Rekindled (39 page)

“There’s one thing Kathryn has now that her husband was never able to give her. That he never will be able to give her. And it’s something Kathryn has wanted all her life.”

Annabelle’s brow wrinkled, then her mouth fell open slightly. “You’re talking about the baby?”

He nodded. “Matthew Taylor is ready to take full responsibility for what he did. Kathryn cares for him, and in time, she’ll let him take care of her.” Saying the words aloud scathed what little of his pride remained. “He can give her the life her husband never could.”

“You think Matthew Taylor . . .” Annabelle looked at him as though trying to piece together what he’d said.

Larson nodded, and then, as he’d hoped, comprehension registered in her expression. Her features grew hard, and her loathing was almost tangible.

“You know, Jacob, I think you’re right. Kathryn Jennings does deserve better.”

It was nearly noon and still Jacob hadn’t returned from town. Kathryn dusted the shelves in the main study and peered out the window, eager to find out how Sadie was faring this morning—and to see Jacob again. Maybe he’d come in the back way and she’d missed seeing him. She walked to another window and looked out. Gabe was working with a horse in the corral, but there was no sign of Jacob. She carefully bent down to clean the lower shelves.

Thinking about the previous night and reliving Jacob’s gift of the evening to her, Kathryn acknowledged how drawn she was to him. To his kindness, his gentleness. He made her feel so special when they were together. Jacob was
aware
of her—not just about what she liked or didn’t like, but of
her
. And he went to the trouble to find out her birthday, a date Larson had always seemed to let slip his mind. Jacob was slowly becoming the center of her thoughts, and that discovery left Kathryn feeling slightly off-balance.

She remembered the feel of her lips on his cheek and the faint scent of musk and hay. He was a man of gentle strength. His love for God and his respect for God’s Word drew her with an attraction Kathryn had not experienced before. Not even with Larson. What would it be like to be loved, to be cherished, by a man like Jacob?

Larson’s looks were the first thing that had attracted her to him—his eyes specifically. Eyes that could see right through her. She sighed. And that’s just what they’d done—seen through her, but never really into her. She’d always placed too high a value on the outside of a person and not enough on the heart. How many times had her mother warned of the danger of that miscalculation? Kathryn wished she’d learned that lesson earlier in life.

Standing with effort, she caught a glimpse of her profile in a glass-fronted bookcase. Her protruding belly halted her frivolous thoughts.

What was she thinking? She was a recently widowed woman about to have her husband’s child. How could she be entertaining thoughts about Jacob when the precious remnant of her husband bloomed inside her? She would never do something to intentionally dishonor Larson’s memory.
The only interest I have in Jacob is as a friend
. Hadn’t she called him that just the other day when introducing him to Matthew? A
good friend
. That’s all Jacob was to her, and that’s how it would stay.

Kathryn pushed through her chores that afternoon so she could leave early to go see Sadie and Annabelle. Standing by the kitchen door, she untied the apron from her middle and reached to hang it back on the hook. The baby within her kicked in response, and Kathryn gasped. She smiled and ran a hand over her abdomen, gently rubbing the definite protrusion of a tiny arm or leg. “Patience, dear one. It’s not quite time yet.”

Soon she would hold her precious child, and a part of Larson again.

“Are you done for the day?”

Kathryn inhaled sharply. “Oh! Miss Maudie, you startled me.” Then she laughed. “Yes, I’m all done. Gabe offered to drive me into town to see a friend. We’re leaving in a few minutes.”

“Time away from here will do you good, dear. You just take your time and get back when you can. I have plenty of help with dinner, so there’s no need to be hurryin’.” She tilted her head, a twinkle in her eyes. “How was your surprise last night?”

“Oh, it was wonderful. The best birthday I ever had.” Kathryn’s face grew warm. “Jacob is a very nice man, and your cake was delicious. Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure. You deserve some wonderful things after all that’s happened. And that Jacob is a fine man indeed. Sometimes the greatest treasures are found where no one else is lookin’ deep enough to see.” She winked before she turned away.

