Redemption (Book 4, The Redemption Series) (8 page)

My only regret is that they were almost solely made for battle and not much else. After the war was won, most of them felt lost because it seemed like their life no longer held any meaning. What they had been built for no longer existed. Some of them adapted and found things to become interested in and some of them kept searching for something to give their life meaning. I allowed a few to go to Earth as part of the Watchers.”

“That didn’t exactly turn out how you hoped, did it?” I say knowingly, standing back up to my feet with God’s help.

God shrugs.

“Sometimes things are meant to fail for a reason,” He tells me. “And I still have hope that what I had planned for angel and humankind will work out one day. Hopefully, sooner rather than later.”

Before I’m able to ask Him what He means by that, the scene changes, and I see my Heavenly self lying on the floor of the Guf crying. Yet, crying is really too tame of a word for the heart wrenching wails coming from me. I see God phase in, kneel down beside me, and pick me up in his arms effortlessly.

“This was after Lucifer’s expulsion from Heaven,” God tells me. “You were inconsolable over his absence. I wasn’t sure you were going to survive being separated from him. Then…you came up with a plan.”

I turn my gaze away from the scene to look at God.

“A plan?” I ask. “To do what?”

“To save Lucifer.”

I might not have been able to remember my time in Heaven, but my heart sings with newfound hope over this revelation.

God nods toward the scene again indicating I need to pay attention to what happens next.

I see myself whispering something to God, but I can’t hear what’s being said. After I’m through, He nods as if He agrees with what I’ve just told Him.

He puts me down back onto my feet. My face is filled with a new determination. As I stand before Him, I close my eyes as if I’m in prayer. Almost instantly, a multitude of angels surrounds us within the Guf, and I know, without having to be told, that these are all the other guardians.

“Brothers and sisters,” my heavenly self says to them, “I need your help in doing something that has never been tried before.”

The other angels look wary of my warning but not afraid.

“We will help you in whatever you need us to do,” a brown haired guardian standing to the right of me says.

“Thank you, Zeruel,” I tell him, taking one of his hands with mine.

I look back at all the other guardians surrounding me.

“The war here in Heaven has cost us greatly, and you all know how much Lucifer means to me. I don't feel strong enough to cope with the pain of losing him, but I know I have the strength to save him. I can't do it alone though. I will need all of you to help me.”

“What is it that you have in mind?” Zeruel asks, looking concerned over my self-imposed mission.

“I want you all to remake my soul into a human one,” I reply.

“To what end?” Zeruel asks, looking confused by my request.

“In time, I hope to show Lucifer the beauty of humanity. He refuses to see it now, but my heart tells me that with a little prodding, he will come to realize what the rest of us have always known.”

“Do you fully understand what it is you’re asking us to do to you?” Zeruel says worriedly. “We would basically be tearing your soul completely apart and putting it back together. There’s no guarantee that it will survive that sort of torture. Even if it does work, we have no way of knowing if you will be the same person you are now afterwards.”

“I’m willing to accept the risks,” I tell him.

“But if we can’t put your soul back together again, you will no longer exist,” Zeruel warns.

“I understand your concerns,” I tell him as I look out to the other guardians, making sure everyone present hears me. “That’s one reason all of you will have to help. I entrust myself to your capable hands and know you will do your best to do what I’m asking. For me, I would rather not exist than live with the pain I feel right now. Please, will you help me save my father?”

The guardians’ answer isn’t a verbal one. They all link hands with one another and Zeruel tightens his hold on mine.

“Are you ready?” Zeruel asks me.

I nod. “Yes.”

God changes the scene, and I see myself as a little girl, possibly seven-years-old, being swung on a tire swing hanging from a mighty oak tree. A handsome black man is gently pushing me higher and higher. I hear a woman’s lilting laughter and look to the screened in back porch of the house we’re standing behind.

“The guardians were able to transform your angelic soul into a human one,” God tells me. “But, you lost all of your memories and had to rebuild new ones.”

“So you sent me to live with Utha Mae,” I say.

“Yes. I gave you to her and her husband after your soul was reborn.”

“But how can that be?” I ask. “The timing doesn’t make any sense.”

“Time in Heaven isn’t linear,” God tells me. “And…not to sound condescending…but I am God.”

I give a half-laugh at that one.

“Good point,” I agree as I continue to watch a happier me giggling at Utha Mae’s husband as he continues to swing me.

