Remember Love (18 page)

She reeled in her
line and set the pole next to his. "I guess we ought to head back."

"Got nothing
to do tomorrow." And he liked it here, with her.

"I do. I
want to finish rearranging Kat’s Korner."

Alec reached over
and took one of her hands into his, skimming his thumb lightly over the top. "Where
do we go from here, Katrina?"

Surprise flitted
across her features. "I don’t know. Don’t you have some kind of plan?"

Plan? If she only
knew. Things were changing too fast. Whatever kind of plans he’d made, they no
longer ruled him. Not since the other night when he’d seen her in the church
nursery.

Vengeance truly
was God’s.

But if Katrina
ever found out he’d lied to her in her own kitchen, he would lose her. The
knowledge settled heavy on his chest, suffocating him with its intensity. He
laid her hands down and shifted closer to her. "Say you’ll marry me."

Katrina stared
across the river. Nighttime painted the rippled current into black and silver
shadows. How should she answer him? Her feelings felt as indecisive as the ever
shifting water. Even though she liked him and felt irresistibly drawn to him,
that didn’t mean they should commit to each other again. During the day her
memory had been besieged by the kisses they’d shared. By the childhood dreams
they’d had. But marriage?
Lord, I’m just not ready.

So tell him.
The
reply stunned her. For a moment she sat riveted, wondering if the gentle
whisper had been God or her own wishful imaginings.

Beside her, Alec
shifted. Making her decision, for now, she turned to meet his stare. He was
prepared for rejection. She saw it in his hooded eyes and flattened lips.

"Ten years
is a long time," she began, pausing when his jaw clenched in the
moonlight. It didn’t matter. It was ridiculous to think that after ten years he
could just waltz back and pick up where they’d left off. But still, she
hesitated.

"You put
time limits on love, Katrina?"

"Are you
saying you love me?" She bit her lip, the warmth of the night suddenly
suffocating.

"I’m not
saying anything but what you heard. Marry me."

She crossed her
arms and resisted the urge to strangle him. "Being Mr. Bossy worked in
high school, but it won’t now. I would have married you then, not caring about
words. Not now, Alec."

"Love is
action." Alec leaned back until he was resting on his elbows.

Mask in place,
Katrina noted. Of course he couldn’t show what he really felt. That would be
too easy. Was he intimating that he loved her but refused to say the words? Or
did he think her actions showed a lack of love?

Which they did.

Who kept a child
from his father? What kind of love was that? He’d shown her more love in
helping her with Kat’s Korner than she’d ever shown him.

Did that mean she
owed him marriage? Whether he said the words or not, there was no way he could
be over her deception already. Her past actions would color their relationship
forever.

She glanced at
his handsome face, the strong cheekbones and determined eyes that still shot lovesick
pangs through her belly.

Inwardly
groaning, she put her face in her hands. After three years life finally started
to bear some semblance of normalcy. Then he showed up, forcing her to face her
past. Forcing her to face her future and the bleakness of it.

What was the main
issue here? Joey? Or that Alec may have come back to win her love again?
Glancing at his shuttered face, she suddenly knew.

His return had
nothing to do with romance.

"You’re
sucking in your cheeks, Kitty."

"I’m
thinking," she bit out.

"Kind of
cute. I thought you would’ve outgrown the habit by now. So marrying me is
worrying you?"

She could hardly
lie. "Maybe."

A small smile
curved his lips. "Now Katrina, tell the truth."

"Truth?
You’d know about that, wouldn’t you?" The bitterness seeped out thick and
mean, surprising her with its strength.

CHAPTER
SEVENTEEN

The smile slid
from Alec’s face. He sat up, his pulse roaring in his ears. The lullaby of
night didn’t soothe now. The sinister whispers of leaves rustled by the breeze
set his teeth on edge.

He willed his
face to remain impassive. "Mind telling me what you mean?"

Her eyes
glittered savagely and her pole lay beside her, forgotten. "You didn’t
come here to marry me, Alec. Exposing Mr. Carmichael wasn’t a heroic act made
to save the town from evil."

