after they stopped by for a visit they went away and
you were stuck at IP&FW.”

I thought about that for a minute.
Yes, that would have been beyond awful. The only comfort in remembering them
and seeing visions of them was that once I remembered, I was brought into
Heaven. So I decided to take the leap and say what was in my secret heart.

“So can’t I bring her back with
me?”

“That is what we have to discuss.
Deedy has given you express instructions to not get involved. Now, obviously
when and if Linda were to suddenly show up with you in Heaven, Deedy would
welcome her with open arms. He’s never going to deny anyone who was lost and is
now found. That is just his way. But, he will intervene if he knows that you
plan to extract her early.”

“And he will probably be really mad
at me,” I say, getting a little pouty.

“I can’t imagine he would be
pleased,” he says with a low laugh. “However, I can veil both of you and you
can take her unseen into the pearly gates. Once you enter the WF&PI
building the veil will disappear and Linda will be in Heaven.” Lugner is now
reaching into his desk to pull out some papers.

“So, what is in it for you?” I say
to him.

“Do you ask Gabby what’s in it for
her every time she makes you coffee or brings you comfort?” He looks wounded.

“No, I guess not,” I say
apologetically.

“Okay then. Shall we go ahead and
make a plan?” He looks at me expectantly.

“I need a minute. Can I answer you
tomorrow?” I ask. I feel the need to step on the brakes a little.

Lugner looks a bit annoyed, but he
answers me with a sweet, “Of course, I would not expect anything less from you,
Louise.”

I thank him profusely and walk out
into the main office. I stop and just watch Linda for a little while. I
discover that tears are flowing down my cheeks after a few minutes. “I love
you, Linda,” I say to the robotic woman moving around in front of me. She is
oblivious. I then walk out the door and start to sob.

I knock on Hank’s door, and when he
answers, I leap into his arms. I’m crying so hard I can barely speak.

“Lou! What’s wrong?” Hank is
concerned, and he carries me inside. “Can I get you some water?” He runs to the
kitchen and fixes me something to drink.

When I get myself together, I look
at him with huge, wet eyes. “I need to talk to you.” He sits across from me,
and I tell him about Lugner, about my visit to his office today, about Linda
and seeing her, and finally about Lugner’s offer.

Hank leaps up from his chair and
kneels before me. “So what is the question? Of course you are going to do it,
right?”

“I don’t know. I have to wrap my
head around it,” I say.

“Wrap your head around what? You
could save her!”

“I’m just not sure that I am
supposed to save her.”

“Do you think you are supposed to
leave your best friend in Hell?” He sounds a little angry. “Lou, you have to do
it. Go home, think on it, get right with it. Whatever. But in the end, just do
it. For Linda and for me.” Hank is pleading with me. I don’t think I can take
that anymore either, so I get up to go.

“Thanks, Hank, I will talk to you
tomorrow.” I make my way to the door.

“Okay, but Louise?” I turn and face
him. “Ask yourself this question. Would Linda do it for you?”

Of course Linda would do it for me.
Probably without question. Am I so terrible that I can’t just run back to
Lugner and say “Let’s do it!” without hesitation? I just feel that something is
not right. I can’t shake it. So I go back to my apartment and get ready for
bed.