Remember Me (6 page)

“But
why?” Catlin whined, deliberately sounding as petulant was she could, twisting
her chair from side to side. “Why do I have to be there? No-one will notice if
I’m there, absent or somewhere in the middle of the two.” Guy Brisco, Catlin’s
main contact in this new and crazy business, was busy flicking through the heap
of manuscripts that where piled in front of him, discarding most without so
much as a glance at the cover let alone the content.

“My
sweet Catie,” (she
hated
that name!) “I can understand how difficult it
must be to adapt to life here, coming from that sleepy town of yours, but if
you want to make it in this trade, you have to start playing the game. There
are certain niceties to be observed and obligations to fulfil and among them is
attending functions designed to help you expand the range and number of people
who can help further your career. You don’t want to be a one hit wonder do
you?”

“And
they’ll do that just because I attend one of their silly dos?”

Guy
finally condescended to take look up from his work and give her his undivided
attention, his immaculately pruned eyebrows raised in disbelief at what he was
hearing.

“You’re
not taking this seriously.” Catlin did not bother to try and hide her smirk.

“What
gives you that idea?”

“Catie,
it’s my job to do everything I can to forward your prospects, but my help is
going to be of no use if you’re not going to co-operate.”

“All
right, all right. I’ll go. When is it?” Guy was relieved more than pleased that
his stubborn English Rose had seen sense. He had gone through a battle of wills
with her in the past and had not relished the idea of having to do so again.
She could be remarkably determined once she got the bit between her teeth.

“A
week on Friday. I’ll email you the details later today and will make sure
you’re on the list. Please, don’t disappoint me.”

“My
powers of distraction must be failing,” she sighed later to Ben when they were
sitting up on the roof terrace making the most of the glorious evening.

“From
where I’m sitting they’re not,” he said kissing her neck.

“Give
over. I’m trying to have a proper conversation with you. Usually I’m able to
confuse Guy sufficiently to be able to leave his office without either
accepting or rejecting the invites he wants to foist on me. Today, I gave up
after five minutes. I must be slipping.”

“Maybe
you’re being seduced by the lifestyle he’s dangling in front of you.”

“Heaven
forbid! No, it wasn’t anything quite as sordid as that. I just couldn’t be
bothered with the whole thing. My mind was wandering off elsewhere.”

“Is
it capable of being out on its own? Ouch! Oh elbow me somewhere else next time.
Did it wander in any particular direction?”

“Don’t
flatter yourself sonny. It was the easier to just give in I suppose. Had I put
him off today he’d have come back at me tomorrow. There was no point in dragging
the palaver out. The sooner I get it over with and am able to say ‘I did that’,
the quicker I can get back to side stepping them, for a few weeks at least and
do stuff I enjoy.”

“Such
as?” Catlin sucked air in through her teeth as she thought.

“Having
my teeth pulled without an anaesthetic.” Ben chuckled.

“Look,
it won’t be quite that traumatic. I’ve been to a few of these meets myself and
they are always worse in thought than deed.”

“It’s
not the party itself I’m keen to avoid, but being in a room full of people I
don’t know and who have even less of an idea as to who I am, all of whom have a
permanently etched smile on their faces whether they are making polite
conversation with you or sticking the knife in your back the minute you turn
it.”

“Sounds
like you know what you’re walking into anyway!” Ben said sarcastically. “Not a
tiny bit envious of your superiors are you? I’ve warned you about that elbow
and, no, that was not a better place to dig it in. Why not pretend you’re back
at high school? It’s basically the same rules of survival.”

“It
wouldn’t be quite so bad if there was someone there whom I knew.”

“There’s
bound to be a few people there from the studio who you’ll have met, not to
mention that Guy chap. Didn’t you say he was going too?” Catlin pulled a face.

“Perhaps
I should have added in ‘people I like’. No, I was thinking more of along the
lines of you may be coming with me.”

Ben
and Catlin had been curled up together on the bench, comfortable and unwilling
to move the smallest of their muscles they were so happy to be there. So, it
took Catlin back to find Ben unexpectedly get up and leave her. She remained
stretched out, observing him curiously as he went over to the flower beds on
the opposite side to where she was.

