Refuge (40 page)

By the time dinner rolled around, I had
gathered my courage and made up my mind to talk to Nikolas. I spent
the meal watching for him, and I barely tasted my food or heard
what Jordan and Olivia were saying next to me. When he didn’t show,
I almost ground my teeth in frustration. I finally wanted to talk,
and he had decided to dine somewhere else.

“Hello, cousin, you look like you’re lost,”
Chris said when I ran into him in the main hall after dinner. I
knew he and Nikolas worked and sparred together a lot. If anyone
knew where to find him, it was Chris

“Actually, I’m looking for Nikolas. Do you
know if he’s around?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “You’re looking for
Nikolas? That’s a switch.”

“Yeah, it’s like
Bizarro World
,” I retorted and
watched his brow furrow in confusion.

“Bizarro World
?”

“You know, from the Superman comics?” He
shook his head, and I sighed. “How can you live forever and not
know about Superman?”

He made a face. “I know who Superman is; I
just don’t read comics. As for Nikolas, I believe he and Tristan
had a meeting. They should be almost done now.”

“Thanks.” I headed for Tristan’s office,
hoping to catch Nikolas before he left or before my newfound
courage deserted me.

Tristan’s door opened as I walked down the
hallway, and I heard muffled male voices inside. The closer I got I
was able to pick out snatches of conversation, and I stopped in my
tracks when I heard Nikolas’s deep voice. “ . . . not what I wanted
. . . miserable . . . break the bond.”

I flinched as if I’d been slapped. Nikolas
wanted to break the bond? I knew I shouldn’t be surprised after the
last week, but it still shocked me to hear him say it. I wasn’t
prepared for the sharp pain in my chest. My throat tightened, and I
spun to leave before one of them came out and saw me.

My escape was blocked by the last person I
wanted to see. Celine tossed her long black hair over her shoulder
and speared me with a pitying look that was ten times worse than
her usual sneer. “So now you know,” she said in a low voice so
Nikolas and Tristan could not hear her. “If you care about Nikolas
at all you will release him.”

I pushed past her. “Like you care. You just
want him for yourself.”

She kept pace with me easily. “I’m not going
to lie; I do want him and he wants me. Nikolas and I had something
very special once, and we would be together now if this ridiculous
mating bond wasn’t messing with his head. Males are so susceptible
to these things.”

I pretended to ignore her, but she kept
talking. “You are a lovely girl, Sara, but Nikolas is a man. I
understand why you might fancy yourself in love with him; you
wouldn’t be the first young girl to lose her heart to him. But he
wants a woman, not a girl.”

“Why doesn’t he break the bond then?” My
voice cracked and I walked faster, trying to get away from her.

“He is too honorable. You’ve known him long
enough to see how chivalrous he can be. He doesn’t want to hurt
you.”

Her words were painful barbs, and I had no
defense against them because they were true. Hadn’t I thought the
same things since I’d learned about the bond? Nikolas was no monk,
and he’d probably been with many beautiful women like Celine in his
lifetime. What could he possibly want with a girl who came unglued
by a simple kiss and was so stupid when it came to men that she’d
thought a gay man was flirting with her?

We reached the main floor and Celine grabbed
my elbow before I could leave. “You can still be friends with him
if that is what you want, but it is cruel of you to hold him to
this when he is obviously unhappy.” She let go of my arm and turned
to leave. “Think about it and you will see I am right.”

“Just who I was looking for.” Jordan bounded
down the stairs from our wing and scowled when she spotted Celine’s
retreating back. “What did
she
want?”

I forced a smile. “The usual; you know
Celine.”

“Unfortunately.” She linked her arm with
mine. “Forget her. We have a party to go to.”

“Jordan, we can’t go to a party after what
happened at the last one.” Not to mention, Tristan and Nikolas
would probably lock me in my room if I even mentioned it.

She snickered and tugged on my arm. “Who said
anything about leaving the stronghold? We’re going to have our own
little holiday party right here.”

“That’s great, but I don’t think I’m in the
mood to party tonight.”

“Listen, I get that you’re bummed about your
uncle not coming, but what good is it to hide out in your room all
night and be depressed about it?” She fixed me with a determined
stare. “Wouldn’t you rather hang out with us and have some fun? We
have beer, and Terrence got his hands on some Gran Patron.”