"Then what
was it?"

"Everyone
knew he flunked you. That you were mad about it."

"I didn’t
make up what he did."

"I know
that." Some of the fire left her eyes. "But you weren’t motivated by
justice."

No, he’d wanted
revenge, just not for the reasons she thought. "Remember my summer job?"

"At his
sister’s orchard?"

He nodded,
feeling sickened as he recalled the memory. "A week before school, I found
him with his niece."

Katrina’s eyes
widened. "But, wasn’t she—"

"Five."

"Did you
tell her parents?"

"I should have."
He shook his head, shame still souring his stomach over his cowardice. "I
wasn’t sure, it was so quick. He didn’t see me, never knew until the end, when
I went to the police."

"Did you go
because he flunked you?" She asked quietly, as if afraid to hear the
answer.

He hesitated, the
truth a bitter pill after all these years. "I don’t know."

"Are you
serious?" Her pitch rose, and his temper rose with it.

"Why does
the motive matter? A wrong was righted."

"She’s
sixteen now. Who knows how much she remembers? Motive matters." She gave
him a half-glare, half-I-feel-really-bad-for-you look. "Marriage won’t
work because I don’t think your nature has changed radically."

"I became a
Christian. That’s a huge change." Alec worked to keep his tone even. "Where
are you going with this?"

She pressed her
lips together. "It sounds ridiculous to say you’ve been plotting revenge
for so long. It’s equally ridiculous for me to believe you’ve spent ten years
pining for me. What’s the truth, Alec?"

The truth was
that he’d come for business, coupled with the tiniest pinch of payback. But he
didn’t know if she’d forgive him for lying to her about it. Anger simmered
beside a different need, one he recognized and cashed in on. "The truth is
that I want you to trust me."

Her eyes widened.
His temper cooled, because he recognized the frightened look slapped across her
face. He’d almost forgotten that expression. He tried to ease it away. "I
know trust doesn’t come easily for you."

Katrina shifted,
picked up the pole and looked away, the gurgling river loud in her ears. As
always, Alec had gotten to the bottom line. Shame stung her eyes. Her whole
life had been a struggle to rise above the hurt of rejection. And it seemed she
still hadn’t won.

"Katrina,
look at me. C’mon."

She blinked
furiously and hoped the moonlight hid her pain.

"Your dad
left you. Your mom ignored you afterwards. Joey’s gone. I left."
Compassion softened the edgy planes of his cheekbones and tenderness coated his
words. "I want you to trust me."

Katrina nodded
and swallowed thickly. A band of pain squeezed her ribs until her breath turned
shallow. She had no reason to trust him, and yet she wanted to. She could throw
accusations at him. She could say no. Instead, she surrendered to the feelings
that had been vying for control since the first day he stepped into Kat’s
Korner. "I’ll try."

The faint call of
a coot interrupted the tense stillness.

Alec heard it,
too. His eyes crinkled. "You remember that summer?"

Despite her angst,
she felt the slightest tip of a smile. "You weren’t so smooth then. There
are better ways to show a girl some love than catching a coot and throwing it
at me."

"Who said
anything about love?" His face cracked into a wide grin. "That was
prowess. Man conquering animal. Those birds are fast. Very few people could
catch one."

"Yeah, well,
I might’ve been impressed if it hadn’t pooped all over me." She couldn’t
stop the chuckle that bubbled out. He’d bought his first boat, took her and
another friend for a ride and decided to show off for them.

So long ago. Such
different people.

Her gaze drifted
from his face to the river where moonlight laced silver threads through
iridescent ripples. "Can you still catch one?"

"Nah. It
took me years of practice. Besides, I’ve done it once. There’s no need to do it
again."

She gave him a
soft slap against the arm. "I knew the arrogant kid was still in there
somewhere."

Their smiles
mellowed. The way he looked, face softened and mouth relaxed by memories,
drained the distrust from her soul.

"Let’s take
these crappie back home." His fingers traced the line of her jaw, their
touch soft and cool against her skin. He pulled his hand away and when he
smiled at her, she found the strength to smile back.