“See,
that’s the reaction I’ve been looking for these past weeks,” Catlin said with a
disappointed shake of her head. “Suggest a date and watch him run for the
hills.”

“Don’t
be stupid.”

“Then
maybe you’d be good enough to tell me what is bugging you?”

“Who
says there is something wrong?”

“I
and your hasty retreat to a safe distance do. A tad extreme considering all I
did was ask you out to a party. From the way you shot off you’d have thought I
asked you to help me rob the nearest bank.” Ben pushed his hands into his
pockets, his chosen stance at times of stress or when he wanted to skirt around
an issue without getting into a fight.

“It’s
not that I don’t want to go with you. It’s simply that I can’t. It’s just not
my scene.”

“It’s
hardly mine either. That was why I thought it might be nice to be out of our
depth together.”

Had
they been deeper, Ben’s hands would have sunk further into his pockets.

“I
take it your silence indicates a ‘no’?” The silence continued. “Yep, that’s a
no.” Catlin got up too, and began to collect the drinks glasses from the table.
“I’d better pray that I never have a major crisis with which I need your help,”
she sniped storming by him. “I’d hate to be reliant on you in an emergency if
you can’t even be called upon for one lousy party.”

“That’s
not exactly fair,” Ben snapped back.

“You
took the words right out of my mouth. For Pete’s sake Ben, in all these weeks
I’ve not asked much of you, let alone demanded anything. So, I beg your pardon
if requesting your presence at one function is too big a deal for you to
handle.”

Ben
looked more uncomfortable and as he said nothing whatsoever, Catlin was left to
draw her own conclusions. Was it possible that it was not the party that was
the issue here, but rather his having to go with
her
? During their time
together they had only gone out to places where they were alone – the country,
the hills, her apartment or far a late night stroll around the quiet streets
surrounding it. Occasionally, Ben had met her in the car park where she left
her vehicle over night, but with the unusual hours she kept they had yet to
bump into anyone there.  An old demon reared its head. Could he be embarrassed
to be seen in public with her? It wasn’t unheard of for a man she had been
dating to have felt that way and denied any connection with her once word got
out amongst his friends. Worse still was the nagging idea that she might not be
the only woman in his life and he might have a pretty, petite blonde somewhere
who was better suited to where his ambitions were leading him.

It
had to be said that Ben certainly turned up at her place at all kinds of weird
hours, generally at night. If he had another girl, one who fitted the glamour
of the city, on the go, he couldn’t afford to be seen out with her. Catlin’s
brain told her not to voice these suggestions, but her mouth was already in
gear and Ben was visibly hurt, not to mention outraged, that she should think
him so shallow.

“God
not you too! How can you think such a thing of me? I would never do that.”

“You’re
not giving me much of an alternative,” Catlin shouted back, wondering what he
meant by the cryptic statement at the start of his protest. “You won’t say why
you won’t or can’t come with me. Why, you can’t even be bothered to make up
some excuse, however flimsy.”

“Odd,
I distinctly remember someone not a million miles away from here saying she
wanted honesty.”

“I
do.”

“Yet,
you’d prefer it if I made up some fictional story for not going out with you
than telling you the truth?”

“You’ve
not told me anything, that’s the problem. You said you can’t and won’t go, but
that’s it. If you explained it a bit better perhaps I’d understand.”

“I
have told you. I don’t want to go. There is nothing more sinister behind it
than that. I cannot put it into any plainer words than I have done –
I don’t
want to go.
”

Catlin
was gripping the glasses so tightly they were in danger of shattering.

“Well,
thanks for the support! Let’s hope I get the chance to return the favour one
day and cannot do something to help you out.” She did not wait for Ben to fire
off a reply, and hurried onto the staircase back down into her apartment. Ben
followed slowly and found her piling the washing up on the kitchen side. He
went over to hug her and repair the damage, but Catlin was furious and pushed
him away from her.

“Don’t
try to get round me,” she said through gritted teeth. “It doesn’t appear to
have registered in your brain that I’m a tiny bit pissed off with you at this
minute in time and your attempts to charm your way back into my good books
instead of discussing the problem is making the situation worse, not better.”

“I
just think it’s silly to fall out over such a trivial matter.”