I had no idea what Gran Patron was, but I
assumed it was some kind of alcohol. I wasn’t into liquor, but I
could handle a beer or two. I looked up the stairs and realized the
last thing I wanted right now was to be alone.

“Come on,” Jordan cajoled, mistaking my
hesitance for reluctance. “Don’t make me drink with those losers
alone.”

“Okay.”

“Sweet. Let’s go.”

I expected us to go to one of the common
rooms, so I was surprised when she headed for the main entrance.
“Where are we going?”

“The arena,” she said once we were
outside.

The temperature had dropped a lot since that
afternoon, and I shivered in my sweater. I raised my face and
breathed deeply of the cold air. If my nose was not mistaken, we
might be having a white Thanksgiving.

“What are you doing?” Jordan asked.

“Smelling the air. I think it’s going to
snow.”

She sniffed at the air. “You can smell snow
in the air? Seriously?”

“Can’t you?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

She gave me a sidelong look. “You’re strange,
you know that?”

It felt good to smile. “You have no
idea.”

The door to the arena opened before we
reached it, and light spilled outside. “About time you two got
here,” Terrence called. “Thought we were going to have to start
without you.”

Jordan laughed. “Like you lightweights could
have a party without us.”

He stepped aside, and we entered the arena
where the other trainees sat together near a large cooler. Even
Michael was there, and it surprised me to see him away from his
laptop.

“Time to get this party started,” Terrence
sang. He went to the cooler and began handing beers to everyone.
When all of us held one, he raised his bottle and said, “To
us.”

“To us.” We all drank. Josh turned on a small
portable stereo and Coldplay filled the room. The seven of us sat
and drank and talked about training and when we would go on our
first mission. Everyone had heard Jordan’s story of our adventure
at the party and they wanted to hear my side of the story. I told
them everything I could without revealing my secrets. Jordan beamed
when I described how easily she had dispatched two vampires. Human
girls bonded over things like boys and music; we bonded over
kicking demon ass. It was no wonder I never had any human
girlfriends.

“So, you and Danshov, huh?” Josh asked. It
was the first time one of them besides Jordan had mentioned the
bond, and all I did was shrug and keep my face blank. Inside, my
stomach hurt as I replayed Nikolas’s words to Tristan.

Jordan set her bottle down. “Hey, Terrence,
where is that Gran Patron you were bragging about? I think it’s
time for a shot.”

“Hell, yeah.” Terrence reached under his seat
and pulled out a bottle of clear liquor and a stack of shot
glasses. “Tequila time!”

I tried to pass when Terrence handed a shot
to me. “I don’t really like liquor.”

“That’s because you haven’t had the good
stuff. You have to try it once.”

Jordan nudged me with her shoulder. “Come on,
you have to do one shot with us.”

I made a face but accepted the glass.
“Haven’t you guys ever heard of peer pressure?”

“That’s a human thing.” Josh grinned and held
up his glass. “Warriors call it a challenge, and we never turn down
a good challenge.”

Everyone but Michael took a glass and when
Terrence said “go” we downed the contents. The tequila was warm and
smooth, and it burned its way down to pool in my stomach. A minute
later, a pleasant tingle spread through my limbs.

“See, I knew you’d like it,” Terrence said
when I smiled. “You want another one?”

“Maybe later.” I picked up my beer again and
sipped it as the buzz from the tequila hit me.
Whoa, I need to slow down.

I took my time with my second beer but
everyone else, except Michael, seemed to be in a contest to see who
could drink the most. Jordan wasn’t kidding when she called them
lightweights because she put away more than any of them and barely
seemed to have a buzz going.

By the time I started my third beer, Olivia
and Jordan convinced me to do another shot. Although in truth, they
didn’t have to do much convincing because I’d discovered that the
more I drank, the less I thought about Nikolas and Celine and how
much I missed Nate. Someone fiddled with the stereo, and I found
myself dancing with Jordan and Olivia, singing and laughing and
having a blast. So this was what it felt like to let go and have
fun. I imagined Roland’s face if he saw me now and more laughter
bubbled out of me.