Alec grabbed the
cooler and she held the poles as they headed to the edge of the woods where
they’d parked the car. On the way, Alec eased his arm over her shoulders and
the unfamiliar warmth almost caused her to shrug it off. But she left it to
prove that she could handle it and, seconds later, was glad she had. The pressure
of his touch filled her with comfort.

In ten years no
man had earned even a passing glance from her. Trusting Alec might be difficult
but maybe it was time to ask God for help. She’d once believed He knew her
heart and the desires it had. Surely God knew how she’d never stopped thinking of
the only man she ever loved, that despite herself, she loved him still.

*****

The widow’s taste
in colors matched her personality.

Ugly.

Alec surveyed the
modest ranch style home before him. Could’ve been pretty without the pink paint
and weeds littering the front lawn. The plastic flamingoes really ruined the
whole look.

Wrinkling his
nose, he hauled the sack of books Kitty had given to him out of the passenger
seat of his car. Giving away profit was ridiculous. But although she didn’t
seem excited about the donation, she’d insisted he do it and he found himself admiring
this charitable side of her nature.

The sun glared at
him, hot and unforgiving, as he trekked the widow’s sidewalk. Overgrown palms
lined the walkway. Banana spiders, a few big enough to give him a chill despite
the heat, hung suspended on translucent threads between the palm trees.

He rapped on the
widow’s gaudy yellow door. Best to drop these books off quickly and keep out of
her way. She was a woman he’d have avoided for the rest of his life, except
Kitty had some kind of appointment today and she’d begged him to just drop the
books off, no contact necessary.

His stomach
gurgled. Yeah, lunch right after he faced the woman who’d pushed him away from
Christianity in his latter teens and beyond. For years when he’d thought of
Christians, he thought of the widow.

He shifted on the
balls of his feet. Sweat trickled down the back of his neck. Not just from the
sun. A few more months, long enough to convince Kitty he could love her in
spite of their bungled history, and then he could leave. Close Kat’s Korner,
open Roasted and escape the town that still didn’t want him.

The front door
flew open, and he resisted the urge to back up a step. Moved forward instead,
close enough to look Widow Carmichael right in the eye. She’d maligned him,
turned his friends against him and made his last year of high school torture.
He smiled at her, mocking, knowing now as an adult that he’d been right and
she’d been wrong.

The widow’s
generous cheeks trembled. Likely with outrage.

"You,"
she said, her words sounding close to a snarl.

"Books."
He dumped the bag at her slipper-clod feet. "Have a nice day." He
twisted to leave, but her gnarled fingers snagged the sleeve of his shirt.

"You
loathsome excuse for a human." She let go of his shirt and the wrinkles
around her mouth deepened.

"Still
calling names?" He straightened his sleeve and looked at her from beneath
lowered lids. She hadn’t changed one bit. Just the touch of her fingers made
him want to jump in the river to get clean.

"What does Katrina
see in you?" The widow moved forward, slow, deliberate, her ugly eyes
small in her puckered face.

Heart pounding,
Alec stepped back. A surge of heat lit through him. "Maybe she sees what
God does."

And maybe not.
Katrina had wronged him in a deep and lasting way, but he’d abandoned her.

A choking noise
came from the widow. "You would bring God into this? Ha. Katrina is just a
scared, timid woman who you think you can push around and control. Your mother
was no good and neither are you. Get out of this town. Don’t ever come back. No
one wants a liar here. A murderer." She spit the last words and droplets
landed wet on his arm.

Swallowing his
distaste, he rubbed his arm against the back of his pants. "Are you done?"

"If Katrina
knows what’s good for her, she’ll stay away from you. I don’t understand why
she’d trust you, after you left her alone with that little boy to raise all by
herself." The widow’s lips shook as she spoke. She dragged the bag into
her home and gave him one last glare before slamming the door.

Pivoting, Alec
walked to his car. He’d go straight to the store. He was no longer hungry.

