Redemption (Book 4, The Redemption Series) (9 page)

Did I love him?

All my life, I grew up believing Andre Greco was my father. To me, he was and always will be my papa. He was the man who showed me how to love and care for others. He was the man who taught me about the world and kissed me goodnight to protect me from imaginary monsters before I went to sleep. He would always be my papa no matter what my feelings for Lucifer were.

I couldn't deny that my connection to Lucifer had grown since I first met him. After what God just showed me, I knew that affection originated in a past I couldn't even remember. Yet, I had no doubt they were rooted in love.

I noticed there was one part in the scene of my murder of Belphagor that Helena refused to show. When Lucifer came to me after what I did, I could feel his love for me as he held me in his arms. But, did I love him? Could I stand in front of Helena and honestly say that my feelings for Lucifer ran that deep?

I didn't have to examine my feeling for very long to recognize the truth in myself.

“Yes,” I tell her. “I do love him.”

Helena stares at me as if she’s trying to find a falsehood in my declaration. With her continued silence, it becomes obvious that she can't.

“He isn't here,” she tells me with a small shrug. “He's on Earth, but that's all I'll tell you. If you really do love him, you should be able to find him on your own. Oh, and one more thing,” she says, like an afterthought. “The next time you come back here...”

“I have no intention of ever coming back,” I interrupt her. “And I plan to ask Lucifer not to return here either.”

“When you come back here,” Helena continues, as if it's a certainty, “I want you to know that I won't judge you in any way. You should consider this place your personal sanctuary if you find yourself in need of one. No matter what horrible deeds you do on Earth, I will always welcome you with open arms, Anna. I’m the last one who would ever cast a stone in your direction.”

“I have real people who care about me,” I tell her. “You may think you’re a real person, but you’re not, Helena. Whether you like it or not, you're stuck in this place forever.”

Helena smiles at me in a way that causes a chill to run up my spine.

“Just remember my words,” she says to me. “I believe you'll actually need me sooner than you think. And when you do, I'll be waiting here for you.”

The look on Helena’s face tells me she believes her own words unreservedly.

“Goodbye, Helena,” I say to her. “I sincerely hope I never have to see you again.”

Helena smiles. “And I know we will. Until next time, Anna.”

Not wanting to prolong my stay in Hell, I phase directly to the sitting room back home.

I find Linn, Bai, Daniel, and Giles waiting in the room. Linn and Bai are sitting at a small round table in the right corner playing a game of Mahjong. Daniel is talking to Giles as they sit together on the couch. As soon as the men see me phase in, they stand to their feet.

“How was your visit?” Daniel asks me. “Was my father able to give you any answers?”

“I know Lucas and Millie are alive,” I say. Daniel breathes out a sigh of relief after learning that fact. “And the rest I would rather retell when we can all be in the same room. I don’t think I can repeat it more than once.”

“If it’s that important,” Daniel says, “then yes, we should wait until we’re all together again.”

“Have Malcolm or the others returned with any new information?” I ask.

Daniel shakes his head. “Not yet.”

I feel my heart sink slightly. I need to see Malcolm. But, it’s just as well. I have one more thing to do that is just as important as seeing him again.

“If Malcolm returns home before I do,” I say, “let him know I’ve gone to look for Lucifer. I’m going to go to the places he showed me the last time he and I searched for him.”

“Do you want one of us to go with you?” Giles asks.

I shake my head. “No. I’ll be all right. There aren’t many places to go. If I can’t find him, it will be a short trip. And if I do find him, I need to speak with him in private.”

“Be careful,” Daniel tells me.

“I will,” I say just as I phase to the first location.

I go directly to the spot where I found Lucifer the first time I sought him out. I remember Malcolm telling me it used to be the place where Jess’ home was built in a little community called Cypress Hollow. There are no houses standing any longer to mark the lives of those people, only barren land covered with snow. Unfortunately, Lucifer isn’t anywhere to be seen. I phase to the other locations Malcolm took me to last time, but don’t find my father in any of those places either.

“Where are you, Lucifer?” I ask aloud as I stand beside the twisted wreckage of the Eiffel Tower.

An image of a window with a tree painted on it flashes through my mind, and I immediately know where my father is.

I phase into what would have been my nursery in the home Lucifer and my mother lived in before she died. I find him standing in front of the window, staring at the limb with their names painted on it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t return to your home this morning. I was…detained,” Lucifer says, sensing my presence and having no need to turn around to confirm that I’m actually in the room. “You know, your mother spent days working on this mural for you. She wanted you to have a sense of family and to never forget where you came from.”

Lucifer reaches out and touches the white painted script of my mother’s name. A host of colorful, holographic butterflies spiral around him before fluttering into nothingness.

“I need your help,” I tell him.

Lucifer instantly turns around to face me when he hears the desperation in my voice.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, seeming to know I wouldn’t have hunted him down to request his help unless it was important.

“Baal and Mammon are the ones who kidnapped Millie and Lucas,” I inform him, not knowing if Helena told him this while he was in Hell. “Can you help me get them back?”

“Have they made any demands for their safe return?”

“They want to give me their seals. After what I did to Belphagor, I guess they don’t trust me not to kill them afterwards. They’ve taken Millie and Lucas as insurance to make sure I don’t double cross them.”

Lucifer sighs.

“I only have so much control over them now, Anna,” he says, sounding frustrated. “I assume Helena helped them in some way?”

I nod. “Last night she sent some rebellion angels to distract us with a fight. That’s when Baal and Mammon gained access to the house.”