“That’s
the whole point I’m trying to make. If you can’t make one little sacrifice for
me for one night by coming with me to give me your support, I can’t help
wondering if you’re going to be there for me should the day come when I really
need you or if you’ll cut and run like everyone else. I have to have some sort
of guarantee that you will be there for me.”

“I
wish I could make you that promise, Cate, but we none of us know what the
future will bring, but I can tell you this much – so long as I am around, you
can depend me to always be here, by your side.”

If
nothing else, that remark proved that Ben was still undecided as to how long he
planned to stick around for.

“I’m
not sure that’s enough,” Catlin whispered, frightened by her own words. “You’d
better go. It looks like we’re going nowhere with this.”

“There
is no need to be so dramatic. It’s one party I’ve said I’ll not go to.”

“I’m
not talking about the party. I mean us.
We’re
not going anywhere. I’m
asking for more than you’re able to give and you don’t appear to know where
your future lies, so I think, for the time being at least, it’s best we don’t
see each other. Not until we are both able to say for sure what it is we’re
after.”

Ben
went to speak, but Catlin turned her back and he saw any further words would
serve only as a means to make a bad situation worse.

“Okay.
If that is what you want. Goodbye Cate.” Catlin was not brave enough to look at
Ben or trust her voice not to betray the tears that flowed silently down her
cheeks. Neither did he hear him leave, but she was painfully aware of the exact
moment he left her. She felt his presence melt away, his warmth fade and the
apartment where they had created so many happy memories, had never been
lonelier.

Determined
not to make the situation more miserable than it was Catlin did whatever she
could to keep busy and, therefore, stay away from her apartment. It was the best
way of stopping herself from dwelling on Ben’s departure. It was fortuitous Guy
had organised a place for her at a local book convention which took up most of
the week. The added bonus with it was that he had reserved a room for her in
the hotel where the convention was being held and with her own place being full
of unfriendly ghosts of the happiness she had shared briefly but lost within
its rooms, Catlin gladly made use of it. In those days she wrote with an almost
obsessive passion. Any spare minute was taken up by her writing. She made great
headway on the sequel she was working on, but also jotted down the plotlines to
three other books and produced a series of poems with such ease it was as if
she had become possessed by some entity which required no food, drink rest or
sleep to survive – only words committed to paper.

Guy
was amazed by the switch in Catlin’s attitude. Overnight she became the hardest
working and most dedicated of his chosen band and seemed to be climbing on
board and playing the game, as he called it. Catlin made some highly
influential contacts too but, for the incessant whirl of activity she was
forever at the centre of Ben was the unshakable and lingering thought that
troubled her. She had wanted to call him up the morning after their quarrel and
try to sort out the mess they were in, but it wasn’t until then she realised
she had no number and no address to reach him at. She had whacked the ball well
and truly into his court and was left with nothing to do but wait to see if he’d
return it.

Then
the night that had caused the problem arrived – the party was upon her and with
the convention over, Catlin had to return to the apartment and the spectres waiting
there to plague her. For a brief moment as she opened the door, it was as if
that night had never been and her senses deceived her into thinking Ben was
there to welcome her back. The apartment had regained the warmth which had
deserted her once Ben walked away, the air clung to the faintest trace of his
scent as if had walked there seconds before she came in, bringing back the
excitement she had felt when she heard his knock on her door or saw him looking
at her adoringly believing her to be unaware of it. But as she went to call out
to him, the charm was broken and Catlin was alone once more.

She
got showered, made up and arranged her hair then changed into the one decent
evening dress she had and, satisfied that she at least looked presentable,
Catlin carefully went down to the car Guy had sent for her, taking extra care
for it had been months since she had gone out in such high heels as she was
wearing that night. The driver was friendly and once he heard her accent, which
he professed to love, began to ask question after question about where she came
from and how she was getting on in her new home.

“It’s
an eye opener, I’ll say that,” she admitted. Whether it was due to this
informal chat or that with Ben gone nothing seemed worthwhile or important but as
they pulled up outside the mansion sized house that was their destination,
Catlin noticed she was not in the slightest bit nervous. A few months back she
got tongue tied if she had to have a conversation with Guy but her butterflies
were strikingly absent that evening. She made her way up the steps to the door
feeling no better or worse than those who had arrived at the same time, bid
them good evening and entered the house without one flutter of insecurity. She
did need to take a deep breath to steel herself as she surveyed the array of
rich and impossibly beautiful people she had to mingle with, but her courage
did not waver and it did not take long for someone to notice her.