“There was, however, an unseen price in what the guardians did for you,” God tells me.

“A price?” I ask. “What was it?”

“What they did went against the rudimentary laws of the universe. They basically tore your soul apart down to its very atoms and reformed it into something that it was never meant to be. What they didn’t realize at the time is that by doing that every soul that had already been created or would ever be created in the future would feel the ramifications of that tearing. The forces of nature were disrupted at a molecular level, and when you’re dealing with that much power, there is bound to be a consequence. It was almost as if what they did sheared the well of energy souls are created out of into two opposite forces that could only fit back together one way. Even the souls that had already been created felt the impact of it. It’s why every soul has at least one matching piece somewhere in the universe.”

“Are you telling me what they did created soulmates?” I ask.

God nods. “Yes, it did.”

As if I didn’t have enough to think about, this new bit of information floored me just as much as the rest of it.

I look back at the scene in front of me for a while in silence. Then I remember something Will told me once.

“Will said that I badgered him into telling me everything he knew about Malcolm,” I say. “How did I even know Malcolm existed while I was in Heaven?”

God chuckles.

“Of all the souls in Heaven, whether angelic or human, you have always been the most tenacious,” He says sounding amused by me. “You figured out each soul had a mate, and you questioned me about yours constantly. I saw no reason not to tell you about Malcolm. I knew you wouldn’t remember any of it when you reached Earth anyway.”

I remain silent because I’m not sure if I even want to ask another question. I feel like I’ve gained enough information about myself to last the rest of my life.

“I think you made a wise decision in sending me down to be Lucifer’s daughter on Earth,” I tell Him. “He seems to be connecting with me again. He isn't trying to hide his feelings for me anymore.”

“It’s exactly what Seraphina hoped would happen,” God tells me. “Your plan just might work.”

“I hope so,” I tell God. “Otherwise, we might all be lost.”

Chapter 8

God changes the scene around us again, and I find myself standing in front of Lilly’s mountain home once more.

Two people are standing on the front porch waiting for us. My mother is instantly aware of my return and stops talking to the man beside her. By the worried expression on her face, I can tell she knows what God just showed me. I look at the man to her left and know who he is without having to be told, Archangel Michael. He looks just the same as he did in Lucifer’s memory of his fall from Heaven.

The two of them walk side by side from the porch over to us.

“Are you all right?” my mother asks me, visibly concerned over my well-being as she holds her hand out for me to take.

I slip one of my hands into hers and feel comforted by the contact.

“Yes,” I tell her. “It was a lot to take in all at one time, but now that I've been told the truth, I feel like maybe I’ve always known it somewhere deep down inside.”

“I didn't have any doubt that you would be able to handle it,” Michael says to me, no small amount of pride in his voice. “You’ve always been strong, Anna.”

As I look at Michael, I’m baffled by his physical appearance.

“Why do you look human?” I ask him.

“This is the form Jess always saw me as,” Michael says. “When she and I talked to one another while she was my vessel, it was easier for her to imagine me this way. I thought it would be easier for you to relate to me like this instead of my angelic form.”

“So, Jess just imagined you like this in her mind?” I ask just to clarify.

Michael nods. “Yes.”

“But in Lucifer’s memory about his fall from Heaven, you looked just like you do now. How can that be if this body is just a figment of Jess’ imagination?” I ask.

Michael smiles understandingly. “Ahh. Yes. Helena simply used some information she gathered a while back to supplement the scene for you, like my father just did in what he showed you about your past.”

“But, that doesn’t explain how Helena knows the way Jess imagined you.”

Michael winks at me. “That my great-granddaughter, a few times over, is a story for another time. Right now, we need to concentrate on Lucifer. I came here to ask you to do something for me. It’s something I hope he will allow you to share with him.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“It’s a gift you possess called the Touch,” Michael tells me. “It will allow you to act as a conduit between God and Lucifer so he can feel the love our father still has for him. It’s a power I passed down to Lilly that was passed down to each following generation.”

“Lucifer would never allow me to do it for him,” my mother tells me. “But, we have hope he will allow you. You will need to pick your time wisely though, Anna. I fear he will only give you one chance at it.”

“How will I know when I should offer it to him?” I ask, concerned I might miss my opportunity without even knowing it.