“The only thing I can threaten them with is trapping their souls in the bodies they possess now, like I did to Levi. But, I don’t think that will be enough to make them give Millie and Lucas back to you. It might actually just aggravate the situation.”

“Do you have any idea where they might have taken them for safe keeping?” I ask, desperate to find some way to bring my loved ones home.

“I can look where Levi stashed Andre, but I don’t think Baal or Mammon even know where that is.”

“Do you care about me?” I ask Lucifer.

Lucifer is silent for a moment after my unexpected question. Then he answers, “You know I do.”

“Then why haven’t you brought my papa back to me? You know where he is. You know how much I need him.”

“If I brought Andre back to you, what would keep you from killing Levi?”

“Nothing.”

“And that’s exactly why I can’t bring Andre back yet. You would gain Levi’s seal and take one more step towards your own destruction. I refuse to help you destroy yourself, Anna. I won’t be a part of it.”

I stare at Lucifer for a moment, wondering if I should tell him that I know everything about myself, about our true connection to one another. If I don’t tell him now, Helena will inform him as soon as he returns to Hell. I would much prefer he learned the truth from me.

“God showed me everything about who I really am…and about who you truly are to me.”

Lucifer doesn’t look surprised by my revelation. In fact, he looks somewhat relieved by the fact that I know.

“Can you remember anything about the time we spent together in Heaven? Do you remember being Seraphina at all?” He asks quietly, sounding hopefully that a shred of my previous life was retained in my memory.

I shake my head. “No. I don’t remember it. Apparently, when the other guardians reconfigured my soul into a human one, it erased all my memories. But,” I say walking up to Lucifer until I’m standing before him, “I wish I did. I wish I could remember how close we were back then.”

Lucifer slowly lifts his right hand and hesitates just before touching my cheek, cupping it against the warmth of his palm.

“I wish you could too,” he says sincerely. “We were very close once upon a time.”

Lucifer moves his hand away, but I gently grab it before he can drop it back down to his side. I hold his hand and squeeze it lightly.

“Do you know what the bracelet I’m wearing does?” I ask him.

Lucifer looks down at my wrist, seeming to notice the bracelet for the first time.

“All too well,” he whispers. “It’s been years since I saw it last though.”

“If I asked it what you feel for me right this second, what would it tell me?”

Lucifer looks into my eyes. “Ask it and find out for yourself.”

“Will I be disappointed in the answer?”

“I guess that depends on which answer you want.”

I tighten my grip on Lucifer’s hand and ask the bracelet what my father’s true feelings for me are.

As Lucifer’s feelings inundate my soul, I have to close my eyes and take in a deep, steadying breath. The intensity of his love for me rivals that of Malcolm’s. Even though the two of them love me in completely different ways, their feelings for me are equal in strength. Along with his love for me, I can feel Lucifer’s fear and worry. He fears that the combined energy of the seals will destroy not only my body but also my soul. He’s determined to make sure I survive, no matter what the cost.

I open my eyes and meet Lucifer’s gaze. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to.

I step up to him and wrap my arms around his waist, laying my head on his chest. I feel him gently begin to stroke my back, doing what he can to bring me comfort.

“Thank you,” I tell him. “You didn’t have to let me do that.”

“Yes, I did,” he says with conviction. “A daughter should know how much her father cares about her. I’ve tried to hide my feelings from so many people during my life. I didn’t want you to be someone I did that to, Anna. You need to realize that every action I take is meant to keep you safe, even if you don’t approve of them.”

I pull back from Lucifer to look at him.

“You won’t let Levi do anything to my papa, will you?”

“No,” Lucifer says with certainty. “You can rest assured that Andre will remain safe.”

I wasn’t exactly sure how he could make such a promise to me. Levi was completely off his rocker, as far as I could tell, and rapidly deteriorating mentally. Yet, I had no doubts that Lucifer would keep my papa protected for me.

“While I was in Heaven, I learned I can do something called The Touch. Do you know what that is?” I ask.

“Yes,” Lucifer replies, his body stiffening in my arms at the mention of my gift. “I know what that is.”

“Wouldn’t you like to feel your own father’s love again?” I say, hoping Lucifer will accept my offer.

“I’m only going to say this once, Anna,” Lucifer says taking on a firm tone. “Don’t ask me that question again.”

“But…”

“
Never
,” Lucifer says emphatically, “again. Do we understand each other?”

Reluctantly, I nod. Hoping one day, I can dare to broach the subject with him again without damaging our relationship.

“I should probably go back home,” I tell Lucifer, taking a step back from him. “Will you come and have breakfast with us in the morning?”

“Are you sure I should still come considering everything that’s happened?” Lucifer asks uncertainly.

“We still have to eat,” I tell him, being pragmatic. “Besides, we can’t do anything until after Brutus and Kyna’s wedding tomorrow. That’s when Baal is supposed to give me his seal.”

Lucifer sighs. “Is there nothing I can do to prevent you from trying to complete this foolhardy mission for my father?”

“No,” I tell him bluntly. “And I hope you’ll start trying to help me instead of delaying the inevitable. It would make my life a lot easier.”

Lucifer doesn’t say anything. He remains silent. I try to take it as a good sign and hope that he’s considering my plea.

I know in my heart that I won’t be able to kill Lucifer to take his seal. He’ll have to give it to me of his own free will. I just hope when that time comes that I’m still in control of my actions.

“I’ll be there for breakfast tomorrow,” he promises.

“And…I have one more thing to ask of you…”

Lucifer tilts his head as he looks at me, clearly curious about my hesitancy to voice my next request.

“Which is?” he asks, prodding me to continue.