Guy,
more than three quarters convinced that she find a sneaky way to worm her way
out of coming (which was why he sent a car to collect her), was close to
punching the air with rapture as he saw her enter the room and too make doubly
sure she could not bolt back out the door, he hastened over to greet her.

“Catie!
Hi. Glad to see you made it. Come on in. Let me introduce you to some friends
of mine. You’ll love them.” He then steered her in and out of the crowd and
over to the people he had been in conversation with at the time of her arrival.
“Catie, this is Trent and Savannah Wentmann and here we have William and Maria
Goldburgh. Folks, this is Catie Manners, an up and coming writer under my
guidance and who has a fantastic future ahead of her.”

“Ignore
Guy, “Catlin said to the two couples. “He gets a commission each time he says
that.” It was a remark made simply so Catlin could ease her own self-consciousness
at being the centre of attention but the others found her joke funny.

While
they spoke a bit about themselves and passed comments on topics on which she
had no knowledge or interest, Catlin took the chance to study her fellow guests
in a more detail. It was difficult to put an age on Trent and Savannah. They
were using any avenue available to them to defy the aging process and looked to
be winning for the present in most areas, but based on a few clues they dropped
while talking she put them to be in their late forties. Trent owned several
large trading companied with huge international interests and Savannah did
whatever it was that best suited her mood. They were nice enough, but a bit too
superficial for Catlin’s tastes and she could tell Savannah was making a note
of the less than designer dress the newcomer was wearing, not to mention its
size. William and Maria were older by twenty odd years and though they had not
gone down the cosmetic surgery route they looked far better than their younger
counterparts for it. William was a producer and Maria had been a fairly
successful actress in her day, but only took on theatre roles which really
appealed to her now. Catlin liked them. They were easy going, genuine and as
Guy began to prattle on about her work appeared to be interested in it. They
were people she could come to be friends with.

“To
tell you the truth, I wasn’t sure whether this little star would come tonight
or not,” he added in when, by some discreet manoeuvring Maria, who could see
Catlin was getting uncomfortable with the praise Guy was heaping on her work,
valiantly fought to change the subject. “It’s been next to impossible to get
her away from that apartment of hers out in the back of beyond. I’ve told her
it’s about time she moved closer to the hub of things.”

“I’m
quite content where I am, thanks Guy. I like being out near the hills and
wildlife. I’m not one for massive crowds or excessive socialising, no offence
to anyone here. I happen to like my own company.” Guy snorted into his drink.

“That’s
not what I’ve heard,” and he winked at her. He was expecting some kind of
reaction from Catlin but none came and Guy guessed she had no idea what it was
he was hinting at. “Come on. Did you think no-one would find out? There is no
such thing as a secret out here.” Still Catlin gave no sign of understanding
him. “Blimey, you’re in the wrong trade. This is an award winning performance
and no mistake. I’m talking about your out of hours activities. You know, that
man you’ve been spotted hanging around with here and there.”

Wishing
she had caught on sooner Catlin was unable to stop her cheeks going red as
beetroot.

“See?
Ha ha, I knew it was true. If the rumours about how hot he is are true it’s no
wonder you’ve been reluctant to leave your apartment. Better things to do of an
evening, eh?” Now Catlin was sharing her embarrassment with Maria and William.

“I
apologise,” she stuttered to them, then added for Guy’s benefit, “I didn’t
realise anyone had seen us.”

“Been
trying to keep it quiet, have we? You did better than most. Only one or two
people have remarked on it. I don’t understand why you didn’t invite him along
tonight.” Catlin did not want to say she it was because she had stuffed the
whole relationship up, and did her best to hurry the subject on.

“He’s
like me. These dos are not his scene. Drop him in the middle of the wilderness
with a tent and a pen knife and he’d be in bliss.”

Maria
smiled softly at Catlin’s description, and muttered to herself more than those
she was with,

“I
used to know someone like that, a long time ago.” Catlin heard her and detected
the tone of sorrowful regret that tinged the words. To confirm there was more
to Maria’s musing, Catlin noticed William too had grown quiet and he placed a
comforting hand on his wife’s arm. Maria tried to shake off her melancholy but
it was with glazed eyes she focused on Catlin.

