Red Dust Dreaming (20 page)

She couldn't argue with him there. “Everyone deserves second chances don't you think?”

“Only if there is a genuine desire to change. Do you really think Gerald is going to be any different when you get back to New York? The first thing he's going to do is put Luke in a boarding school. The novelty of having a small child around will wear off very quickly. You mark my words.” Caden's voice trembled with anger but he did not raise his voice.

“I told you I haven't made a decision yet.” Not entirely true.

“So when are you going to make this decision?”

“I'm trying too! It's the hardest decision I've ever had to make. What if I get it wrong?” she wailed, fear pushed down on her.

“Only time will tell. Angela picked you to do this so you'd better do it.” He was unforgiving.

Lizzie sighed. “What about us?”

“What about us?”

Why did he have to be so frustratingly stubborn about this? “If I chose Dad then…”

“What happens to us?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

Caden drew a long breath and let it out again. “I really don't know Lizzie.” Weariness dripped from his voice. “Let's just get through this and then see where we're at. Luke might need you in New York and if that's the case then you should be there.”

She nodded, dropping her chin to her chest so he wouldn't see the tears welled her eyes.

“I think I'll head back to Kirrkalan.”

“What?” her head snapped up.

“The station won't run itself. I need to be there. You can let me know your decision when you make it.”

Lizzie stared at him uncomprehendingly. What was he really saying? The closed expression on his face told her everything she needed to know. She was on her own. “When are you leaving?” she whispered pushing down the storm of emotion threatening to break.

“Might as well be today. I'll tell Luke goodbye.” It was as if he was sculptured from ice! “Now if you don't mind, I need to pack.”

Dismissed she backed towards the door. There were so many things she wanted to say, needed to say, but the words wouldn't form. She grabbed the door handle a physical pain gripping her heart. “I love you,” she said as she closed the door behind her.

“Good riddance,” Gerald crowed when Lizzie told him Caden had left.

“Hush! Little ears,” she reminded him of Luke's presence.

A great gaping hole occupied the space where her heart used to be and by the look on Luke's little face he felt the same way. She had no idea what Caden had said to the little boy. There had been tears, only to be expected, yet Luke appeared stoic and brave. He clung to Lizzie's hand and wouldn't let her out of his sight. Caden was right, her nephew would need her in New York.

“He'll get over it,” Gerald waved away her concerns. “Give him a year or two and he'll forget who Caden was.” Lizzie doubted that. “We've got to get working. We need a passport for Luke and we need to speak to a family lawyer regarding the guardianship, make sure everything is watertight and legal.” Her father had slipped into lawyer-mode. She knew he'd spend the rest of the day on the phone bullying, cajoling and generally getting his own way.

“How about I take Luke shopping while you take care of the details? He doesn't have any clothes suitable for the northern hemisphere.” She'd nearly said home. Why had she changed her mind at the last minute?

“Sure, sure.” Gerald had already forgotten them. Phone in hand he strode across the hotel lobby heading for the elevator. If she needed him she could find him in his room.

“Shall we go shopping Luke?' She squatted down in front of the little boy. He shrugged listlessly, his eyes red rimmed from crying. “We'll have fun I promise and maybe later this evening we can call Caden and make sure he got home okay.” Who was she kidding? She needed to hear his voice as much as Luke did.

Luke perked up at the mention of Caden. “Okay,” he agreed. “As long as we can get ice cream as well.” His solemnity made her smile.

“Deal,” she said. “Let's ask the man at the front desk where we can find some shops which sell ice cream.”

They passed a desolate day wandering from shop to shop. Neither of their hearts were in it and they finally gave up trying their luck on a bus back to the hotel. A cold lump of doubt grew minute by minute in the pit of her stomach. Had she made the right decision agreeing to let Gerald take Luke to New York? When they telephoned Caden tonight she would have to tell him, or Luke would. Better coming from her. He was going to be furious. The streets of Sydney passed by in a blur. Luke stared out the window and she wondered how much he really saw.