By the time I finished my beer, I felt like I
could do almost anything, and I was seized by the urge to find
Nikolas and tell him he was free to go be with Celine or whoever he
wanted. I ignored the sharp pain in my heart as I stood. He had
made it clear what he wanted and it wasn’t me, so why wait to break
the bond? The more I thought about it, the stronger the urge became
to seek him out and just get it over with.

“Hey, where are you off to?” Jordan called
when I headed for the door.

“I have to take care of something.”

“But we’re having fun.”

“I’ll be back in a bit.” I opened the door
and the icy air felt like a balm to my heated face. Outside, the
night was quiet, and heavy clouds hung in the sky. My legs were a
little unsteady as I walked to the main building, but that was not
going to deter me from my mission. I was going to find Nikolas,
give him the happy news, and then go back to the party and
celebrate my freedom.

After the freezing temperature outside, the
main hall felt like a sauna, and I had to cling to the banister
when I climbed the stairs to the second floor of the north wing.
Only the most senior warriors lived in this wing so Nikolas had to
be here somewhere.
If he’s not with Celine,
a niggling voice said, and
I shook my head to banish the ugly thought.

Standing at the end of the second-floor
hallway, I looked at the row of closed doors and realized the flaw
in my plan. I had no idea which door was Nikolas’s and I couldn’t
very well knock on all of them. “Damn it,” I muttered, wandering
down the empty hallway. Now I was going to have to wait until
tomorrow to talk to him, and I had a suspicion I would not feel as
courageous in the morning.

“Sara?”

Startled, I whirled and stumbled into a hard
body. Hands reached out to steady me, and I looked up into
Nikolas’s curious eyes.

He released me and stepped back. “What are
you doing here? Were you looking for me?”

Seeing him set off a maelstrom of emotions in
me and sent my courage flying out the nearest window. “N-no.” I
moved to go around him, but I was going too fast and I staggered
sideways. He caught me and turned me to face him again.

“What is wrong with you? Are you drunk?”

“No,” I retorted, and I couldn’t help but
remember the last time he had accused me of being intoxicated. This
time he was probably right. As if on cue, the hallway started to
spin, and I knew I needed to get out of there before I did
something to humiliate myself. I pulled my arms out of his grasp,
but the jerky movements were too much and my stomach began to roll.
I clapped a hand over my mouth. “Oh, I don’t feel good,” I moaned
through my fingers.

I heard him sigh before an arm went around my
back and another slipped behind my knees to cradle me against his
chest. Shock rippled through me, and I would have tried to get free
if I wasn’t struggling not to throw up on both of us. He hurried to
the last door and managed to open it without releasing me. I barely
got a glimpse of a living room done in dark woods and muted greens
and browns before we entered a large bathroom. He set my feet on
the tiled floor, and I threw myself at the toilet where I began to
retch violently.

“Oh God, I’m dying,” I sobbed between
vomiting tequila and beer. I’d barely been ill a day in my life,
and the few times I had been sick were nothing compared to how
wretched I felt now.

It took a few minutes for me to realize
Nikolas had been behind me the whole time, holding my hair out of
my face. Humiliation added to my misery. “Please, go away and let
me die in peace,” I whispered hoarsely before another bout of
vomiting came on.

He let go of my hair and I thought he left
the bathroom. Then I heard water running in the sink and he was
back again, lifting my hair to lay a cool, wet cloth across the
back of my neck. It felt so good that I couldn’t bring myself to
ask him to leave again. I had no idea how long I hung over the
toilet throwing up, but he stayed with me the entire time, quietly
pressing wet cloths to my neck. When my stomach finally finished
expelling every drop of vile liquor, I flushed the toilet and
sagged against the blessedly cold porcelain tub, too exhausted to
move. I heard the water running again before Nikolas lifted my chin
to wash my face with the cloth.

“Do you need to throw up again?”

I shook my head weakly, too tired and
embarrassed to look at him. I drew my knees up against my chest and
rested my head on them. I wasn’t sure where I was going to get the
energy to stand and walk back to my room, and all I wanted to do
was curl up in a ball and go to sleep right there on his bathroom
floor.