“Take
my advice sweetie – hang onto him by any means necessary. Men like that are a
rare find and worth making sacrifices for.” Their roles were reversed in an
instant and the older woman was quick to see that she had hit a sore spot with
the younger, but before she could enquire further or apologise, Catlin, who did
want a topic which was raw to the touch to be made the stuff of party gossip,
excused herself from the group. Guy thought she was merely going off to
circulate but the Goldburghs were wiser than he was.

Catlin
weaved her way through the throng saying ‘Hi’ and ‘How are you?’ or calling
back ‘I’m great’ along the way until she reached to doors of the balcony which
over looked the gardens. She went through them and out into the refreshing
evening air. There were a number of people out in the grounds, but they were
mainly on the other side of the house where the pool was, and once she shut the
doors behind her Catlin was engulfed by a near perfect silence as she sought
out the solitude she desperately craved and yearned for, and thought of the one
person she longed to share both with. Standing there and thinking on the advice
Maria had given, Catlin saw how much her meeting Ben had altered her life.
Before she’d have bolted from a function such as the one she was stuck in, that
or been unable to string together one single coherent sentence all night, but
she had not only managed to make it in the door without someone to accompany
her she had been able to hold a conversation and sell herself as Guy wanted her
to do without sounding like an intellectually challenged cucumber.

Gone
were the days when she focused on the things she thought were weak, poor or
plain wrong with her. She was a brighter, happier more complete person and he
had given that to her and Catlin wished with her entire heart and soul that he
could see his creation for himself. And after giving her all that how had she
repaid him? She’d torn a strip off him for refusing to do something that went
against the grain and he hated, a thing she hated too but whereas it was her
job to attend them Ben had been under no such obligation. She had thrown away
the very best thing in her whole life, probably the one truly good piece of
luck to have come her way and for what? She didn’t deserve a decent guy like
Ben.

She
sighed with resignation and rested her elbows on the stone ledge of the balcony
rail, picking at the leaves of the plants which had grown up the trellis which
was fixed to the wall.

“Stupid,
stupid, stupid,” she muttered under breath.

“Oi,
Cate.” The call was hushed but she recognised its owner straight away.

“Ben?”
she called back, attempting to keep her voice as low as his but her excitement
making more of a shout than a whisper. “Where are you?”

“Down
here, where else?” Catlin searched the dimly lit gardens beneath her until she
found the rough location where the voice was emanating from. It was not too
difficult – he was stood under one of the larger garden illuminations and as
much as she had persuaded herself it was Ben she was speaking to, it wasn’t
until Catlin actually saw him that she dared to believe he was more than a
figment of her imagination.

The
grin she wore was a broad as a canyon as he gave her a wave.

“Hi
gorgeous.”

“Hello
handsome. What are you doing here?”

“You
invited me, remember?” Ben was his typical breezy self and one smile of his was
all that was required to dispel the misery their week apart had conjured and it
hit her heart with the same deadly accuracy it had done on their first meeting.

“I
did, but the idea was you walked in through the door beside me, not heckle me
from a gooseberry bush. How did you come to be down there?”

“I
scaled the wall at the far side of the garden.”

“It
would have been easier to ring the bell. Come up to the door and I’ll get them
to let you in.”

“No,
I’m not dressed for a soiree.” He was right. As ever Ben was in jeans and a
shirt.

“I’ll
come down to you then.”

“That’s
right – tell the whole room there’s an intruder on the premises! If you go
slinking off they’ll wonder where you’re going. Can you imagine the panic that
will descend if they find someone got past their security? Hang on, I’ll come
up.”

Before
Catlin had the chance to object, Ben began to ascend the trellis, pulling
himself up with the aid of handfuls of greenery.

“Watch
yourself,” Catlin urged in the middle of her laughter. “You’ll break your
bloody neck Ben Ellison.”

“Highly
unlikely.” She leaned over to help up the last few inches, but he stopped short
of climbing over onto the balcony. “I’ll stay here so they don’t see my less
than legal arrival.” Catlin held onto him as best she could to provide
additional support.