Her phone vibrated in her handbag. Incoming text message. She shivered with hope, maybe Caden had sent her a message. Fishing the phone out of her bag she opened the message. Disappointment brought her crashing back to earth. The message was from her father.

Had to tell you how excited your Mother and I are about Luke coming to live with us. Blessed to have a second chance at parenthood. You've done us proud and we hope to return the favour. Love Dad xx

The message went a long way to placating Lizzie. The nagging doubt which had plagued her since she'd slid into a decision — she couldn't claim to have consciously made one — wouldn't quit. Gerald behaved with perfect grandfatherly affection giving her no reason to doubt his word. She had to trust him, give him this chance.

Luke leaned his sandy head against her and dozed lightly. He'd had an emotional few days and there was more to come. She wrapped her arm about him and held him against the bumps and turns of the bus. At the first sign her parents were reneging on their deal to raise Luke differently to the way they'd raised Angela and herself she'd get Luke out of there. Feeling better about the promise she'd made to herself Lizzie closed her eyes and let the sway of the bus lull her.

The buzzing of her phone jumped her out of near sleep. She scrambled for it with her one free hand. Another text message. From Gerald again. Perhaps he'd managed to make some headway with legal authorities or the Passport office. She flicked the message up on the screen, and her blood ran cold.

Have secured the boy and therefore the money. May take some time to get our hands on the cash. Should be enough to see us through. Love G xx

The message was clearly not intended for her eyes. Gerald probably intended to send it to her Mother and pressed the wrong Langtree in his address book. She shook her head and read the message again. Anger replaced shock. He had been angling for the money the entire time. Rage shook her physically and she longed to throw her phone as far away as possible. Poor little Luke had nearly been given to people who only wanted him for the money he represented, and she was responsible! The bus still had several stops to go and she silently willed it on, mentally berating passengers slow to disembark and those who fiddled about boarding. She had to get back to the hotel and give her father a piece of her mind.

Trying to remain calm in front of Luke presented a challenge. Lizzie took him up to the room they now shared and ordered him some hot chips from room service. She rented a movie from the in-room service and settled him in. What she had to say wouldn't take long. She'd be gone minutes. Feeding and entertaining Luke meant he'd stay put and stay safe.

The food arrived and Luke snuggled up on the bed with the plate next to him, delighted to be breaking all the rules eating food and watching TV while in bed. Dark rings shadowed his eyes and Lizzie predicted it wouldn't be long before he nodded off.

“Okay my darling, I'm going to have a chat with your grandfather. You stay here until I get back and tomorrow we'll go home.” She kissed the top of his head.

“Home?” He looked up at her with hopeful eyes. “You mean back to Caden and Thelma?”

“Yes my love. Back to Kirrkalan. We should never have left.”

Fury lengthened her stride and she made her way to her father's room in record time. Pounding on the door she waited impatiently for him to open it.

“Hello! Where's Luke?” were the first words out of his mouth. Lizzie pushed past him into the room.

“You're little investment is tucked up safe and sound in bed.”

“What on earth do you mean?” He knew exactly what she meant by the way his face coloured. He'd been exposed and he knew it.

“I got this.” She thrust the offending text under his nose. He pulled back better to read it through his glasses. The blood drained out of his face the minute he did. “Would you like to explain?” she asked through clenched teeth.

“You've got to understand…” he began.

“I'd like to but I want the truth from you not some cock and bull story you think I'm dumb enough to swallow,” she shot at him knowing he'd duck and swerve to avoid a direct answer.

“Things aren't going as well as they have been in the past. Some investments I made have crashed and money is a little tight. We need to borrow a considerable sum to stay afloat and…”

“And Luke happens to have several million he won't need for years to come so you thought you'd “borrow” it.” She used her fingers as quotations marks making her tone deliberately mocking, goading him for a fight. She wanted a fight, a good knock down drag out old fashioned fight.