Kathryn stepped outside and stood on the back porch step, breathing in the languid summer breeze and pondering what Miss Maudie had said. By the time Gabe pulled the wagon up behind the brothel an hour later and set the brake, she’d decided to take a deeper look into Jacob, to make the effort to get to know him better as a friend, if he was willing, which she believed he would be. No doubt, treasures lay within his heart that few had taken the time to see.

“I’d like to go in with you to see Sadie, if that’s okay,” Gabe said, helping her down.

Kathryn squeezed his hand. “Certainly, and Annabelle will want to see you too.”

The back door to the brothel opened, and Annabelle stood framed in the doorway. Her eyes dropped to Kathryn’s front, and slowly, she shook her head and smiled. Her expression was a mixture of pleasure and pain, and Kathryn wondered if Annabelle’s seeing her so far along with child made her friend long for another chance at a different life.

“It’s good to see you again, Annabelle.” Kathryn climbed the stairs and warmed when her friend’s arms came around her, and then she had to laugh. “That’s about as close as we can get with this baby between us.” She drew back slightly. “How is Sadie this afternoon?”

“Doc says she’s gonna be okay.” Annabelle seemed unusually quiet, subdued. “She’s up in bed asleep right now, but I know she’ll want to see you.” She offered Gabe a weak smile. “How are you, old friend?”

“Better now.” Gabe pulled her close in a big hug before letting her go.

Annabelle stepped back, her eyes swimming. “Sadie’ll welcome a visit from you too, Gabe. She’s always liked you, which is sayin’ a lot, ’cause she doesn’t take to most people. Especially men.” She turned to Kathryn. “So, have you seen Jacob today? Since he left here this morning?”

Kathryn shook her head, wondering if she’d imagined the subtle shift in Annabelle’s tone. She sounded . . . disturbed. “No, I haven’t seen him since he left to bring Sadie into town last night. Why?”

Annabelle opened her mouth to say something. Then, apparently thinking better of it, she motioned for them to follow her upstairs. “Doc Hadley already came by this afternoon to check on her. He said she’s gonna be fine. Her arm is broken, but it’ll heal, in time.”

Annabelle’s voice was thick with regret, and Kathryn wished again that she’d been able to talk her and Sadie into leaving this terrible place. Maybe now that she had her land, thanks to Donlyn MacGregor’s generosity, another opportunity would present itself.

Annabelle poked her head into Sadie’s room. “You awake? You’ve got some visitors, girl.” She motioned for them to follow her.

Kathryn had to force a bright countenance when she saw Sadie. The girl looked so small and helpless lying in the bed, her arm bandaged and her left cheek swollen and purpled. “I hear Doc Hadley is taking good care of you.” She leaned down and laid a hand to Sadie’s forehead. It felt warm to the touch.

“Mmm, your hand feels good. It’s so cool.” Sadie sighed and blinked heavily, her eyes slipping closed again.

Kathryn glanced back at Annabelle.

“It’s okay,” Annabelle said. “Just the medicine the doc gave her. Said it’d make her real sleepy.”

Gabe entered the room, went around to the other side of the bed, and stood quietly. Kathryn was about to make sure Sadie knew Gabe was there too when Annabelle’s name echoed down the hallway.

Annabelle huffed. “I swear these girls can’t do anything by themselves. I . . .” Mumbling, she finished the sentence to herself. “You go ahead and visit. I’ll be right back.”

Kathryn eased herself down on the side of the bed. “I see things haven’t changed much around here.” Smiling, she gently cupped both sides of the girl’s face, sharing the coolness of her hands. Sadie’s eyes fluttered open, and Kathryn relished the rare softness in them.
She’s so young, Lord. Give her hope. Help her to see your love
. “I’m so sorry this happened to you, and I’m glad you’re going to be all right. You’re very special to me, you know. Do you remember my first day here?”

Sadie nodded.

“You never said anything, but the way you smiled at me . . . Somehow it made me feel not quite so alone.” Kathryn paused, and her heart began to beat faster as she realized what she truly wanted—and needed—to say to Sadie. “You’re not alone either, Sadie. You’re very special to God. He knows your name, and He loves you more than you know.”

Sadie’s expression clouded. She closed her eyes and turned her face away.