My mother smiles and I see her confidence in me shine. I can’t say I feel very sure of myself, but it helps to see hers.

“You’ll know when the time is right,” she tells me squeezing my hand reassuringly. “I have faith in you.”

“Mom,” I say, hoping she doesn’t take offense after I ask my next question, “why haven’t you ever gone down to see him? I know you can. Lilly's been back to Earth a few times now. He's so lost without you. Maybe if he saw you again it would make him realize what he needs to do.”

I immediately regret asking my question when I see my mother’s eyes well with tears.

“There’s nothing in this world that I want to do more,” she tells me. “But if I go down there to see him, it might disrupt the journey that he’s on to find his true self again. It would also be like rewarding him for making the wrong decisions while he's been on Earth. He knows what he has to do in order for us to be together, and my heart tells me he'll make the right choices on his own without my interference. He has so much to offer the world. He simply needs to remember that fact.”

“Helena keeps him trapped with her like he's her own personal pet,” I say, feeling my anger rise to the surface. “It's not right, but he doesn't seem to care enough about himself to stop her.”

“Then make him care,” my mother urges me. “Show him that he has more to live for than old memories. He loves you, Anna. Keep reminding him of that fact, and maybe he'll start fighting her influence over him. Give your father a reason to want to be with you instead of what she has to offer him.”

“But, how do I do that?”

“Just be yourself,” Michael advises me. “It's worked so far. I think the more he's around you the more he wants to
be
around you. You're helping him remember who he was before the war happened. The connection between the two of you has always been strong, in Heaven and on Earth. Let it guide you when it comes to handling Lucifer.”

“Right now,” I tell them, “it's telling me I need to go get him out of Hell before it's too late.”

“Then go and get him,” my mother encourages. “But be careful and don't stay there any longer than you have to. Helena will try to keep you with her for as long as she can to gain a stronger hold over you. Don't ever let her do that, Anna, or you might become as lost as Lucifer is.”

“I won't,” I promise my mother. “I'll never let her control me like she does him.”

I turn to God. “Thank you for telling me the truth about who I am.”

God smiles warmly at me. “And thank you for accepting it so well.”

I look over at Michael and wonder about something else.

“What did you look like when you met Lilly's mother?” I ask him. “You had a human form then, right? Why not assume that one again instead of this one?”

“I did look different when I met Lilly's mother,” Michael tells me. “But I choose not to look like that in this realm of Heaven. I think it would just confuse Cora, and I don't want to do that. She found her soulmate on Earth, and they have a good life here with one another. I wouldn't want to do anything to cause her any unhappiness. She suffered enough on Earth after I had to leave.”

“Why didn’t you stay with her?” I ask. “If you loved her, why did you leave her?”

“We archangels are only permitted to visit Earth in human form for a short period of time and never all at one time. That’s one reason we needed vessels to help us stop Lucifer and the other Princes of Hell. I would have given anything to stay with Cora and help raise Lilly. I feel lucky that Cora’s path crossed with mine though. Fate brought us together and provided you a strong lineage to be born into. Everything in our lives happens for a reason. We may not understand the reason at the time, but fate always leads us in the right direction as long as we don’t fight it. I’m so grateful that you and Malcolm recognized how special your bond is to one another. I couldn't have picked anyone better to love you the way you need to be loved, especially now with everything you're having to go through. Malcolm has an inner strength that not many people possess, human or angel. Use that to your advantage, Anna. Let him help you in any way he can.”

“I will,” I say, feeling an overwhelming need to be with my husband again.

  I look at my mom and Michael, two people who love Lucifer just as much as God does.

“I'll help Lucifer remember who he can be,” I promise them. “I won't let you down.”

My mother brings me into her arms for a tight hug.

“Don’t take any unnecessary risks,” she says, her motherly concern clear in her voice. “I couldn’t bear to lose you too.”

“I'm strong,” I say, not only to reassure her of that fact but myself as well. “I’ll accomplish everything I was sent to Earth to do.”

My mother kisses my cheek before pulling away from me.

I take in a deep breath to prepare myself for a faceoff with Helena. I know she won't just let me have the source of her power because I ask nicely. Thankfully, asking nicely was never part of my plan.

When I phase into Hell, I find myself standing in the middle of a scene I wasn't expecting, a masquerade ball. The group of men and women surrounding me are dancing in pairs and in perfect synchronization with each other. They're all dressed in various combinations of red, black and white formal wear. The room itself is identical to the ballroom in the palace in Cirrus.