The crackle of
tires on asphalt caught his attention. Jamming his hands in the pockets of his
shorts, he watched as a police cruiser pulled up behind his rental. The
ignition cut and Grant got out.

"Dispatch
sent me out here, said they received a call about a disturbance in the
neighborhood." Grant cocked an eyebrow. "You bugging Widow Carmichael?"

Alec coughed out
a laugh. "Just delivering some books."

Grant shook his
head, a scowl working its way around his lips. "She’s a piece of work."

"I’m
surprised you answer her calls." He wouldn’t, but he wasn’t sworn to civic
duty like Grant.

"What happened
was a long time ago. It’s not her fault Carmichael was a pervert."

"She acts
like I made it up." Man, he sounded like a whiny kid.

"Some people
can’t face the truth. That’s all. It hurts her more to think her son had
problems than it does to blame you." Grant slapped the hood of his car and
then walked around it. "Guess I’ll go in so she can tell me everything’s
fine."

Alec nodded
curtly and stepped out of Grant’s way.

Grant paused to
eye him. "When are you heading out?"

Alec shrugged,
feeling more out of control than he had in a long time. His fists tightened inside
his shorts’ pockets. Sunlight speckled the sidewalk.

"Well, call
me before you leave. We can hang out, go fishing or something."

"Sure."
He watched Grant stride away and then turned to his car. Something nagged at
him but he couldn’t quite grasp the shadowy nudge. Lately everything seemed
hazy, just beyond his reach.

For the past ten
years he’d been in control, smart, a planner. Now he couldn’t forget the scent
of Katrina, her taste when they’d kissed, the way she’d surrendered herself to
him. Life would be so much easier if he just told her he wouldn’t renew her
lease when the time came, if he flew back to New York without a second thought.

Groaning, he slid
into the car and started the engine.

Yes, life would
be much simpler if he cared nothing about her dreams.

*****

Katrina sipped
her tea, savoring the rich flavor on her tongue before swallowing. She eyed the
two elderly women browsing the shelves, contentment expanding inside until she
couldn’t stop a smile from popping up.

"Oh, dear,
don’t you have any Janette Oke?" Ms. Lincoln shuffled towards Katrina, her
thin frame hunched over her white cane. Her blindness didn't keep her from
enjoying books. Ms. Douglas had been her reader for years.

"Beatrice,
don’t be silly," chirped Ms. Douglas. She bustled past Ms. Lincoln and
swept her oversized flower-studded hat off, exposing silver corkscrewed hair. "What
we really need," she leaned forward, "is some Ted Dekker."

"I heard
that." Ms. Lincoln’s cane whooshed through the air, narrowly missing Ms.
Douglas’ head.

Ms. Douglas did a
nimble sidestep and flashed Katrina a brilliant smile. "I refuse to read
boring Janette Oke. It’s my turn to choose. Dekker, Katrina. Where is he?"

Katrina pointed
to the left, not bothering to hide her grin. Ms. Douglas scrunched up her pert
nose and hopped away like a little bird.

"Do
something, Katrina." The frown on Ms. Lincoln’s long features made her
cheeks sag to her chin. "I refuse to read horror."

"I did."
She reached for Ms. Lincoln’s hand and guided it to an audio book sitting on
the counter. "I ordered this for you. It’s a little more expensive and
it’s not Janette Oke, but when I saw it, I thought of you."

"Well, what
is it?"

"A book on
CD. The author writes very similar to Ms. Oke and I think you’ll enjoy her."

"Ring me up
before that busybody gets back."

"Sure."
She took the cash from Ms. Lincoln’s frail hand, made change and then bagged
the product.

"Your voice
is different." Ms. Lincoln’s words were ripe with implication.

"Is it?" 
Katrina glanced over to where Ms. Douglas stood, hands on ample hips, muttering
to herself.

"You’re
happy, aren’t you?"

She focused on
Ms. Lincoln. "I believe I am."

"Don’t sound
so surprised. Sorrow lasts only for the night. Eventually day must come."

"That’s
true," she murmured.

"It’s Alec,
isn’t it? He was always such a dear boy. Thoughtful, too."