Kathryn ached at the wordless denial. How often had she herself felt unloved by God, especially during these past months? How often had she questioned that love? She wanted to help this child understand that you couldn’t judge God’s love by your circumstances, but where to begin? How did you describe the ocean to someone who had only lived in desert?

“You probably don’t think God loves you very much right now, Sadie, and I don’t blame you. But please don’t be fooled into measuring His love by the bad things that happen to you or by how other people treat you or see you. Or especially by whoever did this to you last night. God has a better life planned for you than this. You’re worth so much more than what you’ve been told.”

Slowly, Sadie looked back, her eyes glazed, her expression guarded. “You are a good woman, Kathryn. . . . I’m glad you came here . . . and that you were there with me last night. I’m also glad for Jacob.” Her brow creased. “What do you know of this Jacob?”

Curious at the question, Kathryn sat up a little straighter. “Why do you ask?”

“He is a different kind of man than I have known before.”

That brought a smile. “Yes, I would imagine that he is.” No telling what kind of
men
this child had known in her brief life. More like monsters, in Kathryn’s opinion. Jacob had been so gentle with Sadie last night, so compassionate.

“The look in his eyes . . . same as yours.” Sadie blinked again, as though struggling to stay awake.

Kathryn hesitated, certain she’d misunderstood. “You . . . you saw Jacob’s eyes?”

“Yes. But he did not want to show me at first.”

Kathryn couldn’t explain the twinge of hurt that pricked her. Why should it bother her that Jacob had shared this part of himself with Sadie? But she knew why. Because she wanted him to share more of himself with her—she wanted to see into him as Sadie apparently had.

“Sadie, you’d better get some rest now.” Annabelle stood in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest, her voice bearing that same disturbing edge. “Doc Hadley’s orders, remember?”

“I’ll be back to visit soon.” Kathryn brushed a kiss to Sadie’s forehead.
Lord, let her feel your presence. Touch her with your healing hand
.

Then she watched, moved by Gabe’s tenderness as he bent down and silently, lovingly, laid his large hand atop Sadie’s small one on the bedcovers. But Sadie didn’t respond; she’d already slipped back into sleep.

“Annabelle, are you sure everything’s all right?” Kathryn asked, following her onto the back porch. The evening air, cool and clean with a hint of coming fall, felt rejuvenating after being inside.

“I’ll wait in the wagon,” Gabe offered. “Good to see you again, Miss Annabelle.”

“Yeah, you too, Gabe,” Annabelle answered after a moment, barely glancing at him. Her hands gripped the porch railing.

Kathryn joined her, now certain something was wrong. “Annabelle, what is it? I can tell something’s not right.”

Annabelle stared off at some point in the distance. “Tell me something, Kathryn. Do you still miss your husband? I mean, like you used to?”

Not following her, Kathryn frowned. “Annabelle, you’re acting very strangely.”

“Just answer my question.” Her voice grew softer. “Please.”

“Well, yes. Of course I still miss Larson.” Kathryn searched for the right words. “I always thought you considered me foolish for saying this, but even after all this time, I still feel him with me. I’m coming to realize, however, that this
presence
I feel is simply my memory of him—the memories of our life together. They’re a gift from God, and they’ve helped me through some very lonely days.” She shrugged and looked down at her hands covering her baby. “Perhaps it’s God’s way of giving me time to grieve and move on with my life. After all, Larson
is
dead,” she said slowly, letting the words hang in the air. There, she’d finally said it aloud. “And I’ll soon give birth to our child.”

“Did you love him? I mean . . . really love him?”

Wondering at this line of questioning, Kathryn nodded. “Yes, I loved Larson. Our marriage wasn’t ideal, but I did love my husband, very much. There’s something I’ve never told anyone else, and I hesitate to share it with you now. . . .” She wanted to share with her friend how much of Larson’s heart God had chosen to reveal to her through having stayed here briefly, through knowing her and Sadie. “Larson had a difficult time trusting people, and trusting me specifically. Whenever we came into town, he was right by my side. Ranch hands were never allowed to come by the cabin.” Kathryn closed her eyes, remembering. “The day before Larson left last December, a young man came to see me. We were friends. That’s all. But Larson’s view of life was often distorted because of his upbringing.”