I assume I’m in one of Lucifer's memories and begin looking for him. I don't see him as part of any of the couples twirling around me as they dance by, and I don't see him sitting outside the scene on his replica of the bench in the courtyard back home.

“Looking for someone?” I hear Helena say into my ear, making me jump slightly from her unexpected nearness.

I look over at Helena and see that she has her hair styled in a low slung, side up-do. She is wearing a long, red dress again, but the style is different. This one is made of a sheer, silky material and has a low V-neck, which reaches down to the cinched in waist.

“I came for Lucifer,” I tell her brusquely, not wanting to stay in Hell any longer than I need to. “Where is he?”

Helena looks me up and down appraisingly.

“There's something different about you, Anna,” she purrs, narrowing her eyes on me as a knowing smile stretches her crimson lips. “You know who you truly are now, don't you? Did God finally show you the truth about your past with Lucifer?”

“Not that it's any of your business,” I say, crossing my arms in front of me. “But yes, he did. I know everything.”

Helena giggles. “So, now you know just how alike we are, my dear sister.”

“No,” I tell her. “Now I know how completely different we are from one another, Helena. You were created out of Lucifer's hate. I was created from his love. How can you think we’re anything alike? We couldn't be more unalike.”

“Yet you can't deny that we were both created by him and are forever connected because of that fact.”

“No, I can't deny our connection, but that doesn’t automatically mean you and I have anything else in common.”

“My poor, deluded big sister,” Helena croons. “So ancient, yet still so simple minded. We're more similar than you want to admit. But, I'm a patient creature. I can wait for you to discover your true strength. I have a feeling it won't be long now anyway. As soon as you retrieve the other seals, you'll be ready to take the one Lucifer is holding onto so tenaciously. His death will break the constraints of your holier-than-though attitude. Then, you'll be ready to join me and finally become master of your birthright. Can you imagine the chaos we can cause if we combine our powers, Anna? It will be like a dream come true for me and a nightmare come alive for the human race.”

“I will never help you destroy humanity,” I tell her vehemently.

“Choice words for someone who almost caused the annihilation of angels,” Helena tells me knowingly. She seems to take a great deal of pleasure in reminding me of my role in the heavenly war. “Do you consider humans more important than angels?”

“I think all life is precious.”

Helena keeps her eyes locked with mine as she raises her right hand and snaps her fingers.

The scene around us changes to one I wasn’t ready to face again so soon.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t know what you did?” I hear myself ask Belphagor as he inhabits the body of Empress Zhin.

“What are you talking about?” Belphagor asks, looking confused as he tries to raise himself up onto his hands and knees.

“The seal, Belphagor! You didn’t give it to me!”

Belphagor looks confused. I watch as I lift him up with my powers and toss him against the left side of the room face first.

I look away from the scene just as his blood splatters across the glass wall.

The rest of the scene continues to play out, and I hear the exchange between Belphagor and myself but refuse to watch it. If I watch how it ends, my guilt over murdering him will end up trapping me in Hell. It’s what Helena wants, and I have no intention of allowing her to capture me that easily.

Once the scene ends, I hear Helena’s soft chuckle.

“And you stand there thinking you're better than me. What a hypocrite you are,” she says in disgust. “You can be just as cruel as I am. Don’t delude yourself into thinking we’re different, Anna. I think this scene proves you’re just lying to yourself about that.”

I look up at Helena, faintly aware that she’s playing the scene over again. I know she wants to break me with my own guilt and remorse over what I did to Belphagor. But her actions are simply a ruse to prolong my stay in Hell and give her more time to take control of me. I may be naïve about certain things, but I’m not stupid.

“Bring Lucifer to me, Helena,” I order.

“I find it amusing that you think I would just hand him over because you tell me to,” Helena replies snidely. “He means a lot more to me than he does to you.”

“You just want to use him for your own greed for power. You don't actually care about him. You never have.”

Helena raises a dubious eyebrow at me. “And I suppose you do? Can you really stand there and tell me that you love him? If you can do that truthfully, then I'll tell you where he is.”

I stare at Helena, a bit taken aback by her challenge. Secretly, I had hoped this would end in a physical combat between the two of us. Instead, she’s asking me to examine my true feelings for Lucifer.