“By the time Luke is of age I'd have made the money back. This is only a temporary situation.” Gerald wasn't taking her bait. His lack of attack alerted her to how bad things were.

“And what about Luke,” she hissed. “What were you planning to do with him?”

“He would have gone to a good school just like you did. He'd have nothing to complain about.” Gerald drew himself up to full height, his first defensive motion.

“Just like we had nothing to complain about? Angela and me?”

“You two were always so ungrateful.” Gerald's face became an ugly mask. “Angela especially. Always wanting more. I had to make these investments to pay for all the things we gave you.”

The outrageousness of the lie slammed into Lizzie's chest as if she'd been physically hit. “How dare you!” she gasped. “We never asked for anything. All we ever wanted was some genuine connection with you and Mother. Some love and affection. You were never there.” God, it felt good to say all the things she'd always wanted to say but had never had the courage! Elizabeth would never had said them but Lizzie? Oh yes!

“Love and affection.” He cruelly mimicked her. “What did either of you brats know about life? Do you think love and affection pays the bills?”

For a second anger blinded her in a red flash. She saw Angela and Luke. She saw Caden and Thelma. These were people who know about real love and affection, not Gerald and Sylvia Langtree. “You know what? I'm not going to have this discussion with you. I'm taking Luke back to Kirrkalan and making Caden his guardian.” She delivered the news with one finger pointed directly at her father's heart, or the space where it should have resided.

Gerald spluttered with rage. “He is my grandson and you are my daughter. You will do as you are told.” The old Dad, the one she knew so well, was back.

“No. I do not.” Lizzie turned on her heel and strode to the door wrenching it open.

“You take one step further and you can consider yourself fired.”

“No need to threaten me Dad because I quit and I won't be coming back to New York!” And she slammed the door in triumph behind her.

Standing out in the corridor, chest heaving and adrenalin racing through her veins she realised the enormity of what she'd just done. She'd nearly given Luke away to the wrong people and she'd manage to burn her bridges where her family were concerned. Instead of the regret and grief she expected a fierce flame of freedom burned bright. This was how Angela must have felt. Everything she'd done made perfect sense now.

She kicked off her shoes and raced barefoot up stairwell, in too much of a hurry to wait for the elevator. Luke was waiting for her. Caden was waiting for her. And this time she wasn't going to let anyone down.

***

Chartering a light plane at short notice hadn't been easy. Sending Caden a message they were coming home had been the easiest thing she'd ever done. As they bumped down Kirrkalan's air strip she could see Caden waiting for them, leaning against his beat up old truck as if this was an everyday occurrence. Luke bounced up and down in his seat with excitement.

“We're home Aunty E!” he squealed.

She took his small hand in hers. “Yes baby, we're home.”

The aircraft came to a stop and Luke nearly burst through the door in his effort to get to Caden. He collided with him, wrapping his small arms about his waist and hanging on for dear life. Lizzie had a quick word with the pilot and stepped down from the plane.

“So you made your decision,” Caden said by way of welcome.

“Seems I have,” she smiled at him. “He needs to be with his family.”

Caden nodded and hugged Luke tighter. “And what about you? Do you need to be with family?”

What a loaded question? Who were her family now? Certainly not Gerald and Sylvia. “Everyone needs family.” She shifted nervously from one foot to the other while he regarded with those dark unfathomable eyes.

“So you're going back to New York?”

She shook her head. “No job. I quit. Not sure where I'm going but not there.” Lizzie swallowed the lump of disappointment lodged in her throat. He didn't want her after all. He hadn't asked her to stay.

“So you need a job?”

“I guess.” Why was he so concerned about her employment? It was her heart which needed a home.

“Just so happens we need a housekeeper here at Kirrkalan. Doesn't pay much but it's a job.” A slow smile spread its way across his face and he held out one arm to her.

“You mean…?” Lizzie struggled to take his words in.